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I'm glad you said it- I wanted to but was afraid I would offend someone- I find little girls realllllyyy annoying. Like, I have zero patience for their whining. My youngest sister cries if you look at her wrong. I love my boys straightforwardness. This negative thinking is what's making me second guess swaying- maybe I would be a terrible girl mom? Thanks for your input.Quote:
Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush
I find boys to be much more whiney than girls to be honest. LOL. Those kind of things are personality traits and parenting related, not gender related. :)
My SON loves babies too!! It's bizarre to me because I thought that was a female thing. When he sees a baby he stops everything to say, "Oh look!!! A baby! How cute!" He searches google for pictures of babies. He also pretends to breastfeed. It's the sweetest thing ever. I'm always saying that my son acts a lot like a typical girl. Very dramatic, feminine (he likes to put makeup on and wear my shoes). What's cool is he is also like a typical boy at other times. He is like both! Haha!Quote:
Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush
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My boy is SO whiney! Even more than my nieces!! It's definitely a personality thing!Quote:
Originally Posted by cosmosis
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I find this whole thread really interesting, I think I really try to reflect on my own gd in a way to process it and move on that it has been fascinating hearing from others!
What I understand about my own gender desire, is that my relationship with my own mother has never been optimal, we are very close but I have always been more like the parent. I only have one sibling a brother and I feel i carry the burden of having to manage my mother as my brother is more distant for her. I have always idealised the role of a sister and wonder if at some level I felt it would have eased my burden? But also maybe provided me with the unconditional relationship female I did not have. I realise all sisters don't have that relationship. Having not had that I viewed a dd as a way to have it. My dd was my first and I would have to say having her was the most contenting experience of my life, I gave birth to her naturally, she was a dream to breast feed and it gave me a real sense of this is what am here to do to be her mother and I can provide everything she needs. I think in part my gender disappointment is because my dd is becoming more independent, needs me less and it was a desire to recreate that initial experience with dd with another. I realise now that your relationship with dc 2 and 3 is just different because you already have a child to consider. I feel that in some way my feelings of disappointment got attached to gender when possibly it would have been the same if dc 2 had been another girl. What I have learnt is to enjoy every moment with all of my children, especially my dd because I won't have another girl, just enjoying doing her hair, picking outfits, playing with her toys. Also I wonder about the order I had my children if I had had my two boys first and then dd, I don't think I would have tried for a sister for dd I think I would just have been so delighted to finally have my girl! Sorry for the rambling post I have tonsillitis and am feeling ill!
Really have enjoyed reading your posts on this thread ladies x
Quote:
Originally Posted by cosmosis
I've found the opposite, at least with the family and friends in my life. Most say their boys are harder as littles but are easier older. My grandma always joked that she would take 4 boys over 2 girls, lol. Of course personality matters and I know plenty of whiny boys, my nephew being one!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lissastick
My oldest is almost the exact same age as yours, and he can definitely be whiny! I think I just have much less patience for other people's kids in general, so I tend to notice their negative traits more and look past my own kids' negatives. Just typing this out made me realize I would obviously love a daughter as much as my sons, because she would be mine :)
I didn't tell my dad I was pregnant until I was 7 months pregnant with DS 3 and DD. I just didn't need anyone saying crap to me (since what I was doing was somewhat frowned upon by society as a whole due to my age). And I was like 40 years old and had been married for 20 years :p (he took it fine, but his general attitude is that I'm crazy and have made terrible mistakes pretty much my whole life)Quote:
Originally Posted by foxtrotmama
Interestingly, his daughter from his second marriage (also raised as an only child, just like I was) is childless by choice and he seems equally disapproving of that. Maybe some people are just jerks. ;)
I grew up one of four girls and just love the relationship that I have with each of my sisters. I know that it's unique and not everyone that has a sister is this close, but I always knew growing up that I wanted to have girls and give them the built-in lifelong friendship of a sister. I have a few friends with mixed siblings that are closer to their brothers than their sisters, and again, I don't think that having a sister automatically means a close relationship. However, if the dynamic is right, I do think that there is nothing more beautiful than the mother/daughter and sister/sister bond. All of that said, I can imagine that if I had DS's, I would love the relationship just as much...I just don't have personal data to comment on it.
And I hope that everyone can judge my comments based on my 8+ years of being supportive and inclusive to everyone on the boards. I am just saying that as a whole, with quite a lot of experience under my belt, on occasion I have found there to be a particular ~something~ to ~some~ little girls' behavior that I don't always super love. The whole "I'm not gonna be your friend any more" kind of thing. Even in myself growing up, I have some huge, huge regrets over how I treated people at times. And while I'm sure there are boys that do this (my son had a friend growing up who was just an absolute little sh--) it was not anywhere near as widespread as it seems to be among girls.Quote:
Originally Posted by cosmosis
Fact is, little boys can be annoying too. (my boys are stereotypically loud and destructive at times and also whiny as all get out, so there you go) Yes, they like babies. But my daughter is OBSESSED with babies, almost concerningly so. And it did not come from me, because we have a house full of Legos and trucks and she has like 2 dolls but she was like this pretty much since the moment she could motate herself around. It's just an interesting observation. My husband and I were highly, highly motivated to not be "those" parents who pushed gender stereotypes onto her and tried really hard not to, but we've both just had moments where we looked at each other and had to admit "wow she's actually kind of different than the boys were."
Personally, I'm not a believer in the "Blank Slate" theory. I do think that there are some innate differences and this has been proven to my satisfaction by my life experience and by studies. If boys and girls were really truly all the same and this was all a social construct I don't think this desire would cut so deep for us. If all we cared about was genitals, then we really WOULD be monsters, LOL. Down deep I think we probably realize that there are some differences that are innate and that is probably what is at the root of our GD to some extent. This doesn't mean that anyone will die from a broken heart or miss out on the best experience in the whole wide world if you don't parent both genders. It doesn't mean that parenting isn't of primary import in how kids come out. The innate differences are minor and parenting is huge.
I am sure we can all agree there are some great things about boys, and some great things about girls. Bad things too.
It is not meant as a detraction of girls as a whole or boys as a whole to talk about some of those things. Something can be both inconsequential but real.
If someone wants to a) express concern about some stereotypical gender based behaviors that they have a hard time dealing with or fear, or b) make themselves feel a little better about GD by exploring the reality that they do have some mixed feelings about even their desired gender, that's ok in my book as long as it's done with some sensitivity (and trust me, when you come across a person who's being deliberately nasty it's pretty obvious)