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Mum I hid my last 2 pregnancies until 20 and 23 weeks, even from my mother. When I told her about the pregnancy I lost before child #4 she said " You know just because you fall pregnant doesn't mean you have to have the baby, they do have abortions available". Decided not to tell her about the next 2 kids!
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Sorry PoP, I know it was your Mum's comment but I think that's a despicable thing to say! I'm very much pro-choice but know that for myself I couldn't abort unless there was a very compelling reason to. However I think people who flippantly suggest it to others are so cruel & thoughtless. IMO it isn't a topic to joke about.
My Dad upset me not long after ds3 was born by saying that the best present I could get my dh is the snip! I love my Dad dearly but his Mum told me before she died (I only had ds1 &2 then) that each child makes you poorer ARGH! And yes she did have a PP & made sure to tell me that a son's only a son blah blah blah. I didn't get along with my Nan, especially with such differing views on life. She well & truly missed out on the magic of being outnumbered & Atomic I couldn't agree more with your opinion on kids being spoiled these days. Again IMO the most priceless gift you can give to your children - way above & beyond any material item - is a strong sibling bond within a large family. I'm itching to do it all over again & I really feel that even if no DD ever comes my way then I will be in the middle of a big family which itself brings so many joys! So I guess - thinking out loud - GD will bring me my dream big family at worst & a big family & a DD at best! Either way I win! :)
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I have my Dad and DSM and Mum and DSD. Dad and DSM have pretty much nagged for us to have another one. That's why I'm not telling them when we're TTC. I'm holding off on telling Mum and DSD as long as possible. Mum has said multiple times I am crazy if I want another baby :( She struggled to fall pregnant with me and not miscarry (her body would fight off successful pregnancies). I suspect she doesn't like the idea I am blessed to fall pregnant easily. She always said she wished for a sister for me.
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I'm joining the not telling anyone crew. I've not told anyone but hubby and a good friend who has 4 kids and understands why I'd want to have more that we might have had a whoopsy and are now in an unintended 2ww.
If this is a BFP or we WTT, we've already agreed to not tell anyone till it's obvious and if baby is DD no.3 to not tell anyone till she's here. I know I'll still get pitying looks and comments but I feel prepared for them as I got them after DD2.
Seems sad that we have to defend ourselves when our childhood see 3-4 kids as the norm and 1-2 kids as strange.
PS I've written this reply out several times but kept going into a rant.
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I usually care a lot about what people say and think, so was lucky not to recieve too many comments. I had one from hubbys brother who I knew wouldn't be able to resist saying "I thought you had a new tv" so I prepared the answer "we do, but we had a power cut" laughed it off and it stopped him on that line, but not the "imagine, 4 boys!" before we even knew the gender.
Mum in law was not pleased which annoyed me. She said we shouldn't have any more in case our eldest wanted to go to college! Erm so does that mean none of the others have the chance to? And she made up her mind that the baby was a boy because we must have tried for another, and ruined our other childrens chances, because we wanted a girl so totally deserved a boy.
I am not looking forward to telling people when we do have another
Crikey, what screwed up logic your MIL has! She should've kept her silly ideas to herself. I can really hear the hurt through your words & feel for you so much. I'm on boy number three now & am coping a lot better than I ever did with ds2. He was my GD baby & although I swayed before ds3 I'm much more at peace with him. I just don't allow myself to dwell on never having a DD despite expecting ds4 next time around! It's tough I know but I know that if ds2 had been a girl that would've been it, no big family as DH was more than happy with 2 while I've always wanted a big family.Quote:
Originally Posted by motherofboys
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I didn't understand her reasoning at all, she had 3 children (girl then 2 boys) and did fall pregnant a 4th time but lost the baby so 4 was really not a huge number to her. My own Nan only had 1 child and thought everyone should only have 1-2 children max. She passed away when my 2nd was a baby, but I'm sure in spite of her belief that 4 was 2 too many she'd have been supportive.
Dad in law was, he said to ignore his wife and that it was wonderful news. Of course he really thought we'd get a girl.
Urgh, another friend IRL has found out she's having a boy so she's being part of the PP crowd. And I so wanted to bite back when someone commented about having the perfect family like her also PP. I'm starting to realise how lush it is having 2 DD's tbh. They look and act so different to each other yet they have the same genetic make-up! And in that I'm seeing that actually the PPs are missing that as all they see is one girl mix of their genes and one boy mix of genes. And if they really do stick to two, they'll never get to experience bringing up 2 different girls/boys. Actually feel lucky tbh
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Everyone is missing out in some way but gaining in others. No one has every possible variation of family genders so won't experience everything and there's no such thing as perfect, a balanced family to me is one where everyone develops their individual personality not necessarily one or two of each gender. My friend who is childless said after I had my second boy she wants one of each as if I just ordered two boys lol. As It happens I agree I love seeing the two different boys my youngest is so smiley and eldest so helpful and loving :) xx
Think I get annoyed as these are the same families who only wanted 2 and get one of each and over the past year, I've seen alot pop up IRL. I know of one instance IRL where she has GG but doesn't want anymore boy or girl. They do give me pitying looks/comments so I think I'll start giving them comments back.
I totally agree with you though Mulberry Smurf, a balanced family is where they develop individual personalities. I love that mine aren't typical girls, and that they give the boys as good as they get. That said being a tomboy myself, much to my mothers destain who later learnt through me that girls aren't all frills and florals, I worry I influence their tastes.
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