Skrimpy, the envelope thing was what we were going to do but the curiosity got the better of me :P
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Skrimpy, the envelope thing was what we were going to do but the curiosity got the better of me :P
Skrimpy-it sounds like a fun idea, but there is no way I wouldn't sneak a peak at it. If your able to not know then go for it :)
Skrimpy, would your DH be able to keep the secret? I know mine would try, but he would slip up and say "he" or "she". Is there anyway your DH would wait for a surprise? Congrats on hearing the heartbeat!
I don't know Hobber - I think he'd be able to though. I worry it would drive me crazy knowing he knows - maybe that's better than GD though.
But I am really just worried about GD so I may have to sit down and talk with him about it seriously. He has been MUCH more sensitive this pregnancy after I had such a hard time with Honor - we both realized we handled it badly (me with the depression and him dealing with his wife's depression). But he's been pretty firm he wants to know and I just don't know that I want to chance horrible GD again. I know I will fall head over heels for my baby at birth, so why chance a depressed pregnancy again, kwim? The truth is gender does matter more than I can "just get over it" and thankfully I can say that here and get understood.
I might bring it up at my midwife's appt - she may be able to help us figure things out since she's unbiased and knows everything that went on with Honor's pregnancy and GD.
The scan is optional for is, so if we don't go, we don't know... I do like having the anatomy scan done, and in the moment I usually don't spot gender... But I know if we go we either have to find out or have the tech put it in an envelope... At least that's what DH wants at this point.
Skrimpy,
Maybe it will be a win-win and your baby will have its legs crossed at the scan! :) I think your DH should wait to find out if you want to--he should do it for you. I originally wanted to know with my first baby, but DH wanted a surprise, so I decided to go along for his sake. I am so glad we did. The surprise at birth is awesome. The only baby we found out gender with was #3, my GD baby. I seriously think knowing ahead of time fueled my GD. I had no idea what GD WAS until I had that u/s, was disappointed, and googled around and found IG.... having a forum full of ladies that were going through the same thing as me really helped, but I think it made my GD worse, in a way, because it made my GD a "real thing". You know? Now that I am a GD survivor, I know it will always be a part of me, and I will always need a place like this to vent, commiserate, etc. But I honestly wonder where I would be today if I hadn't been told DD2 was a girl until she was born. I may have been able to deal with the disappointment more quickly if I hadn't stewed about it for 20 weeks before she was born.
I have one more u/s next week, and I am going to tell the tech again NOT TO TELL ME ANYTHING!! I probably am going to keep my eyes closed for most of it. I had to do that at my previous scan. I refuse to even look at anything that could even possibly show the gender! I am so sure that this baby is a girl anyway, I really don't need it confirmed until birth.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do! When is your anatomy scan?
Had our first mw's appt last night and heard our little bub again <3 Appt. went great, my mw commented that I really looked fantastic and that made me feel really good.
Hobber - I'm just about 12w now and my midwife usually orders the scan around 19-20 weeks, so I have a couple of months yet. We do have the option to do a test for blood genotyping (because I am rh negative) and it also shows gender - I could have that done now but it's more involved for the doctor's office and I'm not sure I'm going to have it done this time.
DH is still super-adamant about knowing. I don't know why it matters so much to him to know, but apparently it does. I don't want him upset at me for insisting that we don't know.
Right now I'm leaning towards asking the tech for an envelope and letting DH see when he wants. Then he will turn the envelope over to me. That way I can look if it's driving me too crazy, or not look if I don't want to. But that gives him what he wants and leaves me in control to decide what I want. I have had one friend have her hubby know and she didn't b/c she wanted a surprise. He never spilled the beans and she stayed strong til the birth lol. I'm not sure I can, but at least it gives me the option and lets me decide. I really think DH will probably be able to keep it a secret. And I really think at this point I don't want to know. I just don't want to take that chance of GD again.
Ugh and DH told me he got a strong feeling today it's a girl and I already feel down. He's always right about gender. I'm REALLY thinking I just shouldn't know until the birth. I just wish it didn't matter so much to me!!!!!!
skrimpy, can I ask your boy to girl ratio? I see on your siggy you have 1 boy...but I think maybe you have two boys? your newest addition sounds like such a pleasure...but I totally understand how Gender desire is..although I am getting my gender desire this time (a girl), I just have a feeling if I tried again for a 4th (and i do want a 4th eventually) that it would be a boy, and while I would love him to pieces, I can already tell that I'd probably prefer a girl again, just so Lillian has a sister since my boys have eaach other.
I totally understand and do hope your little riceball is a boy!
Yeah, I know what you mean. I have felt that this baby was a girl for a long time, and as much as I wish I didn't care about gender, I really do. I know I should just be thankful that DH agreed to another baby (he only wanted 2!) and that he was willing to sway, but instead, I regret some of the things I did "wrong" with my sway, and I can't help but feel a lot of remorse over the whole thing. I am so thankful that I don't know for sure that the baby is a girl (even though I can't imagine it being anything else but!), because the hope that it could be the opposite is really helping me enjoy my last pregnancy. I may be disappointed at birth, but that is far better than being disappointed for the rest of my pregnancy.Quote:
Originally Posted by skrimpy
If your DH is so sure about gender already, then she should let you have your surprise!
Auroara, I have G, B, B, B, G, and ??? lol. I'm one of the mommies that always wanted to be a "boy mom" - my relationship with my mom was incredibly rocky (and it's better now but still strained). I'm terrified of not being there for my DD's, driving them away, or worst of all, no listening to them (which is what I feel is the biggest issue between my mom and myself today - she just nods and smiles while she doesn't listen to a word I'm saying).
I really feel rather irrational because my hardest child by far is one of my boys... but I'm terrified of girls. Really my little Honor was a big blessing because she helped me realize I *can* enjoy a little girl (with my eldest I was dirt poor and she wore whatever people gave me... clothes that were not of my taste at all. Now we are comfortable and I can buy clothes I like for Honor, and actually my DD1, C, has taste in clothes very similar to me, which makes me feel good). She also helped me realize I don't have to be paranoid about girls lol, and that I can parent more than one of them. I still feel silly and guilty because I love babies and I know if we have them there's a good a chance that we'll have girls as boys... But it's something I work on (and pray about) continually. That I'll have peace with what I can get. But I really would rather not push myself right now (with a gender scan) as I really don't think I'm to that place of total peace yet :sad:
It's tough when people say you should be happy with what you get, or that you have some of one gender so it ought not matter. But it does matter, sadly :( :sad:
LOL Hobber I agree! He's now backpedaled and said he just "had a feeling" and he's not confident or anything and "maybe I'll get a boy feeling tomorrow!" I can't help but love him because he's so wonderful but geez. He started rattling off girl names right after declaring he had the girl feeling too! Then grumped at me b/c I didn't care for any of them, lol!Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobbermittens
I did kind of have a boy feeling, but I had a boy feeling with DD1 and she's all girl so.... I don't trust myself (though I did buy some little blue hats already...) and I haven't told anyone that I've had any feelings. I attribute them to "wishful thinking" kwim?
I know what you mean about the sway... I already had us on the sway diet and we were lifting weights, but hadn't started supps really other than my usual prenatal and fish oil, hadn't really done anything else since we weren't officially TTC. I keep thinking of everything we did for our 3yo, who was a pretty hard-core sway, and that I didn't do this time.
But still, the "Dh thinks it's a girl, that means it's about 99% a girl, our sway wasn't 'textbook', etc," thoughts are better than the GD I had with Honor. I'd just rather not have that again. I wish DH would understand that. The "at birth" disappointment is kind of milder because you have this precious baby and real person in your arms. It's not the same as "rest of pregnancy" disappointed, like you said.
Skrimpy, what did you do different with your sway than with the boys you had naturally? For some reason, I thought your boy sway son was your only boy. I think the fact that you had two boys (presumably without swaying) before you swayed successfully means a lot, in terms of what you could be having this time. I bet your DH has a lot of good swimmers! And even if you weren't hard core swaying this time, being boy friendly in general is a good start. Lots of moms seem to get boys on diet alone!
I wish gender didn't matter, and I wish I knew why it does--for me, at least. If yours stems from your bad relationship with your mom, then maybe you can concentrate on having a good relationship with your girls to make up for it. I don't have a great relationship with my mom, either--we are fine long distance, but when we visit each other, it gets strained. I have tried to be a better mom to my girls, but I don't know if it is working.
Anyway, maybe your DH really isn't sure on the gender thing, or maybe he is wrong? Try not to get down, and enjoy your pregnancy. Is this your last baby?
This is basically exactly how I feel. DD1 is 10.5 now and I try so hard but I'm not sure if I'm doing well... it's hard to balance being a mom and needing to be in charge with making sure I'm letting her know I'm listening to her and what she thinks/feels is important to me (even if I can't give her her way). I just keep praying :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobbermittens
DH has adopted my three eldest, so they are his but he is not their bio-dad. He had no kids before so thus far he's made a perfect pigeon pair ;) He's always saying how his dad made one boy then all girls, though I think he does that tease me.
Last night he held up two colored cards for Honor, a pink and blue one, and Honor picked the blue one over and over lol... DH said "see, she thinks it's a boy and don't you know daughters always know better than Daddy!" - but I sort of think he did it just because he could tell that saying he had a feeling it's a girl got me down.
With G, our boy sway, I did diet, basically all the recommended IG supps (I also took CLO even though it was taboo to talk about that on IG), and I also did COT and apple cider drinks. I had tons of EWCM so I didn't use any lubes, but we did make sure to DTD on O day and made sure I had big O as well as DH.
Really this time wasn't too different b/c I feel like I was already doing well with diet and truly think that's most important. I wasn't doing the drinks or all the supps. I'd always sort of felt like the drinks helped, but since I did have the older boys without them, maybe it really is diet. With all three I was pretty much eating a HE diet b/c I was following the Brewer Pregnancy Diet while nursing and it's a very HE diet. I don't know when the older two were conceived, but I suspect it must of been right at O b/c the only reason their dad would have bothered staying home to pay any attention to me had to be pheromones, LOL. Usually he left me alone from around 6am one morning til 2am the next. This current baking LO was an O day by accident though hehe, since DH and couldn't keep our hands off of each other!
I feel lucky b/c DH had said we'd have 2 together (since he adopted the 3 that came with me)... and even though little Riceball is a little earlier than we'd planned, he had already said we could try again since he knew I really wanted to. I'm not sure what he'd say to another after this one. I still cling to the thought of a little boy to be my last baby, but if this LO is a girl, not sure what he'd say. Except for the stress of hoping I'm helping them grow up emotionally healthy, I love all parts of raising kids and especially love babies, so I'd probably just keep having them til we end on a boy. But I want to enjoy them without worrying about gender while I'm pregnant, really :(
I guess that's a big reason why I did WANT girls because my mom and I have a very unconsistent relationship and I *think* I know what a duaghter would need since I never got some of it from my mom. Our relationship is so complicated though, that it's hard for me to unravel all of its mysteries.
My relationship with my Dad has always been much more straightforward. Now that I am having my desired gender, I definitely have a strong strong desire to have a 4th, but when I think about the 4th, I feel so torn. A part of me would love to have another girl to give Lillian a sister, but then it worries me because I honestly do not like my two sisters; I am much closer to one brother...what if a sister was too much "competion" etc for her? If she was my only girl, she'd be so speical and have that spot in the family. But then I can't get over how much I love that my sons have each other and I may really want Lillian to experience the same, and two little girls could be so cute and evenly balanced with my two boys.
But yet I have posted on here so many times, but I truly cannot shake off the feeling of boy 3. I feel it so deeply in my bones that we will have a 3rd boy, and he will be so deliciously cuddly and sweet and perfect as my last baby.
I guess for me alot of my Gender disappoinment in having boy 2 was that I wanted to have that 1 girl, just to say or tell eveyrone that I could do it, that I could have a mixed gender family. My much older sister has 4 boys and hearing all the family always critique her all boy clan put ideas in my head before I even started having kids...and it made me feel really desperate about getting that "one" girl to even the odds a little, so I think now that I'm getting the girl, I feel like if I did have a 4th, and it was a boy, I wouldn't have the gender issues because I have already "proven" that I had the girl, if that makes any sense?
God gender desire is soooo multi layered and complicated....it's nuts.
And skrimpy I think that is so awesome how open your DH is to having kids...I do think it would be something special to end on blue, I can still visualize what my third boy may look like, and I feel like he's already in my heart.
Skrimpy, your DH sounds like a great guy. How lucky you are that he is into having more babies! I had to beg DH to have a 4th. I would love a little boy as my final child, too.... that's one of the reasons I am bummed about probably having a girl this time. :( But there is NO WAY that DH would go for a 5th, and besides, I am already 39, so I think I need to be done.
Auroara, I think whatever you get for your 4th will be perfect. 2 and 2 would be great, and then everyone has a buddy; but a little boy would be awesome too. :)
Thanks so much for sharing your feelings Auroara, I really find it helpful to share and to also hear others' perspectives and what other moms are feeling. I think what you said - thinking about how you can do better for your daughter - is a good way to think about it :) I do hope I do better for my girls than I felt was done for me.
I didn't have any sisters, just a brother, and I never felt a desire to have a sister, either. I love my brother and was glad for just him. But I agree with you - it does seem like it's good for siblings to have a sibling of the same sex. I have friends who were great friends with their sister (and also had great relationships with their moms). My mom talks about how her sister found her so annoying b/c they were far apart in age... the same gap between my 10yo and my 1yo... I get annoyed at her for that... I'm working hard to foster a good relationship between them and her stories feel like she's trying to undermine that. Another mom issue there though lol.
If you have another little boy, you will have what I always thought my family makeup would be - I always pictured B, B, G, B :) I thought that would be nice to share my "girly" loves with my daughter (I loved dolls) and have big brothers for her, then a sweet little boy to be my "baby boy."
I do think gender desire is a really complex thing for many... and it's interesting to know that birth family can have such a huge influence, like you noticed just listening to the way your older sister's kids were talked about. My parents strongly favored my daughter over the boys and it finally took my DH and me being really straightforward with them about how we needed it to stop before they (mostly my mom) kind of reigned it in. She still denied it, but has changed her behavior. I think she wanted my DD's to be what I wasn't (a girly-girl I was not!!). I think issues like that get really complex and cause us to feel one way or another.
I think it's sweet that you can picture your little DS and feel him there. I had a dream once about a little boy in those little striped Osh Kosh overalls... I thought at the time it was my 3yo, but that little boy looks completely different than my 3yo has turned out to look in toddlerhood. So maybe there's another little guy.
I agree with Hobber - I think whatever you have for number four will be a perfect fit in your family. It's so true that they are perfect in who they are. It's just sometimes challenging to figure out how they'll fit when we're picturing our "ideal" in our heads!
i think other people can influence gender disappointed more then we do ourselves. for years i heard, "why don't you have a boy?" do you want a boy?" i bet you want a boy" "your poor husband, all those girls!" "i guess the family name dies with you." "invest in tampons!"
i felt like a huge failure. why did everyone else get a boy except me? it started changing when my daughter died. i was told it was a 5th girl and it hit me hard, i screamed and cried. i didn't want to be pregnant anymore. then my water broke. she only lived about 2 hours but gosh if i could only take back all the awful things i said and thought. maybe she would still be here.
now that my son has finally arrived. there is no difference. its just he wears blue instead of pink. the nurses didn't care it was a boy. there was no glitter or confetti. we didn't get a special blue bucket ( bassinet) at the hospital to keep the baby in. it was the same blanket, same hat, same old stuff for all the babies and now that he's home.. he wears blue. so having that magical desired gender isn't a magic cure. it didn't make me a better mom, it just gave me another baby. try not to let other people influence your desires.
Hobber I think so many DH's are worried about the costs of raising LO's and the thought of a big family scares them... I know one of my friends is having that with her DH right now - they have 3 DD's and I know she really wants to try one more time for a DS, but he's terrified of paying for the 3 they have now once they get older. Maybe that's what your DH feels too. It's good he said okay to a 4th. Maybe this baby will be such a dream he'll want more ;) I can't believe my DH said okay again after how cranky Honor is lol!Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobbermittens
Have you had a strong feeling from the beginning of this pregnancy Hobber?
I had a super-strong feeling that my 9yo was a girl. I even called a good friend and asked her if I could use her daughter's name because I loved the name! I was shocked when the technician pointed out that he was definitely a he. I had been sure right up until then.
With this LO I got kind of a boy feeling early on, but it's not strong or assured, and I think if DH is feeling girl, it's more likely he's right. My feelings are probably wishful thinking!
I think though the thing with feelings is that they're easier to deal with than knowing for sure, at least for me. It's easier to just enjoy pregnancy and enjoy my unborn baby (especially) once feeling movement. Deciding to wait until birth lets me not dwell on it as much for some reason I guess. I'm still hoping maybe DH will decide he's okay with going strictly Team Green this time - it's nice your DH is good with that :)
Skrimpy, I think my DH is more concerned about being overwhelmed than about the money. I know money does factor into it some, but he was more concerned about money with #3 than he has been with #4. I just think 4 is our limit.
I have thought the baby was a girl for a while; I thought I saw a girl nub at the NT scan, but I didn't get pictures or anything, so I don't have proof.
I totally agree that dealing with "feelings" is MUCH easier than dealing with reality! I really hope your DH lets you stay Team Green.
I think it's easy to feel overwhelmed, especially with all young children. I'm actually feeling way more together this pregnancy because DD1 can make lunch and all three of the big ones can make a nice breakfast (eggs, bacon, etc) - so they help out a lot. I still have to really follow up with chores and of course as children they can and do get wild and foolish! But I think overall things are easier now that I have older ones to help. We also homeschool and I think that helps a lot because I have to be organized and together or else everyone goes insane.
I've always said my goal is to make the babies look easy so DH will keep wanting more, but I failed miserably with my cranky little Honor ;)
I'm worried I'll obsess over glances at our scan, but then I haven't been able to tell until the tech pointed it out with any of them, so not too worried. I figured the only way I'll know is if I see a big, obvious penis and then, well, I'll be happy :) But with my 3yo the very first shot was a classic "let it all hang out" potty shot of the boy goods... and I didn't even notice it until I'd watched the video a few times :p I do find myself going back over their u/s pictures based on the skull theory though... it's so strange what we get hung up on...
Now DH is saying we'll get two envelopes, one for me, one for him, and he'll take his to the office. Then I'll never know if he opens it. He'll tell me if I open mine though. Hah!
I watched gender reveal parties on youtube today... sadly I think 85% of them were girls... maybe it's a sign. *sigh*!
Do you want your own envelope? Do you have the willpower not to open it? Oh, and those gender reveal parties.... I can't even imagine doing that, with GD! What a nightmare.
Thanks for the reminder that things get easier as the kids get older.... I guess I do have one able kid--my 8 year old can do a lot for herself, and is pretty helpful with the other kids.
How cranky is Honor? My DD2 is a tough kid too. It makes the idea of a baby kind of daunting sometimes.... :worry:
I had an u/s yesterday, and the tech didn't reveal gender. She was going to show me how the baby was laying (head down) and where the butt was, and I told her I didn't want to see the butt because I was afraid I would see "parts", and she said, "I can show you without giving away gender," which made me think for sure this baby is a girl, because a boy would have his parts just hanging out, right? :(
Ugh, I am so bummed about it today. I wish so much I just didn't care. I hate that I do. And my poor kids at the scan, when they say the baby's face in 3D, the two older kids both said, "It looks like a boy!" but really, I think it looked like a girl's face.... I just hope they aren't as disappointed as I am. :(
Hobber I still think you are having a boy!!, the tech probably said that based on the way the baby was facing, I don't think you would be able to tell gender either way unless the tech got a shot right between the legs, and see even your kids think the baby looks like a boy :)
Thanks Dloui, but really, if this baby pops out a boy, I will be beyond shocked.
(((hugs))) Hobber. I have my 3yo's u/s on VHS and I wish I had it on DVD b/c I'd upload it to show you - there are so many shots where we were looking at his butt and not see his stuff. In fact, during the scan I saw "three lines" several times and I was sure he was a girl until the tech pointed out a penis that was no doubt a penis (and scrotum). Watching the video again I can still see the three lines but they're not in the right place for a girl... but I sure thought they were during the scan!!
I had the same tech with both Galen and Honor and she is magic or something. We got Honor's scan in the envelope because we already knew she was a girl (from the rH genotyping test) and I couldn't handle having her say it during the scan... but I wanted a scan pic. It's a fab pic, classic girl... and I cannot figure out how she got it without me seeing it during the scan (I can upload it in a few min from my ipad). Same with Galen - she kept that penis hidden until we were ready to see it. Re-watching his scan now I can see a penis shot at the very start when she put the probe on... but like I said, I missed it until about the 4th time I watched the video and certainly didn't see it during the scan.
I know you are feeling deep down it's a girl for sure, but just remember that a skilled tech knows how to make sure you don't see anything you don't want to. I'm praying for you to have peace, I know how tough it is <3 <3 <3
Love the encouragement, skrimpy, and I hope Hobbers reads it and feels better :bighug:
Thanks Skrimpy--that did make me feel a bit better. :)
Hello everyone hope all is well:) using phone atm as not paid internet for 3 months so disconnevtrd :oops: davy still tiny, reflux, hes on rinitadine? But its no great help. I gave him some baby rice today snd he had some very contented sleep afterwards! So im gonna stick with that.
DH finaly back to work, late reply to esrlier question but he skipped over a 3ft wall and there was a 6ft drop the other sidr, he landed flat footed and shattered his heel, ugh!!
Just trying to add picture but its taking ages!! Such a poor connection here.
Hobber I'm glad it helped a little bit :)
I forgot I hadn't scanned Honor's potty shot and I can't find where I put it here in the new house >.< I will find it and post it eventually though b/c it's still amazing to me she got this fantastic shot without me even realizing it - I never saw it during the scan. I didn't get a video of Honor's scan b/c they'd upgraded to a new machine that doesn't do videos and I sort of wish I had just so I could figure out how she got that shot without me having a clue.
ELP - so glad DH is back to work and I hope his heel is doing better now! Sorry little David has reflux and isn't gaining well... hopefully what you're trying now will help him overcome it (and you both get some nice sleep!)
oh Hobber - I'm not sure about the 2 envelopes... I go back and forth on if I think I'd be able to do it or not. I think I would be able to if I tucked it away somewhere. But then maybe I'm overestimating my self control :p
And I could *never* do the gender reveal party!!! But I was pitifully watching them on youtube, lol!
Skrimpy, are you thinking of envelopes for your NT or 20 week scan? If uou get DH to film your NT and post it then hopefully we can haveca good guess for you without the need to confirm anything, that way it still leaves you with excitememt/hope. Finding out with Davy for us really took something sway from his pregnancy even though he was our DG, so in any future pregnancy we will just stick with our guessing:)
You having more babies, ELP? x
We won't get an NT scan done ELP so it will just be the anatomy at 18-20 weeks. I think even having a girl nub guess would be hard for me... Just having DH say he thought baby is a girl was enough to get me down!Quote:
Originally Posted by ELP
Right now I am really leaning to Team Green. I've been around the baby block so many times that I can certainly prepare without knowing gender. A girlfriend of mine did up two little baskets, one with baby boy clothes and one with baby girl clothes to have after the birth. I thought that sounded fun, so if I can actually stick out til the end without finding out, maybe I'll do that :)
Then I would probably stay team green aswell Skrimpy, no envelopes at all, that way no temptation no disappointment incase its not the news your looking for. Have you been team green before??
5, I expect there will be more babies in the near future, cant say I'm overly excited by the idea atm, I just seem to be so mentally tired atm to look forward to anything properly, Ineed just a small win on the lotto lol kwim!
Has anybody heard from MFC, i hope her and her little man are well xxx
ELP we were Team Green for #1 but I've known with all the others.
DH said yesterday he thought we should go on back to cloth diapers (been using sposies since the move). We have a little extra cash from selling the old house so I've been happily filling my weekend obsessing over cloth diaper videos rather than gender ultrasounds and parties on youtube. Hahahaha! Still feeling strongly we should stay team green, but I can't wait til my next midwife's appt. to get the referral for our scan.
Hows everyone doing?? 5 counting down the days for you!!!!
Hi ELP, I am still here. 2 months to go!
you're so lucky, this has been my worst pregnancy by far so it seems like it is DRAGGING :sigh:Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobbermittens
Attachment 3850
baby Michael is 6 weeks old! hope the pic shows up. i am currently adjusting to life with 6 children. good news though dd4 is turning 3 years old this weekend so i will no longer have 3 kids under the age of 3! michael is such a good baby, he hardly ever cries and is just content to let his sisters take turns holding him all day.
Hang in there! At least you get the reward of a baby boy at the end!! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by dloui128