For those with 3 boys, what was baby #4?

I have three boys and it looks like I'm finally getting a girl (confirming in 5 days...). Symptoms wise, I've been as sick as hell this time, the boys pregnancies were a breeze. Far more emotional, terrible headaches etc

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Originally Posted by applesoup

Thanks everyone. At the very least, it's nice to think about!

For those with 3 boys + pregnant (Or already had #4), how was the 4th pregnancy? My 3rd one was HORRIBLE. Everyone from my MIL, SIL, friends, to complete strangers in Target had something to say. It was so bad, that I'm going to try and hide my (4th!) pregnancy through Thanksgiving, Christmas, & hopefully not announce until I'm around 14-16 weeks. (yeah right!)

How did you stop the sny remarks & rude comments people had to say?

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I had a 4th boy and IRL most of the people I know have the same gender - I know a family with 4 boys, have heard of one with 5, and then we know a family with 6 girls. I also know of 2 families with 3 girls. One day I was in line at a store and it turned out that the lady behind me in line and the clerk also had 4 boys. The lady in front of us had two boys and she was like, "Maybe I'll quit while I'm ahead." ;)

Here's a thread on that topic: http://genderdreaming.com/forum/show...!-anybody-know

Your odds of a girl after 3 boys go down a bit (you're more likely to conceive a 4th boy) and your odds of a boy after three girls goes up a bit (you're more likely to conceive a boy after 3 girls) but these are fairly slight differences and many, many people fall outside this demographic.

The interesting thing is, although the overall statistics indicate 4 boys is more common than 3B1G, I've found that the vast majority of people I have gotten to know thru IG and this site, conceive a girl after 3B. Proof that swaying works??? Who knows?? Because some of those people didn't even sway, so it can't be that easy unfortunately.

Re: the rude comments - yes, I have had my share BUT I have come to welcome them because to my way of thinking, it just goes to prove that people DO care about gender regardless of what they say. So every time someone says, "Are you hoping/trying for a girl?" I interpret that to mean, "It is normal and understandable that you should want a girl after 4 boys and I totally understand why you feel that way."

What I really hate are the people who act like you shouldn't have GD at all and you are some kind of monster to wish for a different gender after 3,4,5 of the other gender and give you a big lecture about how "lucky" you are to have a healthy baby. I find this attitude comes more from relatives than strangers. I also do not like or appreciate the ones who say you are "destined" to have one or the other and so you should give up because that is just NOT true and not what science says at all.

The worst comment I ever got was a neighbor who walked by when I was pg with DS 4 and pushing DS 3 in the stroller and she stopped and asked if I was pg again and what gender was it, and she jsut shook her head and said, "Well, you're done then." Like it was her decision to make in any way what I decided to do, and also that I'd only get another boy anyway and the implication was, "who would want that horrible thing to happen??" Like my boys were bad or something when in reality everyone loves my two older boys while her daughter embezzled thousands of dollars from our town's treasury. I like boys, I like how my older boys turned out, and would welcome a 5th, so there. :p

Living well is the best revenge!! :)

I have 3 boys and am pregnant with a 4th baby.....i pray its my girl but I know it is most likely another wee boy....which will be my last! I love my boys very much its just very blue in my house!!

Over the years, I've come to "understand" when people are being genuinely nice & when they're being insensitive. The problem is: genuinely nice people never know what to say when they realize I have 3(+?) boys. THAT'S when the stupid comments start to roll. "ahhh, mom didn't get her girl." (when I strolled in with my NEWBORN baby.)

And then there's the people I know. It's one thing if my family says it. It's another thing when my MIL told me last time that there were too many boys in the family (all of which at the time were mine) and that I should have a girl. I asked what was wrong with my boys to get her to shut up & then she muttered something about the only (out-of-state) granddaughter being too spoiled...as if my daughter would change that.

And then there's my BIL & SIL who told me I have a "boy curse"...as if it was a bad thing to have a healthy boy.
And then there was my MIL's friend who asked me how I was doing "having 3 boys NO LESS" in her must disgusted tone.
And, other in-law friend who asked when I was trying for a girl...when I was 8 MONTHS PREGGO WITH #3...which is more kids than usual around here!

While I get that my in-laws want me to have a child & I'm appreciative that they want what I want...I want MORE for them to just be happy and excited and not focus on gender so much. Especially, so rudely.

I spent my whole last pregnancy fuming over comments people said to me & could never figure out a way NOT to talk about it or to get them to STOP talking about it. Especially dumb people in public who were originally just trying to be friendly, but end up counting my kids for me.

Thoughts on how to not let it affect me? What to say back? How to phrase the conversation? The only thing I've decided to do is not announce until I absolutely have to...hoping to make it close to 4 months. Which probably wont' happen, since it's baby #4

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Originally Posted by JoannaK

I definitely think the attitude of people saying you're lucky to have a baby who is healthy, regardless of gender, is more ANNOYING coming from relatives than strangers, because we know these people intimately and we know their agendas etc, so it may not be just people trying to be nice etc.
The way I think of it, in a way, is that it's more important to use these forms of mediums and talk to people you don't have any connection with, people who have had children with disabilities, who will be disabled for the rest of their life.

You're entitled to feel whatever you feel, of course, extreme GD or none at all, you can't choose to feel the way you do, but you can manage it, if you want to manage it. And with everything I have (and don't have) in my life, I always try to compare it to others and realise just how badly I could have things. It's a good thing in that you can keep things in perspective a lot, but it can get depressing and I have suffered depressive episodes.

But I do think, more often than not, people who say that you're lucky that you have healthy children DO genuinely mean it, and yes they may not have children, and they may have never been through an awful, life changing experience, but that doesn't mean they can't imagine how terrible things would be if they had.

Parenting 6 girls, or 6 boys, it's going to be hard, regardless of gender. When it really comes down to it, gender should really be put fairly low on the list of concerns, in most cases

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Here is the way I look at it. If you hit your thumb with a hammer, it is going to hurt like hell and you may curse and jump up and down for a while. No one would begrudge you that or throw it in your face that there are people who have no thumbs, arms, dying of cancer, have kids with disabilities, etc. GD is the same way. It hurts. Now does that mean that any of us would choose to have a child that was not healthy or in any way compare our situation to people whose kids are seriously disabled, obviously not and I don't believe that many people do (altho they may vent from time to time and that is OK as long as they're doing it in a safe place like this site).

Throwing it in people's face and act like they are not entitled to feel pain over not having a daugher or a son, I personally think that is kinda a poopy thing to do. Because most people will agree it's sad when a parent doesn't get to experience raising a child of their desired gender. Sad on a level of childhood cancer or disability, of course not. But still sad. In my experience it has always been people who have both genders of healthy kids, or have NO kids, that feel entitled to say that because most of us who have been through some negative experience, have learned that it's always best not to judge what others are going through, because there is always someone who has it worse, and there are things going on under the surface of even the most lucky-seeming person.

Something else to consider is that no small amount of people with extreme GD have very serious reasons for having extreme GD, including sexual molestation, pain over adoption and a lack of relationship with a parent of a certain gender, childhood abuse/neglect/vicious teasing at the hands of a particular gender, and having other kids with disabilites to begin with.

Add me to the weighted coin group! I've definitely gotten my share of rude/irritating comments. I had 2 m/c's after DS2 so I was thrilled just to be pregnant with a healthy baby with DS3. When I told a co-worker it was another boy, she got a sad look on her face, hugged me and said "I'm sorry". Like he was a huge disappointment. And I hear "Oh, were you trying for a girl?" ALL the time when we are out with all the boys. I usually say, "Nope, just trying for a baby". When I found out DS5 was a boy, I admit, I was a little disappointed. Not in him but that I may never get to have a daughter. That evening, a friend came over to say hi and said "Well, I guess I have to take back the girl outfit I bought. I had high hopes." Gee, thanks. Like I failed or something. What bothers me is when people make comments in front of my boys. They are getting old enough to pick up on things and I don't want people's comments to make them think they were disappointments or failures at getting a girl. I adore my boys but I admit my heart aches for a little girl. And people sometimes make comments that hurt. The other day at work(I teach preschool), one of the moms, who is also a co-worker, brought her son in to drop him off. She also had her daughter with her. I commented to the little girl that I liked her hair bow and her mom said,"Yah, you don't get to do hairbows, do you?". Thanks for rubbing that in. We don't plan on finding out the sex ahead of time with the next baby. I just don't want to deal with comments while I'm pregnant and hormonal!

I know a lot of families with 2 of 1 gender, then 1 opposite. Most of these families are 2 boys, 1 girl and then they stopped having kids. I actually only currently know one family 2 girls, 1 boy. Most of the people I know have their boy and girl then stopped having kids.

I know a few with 3 of 1 gender and 1 opposite, but not nearly as many as the 2 to 1 families. Unfortunately I know of one family that is 3 boys, 1 girl. Growing up, I knew a lot of families with 4 or more kids, including families with all of one gender.

I think desiring a gender is normal and a lot more normal than most people admit. Babies are a gift and especially healthy ones. I think most parents or parents-to-be recognize that. I also think most parents recognize that sometimes they desire specific gifts just like anyone else.

Almost all the families I know with 3 children have 2 of one gender and 1 of the other. I can think of a GGB, GGB and BGG. A family at the school have 4 children and they have BBGB!

I was watching a TV programme where the presenter has 4 boys (Sarah Beeney for those in the UK) and was thinking how lovely it is that she seems really content with her lot, then the dad made a comment about mummy not having any other girls in the family and she replied with 'yes, because nasty daddy won't let me have any more babies' - I was almost disappointed to hear she wanted a girl too. I guess because I think we'll probably have 4 boys and I was feeling protective of that set-up!

I watch that programme too Zanacal and I use to wonder too if Sarah Beeny had had four kids to try and get a girl.....looks like she probably did! I think we will have four boys too and it makes me feel sad to think people will look at us when out and about and think 'yep she kept going to try and get a girl!!!!!' we always wanted four children so it hurts to know people will judge us as my boys mean the world to me!