Struggling with pigeon pair families.. still

When I registered my oldest son for school, the depute head commented on how lovely and well behaved my two boys were (my oldest was in nursery, but is equally lovely and well behaved!). Then she asked if I was done, I said I'd always wanted 5 (which is true) and she said well with three boys you'll have to go again for your girl. She then said she had got a boy and a girl so she could be done. Sigh.

When I went to the docs, he asked me if I was going to keep going til I have a girl. I wonder when it became the world's business about what my vagina gets up to! Must have missed that memo.

For the record I never wanted a pigeon pair, I want 5 in the order: BBGBG or BBGGB. If I got a girl next, I'd think I won the lotto for sure!

Ohh the "clever" comments always get up my goat. So I'm just plain stupid for not having a PP or something? grr

People can be really insensitive. I know some people with a PP don't mean to be, they just don't know any better, but some people are just downright offensive and nasty. I have three boys and all the time people say to me "oh, three boys, how do you manage?" and "oh, three boys, what a handful, poor you" and "Thank God I had a boy and then a girl, because I couldn't handle another boy". Like having a boy is a punishment worse than death or something...

I love every one of my boys so much, there isn't one of them I would trade for any girl. I am sure the ladies with all girls would not trade their girls for any boy either. I guess it is not so much about Gender Disappointment as Dream Family Disappointment. No matter what you have, if it isn't what you had in mind, it can be hard to get over.

Some people want one of each gender, some people want two of one gender, some people want two of each so everyone has a playmate, some people don't care about the mix as long as they get to hear the opposite gender at an ultrasound just once.

When I was having my first, I wanted a boy and he was a boy, so I have experienced that joy. But I had GD with my second because I always thought I would have a boy, then a girl. It was such a big shock when he wasn't a girl. I was like, how did that happen? Now I realise how silly I was, thinking I would just automatically have one and then the other like magic, because my parents did.... I can see now how much work goes into getting it.

I had only planned on having two kids at that time. It took me a while to accept that two boys was going to be it for me. Then my marriage broke up and I was grateful because it was a terrible thing for my boys to go through, but I knew they had each other, that brotherly bond.

When I met my new DH I moved to a town where everyone has four, five or six kids. I just never felt finished (not just because of gender) so DH and I talked about it and we decided to have two more. I didn't even attempt HT or swaying for DS3. Everyone was wanting a girl for me, but I had no GD because I had no gender expectations. He was a "free" shot if you like because I knew I was going to have one more after him (and I couldn't love him more if I tried, he is amazing). My DH loves the two older boys like his own, but it is lovely for him to have a biological DS too.

I am going to go HT for a girl later in 2012, but there are no guarantees. If that does not work, we might just have to take pot luck (it would be funny if I got a girl naturally after spending all that $$$). But if it is another boy, I am looking forward to him being just as amazing as the ones I have now. I will probably have some GD knowing that it was my last chance and it is all over. That said, DH told me the other day he isn't opposed to even more.. LOL. But I am 35, so I know this is it.

Same sex siblings love each other so much and they are just so cute together. My older two are only two years apart and I used to dress them the same when they were little. And a PP is cute too. No matter what you have, the grass is always greener on the other side, there is always going to be some disappointment. I know that even if I get a girl this time, she will never have a sister (unless we have PGD twins... eeek).

It is just so hard to explain GD to people who don't understand. That is why we have each other here. We understand perfectly what we sometimes struggle to put into words for other people.

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Originally Posted by Colourmepink

Plan B I feel similar about PP. Especially since my 2 SIL have BG and GB and MIL has never tried to hide her favoritism towards her granddaughters :-(
I can't say how I'll feel if HT is successful and we finally have our daughter. Will I be too exhausted parenting 3 kids to feel jealousy or will I look at the family of 1 G or PP and find a knot still in my stomach?
GD sux big time. Everytime I hear of another friend having a daughter I clench up and a part of me grieves. I detest this part of myself.Thankfully this forum exists and I can be honest and frank here without fear of judgment x

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I am soooo sorry you have had to deal with this, but I just wanted to tell you that I am in the same boat with my IL's. When I was pg with DS1, but didn't yet know he was a boy (too early), my SIL found out she was having a girl. My MIL (who has two sons) is a huge loud-mouth, and she gushed and blabbed all over about how she's thrilled she's having a granddaughter, because she is, and I quote, "...so OVER having boys. I did the boy thing - I want girls now!" :( It really hurt to sit there, pregnant, not knowing what my little bean was yet...but that my MIL was so "over" having boys around. Fast forward to being pg with DS2, and again, before I even knew what I was having, my FIL said to me one day, "I really hope it's a girl - I'm so sick of boys." Which was basically a dig to my DS1 (not to mention his OWN sons!) by saying that. Who says things like this?! I just don't get it. I am terrified of having boy #3 - not just bc of my own GD, but because I know I'll be disappointing everyone around me, and I just DO NOT want to hear the comments from my IL's again. Ugh. :(

OMG the ultrasound thing. Don't get me started on what it's like to feel that type of joy to hear that you're getting the DG. After I heard about DD2, I waited til the tech was done and I broke down into hyperventilating pieces. I liken it a lot to someone dying. You just feel like why me? The grief was so raw. I spent my entire pregnancy livid and depressed. And when she was born I fell so in love with her instantly - something I never felt with DD1. To this day I don't understand why it changed with DD2 and not DD1.

It doesn't make my wanting a son any less, but as someone who never wanted a PP, but wanted 2 boys (and then whatever came after would be fine whether it was a boy or a girl for a 3rd), I do realize that I would never give her up now for a million boys. NOW I am envious of PP's more so than I ever was, because they get to experience both worlds. She's taught me that. Again, I don't know why it took til DD2 to realize what I would have missed out on.

I do find though that as I get older and closer to my "reproductive abilities" ending, the want gets a million times worse. I don't want to be 75 years old and wishing I had had a boy. People always says oh maybe you'll get tons of grandsons. I'm like do I get to name him? Raise him? Raise him like I want? Take him to little league? Watch him grow into a mini handsome version of my DH that I love so much? Does he get to take on the family last name that will become obselete in the world if we don't have a boy? Right. Grandson. It's not the same.

I understand what you're feeling, though PPs are not an issue for me. Mine is when I see families of 2 or 3 girls - it slays me!

OT - I just looked at your signature! Congratulations! Seriously after all that, oh gosh I am really happy for you!

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Originally Posted by TwoSweetGuys

I understand what you're feeling, though PPs are not an issue for me. Mine is when I see families of 2 or 3 girls - it slays me!

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I know how you feel :(.