Alyssasmum I'm sorry you didn't get your boy.
I think my day time thoughts and fears are creeping into my dreams. After hearing my friends tragic news yesterday I had a dream last night that I was bleeding.
I think its a lovely way to think that every baby was meant to be with us for some purpose. I think that about my niece, her parents were using the pill and condoms and one little swimmer got through and her she is. She is 7 years old and so bright and confident and I can't help but think she was meant to be here and put on the earth for a purpose.
I didn't sway this time, but I hope if I get a boy DH will agree to one more baby to sway. Even if I get a 5th boy I know I will be upset for a while and I think its important to embrace those feelings and grieve for the lost dream in order to move past it and find peace.
I just want to know that I gave it my best shot, if I know I have tried then I will know its just the way its meant to be.
They hold a coffee morning at my church once a month and it was on this morning. I had planned to pray for a daughter but when I got there I found I just couldn't do it. Instead I prayed for a healthy baby, and tagged on the end "and if it could be a girl that would truely complete my family" because I just couldn't say please let this baby be a girl, I've spent days walking around saying it in my head over and over but for some reason once I was actually inside the church all I could think was I wanted a healthy baby.
Had a midwife appointment today as well because they messed up my bloods. I'm 15 weeks today so she decided to do my whole 16 week appointment so I don't have to go back for a while. She said it was a bit early to try but because I'm so slim she would see if she could hear the heart. It took ages to find the heart beat but she assured me that even if she couldn't get it she was not in the least bit worried as she could hear the baby "swimming away" and wriggling around every time she got close enough to hear a few beats in the back ground. In the end she did find it but it looks like this baby is a little monkey (why am I not surprised) s/he was trouble at the scan as well and took ages to get to move so that they could get a good shot of the spine and kidneys.
Its funny but it seems to have given them this little personality already (though if s/he is being such a pain for medical professionals I hope we don't see any crossed legs at my gender scan LOL)
Also been told I've really 'popped' today. Feeling very good atm and I hope this feeling lasts because I'm still convinced I'll hear boy but hoping I wont be as sad as I thought I would be because I am expecting it and have already started getting used to the idea

