Another two boy Mom gets a girl

After thinking I was being pregnant and being terrified the answer for me is now much more simple. I'd rather no baby than having another and it not being a girl. HT is still cheaper than raising a whole extra child that I 'didn't want'. It sounds bad to use those words and we would want him and love him more than anything but if I can control the situation then why wouldn't I IYKWIM. Kids are sure starting to get expensive now that DS1 is almost school age and I know it will only get more and mroe expensive. We really can not afford to have 5 kids if we had a failed sway and wanted to try HT then. Even having 4 will be a stretch for us but so worth it to get that girl. If we had another boy I know I would have to get over not having a girl ever. It is 100% the only reason I want another child. I just finished BFing the twins and am now getting baby fever but not enough to want to try naturally. I am still not 100% happy with doing HT due to some ethical reasons but I think what other choice do I have?

Old ladies who didn't get their GD did have to put up with it for all of their lives but I don't have to if I choose to take control and things work out for us. I think even if it did not work then I would at least know I tried all I could and it really was not meant to be

I think most people find that once the option is off the table, the GD mostly goes away. IT's the possibility and the hope and the dream that aggravates it, and once a person accepts that it isn't going to happen, then it becomes a lot easier to bear. YOu may have a bad moment here or there but it's not the way it is when you're in the middle of it. Please no one think that it's going to be this bad when you're 60 years old or anything. Eventually, you will move on and have a great life with your sons or daughters (I see tons of my old friends from IG who decided not to tTC again and they all look like they're having more fun than I am LOL) .

We all know a "horror story" about someone who still supposedly has this soulcrushing GD as an old woman but I think oftentimes those people are mentally ill anyway and its just the "flavor" of their mental illness. IF it wasn't GD, it would be some other thing that didn't work out for them that they've gotten fixated upon.

That is definitely true for me :)
I think as long as the option to try is there the GD will keep returning.
DH and I have agreed if we conceive again he will have a vasectomy and we will have it done before we know the gender.
We are both happy with the decision and I am happy to have a tubal ligation after baby.

I also don't think GD will haunt me into old age thankfully. It's strange to say I have made peace with it while preparing to sway but I really believe I have :)

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

I think most people find that once the option is off the table, the GD mostly goes away. IT's the possibility and the hope and the dream that aggravates it, and once a person accepts that it isn't going to happen, then it becomes a lot easier to bear. YOu may have a bad moment here or there but it's not the way it is when you're in the middle of it. Please no one think that it's going to be this bad when you're 60 years old or anything. Eventually, you will move on and have a great life with your sons or daughters (I see tons of my old friends from IG who decided not to tTC again and they all look like they're having more fun than I am LOL) .

We all know a "horror story" about someone who still supposedly has this soulcrushing GD as an old woman but I think oftentimes those people are mentally ill anyway and its just the "flavor" of their mental illness. IF it wasn't GD, it would be some other thing that didn't work out for them that they've gotten fixated upon.

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I have to agree completely. I know in my heart that if this baby is another girl, it will simply be time to move on. I think all the 'anticipatory grieving' (for lack of a better expression) has prepared me to realize that either way this GD needs to end & life goes on. Healthy children are such a miracle in and of themselves.

Atomic: Do you keep in touch with CoochieCoo? I miss her. She was such a sweetheart! She broke my heart but was a prime example of the #3GD baby stealing her heart...I ended up following in her footsteps on that one!
I think she lives near me now that I moved to this crazy state...I am so tempted to track her down and look her up but I am sure she has moved on and we don't have as much in common anymore. She always gave me great hope.

Yes i do still talk to her from time to time on FB!! She is doing really well with her guys and she's one of the examples of exactly what I'm talking about - they travel around doing all this fun stuff, she looks great, the kids are adorable and doing all these fun things, and it's like no one's life is all about GD any more. This is a temporary stop and not a life sentence!! :)

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Yes i do still talk to her from time to time on FB!! She is doing really well with her guys and she's one of the examples of exactly what I'm talking about - they travel around doing all this fun stuff, she looks great, the kids are adorable and doing all these fun things, and it's like no one's life is all about GD any more. This is a temporary stop and not a life sentence!! :)

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So happy to hear that! She was a doll and I am glad her life is past all the GD that haunted us for years! Someday I'll be there too!

It is so very reassurring to hear this. I really do feel deep down like I could accept not having a girl but only if I choose to and while the option of one more child is there it is hard to move on from. Choosing to get over it now would be like accepting it and I'm not ready for that but if we were done having kids then I would just have to accept it. I am happy with my life and will continue to be happy. My 'cards' are actually quite good I think as I got the three best boys ever who I am smiiten by. THey are healthy, handsome, smart and will probably be athletic too. I also have a loving and supportive partner and I love him heaps.
I worry about never being fully content though. The GD has to end one day though and I am glad to hear the crazy old lady thing is a minority. Either way I don't think that will be me. It is just hard right now. I prob need to take a break from this website since I don't plan to TTC for a while and as much as I love it I do find it can flare up my GD at the same time.

I too am worried I will never truly get over my lifelong longing for a daughter.

Our neighbor has two sons who are in their 30s, unmarried, and she is still hoping for grandchildren. I thought she was one of those women to whom gender didn't matter, until one day she admitted she was sad she never had a daughter. It was then I knew that could easily be me one day.

My own aunt had two sons, and she and her husband tried for years for "the girl" unsuccessfully, until they finally adopted one. I think it's natural for most women (the ones who actually carry the babies) to want a daughter of their own, someone who will grow up to be a woman like them, and it shouldn't be something to be ashamed of. But society would make you feel like it is.

My own doctor asked me if I was going to "try for the girl".

I know there's a good chance my third could very well be a girl without any interventions, like so many lucky women out there, so to go to the extremes of HT is almost obscene. But I just know we'd have a third boy. DH comes from a family where they tend to have three of a kind then an opposite. I know gender isn't genetic, but there is no question in my mind I'd have three boys. And DH is barely okay with us having three in the first place. If he was okay with more I wouldn't feel this intense pressure.

Usually I'm good at pushing all these thoughts out of my mind, and just enjoying my beautiful family. But there are triggers everywhere that drag the nagging worry that I'll never ever have a daughter back to the forefront.

I don't even give a cr*p about celebrities, but so many have had their first babies recently it seems, and they're all girls. Even Princess Kate is pregnant with a girl. It's not official yet, but it might as well be. She wouldn't NOT have a pigeon pair. Women who are having daughters of their own are just so lucky. They know it too. You can see it in the way they smile. Don't tell me a woman who has an adorable son isn't over the moon when her next one is a sweet tiny princess she can finally dress up in bows and pretty dresses. Stereotypical, but true in most cases. It must be an amazing feeling. I wonder if I will ever experience it. Right now, I'm not even sure I will.

I wish now that we had done HT. Waiting to find out the gender of baby#3 is complete torture and I will never put myself through it again. I literally feel like I am at the fork of "eternal misery" and "everlasting joy". Which road will my life take?

We can't know how we will feel about all of this in a year, or three or 10. What we do know is that we have spent enough time being sad and angry about it and I am sure you can relate when I say I DONT WANT TO FEEL THIS EAY ANYMORE. The thought of living with this depression is truly overwhelming at times which make me feel like a survival mechanism exists in me that will shut all this longing for a daughter off one day and I will be free. I think rock bottom hits and then you have no choice but to get up.