ColdWater, can you take a look please?

Honestly, I think had I just posted photos, nobody in their right mind would have said "oh im absolutely SURE that's a boy". because there were just NO GENDER CLUES in the photos- and most of the photos I have are freeze frame photos of the video, and they can be REALLY unreliable, because unless you're seeing a scan in real time, right there (ie the most ACCURATE method), there are so many things that can make it less accurate, you may not know that something that looks 100% like a nub could actually be something else, unless you see it moving in the flesh at the time of the scan

And from my experience, I really regret posting my photos, until I knew for sure that this IS a girl (contrary to popular belief, STILL!) And I HATE HATE HATE the feeling of regret, in any aspect of life- it just eats away at you, and you KNOW deep down it's just not worth it, yet you just can't stop feeling it, that's the awfulness of regret, and I think that's often overlooked on "particular" forums *cough*. I think people's feelings really do need to be considered, I'm not saying lie to the person to make them feel better, but I think ALL the evidence really does need to be taken into consideration. And sometimes, "evidence" may not be something we can see (like a picture for instance), but TRUST in a person's opinion (I told people I have 100% faith in my doctor's thoughts that this is a girl, but that seemed to fall on deaf ears), so I think people need to realise that there is MUCH more to just a clear "nub shot" or video, all the evidence needs to be considered, otherwise you're being biased

For what it's worth, I don't think anyone wants to intentionally hurt you or deflate you, I think they're just concerned that you are getting your hopes up - only to be devastated later. Nobody wants that. Everybody here understands what you're going through. I truly believe that with all my heart. I truly and completely hope, wish, and pray that every lady here gets their desired gender. I think that's what this website is all about and why it was created to begin with.

Fingers crossed and saying prayers you get your little girl. ♥

I have to agree with the previous poster!! Especially when you are talking about buying clothes and decorating a nursery. I just wouldn't go that far after a 13 week u/s, but thats me!! I would want to see a penis or vagina with my own two eyes on an u/s that I could see clearly before I got my hopes up and started buying/decorating. Especially after having so many of the one gender and they are telling you that you finally have an opposite. I have seen too many boy/girl's turn into girl/boy's from early u/s's with super experienced techs where they were told 80-99% sure!!

I hope this is your girl and you see a hamburger at 20 weeks...I just wouldn't start painting yet.

i agree too. nobody wants you to be hurt or sad or angry or anything. we just don't want to see you crushed later. im not a tech so i can't say. i can only say none of my girl shots looked like yours, but that means nothing. i really hope you hear girl at 20 weeks but at 13 weeks i would take it with a grain of salt. its so early hun. just enjoy your pregnancy for now.

Would you ladies mind please having a guess on my pics?? I dont mean to take over this thread but I cant seem to get many guesses on mine! I would appreciate it so much

Sure hon...can you link me to em...don't have time to search at work.

ha ha Will try I am not up with all that! I will bump it and should come up in the posts under 12week1day pics ! thanks heaps

Joanna, I totally see where you're coming from and it's why I was really wanting to wait until I had a good level of confidence to even mention pg at all!!

Deleted.

Thank you waiting4daisy. I haven't been on InGender in 4 days and I'm shocked and disgusted to be told that it's apparently it's still active. I truly thought people with children would be too busy to be harassing complete strangers, I'm talking about one person in particular, most people will know who I'm referring to. I'm actually having an advanced scan in two weeks, purely because of the unnecessary pain certain people have put me through. I'm still undecided whether I will post the confirmation of my girl on InGender, at this point I don't see the need, as apparently I don't even need to be talking on InGender for people ( or a particular person) to still be attacking me. Very disappointing. The thread clearly got out of control, one person in particular just can't seem to let it go, and I don't really want to hang around people like that ( this is very different to the people in the beginning that do just want the best for me and want me to be cautious etc etc etc). I left when someone was just being unnecessarily out of line

Oh JoannaK, I am feeling relieved right now that my tech wouldn't give me any nub shots. What a headache. Rest up and take care of yourself and your precious baby!

I will certainly do that and yes, I've learned some very valuable lessons regarding nub shots lol. Im so glad you're relieved that you didn't get any shots because I'm guessing it must be a much more pleasant feeling than constant confusion and anxiousness!

The most important thing I've learned, after leaving that thread on ingender, was I've come to appreciate my family and children so much more, to be surrounded by good, kind people, is worth infinitely more than some nasty comments from a person whom I'll never meet in this world. And the love and appreciation I have for my unborn child, that I will be passing down my kindness and compassion for others to him/her, and my other sons. It is so much easier to be happy than to hold grudges (for me anyway). I hope my children will be the same

I think it is incredibly sad that I'm getting feedback from ingender, telling me I should be grateful that I'm even PREGNANT, when one lady was saying she has been trying since 2007 to have #2. This is what I've learned from going through the loss of a child. It is hell, it rips you apart. But it DOES NOT make you a super human, or a non-human, you come out the end of it STILL human, and being human means you still hope for a certain gender, and i don't feel bad for feeling that way! Because.... I AM HUMAN for gods sake. People need to give everyone a break, this is a JOKE!!!!

The fact that I"m no longer apart of that thread, and yet people STILL need to offer me this "well intentioned" advice is beyond crazy. I accepted the opinions of the people who guessed this baby was a boy, good for them, i have NO issue WHATSOEVER with that, so there's NO obsession there. What I'm "obsessed" with is the UNNECESSARY, hurtful comments I've received. I think people have taken this so much further than it should have gone, and that thread should have been locked... And it's very sad because instead of future people learning from this experience, it is now going to be filled with hurt feelings and inconsiderate remarks (please note, ONCE AGAIN, I do NOT include "guessing a boy" in such inconsiderate remarks). what hurt me most, is after I updated everyone and told them that my obstetrician with 80 % certainty told me this is a girl, that I had one woman on ingender tell me that "she hopes I don't grieve too much WHEN I have to repaint your wall".

I found that very hurtful, considering all she had to say was "if you have to repaint your wall". To be so self-righteous as to say WHEN to repaint your wall, how nobody can consider THAT unnecessary, I don't know. And maybe I am caring too much about that comment, but I just hope that woman realises that what she said was particularly hurtful, and this is a parent of children, that is what scares me most- these are people that are far down on the list of people that should be being so petty and childish.

That thread should have been left at "I think this is a boy joanna", to which I would say "thankyou very much, i think you're wrong, so I'll show you in 4 weeks". and that should have been that. But apparently not.

Oh are they still going on about this to you? :(

I wouldn't even go back to that site. There's no point. The only thing I'd go back to do is delete my pictures, if I were you.

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Originally Posted by TTC5

Oh are they still going on about this to you? :(

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They won't shut up!

My biggest issue, besides the few things that some of them are saying, is the fact that they are STILL keeping that thread active,when I made it very clear to them that I wasn't returning to that thread. It's the fact that they just can't leave me alone

Yes it's VERY inappropriate that when a moderator asks everyone to stop, they just keep going. It only reflects on the type of ladies on that site. They aren't worth you, or anyone getting so worked up to that level of stress. So I do hope at this point that the mod locks it.

I just saw the latest post and had to reply. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Seriously J, don't let them get to you.... you have us after all we luffs you :D

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Originally Posted by TTC5

I just saw the latest post and had to reply. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Seriously J, don't let them get to you.... you have us after all we luffs you :D

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GREAT post! :)

Thank you do much for your support ladies. And I don't say that because you tell me what you think I want to hear, I appreciate you because you pick me up when I'm down, something that they have not done, for whatever reason. What did you say TTc 5? Don't show me what they said though

You know what your ob said and he said girl, that is all you need to know :)

And if, just if, she turns in to a he, well I am sure we can help you deal with that *if* it happens.

I will copy and paste my reply for you.

That is ALL I needed to hear from those people... And I bet, I hope, it was easy for you to say that, that IF he's a he, you will help me and we'll all be happy together. That's what I can't figure out. Why they couldn't just say that.... *shakes head* but thank you so so much xxo

You were told by your OB your baby is a girl so no need for people to put their doubt in, wether they believe your dr or not! Telling you, to be cautious is only going to make you confused and doubtful. Why not just end it with "Congratulations" and keep your comments to yourself (unless of course, you asked them what they thought ;) )

Someone was going on about how you should be greatful and how they cant believe how obsessed one can be over gender and yadda yadda yadda.

My reply:

I think she knows more than most the importance of a healthy baby, after losing a baby not too long ago herself...

Gender Disappointment is very REAL and anyone who has been lucky enough to never experience this, has no idea what it is like.

Women unable to have children has nothing to do with wanting a particular child so badly, it does not make you a bad person for wanting a certain gender so dearly.

My god she would hate to have walked a day in my shoes since my 12 week scan LOL.... I was nubsessed and crazy haha ask any lady here... they all told me my baby was without a doubt a boy, and I STILL questioned and scrutinised every one of my scan pics lol

You've hit the nail on the head TTc, until you're in the same situation, the same shoes, the same experience, you can't POSSIBLY know how it feels. So these people really shouldn't be dishing out advice on how a person should live. I can't imagine what it must be like for that woman, trying to conceive since 2007, that must be awful. But I also know how it feels to see people walking in and out of hospital with healthy babies, and knowing I'll never be bringing mine home. But the thing is, of course I appreciate that this baby is healthy, I'd be a horrible person if I didn't. But the thing is, I've come out the end of it realizing that's it's ok to have these hopes (for a certain gender for example), because the one positive that came out of that hell was my ability to be able to at least try to give myself a break once in awhile, to be ok with hoping for a girl, BECAUSE I know I'm a good mother and I'm going to love and appreciate this baby more than any word I could describe. What I DON'T do is preach to people about what they should or shouldn't do, when I've never been in their situation before

ttc 5, I've been meaning to ask, are you feeling better?

No cramps or runs for a few hours now. Just had dinner so see how I go wish me luck. Meant to be going back to work tomorrow!

Those gastro bugs are awful, we had a big outbreak of them up here a few months ago. I hope your girls have been looking after you!

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Originally Posted by JoannaK

You've hit the nail on the head TTc, until you're in the same situation, the same shoes, the same experience, you can't POSSIBLY know how it feels. So these people really shouldn't be dishing out advice on how a person should live. I can't imagine what it must be like for that woman, trying to conceive since 2007, that must be awful. But I also know how it feels to see people walking in and out of hospital with healthy babies, and knowing I'll never be bringing mine home. But the thing is, of course I appreciate that this baby is healthy, I'd be a horrible person if I didn't. But the thing is, I've come out the end of it realizing that's it's ok to have these hopes (for a certain gender for example), because the one positive that came out of that hell was my ability to be able to at least try to give myself a break once in awhile, to be ok with hoping for a girl, BECAUSE I know I'm a good mother and I'm going to love and appreciate this baby more than any word I could describe. What I DON'T do is preach to people about what they should or shouldn't do, when I've never been in their situation before

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It is a shame that society has moulded us in to thinking that GD should not be spoken of, or even accepted! That any mother or father suffering GD is a horrible person, ungreatful etc.

The common factor is always people who tend to be close-minded and a little selfish, because they haven't been in someone's shoes, they feel they have a right to make a statement about what's right and wrong, and THAT is wrong. At the very end of the day, it should be about being the best parents we can be, not criticising others for feeling a way that we can't possibly know because chances are, we haven't felt it! What upsets me, is that it seems to take something tragic to really turn ourselves around, I wish the world didn't work that way, but that seems to be how it goes. Something I read the other day too, no idea which website or forum it was on (I think I was looking for how accurate a gender prediction is at 16 weeks, because i'll be 16+4 at my next scan), and this lady said that she really needed to know the gender because it's a big factor in how she bonds with her unborn children, and something really clicked in me when I read that. That REALLY makes sense, to me personally-some people may find it easier to bond even if they didn't know the gender, but for me, I know it would really help

Do unto others as you'd have done unto you.

I don't go on there but seems to me if you want to continue to fuel the fire you can keep going back. If you know you are right, why does it bother you so?

I wouldn't feel good about myself if I threw a comment like that out there.

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Originally Posted by JoannaK

the lady who told me I should be grateful I could even get pregnant because I lost my last baby

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Firstly she never said that......she never mentioned the baby you lost. What she did say was be grateful to be pregnant and think of all the woman out there who can't get pregnant at all. That is totally different to the way you have posted it. And to think that you could actually say something like that or think of saying it is just cruel. I know what it's like to be ttc for a long time. It's heartbreaking especially when everyone around you falls pregnant so easily and you don't know why it's not happening for you or what you can do to fix it. It is a totally different to not knowing the sex of a baby. At least in 2 weeks you will know 100% girl/boy. As I said before I followed your story over the last year and really wanted you to have a girl and was so delighted when I heard you got your BFP especially knowing what you've been through but I don't understand how you could even contemplate posting that. :sad:

And it is very malicious. Very.

What's going on here? I thought this is a u/s thread? So I don't know the story but good think Joanna you didn't said that to anyone...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JoannaK

but wouldn't it be the "same thing" if I said to her "well it's a good thing you can't get pregnant because if you did, you could be having constant miscarriages with each successful month" ? Isn't that roughly the same thing?

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No. It really is NOT the same thing.