July 2WW

You all are so lucky! Ya'll are managing to lose weight! I started to lose weight before AF then gained it all back. I am hoping it is just water retention due to AF and I will go back down and continue losing but, honestly, I am starting to feel like what is the point of doing all this if losing weight is key and I'm not losing :( Granted my diet isn't perfect... or even pretty, but I stay in the limits for the most part.

I don't eat all "fancy-like" like you all do lol ;) I am a very simple person with a very simple palette and I eat very simply. To me a char grilled hot dog or a juicy burger beats a steak any day of the week (just an example, pink swayers can't have red meat just illustrating my point). Recipes with more than 5 ingredients annoy me lol. And the ingredients have to be something we usually have on hand anyway. I'll buy something extra here or there for a recipe but for the most part, not so much. I look at ya'lls (GD in general not just those on this thread) menus and such and they sound delicious but they also sound like a lot of extra hassle lol.

I will post a couple days to show you what I mean and to see if maybe you all can see something I am doing wrong...

This is yesterday, which was pretty typical except for dinner which was carb-a-polooza lol. Definitely NOT a typical dinner:
Breakfast (around like 12-1 o'clock): 1 four inch pancake with da vinci sugar free caramel flavored syrup and 1 whole egg.
Lunch- WG toast with butter and Dannon light and fit strawberry cheese cake greek yogurt
Dinner (not so great health-wise but my kids asked for mac and cheese and rice)- mac and cheese with shredded chicken mixed in and chicken flavored rice-a-roni.

Totals: 1,344 calories; 32g fat- should have been higher, but one day won't kill me; 185g carbs (113 from dinner alone- yikes!!); 50 protein; 20g sugar

Monday was...
Breakfast- dannon light and fit strawberry greek yogurt with 2 slices WG toast and butter
Snack- Dannon light and fit strawberry greek yogurt (It'd been hours since I ate, too late for lunch, and I was starving but supper was in a couple hours)
Dinner- (breakfast for dinner... the kids love it lol) 1/2 four inch pancake (can you tell I am enjoying pancakes... been a long time since I let myself have them because I was on a high protein low carb diet), da vinci sugar free cherry syrup, 1 egg, 1 biscuit and 8oz 2% milk.

After dinner "snack" (more like lunch after dinner, lol, needed more calories, ect. and I was hungry anyway I don't generally snack but just worked out this way this time): other half of four inch pancake and SF cherry syrup, another biscuit and egg.

Drinks: 8 oz peach chardonnay, cup of coffee with 3 tsp lactose free caramel vanilla powdered creamer and 4 tbsp da vinci SF caramel flavored syrup

Totals: 1,440 calories; 65g fat; 138 carbs; 58 protein; 55 sugar

Then for breakfast (@ 1 pm) today I had half a cup of cottage cheese and 2 sliced WG toast with SF grape jelly... Like I said, I like simple, lol.

Regardless of what I eat though I stay in or below the recommended stats for the most part and 90% of the time don't even reach 1500 calories :/ Usually I land right about 1,100-1,400 calories. I don't eat much so higher calories (as in ifI needed to raise my calories to lose) would mean either eating junk like cookies and candy or drinking simple sugars like sweet tea, more wine, etc.

Can you all see anything I am doing wrong??

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Originally Posted by TaytumJ

Two - you've had a lot going on and j can see why BDing would literally suck the life out of you. I had a really long cycle from October-February with no period and finally O'd in Feb and got a BFP. Unfortunately it ended up being a chemical but I was so upset and exhausted from the lack of ovulation that thinking about starting all over put me over the deep end. I definitely can relate to your experience of the looming starting over. Ugh. And it's definitely not letting me sleep. I went to bed around 9:30 last night and woke up thinking I'd slept all night only to find it wasn't even midnight. [emoji15] I'm glad I have summers off to sit around and take it easy! FX for you this cycle!

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Thank you. Sorry I missed this post before. TBH I HATE TTC. I hate the ups and downs of it, I hate the lack of spontaneity and passion because of scheduled nature of it (even if you aren't swaying it's all very scheduled). I literally can not think of a single thing I like about TTC except the end of it... the BFP and that brings its own whole new set of issues with it thanks to 2 losses. I literally can't just relax and enjoy pregnancy. I'm always wondering if the other shoe is going to drop and when. So, I guess you can say the only part of TTC I like is the very, very end of it with a healthy baby in my arms. When I got preg with my most recent preg I was in a rush the whole time. I wanted time to pass quickly so I could be at the grand finale ASAP because preg doesn't feel safe to me. I think that it the hardest part of having to start over. I mean, there is the grief and pain, which obviously sucks, but on top of that the knowledge that all the time that passed toward the end goal has to be done all over again. All the worry, all the stress all over again.

I am sorry about your chemical preg. I know a lot of people try to classify losses as one being somehow worse than another but not me. I don't know much about chemical pregs but knowing or believing you are preg just to find out you don't get to have the prize at the end... it really doesn't matter if you have thought you were going to have a baby for 40 secs or 40 weeks, it all hurts. In many ways my early loss (just shy of 8 weeks) was harder on me than my late loss (20w 5d). I don't know why, but even before I found out she was a girl it was really hard. My guess is because I didn't get to have a funeral and say goodbye, get closure, like I did with my son. I say all that because the way you said that it was a chemical "but" you were upset made me think that maybe some of those "others" had gotten to you and made you feel you didn't have a right to grieve or something... if not, well then just ignore me ;) lol

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Originally Posted by maidentomother

Awww Junie, I was really hoping you'd see a BFP this month. AF arrived very early this am with mega cramps. That's really the only reason I hate CD1...the cramps. Otherwise I think I'd enjoy the the relief of knowing for sure after over a week of limbo.

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Sorry maiden, at least your not in limbo anymore


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Lots of BFPs in July


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Two: I'm definitely with you on the food department! I literally buy everything I need for the week and that's usually it. I have just about the same thing for each meal, but maybe snack on different things throughout the day. DH wants to lose weight for summer (but is really muscular and has been lifting for 8 years) so he eats like the same thing every day too so I don't have motivation to make anything else for just me. Plus I hate spending so much money on groceries for the two of us, and like I said he eats the same thing and I can't eat all of it before it spoils so...I feel ya! [emoji6] I don't know much about a girl diet or calories, but I can't believe you can hold out breakfast until noon! Willpower!

Thank you so much for your support. I think the worst part about my chemical was I found out from the doctor on Friday and it was the first time anyone had said to me, "You're pregnant!" So I went the whole weekend thinking I was pregnant and just marveling at it all and then on Monday did follow up blood work and got the call it wasn't there. So maybe it was the extended time, not sure. And I cannot imagine worrying and not enjoying pregnancy like you said. It feels like it's suppose to be a magical thing and I'm sure that's so hard on you and DH. I feel like for such a long time I've always said I feel like I will love being pregnant; not knowing all the struggles and scares I know now. But yes, the daunting task of starting over and planning BD and waiting and waiting just sucks; I hate it as well. Who knew I avoided it all those years only to find out it's not that easy!

I'm with you Magical - July has to be the magic month! [emoji92][emoji92]


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Originally Posted by TaytumJ

Two: I'm definitely with you on the food department! I literally buy everything I need for the week and that's usually it. I have just about the same thing for each meal, but maybe snack on different things throughout the day. DH wants to lose weight for summer (but is really muscular and has been lifting for 8 years) so he eats like the same thing every day too so I don't have motivation to make anything else for just me. Plus I hate spending so much money on groceries for the two of us, and like I said he eats the same thing and I can't eat all of it before it spoils so...I feel ya! [emoji6] I don't know much about a girl diet or calories, but I can't believe you can hold out breakfast until noon! Willpower!

Thank you so much for your support. I think the worst part about my chemical was I found out from the doctor on Friday and it was the first time anyone had said to me, "You're pregnant!" So I went the whole weekend thinking I was pregnant and just marveling at it all and then on Monday did follow up blood work and got the call it wasn't there. So maybe it was the extended time, not sure. And I cannot imagine worrying and not enjoying pregnancy like you said. It feels like it's suppose to be a magical thing and I'm sure that's so hard on you and DH. I feel like for such a long time I've always said I feel like I will love being pregnant; not knowing all the struggles and scares I know now. But yes, the daunting task of starting over and planning BD and waiting and waiting just sucks; I hate it as well. Who knew I avoided it all those years only to find out it's not that easy!

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Hahaha, nah morning isn't the hard part for me. I have plenty to keep me busy until it's time to eat. Generally I get up, feed the kiddos, do my workout, then hubby comes home on lunch around 11:30-12:30 and I cook something up for him and visit for a few until he leaves (he gets 2 30 min lunches instead of 1 one hour lunch because he works such long hours), maybe take a quick shower if the kids are occupied playing in their room. Then I feed the kiddos lunch, might eat too then but sometimes I wait until I have then down for a nap so I can eat and then clean or relax or whatever while it is quiet. Evenings are the hard part for me. We typically eat dinner when hubby gets home which is usually around 7, but not always, sometimes night shift takes over and he gets to come home early (around 4'ish) like he did I think it was Monday (whichever day I had lunch AFTER dinner lol). Evening is when my hunger really kicks in esp considering I am usually up pretty late thanks to insomnia (it is nearly 2 am here now, if that gives you any idea) and that is when I have to really fight the urge to eat. It's quiet in the house, nothing to do to take my mind off my tummy. So yeah, evenings are much harder.

And you are very welcome :) I get it. The moment you find out you are pregnant you begin planning and dreaming and to have that rug pulled out from under you is hard, regardless of how far in you are. The one plus side you get, if such a thing exists with a loss, is there will come a point in your case where you will likely begin to feel secure in your pregnancy. Maybe it will be after your first u/s when you see a bean snuggled in tight, maybe it will be after the first trimester is over. But at some point you will likely begin to feel safe and that is a good thing! The innocence of pregnancy is a wonderful thing, enjoy it!! I might have even been able to say the same thing about myself if both my losses had been early losses. But with my first loss I was halfway there and there was no warning, no sign of a problem. No bleeding, no cramping, nothing. That's how both my losses were. So, for me, the reason pregnancy doesn't feel safe is because barring doppler (which I use frequently once I am far enough along) or u/s I have NO CLUE if baby is okay in there. Part of me thinks it'd be different if there had been some kind of sign... anything that said "hey! you might wanna pay attention here!" because then I could just be on the lookout for signs and not worry as much unless I saw/felt a warning, kwim? If not I'll try to explain...Horrible analogy warning, lol- Kinda like if you survive a tornado, the next time you know what to look for because you saw the weather before it hit, heard what it sounded like, etc. so you have an idea of what might clue you in to take cover next time. So, every storm doesn't send you running into your basement. In my case, my curtains were closed and my TV was too loud so I didn't see or hear anything except my house being ripped apart when it hit and the aftermath so now I'll always have some fear of storms. I hope I am making at least a little sense, lol. You may see what I mean when you get pregnant again... you may not be 100% excited until you know for sure, 100% that it's not another chemical. Until then you will be happy, of course, but a part of you may worry until you get confirmation. Honestly, from the deepest depths of my heart, I hope that is not the case and you can just believe everything is ok and not worry, but just know it is normal if you do worry. It is one of the "joys" of being in the "club" (angel mommy club) that nobody ever wanted to be in. Anyway, I am getting tired FINALLY and so I am babbling so... I am just gonna shut up now before I add a few more chapters to this book, lol.

That analogy makes perfect sense. I didn't even know you could miscarry that far along without warning signs (or really at any time in pregnancy). My heart aches for you. Is there a point for you that you feel you can finally relax? I really hope you get your sticky pink bean that stays happy and healthy nine months and beyond. I admire your strength through TTC; I don't know if I could keep going. You are tough!

I think you're right; I think I'll probably feel so much better after bloods are done confirming a pregnancy and then maybe after the first u/s. I'm somewhat of a worrywart anyway, which I'm sure doesn't help things.

And, Clomid hasn't made my temps wonky like I thought it would. Hoping that's a good sign!


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Originally Posted by TaytumJ

That analogy makes perfect sense. I didn't even know you could miscarry that far along without warning signs (or really at any time in pregnancy). My heart aches for you. Is there a point for you that you feel you can finally relax? I really hope you get your sticky pink bean that stays happy and healthy nine months and beyond. I admire your strength through TTC; I don't know if I could keep going. You are tough!

I think you're right; I think I'll probably feel so much better after bloods are done confirming a pregnancy and then maybe after the first u/s. I'm somewhat of a worrywart anyway, which I'm sure doesn't help things.

And, Clomid hasn't made my temps wonky like I thought it would. Hoping that's a good sign!


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The only "sign" I had wasn't really a sign. I remember I was running around town, trying to get stuff ready because we were about to go out of town for the weekend to visit my family. So, I am driving down the road and my heart literally stops beating for a moment, there was a pressure buildup and then my heart started beating again really hard and fast. That has happened from time time for as far back as can remember so I shrugged it off. Then about 2 mins later it happened again, and then again about 5 mins after that. I knew if I called my PCP they would tell me to go to ER so I called my OB who I knew would get me in right away (and was about a block from the ER, if that, if it was something serious. I just didn't want to spend all day in the ER and find out it was nothing). Anyway, my OBs office told me to come right in, said it sounded like palpatations but they wanted the doc to check me out. So, I got there and my BP was high. That mixed with the fact that at my previous visit it had gone up to a borderline level and the palpatations he put me on BP meds and I was on my way. When I got back from my trip I had a regular appt scheduled for my "big u/s" (the gender ultrasound). I remember I guzzled a mountain dew to wake baby up because he had been "sleeping" all morning and I wanted to make sure he was good and active so we could get a good potty shot. That u/s is when we found out that he had passed about a month prior. So, for a month all the twinges I felt that I thought where him moving about were muscle spasms. I even had them in the hosp as I was being admitted so I made the nurse check him in case the u/s was wrong because I could feel what I thought was him moving around, but he was gone. That's when I was told what I had been feeling was muscle spasms. In hind sight I know that the palpatations and high BP were my body fighting the infection that was growing in in his gestational sac and the spasms were probably because of the same thing but those were aftermath of his loss, not warnings that something was wrong.

With the girl I lost the only "signs" I had was that I wasn't purging my guts out like I had with all my previous pregs. But with each preg my morning sickness was a little less harsh and a little more tolerable each time. With my first I had hyperemesis (a severe form of morning sickness), with my second I was crazy nauseous all day and got sick several times a day but not as bad as my first, with my third I was nausea most of the day and only got sick once or twice a day. So, I just thought that it was a progression of my body getting more used to being preg. I had a strong gag reflex and smells made me nauseous, so it wasn't like I wasn't sick at all so it made sense. And I had enough fatigue that I felt like I'd been shot with a horse tranq lol. All I could do was sleep. So, I had no reason to believe there was anything wrong.

I honestly don't know if I will ever find a point of feeling safe again. Before my most recent loss the first trimester wasn't a big fear because preg symptoms are generally strong in the first tri so I *thought* I'd know if there was an issue.. the fear hit @ 12 weeks because my first loss was in the second trimester. With my third (the one I had after my first loss) I used the doppler at least 3x a day after 12 weeks and once I could feel him move the poor kid didn't get to sleep lol. Every time he got to still I'd panick and start poking my belly until he started moving again. I was less scared towards my third trimester, because he was big enough I could feel his every move and it felt nothing like a spasm, but I still was eager for him to be born so I knew he was safe. My mom had 8 pregnancies, total of 9 babies, including stillborn twins at 9 months. I am the only one that made it, so I apparently have a genetic predisposition for losing babies. Most women feel that the womb is the safest place for baby, I feel the opposite. If baby is born and something is going on I can see it and react, but in my belly I have no idea what might be going on. BTW, PLEASE don't let what I am saying affect your pregnancy. These are MY fears and there is every chance in the world that you will have 100% normal, healthy pregnancies.

Anyway, back to cycle stuff, lol. I feel like we kinda thread jacked a bit... :worry: I only have a couple temps so far, but they in normal range so hopefully I can same the same as you (that it hasn't made my temps wonky). I took my last dose so now I wait to O. My CM is creamy already which concerns me as clomid is supposed to dry you up. So, I don't know if it is because of the clomid (as if the fact that I am still taking it) causing the creamy CM, if I eally am going to O early or if it's a sign that I am going to be battling it out with EWCM. I know we need some but I typically have a lot. I read on here someone said their EWCM is like birthing a jelly fish, lol, and unfortunately I can relate. I guess time will tell. How are you doing side effect wise? The first few days I had a lot of side effects but at this point I am just unbelievably tired STILL. If I didn't have kids I'd be asleep right now lol. I am officially blaming the clomid. I looked it up and these are the possible side effects:

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You should check with your doctor immediately if any of these side effects occur when taking clomiphene:
More common

Bloating
stomach or pelvic pain

If any of the following side effects occur while taking clomiphene, check with your doctor or nurse as soon as possible:
Less common or rare

Blurred vision
decreased or double vision or other vision problems
seeing flashes of light
sensitivity of eyes to light
yellow eyes or skin

Some of the side effects that can occur with clomiphene may not need medical attention. As your body adjusts to the medicine during treatment these side effects may go away. Your health care professional may also be able to tell you about ways to reduce or prevent some of these side effects. If any of the following side effects continue, are bothersome or if you have any questions about them, check with your health care professional:
More common

Hot flashes

Less common or rare

Breast discomfort
dizziness or lightheadedness
headache
heavy menstrual periods or bleeding between periods
mental depression
nausea or vomiting
nervousness
restlessness
tiredness
trouble in sleeping

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Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your story and giving me and others so much insight. I won't hijack the thread any more, but like I said before, you are such a strong, amazing woman. Your DH and DS's are so lucky to have you. Wishing all of baby dust (albeit I don't have much lol [emoji6]) to you guys and a full enjoyable pink pregnancy. Thank you again so much for sharing. [emoji177]

Last dose tomorrow and aside from a few night sweats days 2 & 3 I don't feel much different. I've also had some creamy CM so I'm hoping that's a good sign too for an early O. I've never gotten EWCM up to this point so I also hope this will open those gates up. I've been tired, but have wondered if it's been because of tossing/turning at night.

Edit: I also feel like every month I only get right ovary pain. Do other people switch? Is this normal to have a dominate ovary or could I be ovulating from the left but am more sensitive to R twinges?

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It's hard for me not to do just 1 attempt I'm just getting desperate to get pregnant and with seeing a FS every month it's getting $$. We do like 3 attempts leading up to O but nothing after. Fingers crossed we get our girl!


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