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i felt exactly the same, the hope is still there as long as you are still trying.. im a pink swayer so im on the other side of the fence so to speak but i completely understand, i couldnt live without a girl and i am so sorry you didnt hear blue this time, the feelings that come with not hearing what you hoped to hear are devastating and i wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do in the future <3 xxQuote:
Originally Posted by Jconger
[QUOTE=Jconger;914630]I agree. With each baby hearing girl I start thinking... well I guess we aren't done. I just found out on Friday we are having a third girl. My heart shattered bc I want to be done but i want a son more than being done... so already thinking I'm only 30, I can't be done yet. I never wanted tons and tons of kids but I can't live without a son and thinking about trying again gives me hope... that he will still come. So I agree.
Yep a little hope is better than the stark reality of never having a son. I'm a complete control freak tho so I've always planned. I was never disappointed at getting another girl, I wanted a girl heavy family (got that part anyway!) I was heartbroken at not getting my boy. That's the difference. I sure as hell never thought I'd have 5 kids lol but I just keep thinking - it has to be next time right??
[QUOTE=Babybeaublue;914675]Do you have four girls and pregnant now??Quote:
Originally Posted by Jconger
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No I have 5 girls!! TTC now
Also, time limits. Now that I'm preggo, I realized I want to be done by the time I'm 35/36. This means back to back kids from this point forth. I have a career that I've worked on for years as a single mother which is now paused due to relocation and slowly pushing forth other plans that go along with this career. I want to travel and be done with diapers at a reasonable age and having kids in my 40's just won't really work with what I'd like ideally. I mean, technically it could if I got nannies involved, but not sure that's affordable or very reasonable.
I have alot to think about, but thought I'd throw this out there lol. Some women want all their kids in a certain time span for whatever reason. How is it that women in the past would get back to back boys? What were they doing that we are not doing?
I think they were not thinkiing and just 'doing' it! That's what my mon told me. When they planned they didnt wait to achieve a good 'state'. They just went for it lol. God why do we have to have desires. It makes me such a mess some days and other days I just dont think about it.
But there are pink swayers so desperate they are on the brink of suicide sometimes. I don't believe that blue swayers are any more desperate then pink.
I am really not trying to argue at all I really NEED to understand this so I can better explain why blue swayers shouldn't do close spacing I know it comes off to some blue swayers like I'm trying to boss them around or something but I'm not, and I need to understand what this difference is so I can compensate/convince and help blue swayers have better sways. I cannot get wanting to get pregnant with a 3,6,9 month old (even after I tell people it might hurt their sway!?!) and I just really, really want to understand why a person who is 24 years old would be so in a rush to try for a baby that they'd proceed even after hearing that it might hurt their sway (let alone their sanity. I completely don't know how some of you ladies do it, hats off to you)
Just this last week, we have had a couple pink swayers showing up wanting to start diet really soon after having a baby - but even then they weren't planning to TTC for a while. I have also known several pink swayers who planned to TTC right after the baby was born (I did with DS 3 but I was also 39 years old) but then once the baby arrives they almost always change their minds and wait. It's just that "important minority" idea where while there are exceptions there is just this weird trend that I need to understand to better help people have a better sway.
First point - I think there is some meat on this bone. (sweeping generalization alert) That's why pink swayers even once they get their girl, will often replace the obsession for Girl #1 with Girl #2 or even 3 because I suspect that blue swayers want to get a son and then be done with that part of life, but pink swayers are trying to create some fantasy or dream family that they have and then with the obsessive tendencies, the dream, once accomplished, becomes the dream of getting a sister for DD? It's almost as if for pink swayers there's something in them that having children is not an item on the to-do list but something to do "perfectly" with a perfect child spacing (not too close) and the "proper" number of siblings. I know SO many pink swayers who felt all this pressure (myself very much included here) to be done by 35, in fact I think most of us women do hope for that, and then we get to 35 and we still don't have that perfect family that has made us "complete" and solved all our problems and then we throw out the original plan and keep TTC. Blue swayers are smarter about stuff like this IMO - they want to be done by 35 (or in many cases with the very close baby spacers, 30) no matter what and so want to pop that boy out ASAP and be onto doing cool and fun stuff instead of changing diapers. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by cosmosis
Second point - It's the iceberg factor. What we call "swaying" is really just this tiny tip of a huge iceberg under the water.
But really, since our eggs were developing literally when we were inside our mother's womb, and the egg that is us, with all the coding for 1/2 our genes, was created in our grandmother's womb (let alone whatever our dad gives us), there are tons of things that have happened to us over the course of an entire lifetime that are affecting a sway. This gets lost because on this site we talk about what we CAN do, not what we can't. But there may be things that are just set and there is also what hubby brings to the table, and life circumstances/luck - I mean most of us are rolling that dice 2-3-4 times over the course of a lifetime, and even if gender was totally 50-50, there would be tons of people who could toss a coin 2,3,4 times and get 2,3,4 heads or tails in a row. You can see this in the Duggars, they have that long run of 50-50 B/G, then a long run of boys, then a long run of girls, any of which is more kids than most of us have. People think they are DOOOOOOMED because they have 2 or 3 of the same gender but even just from sheer random chance alone (not even going into swaying) it is totally poss to be 50-50 and have all boys or all girls. And if (as we believe) some of us are maybe 60-40 or 70-30 or even 80-20 set for a certain gender (because of things that happened over our lifetime or our mom's or even grandma's lifetime) we could do things that sway and then get to 50-50 or 40-60 or 30-70 or even 20-80 and then just not have the cards fall our way.
Swaying is not everything - it's just what we do to try to up our chances that we'll get the baby we hoped for sooner rather than later. If we all had as many kids as the Duggars we'd end up with a mix of genders 99.99% of the time but most of us don't want to do that, so that's why we sway. But the idea that swaying is a guarantee is a false notion. It just isn't. If it was, the human race would have died out a long time ago. That is why you can have people eat right off the girl diet and get boys back to back and vice versa. Diet is a great strategy for us but other things still come into play that we can't see.
I read this thread yesterday, and couldn't help thinking about it a little last night in bed.. I may be totally barking up the wrong tree here (I am not too clued up on this at ALL) and I really hope I am not about to offend anybody (either pink or blue swayers) as it totally not my intention to do so.. but am I right in thinking that generally speaking personality traits of pink/blue are: Pink- perfectionist/plan, plan, plan/to the point of overthinking/trying to control everything.. Blue- quite defeatist sometimes, thinking its doomed to fail, etc? If this is (mostly) true, and I really hope I am not speaking out of turn here.. is it maybe sometimes that the pink swayers want to control/plan and therefore decide they need to have the perfect sway with the perfect sibling spacing because then it HAS to work, and they can definitely be done with their next baby, so they wait and plan and make it all perfect... v the blue swayers who think, this probably has no chance of working anyway/I will fail at this, so might as well get on with asap and hope for the best? That's probably no help whatsoever LOL but I couldn't get it out of my mind last night, so thought it was worth posting just in case ;)
I think that is a distinct possibility for some people. Not only that they don't think it will work anyway and thus are in a rush (definitely true for some) but also that some just trust, in their awesome, laid back girl mama way, that it WILL work out without them having the best possible sway. Some blue swayers will say things to me along the lines of "If it's supposed to happen it will no matter what I do". Pink swayers want to chase down every possible lead and beat it to a bloody pulp - and I have to stop them from doing that, as we all know - but I have a fair-sized group of blue swayers who really have the opposite problem. An inordinate amount of faith in the tiniest of changes and thus they excuse themselves from doing lots of other things, usually the hard and effective things, using whatever they have done, or whatever symptoms they have or think they have as a justification. "It is ok for me to TTC when my baby is 4 weeks old and also lose weight doing 2 hours of cardio a day and taking these neato diet pills my herbologist gave me because I am drinking tea instead of coffee!" (I am only barely exaggerating.) But one of these things may not always be enough, it may be necessary to do a little more than just giving up coffee and taking (or not taking) a couple pills. This is not all blue swayers or most, just an important minority.