August 2ww and TTC thread 2018

Oh emshe.

I wish I had more words to say, but I'm so struck by how brave and strong you have been through all of this. I so wish this wasn't how your journey was ending, but I'm glad it is something you seem ready to embrace. I'll miss you around here, but enjoy those boys. Run, play, drink some wine, have some ice cream, and try to bask in the freedom of it. You did everything you could, but things just fell the wrong way. You aren't giving up, it seems to me you are simply choosing to focus on the boys now. You all have worked so hard, emshe. So so hard.

I imagine it's much like grief, some days will be worse than others, but I hope you begin to have more good days then bad. And I hope that you mostly feel at peace with it all.

So so so many hugs.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by emshe

Pbn please don’t hold your breath! We all value you too much to lose you!!!

Well I woke up in tears from a dream where I was off visiting people whom we’ve lost contact with, explaining to them in tears why we’ve been so withdrawn. And my temp dropped from 36.98 yesterday to 36.3. I truly thought I could be pregnant.

It is time for me. Time for my boys. Time to be a wife & a mum. Time to live. To reconnect. I’m so sick of being in the outside looking in on my boys growing. It’s time to walk beside them holding their hands and kissing their faces.

Uncannily it was pretty much 3 years ago (we made our attempts on was likely my ov day this time) I started the physical side of a long planned sway journey. And the conception of my first loss. From their we threw ourselves into planning our HT, one round I promised, a round that was a challenge complete bust. Another round I begged.

He did everything again sacrificing himself to more work & our financial well-being to help me realise this dream in an attempt to get me back, to try and see me fulfilled & able to be again. Again a promise this is the last trip. Transfer didn’t take.

I have to go back and get her, & get her we did! She stuck. We lost her. My heart.

I threw myself into swaying, planning and trying again, it seems to be my method of coping. But coping isn’t a way to live. I’m not here in life. I’m missing out, they are missing out. And I am missing all those angel babies.

But at the same time I’m reluctant to stop. I WILL be MISSING you too! All of you wonderful ladies whom I’ve come to think of as friends. I will miss you all and I really hope that you all find your happy ever after.

I’ve kind of looked forward to life the last few days knowing that either way I wouldn’t be swaying anymore, but I just can’t bring myself to stop the diet, how do I stop? How do I give up, how do i tell myself it’s ok to never hold the baby I’ve dreamed of for so long?




https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/35220b

---

Emshe, the reply Kikurose wrote to your beautiful words says a lot of what I hope for you too. I hope you can find peace and freedom on letting go, and that you savor the sweetness and simplicity of life with your family without swaying, without planning. Sending hugs.

Sent from my SM-G930U using Tapatalk

Emshe I'll be back after school drop off but couldn't read and not respond with a huge virtual hug.

Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by emshe

Pbn please don’t hold your breath! We all value you too much to lose you!!!

Well I woke up in tears from a dream where I was off visiting people whom we’ve lost contact with, explaining to them in tears why we’ve been so withdrawn. And my temp dropped from 36.98 yesterday to 36.3. I truly thought I could be pregnant.

It is time for me. Time for my boys. Time to be a wife & a mum. Time to live. To reconnect. I’m so sick of being in the outside looking in on my boys growing. It’s time to walk beside them holding their hands and kissing their faces.

Uncannily it was pretty much 3 years ago (we made our attempts on was likely my ov day this time) I started the physical side of a long planned sway journey. And the conception of my first loss. From their we threw ourselves into planning our HT, one round I promised, a round that was a challenge complete bust. Another round I begged.

He did everything again sacrificing himself to more work & our financial well-being to help me realise this dream in an attempt to get me back, to try and see me fulfilled & able to be again. Again a promise this is the last trip. Transfer didn’t take.

I have to go back and get her, & get her we did! She stuck. We lost her. My heart.

I threw myself into swaying, planning and trying again, it seems to be my method of coping. But coping isn’t a way to live. I’m not here in life. I’m missing out, they are missing out. And I am missing all those angel babies.

But at the same time I’m reluctant to stop. I WILL be MISSING you too! All of you wonderful ladies whom I’ve come to think of as friends. I will miss you all and I really hope that you all find your happy ever after.

I’ve kind of looked forward to life the last few days knowing that either way I wouldn’t be swaying anymore, but I just can’t bring myself to stop the diet, how do I stop? How do I give up, how do i tell myself it’s ok to never hold the baby I’ve dreamed of for so long?




https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/35220b

---

Oh emshe [emoji24], How beautiful and sad all in one ❤️. i can’t offer you anything other than a big virtual hug.
I can totally relate to the amount of energy that goes into this, but not to the extent it’s been for you.

Go enjoy your boys.
Go live and enjoy your family and life , & hope you find some peace in that .
My heart goes out to you, and wish you lots of healing at this time [emoji8][emoji8]

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by emshe

Pbn please don’t hold your breath! We all value you too much to lose you!!!

Well I woke up in tears from a dream where I was off visiting people whom we’ve lost contact with, explaining to them in tears why we’ve been so withdrawn. And my temp dropped from 36.98 yesterday to 36.3. I truly thought I could be pregnant.

It is time for me. Time for my boys. Time to be a wife & a mum. Time to live. To reconnect. I’m so sick of being in the outside looking in on my boys growing. It’s time to walk beside them holding their hands and kissing their faces.

Uncannily it was pretty much 3 years ago (we made our attempts on was likely my ov day this time) I started the physical side of a long planned sway journey. And the conception of my first loss. From their we threw ourselves into planning our HT, one round I promised, a round that was a challenge complete bust. Another round I begged.

He did everything again sacrificing himself to more work & our financial well-being to help me realise this dream in an attempt to get me back, to try and see me fulfilled & able to be again. Again a promise this is the last trip. Transfer didn’t take.

I have to go back and get her, & get her we did! She stuck. We lost her. My heart.

I threw myself into swaying, planning and trying again, it seems to be my method of coping. But coping isn’t a way to live. I’m not here in life. I’m missing out, they are missing out. And I am missing all those angel babies.

But at the same time I’m reluctant to stop. I WILL be MISSING you too! All of you wonderful ladies whom I’ve come to think of as friends. I will miss you all and I really hope that you all find your happy ever after.

I’ve kind of looked forward to life the last few days knowing that either way I wouldn’t be swaying anymore, but I just can’t bring myself to stop the diet, how do I stop? How do I give up, how do i tell myself it’s ok to never hold the baby I’ve dreamed of for so long?




https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/35220b

---

Emshe, Ive been in this forum for just a few months but gotten to know some incredible, smart, time- generous ladies, and you among them.
You are so right in that life passes by while we are “planning”... sons, or any child is really a gift we sometimes forget .. in no time they will be going to to college and dreaming of something else.
For you to pass time, I really recommend hearing the podcast of: How to Love your Boys by “at home with Sally”

Sometimes in this TTC journey we forget to make our home a “home” and cook something sweet, hear the little laughs of our little ones.

Its also hard being happy about all the BFPs and succesful sways when not being succesful personally. I believe we are capable of being happy for others but at the same time thinking: when will that be me? Will it someday?





Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Emshe, wishing you the best in all things no matter what. I so wish I had been able to help you achieve your dream. Please take care of yourself and I hope every joy is headed your way soon.

Emshe what you wrote brought tears to my eyes as that is exactly how I felt and bought back so many memories both good and bad. The only thing different is I was ready to let it go completely and was so relieved rather than sad or regretful that my ttc journey was over. I was excited about looking for casual work and planning things with my boys. I'll never know why the universe seen fit to give me my girl after I gave up on her (any baby at that stage) so I'll hold onto the hope that as you move on with life and your beautiful boys, that you will be gifted in the exact same way [emoji173] You have a heart of gold and I truly will miss you and your wonderful, supportive posts [emoji17] Take care dear lady xo

Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kikurose

Oh emshe.

I wish I had more words to say, but I'm so struck by how brave and strong you have been through all of this. I so wish this wasn't how your journey was ending, but I'm glad it is something you seem ready to embrace. I'll miss you around here, but enjoy those boys. Run, play, drink some wine, have some ice cream, and try to bask in the freedom of it. You did everything you could, but things just fell the wrong way. You aren't giving up, it seems to me you are simply choosing to focus on the boys now. You all have worked so hard, emshe. So so hard.

I imagine it's much like grief, some days will be worse than others, but I hope you begin to have more good days then bad. And I hope that you mostly feel at peace with it all.

So so so many hugs.

---

Im trying to be! The moments of brave are fleeting though. Thanks kiku

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hopeful77

Oh emshe [emoji24], How beautiful and sad all in one ❤️. i can’t offer you anything other than a big virtual hug.
I can totally relate to the amount of energy that goes into this, but not to the extent it’s been for you.

Go enjoy your boys.
Go live and enjoy your family and life , & hope you find some peace in that .
My heart goes out to you, and wish you lots of healing at this time [emoji8][emoji8]

---

Thanks gafan. Some days it's hard to see the beauty but I have to go and remind myself it's there, & to try to embrace it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Emshe, wishing you the best in all things no matter what. I so wish I had been able to help you achieve your dream. Please take care of yourself and I hope every joy is headed your way soon.

---

Atomic I cant thank you enough for everything that you have guided me with and everyone in this whole community, you are a truly special woman. Your efforts will never be forgotten. AND thankyou for your words, I do wish things were different but I have to try and move on. I could go on trying forever...Imagine, me the lady still trying to conceive her baby girl at 90 ;) I reckon I'd make the papers at least. Die a little famous.

I dont know whether we will stop stop as it seems we don't need contraception, but I am also scared to do NTNP if I'm not on diet. I love the diet, and the not snacking, thats part of why its hard to stop. You made it too good! Maybe Ill just get back into exercise because I LOVE that too, and go easier on measuring. I also enjoy having sex every 3 days, ha, never thought Id say that out loud but its so easy to get too busy. It was nice to know it was a routine. I just need it to be life first now.