"The miracle of modern technology".
Many people do go back and have either a reversal or IVF using sperm extracted from the hubby's testicles, and most people have heard of that somewhere along the way. I think that's all the explaining you'd probably need to do except for in the very most nosiest of cases. :)
I would probably just own up to getting a reversal and say "We realized we really wanted one more child" or something along those lines. I think people will wonder and speculate much less if you're up-front about it.
All fabulous responses I'll use in a variety of situations. Certain levels of friendship require more or less info....and I am a fan of mystery for the majority and frankness with my close girlfriends. Love it, keep them coming, I'm literally going to write these down so I have a list memorized ha ha.
My MIL knows we had the V and she's nosy, that will be interesting if we get there.
Thank you!
That seems like a great plan. Don't you think you should eat more Folic Acid (or better Folate)? I think Atomic say 2000 mcg a day. What kind of cardio are you doing and when will you fit it into your day?
Not sure. Atomic, what do you think? More FA or Folate instead? How much?
My husband is being kinda a jerk today about the whole thing. He's willing to do what I want but he's not excited about it. This brings me down a lot. I want him to be as excited as I am about the possibility of a third child. He even said today...I didn't think we would be starting over again, I'm ready to move on from this phase. Sadly, I'm not. Feeling a bit unsteady.
Moms over 40 I often have them take 2000 mcg folate, this has been shown in some studies to possibly help prevent chromosomal abnormalities with the egg.
There is an old saying amongst evolutionary biologists: "Men love women, women love children, and children love hamsters (or Pokemon, or My Little Pony)" The point is, it's different for them then it is for us and we can't expect them to be as into it as us. My daughter is a baby fanatic, she can spot a baby at 100 yards. My sons are more "eh". (I know that's one of those things people say that everyone assumes is pushed by the parents but NO). WE just may be more "set" than they are for parenthood and that is ok.
Just remember, he's on a different timeline than you and you have to do what you have to do NOW to make this happen. We only get one life.
Hi Sweetplum,
Sorry you're feeling unsteady. I think as long as you keep the lines of communication open between you and your DH, things will work out OK. :happy:
I do think it might be a bit too much to ask to expect your DH to be as excited as you are. It sounds like this isn't his idea and might not be his first choice of ways to move forward, but he's willing to do it anyway, because he loves you. It makes sense to me that he would feel a bit resentful about that, even as he moves forward with you.
My husband feels similarly, except he's not sure yet if he does want to move forward with TTC or not. I have so much respect for his perspective: in our household, he brings in the majority of the income, which will make him primarily responsible for financially supporting any future children. He's also a very caring and involved father. I do the majority of the childcare and housework, and obviously the negative aspects of pregnancy and birth are mine to carry, but we're a team, and it all takes two, YKWIM?
If my DH agrees to have another child with me, I won't be expecting him to be very excited about it, I'll just be grateful that he's willing to give me that gift. He's never been that excited about the prospect of a baby anyways, and he always takes a bit of time to warm up to babies even after they arrive. But he is a wonderful dad who is always there for our boys, and I trust him 100% to be there for another child once he or she actually arrives. I'm sure your husband will totally be there for his third little one, too. I agree with atomic, they just don't feel the same as us about new little ones.
Atomic and Serenity. Such great thoughts. Thank you.
You are 100% right that I cannot expect DH to be in the same place as me. Most of the time I'm really compassionate and understanding, it's just every once in a while I get frustrated, and more than that, sad, that he doesn't feel the way it did with our first two children. When we were trying for #1 it was so exciting for both he and I. We were both so ready for a baby. For number two it was just as exciting, we suffered through a miscarriage together and supported one another through the long journey of my very scary pregnancy and all the health issues my second son had. Together 100% on the same page.
Since the V things have been different, which is totally understandable. He thought we were done and so did I, but my feelings have changed. I'm more flexible with feelings evolving, he's very firm with decisions - once he makes them he doesn't like to look back. I TOTALLY understand this. We are in a spot now where one of us is going to lose no matter what we do. I'll lose (for a while at least - until I come to terms with it which of course I will) if we don't move forward with trying for a third child. My husband will lose if we do the VR and we have a third child (at least in his mind now - but i'm sure he will come around). Our whole family could lose if things don't go well, but we could also lose if we don't take the leap as I'm sure another child would bring more joy.
Not that I typically look at what I'm losing but I think it's a really important perspective to consider from all sides versus the "What I want" side of the story. We all want things in life - but many things we want we don't get. That is life. More important right now is how can we minimize the loss for us as a team and for our family in general. It's no longer about everyone getting what we want.
Anyway, just rambling. Thank you for the responses.
Another thing to note is that in terms of our family structure I make 50% of the income for the family and I do about 90% of the child - rearing. My husband is amazing and has an incredible job that is creative and contributing to society in many ways - plus he loves it and he's good at it. BUT - he will not foot the whole bill of the child. I will support the child as much as he financially and I'll be more busy with raising it. So it will not put him out as much as me. He's not really worried about this though - we talked again last night a bit and he's just worried about health concerns for all. He did say that if we get through the VR and the pregnancy and come out with a healthy baby he will be very very happy and have no issues. It's the risk that worries him not the end result.
Better get to work.
I really appreciate all the comments and honesty here. It's nice to be able to talk about this!
SP
Hi Sweetplum,
Just to be clear: I TOTALLY understand your perspective, because I share it! I actually feel like in this situation, assuming all goes well, the only real loss is on the DW's part, because let's face it, good fathers embrace their children and gain so much out of those relationships. Having another child would not be a loss for DH, and not having one would be a huge loss for me.
I just think that your best shot at moving forward happily together is gaining a deep understanding and appreciation of where your DH is coming from. If he feels like his concerns are being heard, he's more likely to be softer towards you. At least that's how it works in our relationship...he sounds like a sweetheart; like he just wants to protect you and your family. :happy:
I completely understand and agree with everything you wrote. I sometimes wish DH and I were on the same page, too. I hope it all works out for you just the way you want. :hug2:
Hi sweetplum.
I've just found your post, don't know how I missed it before. I remember your original post which really resonated with me at the time.
For me, another 40 year old, who 'should' be done, and doesn't feel that way deep down, it seems to me that the fact that you are continually returning to this question, of 'am I done?' answers it and tells me that you are not.
I also agree with the others that men are not as involved in this as we are emotionally. For me, mine has emphatically said he doesn't want anymore so one of us will also 'lose'. It's tough to lose, but it's also tough to force your husband to 'lose' too. There's no easy answer for that one. When it's 'do we or don't we?' there is no compromise.
However I do think that for our husbands, the objection to the abstract notion of the unborn child would dissolve when that child arrived. I asked my husband if it would really be that bad or life changing to have one more. Of course we could say that forever, if we were younger, but we're not so it really would be one last baby.
My husband had children before we met so I never had that first baby together excitement that you experienced. Some people just don't get that. It's great that you had that joint excitement two times!
Good luck with your decision and the VR. After that, what will be will be. X
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thank you for writing. This is the crux of it. One of us will have to compromise a lot more than the other and there is always the possibility that this will cause resentment....Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbump
You are right, I'm not ready to move on but I'm also feeling bad for forcing my husband to revisit something that we both felt we did decided on together two years ago.
It's more of a life lesson on making decisions now. I made a decision which was OK at the time but now is not....I simply changed my mind.
Do I :
1. Be gentle with myself and move on with the decision to stop having kids and possibly feel a sense of loss but just accept that in life we sometimes have to accept our decisions...
2. Be gentle with myself for making the a decision in the past where now I feel differently and work with my husband to undo it...
I don't think either is right or wrong if they are approached with love and compassion for all parties. They both are OK.
Right now I'm obviously leaning towards undoing it but I'm not totally convinced that is right either. Sure I may get what I want if we do, but is that the "RIGHT" decision? I don't know. Life isn't about me anymore, it's about "husbandwife" as one unit, and about my two beautiful sons too.
I may never know what is right no matter what I do.
My DH is not exited at all about a possible forth child. He also feel we are done. But he is such a sweetheart and do it for me. I am deeply gratefull for this. What a gift and offer. After he has comitted to the plan I don't bring the baby subject up. At all. I don't talk about it or show my exitement. My children don't know my desire and that we are TTC'ing. I just work on it secretly. Do my diet, cardio. I pray that I will get a BFP before DH change his mind. He is a very comitted, caring and loving father, so I am sure that if we get lucky he will fell in love with another child but I don't expect him to be exited beforehand. Actually I am truly impressed he has comitted to TTC.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweetplum
I think it is better you show your DH how much you love him and are gratefull that he is willing to do the VR to make a baby with you. You can't expect him to be as exited as you.
Just my thoughts [emoji120]
DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016
Dreamsister you are 100% right...as are all who have commented in this....I need to remember that DH is in a different place as me and that is OK.
I want to make it very very clear that although I get frustrated and sad from his reactions sometimes it doesn't mean I am mad at him or don't understand him. I totally do. We are just in a hard spot and it's OK for him to feel the way he does and me to feel the way I do. We are listening to each other and still very close. I just don't feel totally comfortable doing things in secret - I'm too transparent to be successful at doing things undercover - or doing things only for myself.
The boys have been really cranky lately too which is a drain. I think it's the end of summer itch - they need a bit of structure - but they are on each other all the time. The amount of discipline and attention these two take is huge right now....it's a season of course, but it's B.U.S.Y and emotionally tiring. Of course, in between the moments of total exasperation they do the sweetest things that make my heart explode, as 2 and 5 year old boys do.
Sometimes when our boys are cranky, fighting and really enoying DH looks at me while shaking his head in wonder and say: and you want to throw another child in the mix!!! He truly mean we have our hands full with 3 boys aged 6, 8 and 9, a dog, a big house and two full time jobs! He thinks that we have finally reached a stage in our life where we have more freedom as a family and couple. And he is so right so I don't blame him for expressing his doubts about me wanting to carry out my dream for one more child. I also agree with him that I am selfish and egoistic for wanting to go on with MY dream about a big family because he don't want this and despite his opposition. As time goes by he don't express his worries so much anymore. He has given up on changing my mind and is now cooperating. He even takes OLE! And I keep telling him how much I love him and show him lots of surplus energy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweetplum
I know how it feels with kids being too long on vacacion being ready for structure and the daily grind.
DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016
Please bump this for me as I do have things to add but out of time for the day. :heart:
Bump.
Atomic. Honest - Honest - Do not hold back - opinion. Do you think I should do this...go forward with the VR and take all the risks on #3.
I need a detached totally blunt opinion.
Thanx.
I am going to jump in here. I just read the whole post and I will say, that you know deep down, in your heart, what you truly want. Just do a bit of soul searching. It is right in front of you. If you can't let this go, then there is your answer.
As for your DH, I have not seen anyone else mention this. Yes, he is willing to do anything to make you happy. Yes, he loves you. Yes, you understand his point of view. But he has some very legitimate concerns:
1. He has to have a long difficult surgery to make this dream happen. And, as a typical person, he does not want to have a surgery. And can you blame him?
2. You had a VERY tramatic pregnancy and birth with you last son. He is VERY scared of loosing you. Again. rightfully so.
So, honestly, I would not expect him to be on the same excitement level that you are. And that is totally OK as you have stated. Just do what you have been doing and support him and your family to the best of your ability.
My DH does not necessarily want another child.(I am not even sure of it some days.) But he tells me regularly that he regrets not being able to give me a little girl. (As you can see we lost our twin girls last pg). And that makes me sad and re-enforces the dream and desire for a daughter. He also does not use protection at all, so since I have not had PPAF yet, we are NTNP at the moment. I am loosely doing the diet, no supps except Folic Acid and just started the exercising (very mild) in the event that we do get pg I can at least know I did my best. I am 40 as well and know that time is not on my side. Hope this helps a little.
Thank you for posting.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shannshaff
You are so right I do know what I want to do : I want to have another baby and sway for a girl (but be thrilled with either). This is 100% what I want. No question.
But - I am not sure if what I want is something that is putting my husband, myself and my family at risk so much that I have to let it go. You are totally right about the surgery for DH, he's nervous and I don't blame him - I actually blame myself for even allowing the V. I feel it's my fault for not understanding that I wasn't ready at the time. The guilt from this causes a lot of pain for me too. I just don't know. If something ever happened to him during the surgery, me during pregnancy or birth or a possible baby I would have even more regret than I would just letting this dream of baby 3 go.
That said, I won't know what will happen unless I try.
People typically take risks when they have nothing to lose...their lives are rough or there is a lot of room for improvement. For me that is not the case. My life is very very good, not perfect of course but we are comfortable, happy and healthy and have so much to look forward to.
Is my desire for another baby worth risking this ideal and happy life we are living? That is more the question I'm trying to understand.
I do want to address something Sweetplum mentioned - the financial aspects of all this - for those of us who are not equal earners to our husbands. Most of us are in a different boat where our husbands are the primary earners and we are either SAHMs or make a lot less than they do. I know that for me personally this has been a sticking point between my DH and I - that he has "wasted all this money" on "me and my kids" blah blah blah BUT when I stopped to add it all up, I found that the money that I had brought into the marriage, either that I earned myself or that my family had given to me, paid for every penny of my childbearing adventures and then some. And then the things that it didn't, like cars and housing expenses and heat and food and so on - those things were set expenditures that my husband would have been buying anyway.
So this idea that we were in some sort of completely unequitable situation where he slaved away so I could stay at home eating bonbons and popping out babies was really very misrepresented and unfair. His income goes almost entirely towards either set living expenses that he would have had anyway, or things that were primarily at his personal discretion and not mine (our living arrangements which were far more expensive than they had to be due to his pursuing his own personal dream, his choosing to work certain less lucrative jobs than others, etc). The money I have brought into the relationship, while not as much as he has brought in, still was more than enough to cover my kid related expenses and I suspect that a lot of us are in the same boat when we take a closer look at it.
So many of us sacrificed financially in order for our husbands to pursue education or jobs or so on - possibly even sacrificing future earning potential to preserve our husband's future earning potential - working instead of finishing our educations, so he can finish school or not working so we don't have to pay child care. This is often coupled with financial sacrifices that many of us make in terms of our husband's overall career happiness - like we are supportive of him working a less stressful job, fewer hours, or taking up a different career or educational path in mid****** even though it may cause financial hardships that affect the entire family and our futures negatively. But then this one thing, we are just supposed to give up, because, money. Even when their choices are the reason why we don't HAVE the money. It doesn't track at all. Our happiness matters too, ladies, and I just really urge you guys to look out for numero uno (and dos and tres LOL) because no one else will do it for you. :)
I don't think the stakes are the same for them as it is for us, Big Bump.
When they "lose" they get another child with their DNA to love. Yes it's a bit more work (but nothing like it is for us) and they may have to spend a little money but the benefits in the long term are huge.
When we "lose" we get nothing except that the door closes for us forever. They can still go on to have more children in future relationships and while I would hope that none of our husbands would ever do such a thing, it happens often enough that I think we must take it into account. Jeff Goldblum, Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin, George Lucas, Bruce Willis, Hugh Grant, David Letterman, a lot of these guys left long trails of childless women behind them to start up again with some new young woman. We can't do that.
Really - they don't lose. In no scenario do they lose. Only we lose. They always win. Look out for yourselves.
I totally agree Atomic. My Hb and I had this exact conversation. He was all 'one of us has to give' and I said 'would it really be so bad to have another?' Yes, two of our kids would have to share a room, yes we would perhaps need a bigger car, but so what?? These things aren't important. What I'm giving up the chance of is a huge sacrifice in my eyes.
Having said that I am not a woman who always envisioned a large family, so I have shifted the goal posts on him, but that's my prerogative. As it is yours sweetplum. No one has a crystal ball and you didn't realise you would feel this way. Neither did I.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I agree totally that is your prerogative to change your mind. They shift the goalposts on us all the time - want to go back to school, change jobs, move...my husband chose to work 365 days a year for 7 years straight one decade and then the next decade, did not have a job for 2 years - neither of which was my choice or that I EVER saw coming before it happened, and both of which definitely interfered with my plans for my life and family. He had also agreed to 5-6 kids before we ever got married and then changed his mind on that as well. I know I seem kind of "foaming at the mouth" on this topic sometimes but it's only because I feel like just about every other message out there in the media and society as a whole is "Woman should sacrifice everything for man's happiness and allow him to pursue his every bucket-listed whim in order for him to feel fulfilled in life, and if he dumps her, it was her fault because she got fat and didn't put out enough". I don't think it's too much to demand some level of reciprocity especially given the biological reality that for us, this decision is forever.
It was only because I was finally able to see past the cultural brainwashing that I was able to allow myself to be selfish and insist upon my wishes, that I have a daughter and my 2 younger sons as well. I had to bend and even break some rules that had been very deeply ingrained upon me, to get the family that I wanted and so I do encourage you guys not to give up without a fight if it is something that is highly important to you to pursue. :)
Just a few thoughts: I agree about the cultural bias against women and the unfairness of men monopolizing women's childbearing years only to easily start families with younger women later but I don't think the desire to have a child is in itself a good enough reason to do it.
The worst case scenario isn't the mother not realizing her dream of having more kids. The worst-case scenario is a child being born into a family that is overextended, unstable, or unhealthy.
I think there are all kinds of healthy, happy families, including families with single mothers or tons of kids or other scenarios society tells us are not ideal, but whatever situation you bring a child into needs to be approached with clear eyes. I think our first question should always be what kind of mother/family/situation we would want to have lived with a child.
That said, Sweetplum's husband has said he's willing. I would take it at face value. It's normal for partners to have differing levels of enthusiasm. I guess I would say that if you generally agree but just aren't in precise harmony about it you shouldn't feel bad about being the one to make the decision.
Hi. Really enjoy reading the thoughts and insights right now.
My situation is actually a bit of the opposite in terms of cultural biases. I tend to be the more 'monopolizing' one in the relationship if one of us would be characterized this way.
99% of the time, however, we are equal.
My husband and I are both Architects, we make mostly the same salary (based on bonuses and how our small firms do each year), we both serve on boards in our community and we both respect one another in terms goals, dreams and hopes for the future. I am older however (4 years) and have had more life experiences through travel and my education so often my husband's career defers to mine as I am an Associate in my firm and my husband is not. My husband works very hard and is doing really innovative work - which he doesn't get paid for but he enjoys, he's also new at this position so he has to 'pay his dues', I don't really - my position is pretty stable and I can ask for pretty much anything I want (I took 9 months off with both boys and I would do the same with another baby)....and now I only work 4 days a week for 6 hours a day and get paid well, I've worked really really really hard in my past (20s and 30s) so now I'm reaping the benefits of waiting and working for two decades.
Anyway - this dynamic kinda complicates things a bit since I know my husband feels that we often defer to my wishes in the relationship since I can be the more powerful one in many ways.
Another factor that comes into play is my family. My dad is successful and my parents are really generous so they give us a lot and loan us $ at low rates for building our lives. I think my husband feels he owes my dad for all that he does for us, so sometimes he gives into every single wish of mine in order to 'keep me happy' and thus my dad pleased. I don't like him to give in to me too much but he is very accommodating in general - his personality is just this way. He's moderate. Thankfully I'm aware of this and I try not to take advantage of my husband's willingness to do anything for me or lean on my parents more than they offer...but all this creates a dynamic that allows me to always "get what i want". It's always been like this for me. I'm kinda spoiled, and it has caused issues in my life, I'm trying to learn how to 'not always get what I want' I guess.....
With a third child I'm so realistic and hesitant because i'm not sure if what i want is good for our current family. A third child would be loved, nurtured, well taken care of and adored for his/her whole life, I just don't know if my body can produce a healthy child at this point and if I should continue to always get everything i want in life.
SP.
PS - Our current plan is still the same - he is scheduled for the VR on October 21st. My husband finishes up a huge deadline in early October, my eldest son is beginning Kindergarten at a French Immersion school in early September and we are planning on remodeling our home significantly - so the next few months are busy. We plan to see how we handle the first few months of my son's transition while we are all busy with work and home remodel - if it goes well and both sons are happy and doing well and relationship between DH and I is strong and loving we will proceed. If any of us are struggling or overwhelmed we will re-evaluate.
No couple is totally in sync at all times, but from your description it seems like you have a true partnership and you both consider each other's feelings.
(Above, I was just responding to the general discussion of whether women should TTC in spite of an unwilling partner. I've known at least three couples who went ahead with their plans to have more kids in spite of truly vicious, unhealthy fighting and it always struck me as a horrible decision.)
One other thing you might want to consider is that if he goes through with the reversal he might then really want to go ahead with TTC to make it worthwhile.
There are certainly gals who ride the baby train too long but I think in a convo of what is pretty clearly well off women contemplating going from 2 to 3 that's not what we're dealing with here. Please view my statements thru that lens.
I think let's all be careful with tossing around worst case scenarios. I'm sure there are many of us who experience judgement from others based on things that may to outsiders look chaotic, unstable, unhealthy, etc. Sometimes things get better. Some of us are just emotional Mediterranean types that fight and make up and are loud and emotional. Sometimes, things are beautiful, calm, and peaceful to outsiders and everything is a disaster inside (a cold, quiet, unhealthy disaster) or a sudden decision out of the blue turns everything upside down.
I think that we're here to discuss growing our families and since I have an admittedly unique take on that I feel compelled to share a different angle, for whatever it is worth. :)
Yes. Strangely the couples that seem so happy and perfect and well adjusted are always the ones that don't seem to make it. We try to be authentic which some times is messy and imperfect, and I like that in my friends too. Better not to care at all what others think since there will always be a huge group that don't see life the same way and will judge.
On another note, is drinking Coke Zero (aspartame) going to totally ruin my girl sway?
I can give up for a few weeks but then I cave....
I will be strict and cut out if it's important but if not, I'd rather not freak out over it.
How many is too many per day if it's OK....
I don't know any perfect families (you know the saying "The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well") but bringing up a child together is a big undertaking--it's good that you and your husband like as well as love each other and you respect each other's opinions.
If anything I think Diet Coke would help because it's so unhealthy.
It sounds like you have a great relationship and DH and if I was in your situation I would 100% go for it and not look back. A reversal doesn't guarantee a baby, but you'll never know if you don't try and I would personally regret not trying.
Sent from my SM-J700P using Tapatalk
Thank you.
I'm struggling with the sway to be totally honest. We are still moving forward with our plans and husband jokes a bit about it now which means we are turning the corner from serious to just a fact of life. But the sway is kinda hard for me....
I struggle to 'fast' for long periods of time and really like breakfast.
I can absolutely not fit in 60 min of exercise everyday let alone 4-5 days a week. I'm just sitting down at my computer at 10.30pm after running around non stop at work, kids stuff and evening events. I'd have to give up time at work, with my children or with my other commitments to fit in exercise and there is no way I can wake up an hour early to do it as I'm really tired as it is. I feel like I'm already stretched too thin to fit this in. I'm not a 'workout' person anyway, i'm fit but I never go to the gym, just walks around the block and mostly chasing after boys.
I like 'calorie dense' healthy foods like nuts, cerals, avocados, etc. I don't eat tons of them, but I like them....
I don't like feeling deprived. I'm so busy and tired a lot of the time that eating well and regularly keeps me mentally, emotionally and physically fit...I feel off on this diet. I basically hate any sort of diet or plan for my eating and drinking....I don't like strict routines at all.
Maybe I'm doing it wrong?
Being veggie is easy for me though, I'm not a huge meat eater so I like this part of the sway.
I guess for the most part I'm starting to wonder if I care enough to do the sway - I'm feeling lazy. I want a baby, would love a girl but excited about a boy too, but not sure if I'm dedicated enough to plan all this stuff out and follow through with it now, during TTC and until we possibly get pregnant. Maybe it's my growing indifference towards gender and excitement about another child that is making me lazy.
Oh well.
You are so right about that Sweetplum. Perfect is boring.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweetplum
I was told that Coke Zero is good for pink swayers. I drink it, but not everyday.
DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016
Ok. I HAD TO make a diet because people wanted me to. But the secret is that you don't HAVE to do the diet perfectly, mostly, or even at all to get a girl. you can do none of it, and still get a girl. That is ok. What I would strongly suggest that everyone do is not look at the LE Diet as this "you must do everything exactly like this or you will have a boy" and instead, look at it as like a set of goalposts to aim at. But at the end of it all, all you really need to do is move your diet in a more "pink" direction than it was when you got your boys. That is what your body knows. your body doesn't know some crap I wrote on a piece of paper 6 years ago. It knows "I was getting this much food, and now I'm getting this much".
Boy moms tend to be all or nothing thinkers and so people get overly hung up on following every letter of LE but all you have to do is be more pink friendly than you were. :)
So, what I would do is just go vegetarian (being sure to get your protein and fat from primarily vegetable sources), drink coffee, some wine if you like it, Diet Coke is said to sway pink anyway. you can have things like nuts and avocado now and then. There are no forbidden foods on LE (altho I would keep the cereal to a dull roar if you can)
Walking counts as exercise and if you live in a city and walk for an hour at any point during the day, that counts. I would try to get it in one burst if you can.
Sweetplum, you sound a lot like me! I think you are in a wonderfull position where you care less and less about this fucking gender thing. Do what you can, don't obsess, have faith and certainly also try to have fun doing it. Life is so short so we better enjoy the best we can. Happy your DH seems to have accepted the fact that you might be parents again. Have a great weekend.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweetplum
DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016
^^^ I think we need a new acronym - this FGT (fucking gender thing)!! :rofl:
Hello all.
I wanted to just give you an update and say farewell. After a few weeks of deep thinking, soul-searching and meditation I've decided to move on with my happy and full life with my two boys.
I know I will always have a bit of baby-fever and will never fully accept being done with the 'childbearing years', I loved being a new mom, nursing, birthing, long walks, anticipating each new milestone while watching my babies change in incredible ways each day. It's like being high for me really, being a new mom, full of so much joy and love - there is nothing else like it.
But two weeks ago life offered us an exciting new adventure, a really amazing opportunity for me professionally. This new door being opened for my life and ultimately for our family has made me realize that although wrapping up the baby stage is not easy for me, I'm ready to move on with my dear husband and our two wonderful little boys and appreciate all I have in the present. Turning down this opportunity would be a poor choice for me, it just sounds too fun and too exciting. And I cannot take on this new career path and go through a vasectomy reversal, TTC, pregnancy and birth again. I had to choose and I'm choosing my two sons and my husband and fulfilling my childhood career dreams for myself. This choice is very much about me and my life goals and also about ensuring less risk for my two children I have as well as my husband's health.
This opportunity sealed the deal for me, it's time to move on.
Best wishes to all of you. Thank you for being here and allowing me to process this all over the past year, it has been really emotional for me and depressing at time to feel so unsure of everything. Going through all this alone would have been very lonely, thank you for the support.
XO Sweetplum
Congratulations Sweetplum, how exciting! From what I've read on this site, finding new opportunities for personal growth and or career fulfillment is a great way to combat lingering GD feelings. Your decision is inspiring!
Wauhh, Sweetplum. What a decision. It sounds that you have finally made up your mind. I am really happy for you. GL with moving forward with new challenging adventures.
I once asked a wise woman about her opinion about my yearning for a baby and she urged me to rack my soul because the solution was not necessarily a baby. It could also be a new and more creative job, a travel, more love or changes in my private live.
The right decision is NOT always the easiest one to make. It takes a lot of courage. Your decision is in particular inspiring to me. I am sure you will find peace with it because this is the right thing to do for you and your family.
I will definately miss your company and want to thank your for all your straightforward and honest posts.
Take care and enjoy.
Wishing you everything of the best for your future and your new opportunities
Excellent!! Wishing you all the best moving forward with this new opportunity! :heart:
Well. It has been about a year since I joined this site and a few months since I left...
My new job is amazing. I absolutely feel fulfilled,challenged and excited by it.
But I keep coming back to thoughts of another baby. I'm starting to realize that these feelings will not go away for a while, most likely menopause but maybe never.
I told my husband that I think I have to just schedule the reversal, that it's now or never. That if I don't I may not really bounce back. That sounds so dramatic and I'm embarrassed by the way I feel to be honest.
Why can't I just move on?
I want a girl desperately yes, but the thought of a baby boy makes me happy too. I want the craziness of more...sadly my husband really doesn't and time is not my friend.
I am just worried I'll never feel totally happy again, which, once again is depressing since I have a perfectly amazing life and family as it is.