Originally Posted by
Throwaway_panther
Thanks hannah, that means a lot to me. And my existing GD is part of why anything with DH seems so much worse -- I'm trying so hard to keep myself afloat and going, and his stuff just compounds it so much.
It helps to have heard so much of you say you couldn't tell gender with scans -- this second tech had even said (since she never made us turn our head, but the first tech did -- maybe because the first tech was younger and less experienced and the older tech knew it was harder to tell?), "Unless you know how to read scans, you're fine looking, I can't even see gender," during one of the times my husband asked if we should be seeing the scan. But I was a bit of a Hermione and felt like I'd seen so many scans that I totally could tell it was a girl. But I'm realizing now that I'm not as much of a know-it-all as I thought ;P I've seen some surprising nub shots lately, and I always sort of passively though skull theory was nearly as good as nub, and I've been wrong on several lately -- which hopefully is good! I thought my early scans were boyish skulls, but during this second anatomy scan when we could actually see profile I thought skull was so smooth and round! Ugh, always obsessing.
And I go through periods of actually feeling this is a boy, and obsessing over our history and my sway and second guessing so many things and just already dreading the waiting process before we can try again -- and REALLY dreading going through all of this again, because I can't weather anymore losses.
I had a dream of son the other night -- but he had special needs. Interestingly, I had had a dream with DD of her being a girl with down syndrome before I knew gender as well, though this dream my son didn't have DS but some other clear developmental issue. In the dream the doctor was saying we needed to do a procedure to put him back in me since he came so early? So that was strange. But also hasn't left my mind since now (if anyone is keeping score), I have had two dreams of a girl -- but never seeing a girl, just being told it's a girl by my mom (who guessed girl the other week lol). Two dreams of having a boy and actually seeing a boy, including my mom saying, "It's a boy, we needed a boy," in one of them. And then one dream where I looked down at a brown/auburn haired baby and they had a diaper on lol, but I felt in the dream, "Well great, this must mean it's a girl." In both boy dreams, I was in hospital early because baby came early -- I'm sure that's my thoughts on loss that have affected it, though believe it or not, much of that is not on my mind as much anymore (GD has definitely surpassed loss in terms of anxiety, maybe because I am practically at viability now). And I might be back here in December/January bemoaning not going into labor, but I have been having an inkling baby would come early and these dreams are making me feel that more. DD did come right on time and all my doctors/midwives thought she'd come early because of a lot of things that happened in the month before, so I guess we'll see...
@Kelbear: I'm not sure we're fully seeing genitals there (and maybe it's even cord), and I don't want to get your hopes up needlessly either (especially since I just read a whole thing about how 'three lines can show up on boy scans too'), but it looks hamburgerish to me IF what I'm seeing is genitals. Like swollen hamburger. But then I clearly also don't know what I'm looking at supposedly!
