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You did an awesome job preparing yourself lissa..i can promise that did probably help. I was so certain my sway had worked. I got the call and was grinning ear to ear ready to hear fully 100% i had my boy and then felt like i was dying when she said it was a healthy girl. If i had even considered my sway failed at that time it would have hurt less i am sure
Thank you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Girlieplease
I just know it will get better for you, Girlie. Keep taking it one day at a time.
I had a cry about never having a daughter last night. My mom called five minutes later and said she sensed that I was sad and asked if I needed to talk. She understands how I feel 100% even though she got her Pigeon pair. That conversation made me even MORE sad that I won't be welcoming a little girl in May. My mom and I have such a powerful and special bond.
I only hope I can have something similar with my boys. My DS1 seems to be very connected to me emotionally, which is amazing. I hope it stays that way!
Girlie, please message me if you need to. I'm here for you.
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My heart is broken for you. Truly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Burakoam
To be honest, I wasn't confident in my sway and I am such a negative person by nature. I felt like I never stood a chance. Always had a feeling deep down that I would only be a mother of boys. I've only been in denial about accepting that the last few years.
The way I think goes against what this site is about. I know people have had successful sways, but, I never felt like I had control.
That's why my disappointment is turning into excitement and happiness with each minute. I'm just embracing it.
But, I'm just like everyone else. I'll always yearn for that opposite gender. My heart will never feel full or complete. I have to deal with that sad reality.
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Yes. Im there with you. Wether its 2 boys or 4 girls we both have to accept that if we are truly done then there is no chance. I am ultimately better than i was when i first found out but i know i will always wonder what a son would have been like..looked like...what his personality would have been like. Dream of seeing my husband doing father/son things with our son...it will get easier i am sure and i will think about it less often but i know it will probably always be there. i really hope that DD3 or DD4 give us a grandson, lol..
Did anyone do the gender ring test where u do it between your fingers and over your hand and it tells u all your kids genders and then what u will have next? I've know loads of people do it and its been accurate! I've done it again today I also did it a few weeks ago and all 3 times its said 4 boys and then a girl! My son watched me do it today and it was so freaky how I did it exactly the same all 5 times and the boys were so obvious and then it completely changed for the 5th and swang girl...i know its prob stupid to some but it gives me hope lol!
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I never did the ring test but I hope its right for you Allblue, guess you will find out soon.
I did the ring test and it was accurate until this pregnancy...it said Girl, Boy (miscarriage), Girl, Girl, Boy...
Maybe it can't get the baby we are carrying right!Quote:
Originally Posted by Burakoam
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I did it a long time ago and I think it said what has happened to me. Three pregnancies: boy, girl (miscarriage), boy.
So that's it for me.
I don't know for certain if my miscarriage was a girl, but I and my husband had a very strong feeling the baby was a girl.
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I believe your gut is most often right lissa. I have no way of knowing my miscarriage was a boy either but there are things that lead credence..the baby's dad was RH positive...which he got from his father as his mother was RH negative like i was but she had alot of early losses before they figured out it was RH incompatibility and she had to take shots to maintain the pregnancies that resulted in him and his brother...seeing as how i am RH negative and that baby was my only miscarriage thus far i feel its safe to say it was an RH positive baby, and a boy..so he got it from his dad and his dads dad..and thats why i lost him.'
However if i had to choose between that being my only son, or keeping my past with the miscarriage...i would choose the miscarriage every time at this point. that relationship was terrible and i would have hated to have any reminder of it or anything that kept his crazy dad around. (completely bat shit guy, really)
20 week scan in 40 min [emoji846][emoji170]
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good luck magical :)
http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/2016...ee0e74b43f.jpg
Baby boy #3 is all healthy.
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Thank you, I thought of you during the scan and you getting to see girl parts.... so jealous of you!Quote:
Originally Posted by Burakoam
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What's weird is...I'd be just as sad if I had all girls. I am one of those greedy people that wants both equally bad. I would be desperate and longing for a son if I had a gang of girls. Just like I am desperate and longing for a girl after being undoubtedly blessed with two boys.
I wanted my first son so badly that if he had been a girl, I would have had terrible GD.
My GD now is totally manageable because I think I was more pining for the first boy than I have been for my (fantasy of a) girl.
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I am jealous because you have an excellent profile shot there magical lol... this baby is smooshed between her placenta and my hip so I have no clue what she looks like and they also can't rule out cleft lip or palet..
I really wish I had seen by parts and you had seen girl for what it's worth.
Lissa I completely understand what you mean. I'm spoiled/greedy like that too. I was glad I had a daughter when my DD3 was born... and content. I just had to go and try one more time for a boy.. should have just learned my lesson the first 3 times lol
I'm the same I wanted both genders. Oh wellQuote:
Originally Posted by Lissastick
DS1 was a surprise because I didn't even care about gender. Never thought I'd have all of one gender.
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I also have an anterior placenta so haven't felt bub much, wow how many of us is that now. Lol
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I just dreamt I had a scan and it was a girl 👧🏼
The whole room of people started crying I really hope that's another sign and not my desperate wishing...
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All this guessing is driving me nuts, no mire waiting til baby is born ive booked a gender scan for Christmas Eve! Will take my boys with me and announce on Christmas day x
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I think you have done the right thing, everyone is different and will cope differently but for me, I totally believed I was in with a shot at pink, I had lots of dreams that it was a girl, which I think was just wish fulfilment and saw absolutely nothing between the legs at my scan 12 weeks 5 days, all this came together to increase my belief that my sway had worked, which made the fall when I discovered it was a boy even hard. I am still not coping with it three weeks on. If you find out its a girl you can so enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, if it's a boy, you can have time process your feelings before your baby is born! XQuote:
Originally Posted by All*blue*everything
So..i passed a kidney stone. thats the pain and pressure i had over the weekend. Ugh.
Thanks, u are right.Quote:
Originally Posted by Girlieplease
Plus it gives my boys a chance to come to terms with another brother x
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It's really hitting me hard today. Both of my close friends are having girls. It's a second girl for one of them and the first girl after a boy for the other.
My heart hurts.
Bad.
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Awe Lissa :( the friend that's getting her pigeon pair.. you gotta know I have 2 older brothers who are 1-2 years apart in age and then there is me born 10 years after the oldest. Even my cousin who has a brother closer in age to her would confirm what I am about to say... it's not the same. Your two little boys are so lucky to have one another. They are going to be very close and do so many things together. You have given them the best gift. I think a part of you wants a daughter so bad to recreate the awesome bond you have with your own mother and you should also know having a daughter doesn't gaurentee a good relationship. My relationship with my mother is atrocious, but hers was great with her mom. Talk all the time on the phone, frequent shopping and visits with each other..trust me I have no clue how they did it because I loved my grandma and was very close to her but my mother and I pretty much hate one another.
As for your friend on her second daughter...try and feel happy her daughter will have a best friend just as your son will. You never know even if you two are very close if she in some way is jealous of your two boys...I wouldn't ever confide in any of my friends that I was jealous. You really may never know what they think
I should add I love both of my brothers. As much as a sister can. But they will always be closer and have more in common.. it's just how it works
I AM happy for my son that he gets a best friend in the best way in the form of a brother. And I do love this child. I really do.
The friend who is getting her Pigeon pair has a son who will be 10 years older than his sister. I know that is not ideal. But, my friend got exactly what she wanted. She's been wanting a girl ever since her son was born.
And my other friend is SO happy that she has two girls. She was telling me before she found out that she didn't want a boy and that her daughter wanted a sister.
I have always been a spoiled brat. I'm just being selfish because I can't have what I want.
My husband did say yesterday that if we get out of debt in the next few years we could have a third, but, I'd only go high tech and we can't afford that.
And I was hesitant about having a second child at all because I mostly feel like a terrible mom to my son. He's extremely spirited and very opposite in personality to me.
Ugh. I've been depressed for a while now. It's continued into my pregnancy and I'm convinced I still would be if I was having a girl. Today is a bad day for my depression. I am just feeling like the worst mother on earth right now.
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Lissa you are not a bad mom. You are not the only one who struggles with motherhood after they are already a mother either. I think our moms make it look easy and so alot of women go into it thinking "how hard could it be?". I am right there with you in the category of feeling like a bad mom for the exact reasons you described. I get along well with my oldest, fantastic with my current youngest, but i really struggle mothering my middle daughter. Spirited is probably the positive term i would use but really its she is beyond emotional. She was diagnosed with Generalized anxiety disorder at the age of 4 and it shows in everything she does. she was the kind of kid who you couldnt put her down outside in the grass because she would scream and cry because the grass scared her. I dont have a high tolerance for the kind of drama that surrounds her life, but she was pretty much born that way and it cant be helped. Im her mother and she is my daughter and so i will always do the best i can but yes i think most people struggle with at least one of their kids. This next one could be closer in personality to you!
i think the reason your friend had a girl primarily is because she waited so long in between. Okay your friend really wanted two girls then..what sucks is we see this happen all the time to everyone around us. It is really unfair. Maybe some day we will 100% fix whatever it is that causes us to get opposites but until then just know you arent alone. We can sit in a corner and be spoiled brats together. hahaha.
Lissastick am so sorry your going through this but your in good company here, lots are going through it. I think you many of these moments in the future. I know it's not the same thing as I have a dd already but I find it catches me off guard, like putting my dd clothes away and thinking I will never have another wee girl to use these for, my mum going on about the gorgeous outfit for my brothers little girl due in February and I had to leave my own house because I could not cope with it. You have a really good perspective on what has happened but that does not mean things aren't going to hurt from time to time. Give yourself a break gd is so tough, am a real tough cookie and have come through some tricky spots in my life relatively unscathed but this has broken me. I just feel a massive sense of failure because it did not work. Sending hugs and it's crap that there are others in the same position like burakoam but at least you each know what your going through! Sounds like your husband is open to a third, do this is not the end of your journey! Xx
Hi Burakoam,
Totally off topic but I noticed your little bit you wrote about your little one with anxiety, have you tried taking her to a kinesiologist? They test the nervous system and muscles and treat accordingly I only say this as a suggestion as I to struggled with anxiety myself as a child and after not being able to be treated by a gp I was taken to a kinesiologist which helped a great deal.
I'll receive some judgement for this but actually I chose to medicate her. She is on quillivant and it helps a lot just not entirely as it's short acting and doesn't stay in her system more than 6-8 hours. We have tried therapy etc but some of it is her age and stubbornness. I love her dearly but daily she drives me up the wall and to the edges of my own sanity. Her tantrums are awful and I swear she screams and cries over everything. All the baby has to do is touch her hair (pat her head) and she screams how she is pulling her hair..ugh.Am hoping she outgrows some of it in the next few years... but realistically I know GAD is probably life long.
No judgement here each and to their own :) I feel your pain about the screaming over everything by son is like that and is overly sensitive , but that's just his reactions to surroundings and him learning to cope with his emotions it's not an easy task :)
Was just a suggestion from my own experience hope I didn't upset you in anyway.
Burakoam, does she also have some sensory processing issues? Our son has some minor sensory issues and also a bit of anxiety too but his is all part of having ASD. He isn't too bad compared to some kids as he is very high functioning but it can be challenging at times (although all kids can be challenging, even those without a diagnosis!).
There's a theme here, my eldest son is also waiting to be diagnosed for asd, his meltdowns can be horrific im dreading him being like that when the baby comes..Quote:
Originally Posted by purple
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How old is he? Do you get much assistance in the UK for him if he is diagnosed? We have the national disability scheme (NDIS) here so you have to apply for a plan and then they give you funding for OT's, psychologists, speech pathologist and other services depending on the childs needs.Quote:
Originally Posted by All*blue*everything
He's 10 school picked up in it 2 years ago and been waiting to see a specialist for a year. It won't make much difference expect when he goes to secondary school they will realise he's not acting up, he already gets extra help at school with subjects he struggles with and he does a Lego therapy club etc...hes much better at school now its more at home we struggle..hes like jeckyl and Hyde xQuote:
Originally Posted by purple
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I was not offended :) i am just used to the judgy remarks (my own parents make them)..it was time to increase her anxiety medicine to 7 days a week instead of 5 and my dad said "You cant do that it alters her brain do you want her hearing voices!?" I had to resist rolling my eyes at my own father because thats not how the medicine works and if its the right med and the right dose that shouldnt happen..
She hasnt ever been evaluated or diagnosed for sensory processing problems but i have high suspicions. Honestly i think alot would be explained if someone told me she is very very mildly autistic. Alot of her life fits within the spectrum...including high intelligence..she is ahead of her class and does some 2nd grade work (shes in 1st but she is one of the youngest kids in her class) she was 3 years old and stunned me with words like "octagon" instead of stop signs lol...She has to have at least a small routine or her meltdowns and tantrums are way worse...i mean literally as ive heard parents describe their autistic kids it always sounds word for word like mine other than she would be so high functioning no one has caught it :(
But, I'm not really wanting a third. I have really only wanted 2 children and I've doubted, and still doubting that I can handle two. I realize that I might feel different, especially if this child was "easier". But, the ONLY way I would have another is if I could GUARANTEE that she was a girl. Two boys is bearable, but three? Nope. Not for me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Girlieplease
I have plans to get into acting again and if everything works out, I will get a commercial acting agent and hopefully get jobs that will help my husband and I pay off some of our debt. If I can manage to do that, we might do high tech for a girl. But, that's a whole new can of worms!
So, I really feel like this is the end for me...
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Lissa from a kindred spirit to another.. if you are certain you can handle only 2 I wouldn't even do high tech unless you know 100% the baby going into you is an XX embryo and then I'd make sure you can really handle 3 just to get your girl. Oh my god I wish I had stopped after my first. Then accepted I was meant to be a mom of two girls after I had Angela and never took this risk. I still have days where I wanna beat myself in the face for doing this. I never wanted 4 kids and even if this baby was a boy I'd still be panicking I think. It's not just that she is a she it's "oh my god what have I done" period.
I know I would struggle with 3 if my age gaps were closer. I still think it will be hard having a 3rd but with the boys being older it should be a bit more managable for me. I also has the 'what have I done' thoughts when I first got pregnant (all 3 times ttc this 3rd child). I still see little toddlers around and question why I'm going back to do it again! I'm also really excited about meeting her in March so it really is mixed emotions :)