Why do you want that dream gender, anyway?

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Originally Posted by secretly sad

This is a really good question. OK here goes - I don't really know why I am so desperate for a dd to be honest. I love my boys so much (as does all the other ladies on this forum) but I just feel like there is something missing. My parents are quite wealthy and I can honestly say that money doesn't buy happiness. I had a very stable upbringing but my father was extremely strict. He stopped work in his 40's because he didn't have to work anymore, however it certainly was not the best idea because he became an alcoholic. I have lived with this for so many years now and watched it basically destroy my mother and rip our family apart. I have learnt to understand this "illness" as best as can but it is so hard. Anyway, I could go on and on but my point is that when he is drinking heavily it makes my gd so much worse to the point where I am so desperate for a dd it is not real! Why do you guys think this is happening? I can't believe I have typed this as I have covered up for my father for so many years. Thank you for listening... x

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It's cathartic to write out, isn't it? My initial post back in the summer mentioned that part of my gd came from past sexual abuse when I was a little girl but I took that part out because I feel like people didn't know what to say, so I edited it. It's just a part of my history, I don't know. And something I'd like to "right" for my own dd, I'd want to protect her and be there in ways that someone wasn't there for me. But that’s not all of it. I bet we could go all day long on this thread and each of us could probably take up a good long session with a shrink trying to get to the bottom of it. But it’s not even like a dd would right the wrongs that were done to me. It’s more like I believe she’d be a little closer to what I’m like, and that we could relate in so many ways that a son just might not be interested in.

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Originally Posted by tiffany12345

"the heart wants what the heart wants".

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That's it, in a nutshell!

Well- my mom passed away 6 months ago today (on my younger son's 3rd birthday). :). She had been diagnosed almost exactly a year earlier. My boys were my mom's world- but she always wanted a granddaughter as well.......probably mostly because she knew I wanted a girl too. My mom and I were best friends. Not a day went by that we didn't speak to each other- and I miss her more than my words could ever express. Before she knew she was definitely going to die- she wrote individual letters to me, my dad, and my brother. In mine she said she hoped I had a little girl one day so that I could once again have a mother-daughter relationship. I feel really broken without her.

I hope with everything in me that this little bean I'm carrying is my little girl. I would not trade my boys for anything- but I also can't shake this desperate yearning....

Oh girls I am so upset reading your posts. I really hope that one day we all have our dd's to love and cherish as well as our ds's. xxx

I've always dreamed of the cute dresses and putting pig tails in her hair, buying pink, bows and barbie dolls as a little girl. When she gets older and sharing shopping trips, girl talks, the relationship between the mother and daughter. I am already seeing my oldest gravitate more to my DH with football and sports. Once they are all older and into their sports, they won't want to hang with their old mom. I call my mom almost every day. I want to keep that relationship with my daughter some day...hopefully..

I grew up having a horrible relationship with my mom. That's why I want a DD, to "compensate" for this and give a little girl the childhood and loving mom that I never had. I'm lucky that I'm able to give 2 little boys a good childhood and be a loving mom to them, and hope that if I never have a DD, I can still feel that I'm compensating by giving my sons everything I never had.

I am also worried about when they get older and a DIL comes in the picture, will they then favor her family? Will they take the grandkids to visit her family more often? Will we just stand by the sideline? All this worries me...

Luckily I really hate pink frilly dresses and plan on dressing any future DD's in my boys baby clothes :giggle:

I'm hoping for a girl. I'm no psychiatrist but I suspect it has something to do with a couple of very personal, traumatic experiences in my early childhood that have to do with men (including my father). I love my little boy more than anything, but I have to say I never pictured myself with boys. I always wanted to be a "girl mom." I also never had a close relationship with my own mother...we spent more time fighting than anything. I really long for that close mother-daughter relationship that I never experienced. And lastly, both my mom and DH's mom had boy/girl/boy/girl children, so I just assumed that, this being my second child, it would be a girl. But alas, it's another boy. We'll try one more time, although the when is uncertain. Hoping the third time's the charm for me.

Wonderful thread! although as I read through it, I noticed there were only a handful of replies for wanting sons. I am hoping to sway pink, and my reasons are not much different than any of the previously posted. I desire the frill, fun, future bond. So I will post my thoughts on my previous pregnancy. Prior to finding out the gender, my mother asked me "do you want it to be a boy or girl?" Of course I just wanted it to be healthy, and that would've been my stock answer to anyone else who asked. However, as I was talking to my mom, I could be completely open and honest. I though about it for a moment and decided that I wanted a boy. I wanted a baby boy to dress up in argyle and plaid galor. haha I wanted a sweet little boy, whod grow up with the curiosity and energy that only little boys have. I wanted a boy who would litter my home with sports gear and trophies, that daddy could be proud of and i could spend my days cleaning up. I wanted a young man to grow up and become strong and independent like his father, yet understanding and loving like his mother. ;) I wanted a strong family man, with strong values and morals, that I could be proud to call my son. I had a difficult road with my first pregnancy and I knew it could be my first and last, when I delivered a healthy baby boy, I was over the moon. I had gotten anything and everything I could ever hope for. I can't wait to see my dreams of him, for him, to come true as he grows.

For me it wasn't about having a girl, it was about having both genders. If I had two girls I'd want just as desperately to have a boy right now.

Having to experience both genders is a blessing to realize things about the opposite gender to have an appreciation for them and know my DH better.