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My husband really wants a boy. I feel for him when he sees that all of our friends and family have boys except us. He doesn't say it very often but when he does it's with deep desire. There is a lot of social pressure and comments to the men with all daughters.Quote:
Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush
Yeah, it's really hard. I had a friend who has 4 daughters. Her husband is a real stereotypical man - he likes fishing & camping & football & "man stuff" and he just can't relate to tea parties & dolls & singing along with Frozen. They swayed moderately for the third & really hard for the fourth & obviously were unsuccessful both times.Quote:
Originally Posted by Janamomof3girls
I'm similar to him with my GD in that try as I might I am not sporty. I don't like sports or playing bat & ball & I couldn't give a shit about diggers in the goddamn sandpit. Of course I fake it, of course I do it with them but geez I would love a little girl who (would be more likely to) naturally want to play dollies & tea parties.
I have to keep reminding myself of the MORE LIKELY TO part. My older friend's daughter who is in her late teens is a lesbian who dresses like a man & never wanted to play dolls either. Her gender disappointment is really complex because she got her girl physically but she didn't ever behave how she expected her to. So I guess nothing is for certain even if you do get your desired gender.
Yes, my husband is a manly man also. He has this secret side of him that does tea parties with the girls though. It's pretty cool because you would never know that about him. I'm like you. I'm very girly. I love all of the girls and doing girly things with them. I was thinking it would be nice to have sports and boy stuff in my house besides my husband. To have a little boy of my own, and to raise a son. I would love to see what kind of boy we could have together. It seems so far out of reach you know? Like you said though, nothing is ever certain!! I hope you get your DD next!
Something very interesting I observed about my husband, is that our first two boys are not "man's men" in any way (not sporty or outdoorsy types) and while of course he does love them and all that, I think he had a weird kind of GD for a more traditional boy-boy and was very happy when our 3rd and 4th boys came along. It was like even tho he had sons, he did not have the "son experience" that he wanted. I can totally see how a man surrounded by tea parties and stuff may not be feeling like he is having the parenting experience he dreamed of - even though he totally LOVES his daughers, it's just not the dream. And i just feel very badly for them because the "you are a horrible person" remarks that we all get for wanting daughters, they get 10fold and can't even always rely on their wives to be willing to TTC again.Quote:
Originally Posted by Janamomof3girls
This happened to my husband's grandma too. Had 5 boys, one died, the youngest boy is gay, then finally a daughter and she is a lesbian. (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that in any way, just that it could make feelings of gender disappointment even more complex than they actually are)Quote:
Originally Posted by PrimalMamma
The biggest concern of my DH when we found out we were having my first DD was that he didn't know how to behave around girls since he has 2 brothers and no sisters.
While she was growing up we didn't do all the typically girly stuff with her, we didn't buy her traditionaly girly toys or dress her all in skirts and dresses and we tried activities like long walks in the country side or biking etc, mainly because it was something that my DH felt confortable doing with my DD.
I don't know if it has to do with my DD's personality (she is very energetic and sporty) or if the way we raised her has influenced her personality. I think it's both, but my point is that if a father wants to spent time with their children they can, n matter the gender, it doesn't have to be barbies and tea parties.
When my second DD came along even though she is more girly than my first DD, she fit in our lifestyle perfectly and now that they are older they follow the same style, eventhough they now want to choose their clothing on their own and most of the time is pink grrrrr.
I totally agree Mamato3 but at the same time I understand what it is to struggle to find common ground. I see my position as to help to bring out my boy's natural compassion through gentle activities. I try not to gender stereotype them too much but they are strongly drawn to "boys" activities without any assumption from us. My boys have dolls - the little one doesn't really play with his but my eldest has slept with his every night since he was 16 months old (he's 5 1/2). They love to cook with me & draw & watch Disney movies with me & sing along (both of them adore The Little Mermaid & Frozen). Yet every day there are the invariable "Mum, will you hit the ball with me? Mum will you play soccer with us?" Or the dreaded train set is dragged out & i am expected to play. And they are FAR more prevalent than the other. I join in (reluctantly) but I LOATHE it. And that is how I think Dads of girls might feel having to "deal with" girl stuff.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamato3?
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrimalMamma
Of course you are right and yes a lot of times it is hard for either side (dad-daughters, mom-sons) to enjoy or even relate to many activities that our children have fun doing.
But my opinion is that it hasn't have to be black or white. The stereotypes like pink for girls-blue for boys or soccer for boys and ballet for girls don't have to be that way.
I think a lot of these can change and it starts from us, the parents. We have to let our children try a lot of different things and then decide on their own what activities, dressing styles etc they prefer.
There is every possibility in the world that the daughter you get may not be the daughter of your dreams anyway. I get very nervous when I see people who feel like they will have more of a bond with their daughters over girly girly stuff because not all girls even like that. :/
I am really not a girly girl. I am pretty low maintenance and I hate pink and headbands with big flowers on them! I hate how girls are stereotyped and sexualized. The thought of raising a girl in a world where we actually make (and purchase) bikinis for toddlers disgusts me! But I still want her. I just want to see her grow, see who she becomes, how she interprets the world. I don't have a ton of expectations. I have two boys that I get I see do that and now I want a girl. Simple. Dammit!
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