Sora TTC a Boy Sway Attempt

Exactly!!! I agree that it's terrible how people judge anyone for pursuing some basic happiness, even as they celebrate people chasing dreams all the time, like climbing Mount Everest or whatever.

I sometimes think of it as hitting your thumb with a hammer - it hurts! No one would ever say that hitting your thumb with a hammer is worse than having thumb cancer - but it still hurts. It doesn't make us bad people for being upset at that, or for trying to avoid that pain, even if we can acknowledge other people have things worse.

So, I'm a bit bothered. O is supposed to be today, I've been testing with opks since CD10 but nothing really showed up. At one point, I had a light positive result on the 29th or 30th, can't remember well... but after that nothing. Clearblue too doesn't show anything. Maybe I tested wrong because I was seldom at home these past few days and it was hard to find the time to go pee and test. O may also have been delayed because we had lots of things to do for Halloween and ended up very tired with DH.

I'm wondering what to do though. We're still on a DTD every 2 days basis. Yesterday we failed to do anything because we were much too tired after Halloween and fell asleep early. I'm worried because if O happened still, I wouldn't want things to count as one attempt because we had no time nor strenght to do more :think:

Today should be okay, once DH gets home that is ! Last BDs were on the 30th and 31th late at night.

Edit : Tested again just to see, got a light result on normal OPK again and nothing on Clearblue. Weird.

My suspicion is that your O is delayed because of the Halloween activities. But have you had any symptoms at all?? EWCM or increased libido?

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

My suspicion is that your O is delayed because of the Halloween activities. But have you had any symptoms at all?? EWCM or increased libido?

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Not really, that's what makes me suspect it may have been yes... Last month was full symptoms and here, nothing or subdued...

well, keep having attempts, I suspect you will ovulate once things quiet down a bit!

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

well, keep having attempts, I suspect you will ovulate once things quiet down a bit!

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Tested again yesterday but nothing still, not even a faint line. Looks like a fading pattern. So maybe O did happen still and I failed to get the peak since I had very few occasions or time to test these past days, what with Halloween and all (and being outside most of the time). We tried to keep up with attempts best we could. Not a good month all in all.

Sometimes it's the months where we think it's not a good month that we conceive in, though! Good luck and blue dust!

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Sometimes it's the months where we think it's not a good month that we conceive in, though! Good luck and blue dust!

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Thank you, we'll see. If not, will take a break again.

I don't know why but this time around I put on quite a bit of weight despite eating less (imo) than last summer when I was following blue diet to a T... Also it's weird in that I feel "swollen", like with water retention but I don't think it's that because I drank much better. Even my feets seem swollen. Did it ever happen to other blue swayers ?

Are you eating a lot of sodium??

No that's not normal, we may want to have you check in with your doc because I'd like them to check your blood pressure. I know you've been on your feet a lot and sometimes that can cause ankles to swell, but it's just best if we check up on that since rapid weight gain can (rarely) mean a different problem going on that doesn't ahve anything to do with swaying, but with your overall health.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Are you eating a lot of sodium??

No that's not normal, we may want to have you check in with your doc because I'd like them to check your blood pressure. I know you've been on your feet a lot and sometimes that can cause ankles to swell, but it's just best if we check up on that since rapid weight gain can (rarely) mean a different problem going on that doesn't ahve anything to do with swaying, but with your overall health.

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Now that you ask about it, I did eat saltier kind of foods these past weeks :think:. Not that I add salt or anything with it, but it just happens that everything I've eaten lately is on the saltier side of things : saltier meats, stocked up on beef and chicken jerky thanks to a sale, had pastas with salty sauce or other plates and recipes that are more seasonned with salt and pepper than usual... Even the water I used has a bit more sodium than the other brands. Do you think that may be the cause ?

I have been feeling a bit better and less bloated these past days. On the other hand, I've got one week left before AF if BFN so I may also be PMSing. Otherwise, I've got no other symptoms and don't even know if I ovulated in the end :hair:

I do think it can play a part but it also may have been partly hormonal. Let's cut back some on the salt and see if it clears up, if not we should get you in for a blood pressure check. :)

How are you Sora???

Feeling anxious today. I crossed paths at the lab with some moms from my daughters' school. Turns out we were all getting a blood-check for the same reasons, ie : pregnancy. Some I didn't even know were ttc and they are so thin they don't show at all. Turns out I'm the youngest pregnancy, they are further along than I am. Turns out they also already had their gender scans and all are pregnant with boys after one or two girls...

Maybe that should encourage me ? But it's actually the reverse. I've been getting increasingly stressed and depressed as my day goes.

I don't want to be the failure, the one stain on the "team"'s spotless record of successfully if not consciously swaying blue. And I realize also... if I get an opposite, that means YEARS of having to watch all these moms with their long-awaited sons in their arms while I'm holding a third daughter. This will be mental torture, this frightens me even more than hearing the new of my baby's gender.

And no I can't talk about this to someone. Swaying is taboo, swaying is illegal. It equates you to a nazi. If I talk, even to a shrink, I can end up locked up in an asylum. It's actually a very real threat. And there's no getting out if you get sent there by a doctor. The family can't appeal to the decision. Only the prefect of the region can cancel it.

I know we are advised not to sway if we can't stand the idea of an opposite, but I have no other option. I'm not strong enough to accept fate. High Tech is illegal, NIPT is illegal. It will cost me a fortune to do them abroad and though I'm willing to go that far if needed, I'm not sure I can afford it. Nor can I afford to have five to ten children in the hopes of finally getting a boy.

Well I know I'm emotional because hormones and that it is of no use to worry now because it's done, nothing will change and I'm just feeling uselessly awful. But while I admit I did account for having a girl and feeling bad watching blue moms (which is sad enough already), I had never thought of the possibility of having ALL my pregnant pink neighboors give birth to boys the very year of my BFP ! There is something so hurtful about watching someone you know well have a baby boy vs some stranger in the city... Sometimes it almost feels like some divine threat, like "See ? I will send everyone their DG EXCEPT you ! Have fun !".

It already happened to me two years ago, people getting married, pregnant, winning the lottery and stuff without trying while I had to deal with assault and financial loss. It was horrible then, all these good news while I was going through such hard times alone, being accused of not being happy enough for others, being selfish, when I was not being victim-shamed for the assault...
I won't be able to endure that kind of unbalanced situation twice.

Sorry for the wall of text and the whining but had to dump that somewhere. Thank you for enduring it.

I "have to" tell people not to sway if they can't stand the idea of an opposite just to weed out the people who approach swaying as a sure thing, but believe me, I completely understand there are a LOT of people, particularly blue swayers who are in a pretty dire set of circumstances - can't go HT and MUST have a boy for cultural or personal reasons. I do totally get that and please do not let my blanket warning I have to give out, be upsetting to you. I completely and totally understand that in many cases even when you feel you can't accept an opposite, it may be worth the risk.

For what it is worth, that is still the thing that bothers me to this very day. Everyone I know in the real world just seems to be handed a boy and a girl just that easily, and then they act as if they've cured cancer just by getting pregnant twice and happening to get lucky. It absolutely feels very personal, when it took me 20 years to get one girl, and I had to move heaven and earth to do it. That has gotten better as my kids are older (my 4th boy is just lovely and I have come to think of him as a "bonus" I would not have gotten otherwise) but it does still sting me sometimes. :heart:

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

I "have to" tell people not to sway if they can't stand the idea of an opposite just to weed out the people who approach swaying as a sure thing, but believe me, I completely understand there are a LOT of people, particularly blue swayers who are in a pretty dire set of circumstances - can't go HT and MUST have a boy for cultural or personal reasons. I do totally get that and please do not let my blanket warning I have to give out, be upsetting to you. I completely and totally understand that in many cases even when you feel you can't accept an opposite, it may be worth the risk.

For what it is worth, that is still the thing that bothers me to this very day. Everyone I know in the real world just seems to be handed a boy and a girl just that easily, and then they act as if they've cured cancer just by getting pregnant twice and happening to get lucky. It absolutely feels very personal, when it took me 20 years to get one girl, and I had to move heaven and earth to do it. That has gotten better as my kids are older (my 4th boy is just lovely and I have come to think of him as a "bonus" I would not have gotten otherwise) but it does still sting me sometimes. :heart:

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Don't worry atomic, I understand the reasons behind your warning and it's not unsettling to me. You're right to remind people that things are never 100%, not to get their hopes too high for fear of terrible disappointment if it fails. It's the same with a treatment, with chir... You "have to" warn people that it may not work, that it may kill them still, even if the chances of that are less than 10%. It worries people more about little cures or going to a hospital but of course you can't let them think it will be 100% all roses and sunshines.
Tbh, we can still die in childbirth, we are told but there are so so many mothers here, so many men and women, who still think it CAN'T happen, it's only 3% or something... Imagine if we were told it was 100% without risks, the shock and betrayal would feel a hundred times worse.

Yeah it is bothersome, understandable but bothersome. When things have come easily for you, be it children, marriage, money, whatever, you have a hard time understanding it doesn't come that easily for other people. You have to make a real effort to just think that it may not be their fault, to remember that there's a part of luck in everything. And so many people are too lazy to make that small effort. In doing so they hurt unlucky others much more sometimes than what has already befallen them.

Maybe some people sway. They won't tell and I can't know. They may fear as much as I the taboo that hovers over it. But some just don't think. They wake up and decide "I want another child" and on they go, switching gender on their way to BFP. It looks so easy that it is generally thought as normal, we are almost literally taught that's the way things should naturally go. You understand it when having a second child of the same gender as the first. The surprised stares, the gaping mouths. As subtle as they are, you see that maybe 95% of people you tell are honestly shocked into a few seconds of silence that it didn't switch. And then you think you may be broken after all. And THEY think you must be too. It's obvious in their little "jokes" : "oh you must have quite the recipe for boy/girl", "aw too bad you can't exchange babies like you can a gift that was offered to you twice by mistake".
"It's not natural" they are thinking "something is wrong with her", "what else is wrong with her ?", "is it contagious ?"...
For the more rude ones, you can almost hear "is she even human ?".

And yeah, they act as if they cured cancer. You can see that when they take time to come and hurl abuse at people swaying on forums. It's very frequent on french forums, the illegal side of the thing making them think they are some kind of "maternity" vigilantes.
Cherry on the cake when the abuse comes from the sterile ones, the neighbooring "IVF" forums. I've yet to see swayers take time off to go harrass sterile couples. I've seen plenty of the latters coming to harrass us instead of checking their next IVF appointment. We shut up because we think about the hell they are going through and don't want to add to the pain.

im keeping everything crossed that this is your boy Sora :heart: im in the UK and talking about swaying is a no-go here too.
I remember when i had my first 4 boys (the last 3 after we had lost our longed for girl) everyone was pregnant with girls, all my friends were having girls and most didnt even want a baby.
These babies were drunken 1 night stand conceptions with men they had never met before or "whoops" baby's with their new boyfriend. There was even one girl who id known all through school who got 2 perfect healthy girls during this time while being a heroin addict!! It was agonising watching them all effortlessly get girls while i was the only one with boys and not just 1 or 2 but 4, i also felt like something must be wrong with me.
how long until you can find out gender?

Hi Sora! I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you too and sending you all my blue dust!!! Let us know how you go!!! Xxx


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Sora, i was thinking about you just Now and thought I’d check the forum...and here is a post from you ( bizarre timing hehe) ..congrats, didn’t know you were pregnant! Did you get my PM a while back??
When are you due?
I really hope you get your boy :babym:
:bluesperm::ttcboy::xy::fingers:
I understand your angst..been there, done that... know that if it’s a girl, beyond the stereotypes, the taboos, the comments... You will love that baby fiercely , hang on to that, please .. ((I was in a dark place, some of my in laws and other people in France were excessively negative about #3 BUT I have found some peace now she’s almost two, she’s my surprise gem, my cuddle koala.. I could never regret her. I do miss “MY” son, but I hope that one day I’ll have lots of grandsons and sons in law etc ... I still hope for #4 to be a boy, once we do ttc...but will be team green to just enjoy my last pregnancy!))
And if it’s a boy, cerise sur le gâteau! ;) please keep us posted

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Originally Posted by 4blue2pink

im keeping everything crossed that this is your boy Sora :heart: im in the UK and talking about swaying is a no-go here too.
I remember when i had my first 4 boys (the last 3 after we had lost our longed for girl) everyone was pregnant with girls, all my friends were having girls and most didnt even want a baby.
These babies were drunken 1 night stand conceptions with men they had never met before or "whoops" baby's with their new boyfriend. There was even one girl who id known all through school who got 2 perfect healthy girls during this time while being a heroin addict!! It was agonising watching them all effortlessly get girls while i was the only one with boys and not just 1 or 2 but 4, i also felt like something must be wrong with me.
how long until you can find out gender?

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I understand so much 4blue2pink ! Two years ago that was kinda what happened to me. We were TTC already and yelding BFN after BFN and then suddenly, all around us, people were getting married and having sons. These were people who were very vocal about never getting married or having children, who never missed an occasion to criticize marriage as a boring custom of the past or children as an annoyance that cost money ! They tended to mock my dreams of getting married (religiously) and having more than one child. And suddenly, while I was still begging atheist DH to go through with a religious wedding (cause it is important to me, just having a paper saying we're husband and wife feels lacking) and trying to convince him that swaying was not just a weird idea, here these people go and suddenly change their minds (though sometimes they were pressured into it by their religious family or in-laws). And here I am, receiving their pictures of fairy tale weddings (with "coincidentally" every little detail I had ever dreamed for mine) and gorgeous baby boys... It was agony. I felt a mix of anger and pain and DH didn't help because he ended up saying "Can you just stop envying other people's lives FFS ? Who cares what they are up to ?". Worse was my BFF from high school, who had been unfaithfull to her then fiance, then dumped him because he wanted to go back to France while she wanted to stay and live in UK... But when he came begging her to take him back, with a brand new high-paid job and a house, suddenly she was all okay about a church wedding (despite being an atheist who loathed churches) and having a kid (despite being one of these people who claimed soundly that children were a pain). It honestly killed me inside so I can imagine only too well how you felt having to watch heroin addicts get girls !

But now you have them, it must be a relief. I wish I could one day feel that relief and I'm so scared I will never ever get to know that peace of mind.

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Originally Posted by Thirdtimelucky01

Hi Sora! I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you too and sending you all my blue dust!!! Let us know how you go!!! Xxx


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Thank you Third ! I'll only get the gender scan in one month and a half :nails:

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Originally Posted by LMSM

Sora, i was thinking about you just Now and thought I’d check the forum...and here is a post from you ( bizarre timing hehe) ..congrats, didn’t know you were pregnant! Did you get my PM a while back??
When are you due?
I really hope you get your boy :babym:
:bluesperm::ttcboy::xy::fingers:
I understand your angst..been there, done that... know that if it’s a girl, beyond the stereotypes, the taboos, the comments... You will love that baby fiercely , hang on to that, please .. ((I was in a dark place, some of my in laws and other people in France were excessively negative about #3 BUT I have found some peace now she’s almost two, she’s my surprise gem, my cuddle koala.. I could never regret her. I do miss “MY” son, but I hope that one day I’ll have lots of grandsons and sons in law etc ... I still hope for #4 to be a boy, once we do ttc...but will be team green to just enjoy my last pregnancy!))
And if it’s a boy, cerise sur le gâteau! ;) please keep us posted

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Hi LMSM ! A PM ? I'm not sure. I think I received and answered each and everyone you sent so if you have sent another recently, I may not have gotten it ?

Yeah it's true you went there with your first sway. But it seems you may be able to attempt for #4.

DH is saying he is scared about having four kids so this might be our very last chance and now it's on the way... I would have maybe been able to get through it had I been the only one in the neighboor TTC around that time. But like I said, yesterday I met some other moms whose girls go to the same school as mine (so we meet basically every day, either at school or in the park) and... they all TTC, all got BFP and since they're further along than I am, already got gender scans... which were all blue ! The fact that these are pink moms that I meet and will meet everyday for years to come is what's killing me more than the fear of having failed my sway. It's something to sway, fail, and fight the comments and taunts and depression on your own while envying strangers you encounter on the street... It will be something on another level to have to meet and talk, every little day, to successfull pink moms-turned-purple moms. Like being knifed daily. I'm not strong enough to bear that kind of pain cause I know much too well how it feels already.

Little story goes that when I was 20, my boyfriend of 5 years whom I was supposed to move in with dumped me by email and at the same time, coincidentally, all my best friends found their soulmates -> hence moving in, getting engaged, even TTC for the ones most in a hurry. So sure, back then I still had lots of time, lots of opportunities and stuff and I did meet DH "only" 3 years later... But during these 3 years, it hurt so much.

Maybe I'll love a third girl ? But I tried the thought about "son-in-laws" and "grandsons" and it just makes me more sad. It's all well and such but these will be other women's sons. I'll never be number 1 in their hearts, only 2, 3, even 4... And I'm very tired of being 2, 3, 4... These won't be my sons. There will always be another woman. And I don't want there to be another woman, unless it's their wife because it's natural.

Also I've seen first hand how faithful and dutiful sons can be to their moms, even when the latters are junkies, alcoholics, mentally ill, abusive... I've helped plenty of my male friends deal with these "mothers" that were only "mothers" in name. I helped them clean them, put them to bed, nurse them, hold their hands while they were delirious and hurling abuse at everyone then noone. I held these boys while they cried on my shoulder, afraid of what the future might bring, torn at seeing their moms in such a state. Some did let go, got their mothers into an institution crying all the way and carried on with their lives. Some are still helping and nursing them and trying to get them clean even now. Heck, my DH IS one of them ! And it took his mother suddenly jumping on me and trying to hurt me in a delusional fit to finally convince him to let go, cut ties, let his uncle and grandfather handle things and get the two of us out of here !

Were all these men grateful for my help ? Yes absolutely. Did they help and love me in return ? Yes, without the shadow of a doubt. But obviously lmao, I am not so dear that they would dump everything for me in a heartbeat. That... is for their mothers only. And I don't blame them for it, I find it beautiful.
That's the kind of love I want and am hoping to get.

I witnessed all that, went through all that alongside men my age, then had to wake up in the morning and go study/work and got to hear daughters, you know ? Peaceful, wonderful, loving daughters all rainbows and sunshines... criticize their clean, hard-working, average mothers because they were never good enough for them. Never affectionate enough, never present enough, never pretty enough, never successful enough... Always bad and hurtful words associated to these women that gave them life, because these daughters didn't like the way they did their hair, because the poor moms mistakenly gifted them a book they already had, because these daughters found their moms hobbies and tastes laugheable... Me without a mom, out of comforting a man all night that was enduring hell because of an abusive or sick mother, had to listen to that. See them cut their moms out of their lives over little things, little fights... while my male friends were here, praying for their mothers to be clean and/or healthy enough to attend their wedding... Slowly I started to fear the very idea of having a daughter, because I know I'm already very very low on the scale of "perfect woman", so, what will my daughters say of me in a few years ? Will they be so ashamed, right or wrong, that they will want me out of their lives forever ?

And the only non-abusive daughters I met had another kind of problem : codependency. Very high scale too. I mean their mothers basically ruled their whole lives. Got to decide which man they could wed, where to go for their holidays, what clothes to wear, what food to it, what house to buy... I'm not joking, it was that bad ! Some mothers abused that power oc, but others were trying hard to get their daughter out of it, not knowing when their bond had become such that it led to that kind of situation... and not knowing how to resolve that. But each time they would try to put a little distance between their daughters and them, each-time they would enroll me to try and coach these girls to breath without someone else's okay, it ended in the girls having a total meltdown. Sometimes they were breaking down in such tiny pieces because "mommy" had not answered their call or told them to decide on their own that even I was afraid we would have to get them checked into a hospital. Scary scenes, scary times.

And now I have two daughters to worry about, maybe three >< ! So yeah, a son would be nice for a change. I will have other worries for him, but just the fact that they will be different is a relief somehow ? It's hard to explain.

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Originally Posted by Sora

I understand so much 4blue2pink ! Two years ago that was kinda what happened to me. We were TTC already and yelding BFN after BFN and then suddenly, all around us, people were getting married and having sons. These were people who were very vocal about never getting married or having children, who never missed an occasion to criticize marriage as a boring custom of the past or children as an annoyance that cost money ! They tended to mock my dreams of getting married (religiously) and having more than one child. And suddenly, while I was still begging atheist DH to go through with a religious wedding (cause it is important to me, just having a paper saying we're husband and wife feels lacking) and trying to convince him that swaying was not just a weird idea, here these people go and suddenly change their minds (though sometimes they were pressured into it by their religious family or in-laws). And here I am, receiving their pictures of fairy tale weddings (with "coincidentally" every little detail I had ever dreamed for mine) and gorgeous baby boys... It was agony. I felt a mix of anger and pain and DH didn't help because he ended up saying "Can you just stop envying other people's lives FFS ? Who cares what they are up to ?". Worse was my BFF from high school, who had been unfaithfull to her then fiance, then dumped him because he wanted to go back to France while she wanted to stay and live in UK... But when he came begging her to take him back, with a brand new high-paid job and a house, suddenly she was all okay about a church wedding (despite being an atheist who loathed churches) and having a kid (despite being one of these people who claimed soundly that children were a pain). It honestly killed me inside so I can imagine only too well how you felt having to watch heroin addicts get girls !

But now you have them, it must be a relief. I wish I could one day feel that relief and I'm so scared I will never ever get to know that peace of mind.

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Yes! and even though they never wanted it it just comes to them effortlessly doesnt it!! my dh was in agreement with the Dr who when we lost our baby girl told me i couldnt carry girls, so there was a whole lot of "your never going to have a living girl" coming from dh. Yes seeing the addict get 2 perfect healthy girls while taking drugs during pregnancy was agonising, our baby girl died despite me not doing anything i shouldnt, while she took lots of drugs including heroin, drank heavily and smoked all the way through pregnancy and it apparently didnt cause any long-term harm! (#1 was born addicted and detoxed at birth im not sure about #2) both girls were taken from her and put into care till they are 18.

Yes having girls did bring relief but it didnt happen with our first living daughter like i thought it would, it only came when her sister was born 16 months later and made it so she wasnt the only girl. My mum had 1 brother no sisters and desperatly wanted 2 girls, had me but then was unable to have another so it kinda felt for me like this whole "having a girl and giving her a sister" thing hadnt happened for my grandma or my mum and i didnt want history to repeat again for another generation. So it was this added presssure that went beyond just having 1 girl for me. I just got extrememly lucky to have 2 girls one after the other, the 2 babies who have follwed them girls have both been boys so how we managed to have 2 girls in a row i'll never know!! but i am forever thankful that it did happen for me :heart: and i have everything crossed for the same relief to wash over you when you hopefully hear this is your boy :)

slightly off topic but in France are boys the more desired gender? Here in the UK its girls, girls are very openly preferred by everyone including midwives! and all girl families are seen as the gold standard, more so even than boy/girl or evenly mixed ones.

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Originally Posted by 4blue2pink

Yes! and even though they never wanted it it just comes to them effortlessly doesnt it!! my dh was in agreement with the Dr who when we lost our baby girl told me i couldnt carry girls, so there was a whole lot of "your never going to have a living girl" coming from dh. Yes seeing the addict get 2 perfect healthy girls while taking drugs during pregnancy was agonising, our baby girl died despite me not doing anything i shouldnt, while she took lots of drugs including heroin, drank heavily and smoked all the way through pregnancy and it apparently didnt cause any long-term harm! (#1 was born addicted and detoxed at birth im not sure about #2) both girls were taken from her and put into care till they are 18.

Yes having girls did bring relief but it didnt happen with our first living daughter like i thought it would, it only came when her sister was born 16 months later and made it so she wasnt the only girl. My mum had 1 brother no sisters and desperatly wanted 2 girls, had me but then was unable to have another so it kinda felt for me like this whole "having a girl and giving her a sister" thing hadnt happened for my grandma or my mum and i didnt want history to repeat again for another generation. So it was this added presssure that went beyond just having 1 girl for me. I just got extrememly lucky to have 2 girls one after the other, the 2 babies who have follwed them girls have both been boys so how we managed to have 2 girls in a row i'll never know!! but i am forever thankful that it did happen for me :heart: and i have everything crossed for the same relief to wash over you when you hopefully hear this is your boy :)

slightly off topic but in France are boys the more desired gender? Here in the UK its girls, girls are very openly preferred by everyone including midwives! and all girl families are seen as the gold standard, more so even than boy/girl or evenly mixed ones.

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That sucks. It's somehow even worse : having girls so much women are praying for and not even being able to raise them because you fail so much as a human being. What a waste of everyone's needs, love and time ! Meanwhile we have pink swayers here who are getting desperate... :whip:

Oh right that may be because of your family history, you got the pressure of wanting not only one but two of your DG so it added a lot. But you were heard in the end and got them ^^ ! For my part I think God hates me and wants me to never grasp any of my dreams. Each time one was in reach, I would fail horribly due to something out of my control... and then, at the same time, people around me would get what I wanted without asking and easily, all at once, all of a sudden... It feels like a terrible curse and like a cruel taunt from high above. I don't know what I'm being punished for but I'm so tired of being punished. And I'm not even that much of a superstitious person. But I've had these kind of situations happen one time too many for me to believe it's just "coincidence".

Ah no haha ^^" ! No France is much much like UK and other western countries on that subject ! I'm the odd one out and heavily criticized for it when it's not DH being accused of forcing me to have a "maaaale heiiiir" (ironically, he wanted girls). And actually that's what makes it very hard to be a blue swayer in France. You can't even mention it. Pink swayers are a bit more accepted and supported and the family we have, two daughters, is the gold standard so people can't even understand why we would want to change that XD !

Totally understand Sora, truly... and the fears you have, I have too! Oh how I have them too...
But because I’ve had GD 3times now, and because it’s not a given at all that we’ll even try again, or be able to conceive..I am trying to find solace in what I do have and what having “daughters only” might bring me over my lifetime.
It’s not any easier stil..no, especially when confronted to the comments, the jest, the others who DO have a son/ mix of genders.BUT I guess I can’t let it rule and ruin my life forever....I don’t want my girls to grow with a bitter Mummy, I may never have a son, so I need to get myself together (somehow!?) to hopefully create a long lasting bond with my daughters, one that will lead to a close but healthy relationship. I think daughters can be very critical of their mums yes...but there’s so many dynamics at play ( plus women tend to be like that...critical with themselves and others). Sons are often out in the role of women’s but mostly mummy’s protector, and they struggle getting away from that as growing up. Again, sooo many dynamics!
I know the hurt and it saddens me to know there’s someone else
Living this spiral of GD/hurt/ bitterness...it’s hard to shake.

Right now with the uncertainty, it’s hard to see anything but the worry of a failed sway possibility ..
But You may well be carrying your son for all you know! And I’ll be the one envying You ;)
When is baby due/ when is your t2 scan?

Ps: it’s funny my perception of France is pigeon pair is the gold standard, but boys are overall preferred so best have all boys over all girls?!
Maybe I’ve lived away from France too long? Lol or my FIL is a particularly misogynistic man....having said that, family or friends back my home ( and most people here too) have mostly been negative soooo :tissue::shrug:

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Originally Posted by LMSM

Totally understand Sora, truly... and the fears you have, I have too! Oh how I have them too...
But because I’ve had GD 3times now, and because it’s not a given at all that we’ll even try again, or be able to conceive..I am trying to find solace in what I do have and what having “daughters only” might bring me over my lifetime.
It’s not any easier stil..no, especially when confronted to the comments, the jest, the others who DO have a son/ mix of genders.BUT I guess I can’t let it rule and ruin my life forever....I don’t want my girls to grow with a bitter Mummy, I may never have a son, so I need to get myself together (somehow!?) to hopefully create a long lasting bond with my daughters, one that will lead to a close but healthy relationship. I think daughters can be very critical of their mums yes...but there’s so many dynamics at play ( plus women tend to be like that...critical with themselves and others). Sons are often out in the role of women’s but mostly mummy’s protector, and they struggle getting away from that as growing up. Again, sooo many dynamics!
I know the hurt and it saddens me to know there’s someone else
Living this spiral of GD/hurt/ bitterness...it’s hard to shake.

Right now with the uncertainty, it’s hard to see anything but the worry of a failed sway possibility ..
But You may well be carrying your son for all you know! And I’ll be the one envying You ;)
When is baby due/ when is your t2 scan?

Ps: it’s funny my perception of France is pigeon pair is the gold standard, but boys are overall preferred so best have all boys over all girls?!
Maybe I’ve lived away from France too long? Lol or my FIL is a particularly misogynistic man....having said that, family or friends back my home ( and most people here too) have mostly been negative soooo :tissue::shrug:

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T2 scan will be in one month and a half. Baby due either July 31st or August 1st.

Oh I guess when you look at it from an economic, commercial pov, pigeon pair is golden standard ? What do we see on Tv, advertisements, in magazines and so on ? Dad, Mom, Daughter, Son. But as for public opinion and stuff, even though there's still the idea that it's good and almost natural to have both without effort, if you ask people what their ideal, most united family would be like, they often say "Maybe it should be one with only daughters : less troublesome to raise than boys, more peaceful, better at studying, pretty, soft-spoken, and you will never have to go get them at the police station ever ! Not like boys who are rough, then rude, then become delinquants in their teens, making you worry and get grey hairs... and after that if things go wrong they become killers and rapist and dishonor you !".

So yeah, your in-laws preferring all boys are becoming quite the oddity, and I wouldn't get surprised if outside of your family circle, they get the pointed finger for such a "retarded and non-feminist opinion". I mean, I get plenty of criticism or weird stares whenever I say we would like a little boy to complete our family and we have already two girls ! It's not like I'm asking for ten boys and saying it's to "beat women into submission" or smth !

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Originally Posted by Sora

T2 scan will be in one month and a half. Baby due either July 31st or August 1st.

Oh I guess when you look at it from an economic, commercial pov, pigeon pair is golden standard ? What do we see on Tv, advertisements, in magazines and so on ? Dad, Mom, Daughter, Son. But as for public opinion and stuff, even though there's still the idea that it's good and almost natural to have both without effort, if you ask people what their ideal, most united family would be like, they often say "Maybe it should be one with only daughters : less troublesome to raise than boys, more peaceful, better at studying, pretty, soft-spoken, and you will never have to go get them at the police station ever ! Not like boys who are rough, then rude, then become delinquants in their teens, making you worry and get grey hairs... and after that if things go wrong they become killers and rapist and dishonor you !".

So yeah, your in-laws preferring all boys are becoming quite the oddity, and I wouldn't get surprised if outside of your family circle, they get the pointed finger for such a "retarded and non-feminist opinion". I mean, I get plenty of criticism or weird stares whenever I say we would like a little boy to complete our family and we have already two girls ! It's not like I'm asking for ten boys and saying it's to "beat women into submission" or smth !

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They haven’t my girls that's why lol they are loud, intense, independent, like rough play, my eldest is soooo defiant.... It is NOT a walk in the park :giggle:
Certainly they do not fit the stereotype of quiet, submissive, obedient girls - they love girly stuff, and can play nice but more often than not, they like to jump, run, be loud, climb, be up to mischief...While it’s hard now i know they will be strong women capable of facing the big wide world and take it head on ... :)
I reckon if I ever have a son he would feel soft and quiet in comparison hehe

I think, regardless of anything..people just find something to say: have two kids, why not one more? Only child, you should have a sibling! Have pigeon pair: you can now have a third without pressure/ why do you need a third?: have two, three more of the same gender: need to change husband, need the recipe?, gosh don’t tempt fate you’ll just have another one of the same, gosh you need to try again for that boy/girl..it is endless!

I do think the stereotype of PP lives on and strong..you were saying ads etc, that still is portrayed as the “norm”...
Is it weird that I’m kinda happy when I see other families with 3 girls? Yesterday at the playground, there was a dad with three girls a bit older than ours..so there was 6 girls screaming excitedly as they played together (loudddd but cute) and then a bit later his wife and eldest daughter joined them...with their newest baby, a 2 week old boy! I allllmost grilled her To know what she had done differently lol


Anyways am at work but I can’t wait for you to know and stop the agonising wait!
Have you been feeling ok otherwise? Are your girls aware of baby coming?
My dd1 was born on 30/7...was a good day :)

Hi Sora, I read your previous comments and just wanted to say that everyone’s preference for a gender and idea of to expect from a child of particular gender is totally different! For example when I told my mum I was Pregnant with my second son, she said that It’s very unfortunate because I’ll be lonely when I’m older - boys never look after their mothers when they grow up and almost never visit! Now I must say that I totally disagree with that statement because having two daughters is by no means a guarantee of visitors in your house and being looked after when you are old! I love my mother but due to certain things that happened between us over the course of my life we are not close. And my sister doesn’t even live in the same country as us! So we will see I guess who is right!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Originally Posted by LMSM

They haven’t my girls that's why lol they are loud, intense, independent, like rough play, my eldest is soooo defiant.... It is NOT a walk in the park :giggle:
Certainly they do not fit the stereotype of quiet, submissive, obedient girls - they love girly stuff, and can play nice but more often than not, they like to jump, run, be loud, climb, be up to mischief...While it’s hard now i know they will be strong women capable of facing the big wide world and take it head on ... :)
I reckon if I ever have a son he would feel soft and quiet in comparison hehe

I think, regardless of anything..people just find something to say: have two kids, why not one more? Only child, you should have a sibling! Have pigeon pair: you can now have a third without pressure/ why do you need a third?: have two, three more of the same gender: need to change husband, need the recipe?, gosh don’t tempt fate you’ll just have another one of the same, gosh you need to try again for that boy/girl..it is endless!

I do think the stereotype of PP lives on and strong..you were saying ads etc, that still is portrayed as the “norm”...
Is it weird that I’m kinda happy when I see other families with 3 girls? Yesterday at the playground, there was a dad with three girls a bit older than ours..so there was 6 girls screaming excitedly as they played together (loudddd but cute) and then a bit later his wife and eldest daughter joined them...with their newest baby, a 2 week old boy! I allllmost grilled her To know what she had done differently lol


Anyways am at work but I can’t wait for you to know and stop the agonising wait!
Have you been feeling ok otherwise? Are your girls aware of baby coming?
My dd1 was born on 30/7...was a good day :)

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Nor do they have mine ! I remember a friend, who had one boy then, calling to check on me and hearing my grumpy DD1 scream and rant and babbles in the background and she said, horrified "Is that your girl ? OMG my son has NEVER made so much noise ! Nor are his eventual screams as high and ear-splitting ! How can you stand that ?".

have two, three more of the same gender: need to change husband, need the recipe?, gosh don’t tempt fate you’ll just have another one of the same,

This ! I heard that so much and still hear it, that's why I didn't tell anyone about this pregnancy and wants to hide it for as long as possible.

And no, it's not weird ? Whenever I saw families walking by with two girls/a boy I felt hopeful. When I saw families with two girls I felt relieved but not for long... When I see mothers with PP or sons I do want to grill them too. Since it's taboo I just try to feel them up on diet and sex, women will rant about it anytime if they think you're after advice for your own weight or love life ! As far as I know, blue moms around were very into fruits and meat diet wise, having them many times a day (and still being so thin GRRRRR) ! They were shocked to learn I could go so long without both. And one other common thing, they hate dairy. A bit of cheese or one light yoghurt is okay but not the rest and for the longest time until I found blue moms here having lots of dairy, I thought this was the number 1 problem.
About sex life, I think they are more or less regular ? DH had more success getting something out of their men but it seems they were at it more than us ^^"...

Otherwise, hm no, not okay, this pregnancy is hard on me, got the most awful nauseas and had to listen to the many "oh if there are nauseas, then it's a girl for sure, looks like you failed". And now going into T2, I'm feeling more and more emotional and worried. I miss the unexplained anger of T1 tbh, at least it gave me strenght (from week 7 to 12, I had become insanely agressive).

Yes the girls know about the baby, saw the pictures of my first scan (btw if anyone else feels confident at guessing despite the bluriness and trickiness... I posted them on the nub theory section, 13+1 thread under my ID). Since scan is black and white and looks eerie, they call it the "ghost baby". Wanted to know if it had a name.

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Originally Posted by Thirdtimelucky01

Hi Sora, I read your previous comments and just wanted to say that everyone’s preference for a gender and idea of to expect from a child of particular gender is totally different! For example when I told my mum I was Pregnant with my second son, she said that It’s very unfortunate because I’ll be lonely when I’m older - boys never look after their mothers when they grow up and almost never visit! Now I must say that I totally disagree with that statement because having two daughters is by no means a guarantee of visitors in your house and being looked after when you are old! I love my mother but due to certain things that happened between us over the course of my life we are not close. And my sister doesn’t even live in the same country as us! So we will see I guess who is right!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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It’s very unfortunate because I’ll be lonely when I’m older - boys never look after their mothers when they grow up and almost never visit!

This is what I hear constantly whenever I express sadness over not having a boy or that I want to try and have one. As if people were trying VERY hard to change my mind. Just feels like multiple curses, as if they're wishing for me to fail (or end up with a serial killer for a son) just to feel justified in their views of men.

But sure, there are, know of some who never visit...

I've seen blue moms say they were told that girls cost much more to raise and they're lucky to have boys ? Sounds weird to me tbh. First time I heard of one gender costing more than the other ? I mean each time I heard someone talk about money and children, it was more general, like "children cost a lot of money, why would you want any ?".

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Originally Posted by Sora

Nor do they have mine ! I remember a friend, who had one boy then, calling to check on me and hearing my grumpy DD1 scream and rant and babbles in the background and she said, horrified "Is that your girl ? OMG my son has NEVER made so much noise ! Nor are his eventual screams as high and ear-splitting ! How can you stand that ?".

have two, three more of the same gender: need to change husband, need the recipe?, gosh don’t tempt fate you’ll just have another one of the same,

This ! I heard that so much and still hear it, that's why I didn't tell anyone about this pregnancy and wants to hide it for as long as possible.

And no, it's not weird ? Whenever I saw families walking by with two girls/a boy I felt hopeful. When I saw families with two girls I felt relieved but not for long... When I see mothers with PP or sons I do want to grill them too. Since it's taboo I just try to feel them up on diet and sex, women will rant about it anytime if they think you're after advice for your own weight or love life ! As far as I know, blue moms around were very into fruits and meat diet wise, having them many times a day (and still being so thin GRRRRR) ! They were shocked to learn I could go so long without both. And one other common thing, they hate dairy. A bit of cheese or one light yoghurt is okay but not the rest and for the longest time until I found blue moms here having lots of dairy, I thought this was the number 1 problem.
About sex life, I think they are more or less regular ? DH had more success getting something out of their men but it seems they were at it more than us ^^"...

Otherwise, hm no, not okay, this pregnancy is hard on me, got the most awful nauseas and had to listen to the many "oh if there are nauseas, then it's a girl for sure, looks like you failed". And now going into T2, I'm feeling more and more emotional and worried. I miss the unexplained anger of T1 tbh, at least it gave me strenght (from week 7 to 12, I had become insanely agressive).

Yes the girls know about the baby, saw the pictures of my first scan (btw if anyone else feels confident at guessing despite the bluriness and trickiness... I posted them on the nub theory section, 13+1 thread under my ID). Since scan is black and white and looks eerie, they call it the "ghost baby". Wanted to know if it had a name.

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Iben posted on your ultrasound scan...;)
Ghost baby, that is very cute !! I bet they’re excited :)
Sorry to hear you’ve been so sick..I think often the more pregnancies (hence the more kids at home and the more tired) the more one is likely to feel,sick.
I found that with my third I was sicker ( if that was possible lol) - I thought I had a boys cooking because I was sooo nervous/aggressive..nope, just hormones driving me mad, heightening EVERYTHING lol I truly think the sick not sick more sick less sick etc has no bearing on one gender or the other :)
I really hope it eases soon...!
Xx

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Originally Posted by LMSM

Iben posted on your ultrasound scan...;)
Ghost baby, that is very cute !! I bet they’re excited :)
Sorry to hear you’ve been so sick..I think often the more pregnancies (hence the more kids at home and the more tired) the more one is likely to feel,sick.
I found that with my third I was sicker ( if that was possible lol) - I thought I had a boys cooking because I was sooo nervous/aggressive..nope, just hormones driving me mad, heightening EVERYTHING lol I truly think the sick not sick more sick less sick etc has no bearing on one gender or the other :)
I really hope it eases soon...!
Xx

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Same I do believe the amount of symptoms you have at the beginning is related somehow to how tired you are. Yeah I admit I was wondering if the aggressivity was related but when looking for other stories, I found even girls' moms had that so...

But yeah really symptoms don't seem related to gender at all. It would be too easy XD !

I often hear "but it has to be a boy because I feel agressive, so it must be testosterone" but the thing is, the baby does not even make testosterone at the start of pregnancy, and only makes high levels towards the end of pregnancy, and it appears to be the other hormones who create these feelings of aggressiveness (same with PMS which is down to fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone, not testosteron)

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

I often hear "but it has to be a boy because I feel agressive, so it must be testosterone" but the thing is, the baby does not even make testosterone at the start of pregnancy, and only makes high levels towards the end of pregnancy, and it appears to be the other hormones who create these feelings of aggressiveness (same with PMS which is down to fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone, not testosteron)

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Yeah, it was really strange though ! For the others I felt rather depressed and for DD1, I became paranoid at the end of T2. Whenever I was outside, I would feel like I was being spyed on, followed. Once we were dining out with my husband and suddenly, I had this pressure, a circling thought, that the people around us were going to attack us. Totally illogical but I felt unsafe somehow ? Disappeared at T3. I've heard that it can happen, something to do with an old instinct you can found in animals too making the female warry about possible attacks from predators or something...

Yep I had a pregnancy like that, very anxious about entirely ridiculous things like feeling I would somehow fall into the tires of cars passing by or people walking past the house!!!

Oh whoops sorry didn't mean to hit send...at the end of the second trimester you are making a really large volume of blood and this reaches a peak at that point. It's the time when women are the most likely to become anemic and those of us (like me) who are prone to heart palpitations during pregnancy often have them at this stage of gestation so I would suspect it was probably linked to those kinds of changes. :)

Sorry everyone I failed. Thank you all for the support and love.

You did not fail, sometimes the cards just don't go our way. I am so sorry that it did not go as we hoped, how can we help???

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

You did not fail, sometimes the cards just don't go our way. I am so sorry that it did not go as we hoped, how can we help???

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I don't know. It's killing me. My worst fear came through and it's killing me. I ruined my body a bit more, put my health at risk, going through Corona for nothing. Just unbalanced my family more. Just won us the whispers and criticism and the stares. Just killed any social life I had left cause how will I face my neighboors and friends all pregnant with their boys.
I'm a mess, wondering what did I do wrong. Should I have called it off last fall ? I knew it was not a perfect month I should have postponed. Or maybe even before when it started to take too much time TTC. Should have known it looked bad for blue cause blue seems to be = immediate pregnancy.

We will have to go HT and the costs, the treatments, the travel is frightening. But I miss him too much.

I'm so enraged too. I hoped it would be behind me. To go shopping blue. I hoped I could give the little dresses away and now I will have to use them again and I want to burn them all.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sora

I don't know. It's killing me. My worst fear came through and it's killing me. I ruined my body a bit more, put my health at risk, going through Corona for nothing. Just unbalanced my family more. Just won us the whispers and criticism and the stares. Just killed any social life I had left cause how will I face my neighboors and friends all pregnant with their boys.
I'm a mess, wondering what did I do wrong. Should I have called it off last fall ? I knew it was not a perfect month I should have postponed. Or maybe even before when it started to take too much time TTC. Should have known it looked bad for blue cause blue seems to be = immediate pregnancy.

We will have to go HT and the costs, the treatments, the travel is frightening. But I miss him too much.

I'm so enraged too. I hoped it would be behind me. To go shopping blue. I hoped I could give the little dresses away and now I will have to use them again and I want to burn them all.

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Sora :heart: i know i replied to you already (you must be sick of my posts!) but seeing what you have said about the dresses it took me back to when my GD was at its worst and i thought id share what i did just incase it helps in some small way.. I couldnt face the boy clothes or the blue stuff or worse people looking into the pram and seeing "another boy" i had all boys and our only daughter had died during pregnancy so the "oh god all boys / poor you how awful / dont you want a girl?!" type comments were literally killing me. Like you already said i also wanted to move away and live in the middle of nowhere just to avoid the comments and judgements or just never leave the house again.
So i stopped using "boy" clothes and dressed those babies in white, yellow and grey all gender-neutral colours for the first 9 months. To a stranger in the street they had no way of telling the gender which did lessen the comments and for me there was something about not having to face the boy baby clothes that somehow helped. I cant really explain it and it didnt stop my GD but it made it bareable to dress and then look after that baby, i wasnt being smacked in the face with "another boy" 24/7. If you cant face the dresses dont do the dresses, it wont do baby any harm :heart:

Thats a great idea 4blue2pink!

Sora, could HT be in your future? I have seen ladies seek great comfort in planning their HT journey straight away when discovering they were not carrying their DG, it takes all the pressure off of this pregnancy and moves the goal to a further date thats all! there could be twin blues in the future:)