Really, that's just so sad that he was treated that way by his own family :( How lovely that he now has such a wonderful wife and kids!Quote:
Originally Posted by 3Pink1Blue
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Really, that's just so sad that he was treated that way by his own family :( How lovely that he now has such a wonderful wife and kids!Quote:
Originally Posted by 3Pink1Blue
Spicy I said it on another thread but you know I'm with the others in saying wait and see! That said, you know what you saw, and I can understand if you're feeling like you really saw it. But still ... nubs can definitely be misleading, and FX yours ends up blue. I'm really glad you're handling the potential girl result well though!
I'm with you, I too feel like I had a great sway which is where it is so hard in some ways to accept; for crying out loud I ate and worked out like a "boy mom" for 9 solid months! Sheesh. If that can't change my body to be boy friendly I really don't know what else I could do. Our sway results definitely aren't breaking any records lately, so here's hoping the next round of ladies finding out bring some good blue news to the board!
Baby that's awesome that you're feeling better every day! I am trying so hard to get there! I keep getting hung up on the "but I tried SO hard" and having a hard time believing that this is REALLY it.Quote:
Originally Posted by babydes56
I will say I had lunch with a friend today and her darling 10 month old baby boy, and I wasn't eaten up with jealousy. I mean, all babies are cute. My 3rd baby girl will be a total doll, I know it ... when she grins at me for the first time?!?! I can't wait. It's more the long-term relationship of mother/son that I feel like I'm going to always be missing. But not all mothers/sons get along so I need to let go of this romantic, made-up vision of me and my son; it's not real, and it's not like I had it and lost it. I might as well be holding on to a vision of having won the lottery and complaining about that not being true :)
Baby will you have any more scans? I can definitely say I think I'll feel better seeing my girl again later this month. It helps make her more real and reminds me again how lucky I am to have a healthy little one squirming around in there!
And welcome to this thread Foxy and MFC! I hope I didn't miss anyone else. I admit to being pretty self-absorbed as of late :oops:
Jen I bet when I see the pic (because I'm hoping you'll post one...) of your 3 DD's and their little brother I'll be itching to have a 4th. Your kids are darling and what a fun family make-up to have. My bestie growing up was the 3rd girl in a GGGB family, and she and her little brother are actually closer than she and either of her sisters. How is DD1 dealing with it being a boy? Has she come around and gotten excited?
Spicy - With my last baby I was sure I saw a flat nub during my 12 week scan and nothing between the legs. I even called DH and told him that we were having another girl. Two weeks later a penis popped up on the screen, lol. Wait for the big scan, hun.
Begonia - Thanks for the welcome and I don't think you are self-absorbed at all. I'm glad to see you posting! :) Baby girls are so much fun and all the feelings you have right now will go away when you see that little sweet face for the first time. :heart: You should get a 4D scan if you can. It helped me bond with DD#4.
I'm so alike with you in that from DD1 i wanted a boy, DD2 i wanted a boy & now i'm having a third daughter, sometimes life isnt fair! I felt sick the other day when DH asked if SHE was moving because until now i refuse that i'm carrying a she, how sad is that? I noticed that when i refer to the her i dont say SHE i say the baby. I think i'm getting better with it but it still hurts so bad knowing i'll never have a mother/son relationship which i thought i'd have. I know that if i had lots of cash i'd consider HT in a heartbeat even though i said i'm getting too old for another but there's no way i'd try for another naturally because it would absolutely rip my heart apart if it failed again so i wouldnt take that chance.Quote:
Originally Posted by begonia
Would you do it if DH agreed? It costs a lot doesnt it? No i dont get any more scans now, i'd have to pay if i wanted another
Welcome Foxy, here's to hoping you hear blue. You right about how we'll feel better when we see that little sweet face for the first but i still dont know if the longing for a son willQuote:
Originally Posted by Foxy
B- We too had always said three, from before we were married we said three but it never occured to us we'd have three of the same. I can't be sure but I don't think we would have gone for four it one of them had been a boy. I never wanted four till dd3 was born then the older she got the bigger the hole in our family felt. Dh refused to try again till he felt I wanted a baby and not just a boy. It took 3 years before we both knew I would be ok with 4 girls. To an extent you can't decide with your brain or your wallet that you're done.Quote:
Originally Posted by begonia
I hear ya on adopting a boy and not wanting anyone to feel he was hand picked to cover up your failures. This whole wanting a different gender thing is so complicated.
Awe thanks :kiss: He's got a real thick skin about it because it's been that way his whole life. I get upset that they all pretend to be so close and love each other so much and then think it's just fine to treat him/us like that.Quote:
Originally Posted by begonia
Here's another example of bil's behavior. Dh got a text at 2pm yesterday informing us of my sil b-day dinner TONIGHT @ 6. Yep 28 hrs notice, a few years ago we got 3 hrs notice. Lovely huh.
B- it's not about the romantic notion of a mother son relationship, it's about the relationship you were going to create. Neither dh or I have the kind of relationships we want with our parents, we are determined to have them with our kids. That what hurts to let go of.
Oh you know I'll be posting pics of my 4 as soon as possible. They all want to be at the birth and I'll have my iPhone in the hospital so pics will be everywhere 5 minutes after he's clean lol
DD1 has completely come around, every morning she kisses my belly and tells the baby she loves him. They all picked out and tied him a fleece blanket and she's told all her friends about him. I knew she'd get here, but for a child that doesn't always accept change well it happened faster then we'd thought.
I so understand the unfair feeling, i swear everything you say is exactly what I felt w/dd3. Believe me hun it gets so much better and just wait till your girls know it's another sister, they will help you be excited :)
Hi all! Joining this group! Just got my bfp on monday! I am beyond pumped!
Welcome and congrats again! Now go get a ticker :wink:
sir yes sir.
We are big time stalkers here lol We gotta know how far along you are and when that u/s is lol
:wave:Welcome tink- I had a feeling you would get your BFP quite quick :) Congats hope it is a sticky one! look forward to chatting to you- are you planning on finding out gender or waiting?
3pink- glad your DD came around to the idea of a little brother so quick- she probably saw how happy you were and couldn't help but be excited too :)
Foxy- great idea regarding the 4d scan- hadn't thought of that might do it to help me bond too :)
Babydes- hugs honey- I feel for you ATM all the mixed emotions xoxo
I go to the doctor on the 28th at 10:30 AM. I am really excited to go. I had my numbers tested 13 dpo was 177. Going again tomorrow hoping the numbers are good.
Thanks- but I was 13+1, so probably still out! Were you closer to 12 or 13 at that point? You are right though- nothing until the big scan. I am not longing for a son for myself, I like girls, but for my hubby. He was 1 out of many sons and they are all great brothers. All athletic, smart, great men. So I want to imitate that, but I also fear that any son I have won't live up to that expectation either.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxy
Again, I am here to remind everyone to not let comparison rob you of your joy of your newest dd! Regardless of what other people have, it won't change your situation and I think it is better to focus on the sweet gift you have!
Hiya ladies, just checking in! I am feeling fat!!! My stomach is literally hanging, its embarassing!!!!!! DH keeps looking at me sideways and cautiously saying 'My baby is showing now, isn't it?' To which I answer 'No, the babies still tiny, I'm just a big Munta!!!' :rofl: never mind eh!!! My scan is on the 25th of this month, and between us here, I think I will find out who's in there! I've never asked before, but for swaying purposes theres no point me giving advice to people if I don't know what I'm having is there! SO we will see, I may chicken out at the last minute though, flamin coward lol:bigsmile:
Spicy- great advice!
ELP- at 17 weeks with #9 I'm sure there is quite a bit of baby belly there. I felt the same way about the sway advice, I kept my mouth shut till I knew I had something to offer. I too wanted to be able to say what I did that did/didn't work. You gotta find out we're dying here lol
numbers were really good. almost triples 494. makes me feel really good!
I'm not offended at all, because I completely understand that perspective ... but at the same time .... what about mine DIDN'T work, KWIM? It SUCKS to have gone all out on a sway and it not work. TBH that's part of the reason I wonder why I even still come here. On the one hand I need the support and encouragement that having 3 daughters doesn't make me a failure, but on the other hand, I feel like a failure who has nothing to offer except how sad I am. And the fact is I AM A FAILURE. Because I did sway. Really freaking hard. And I still have a daughter to show for it. My sway FAILED.Quote:
Originally Posted by 3Pink1Blue
I really do hope everyone else's sways work because I would never, ever wish the way I feel right now on anyone else. I am trying SO hard to get excited about DD3, and I can't. I tried to buy something for her this weekend and started crying in the newborn section because I so badly wanted to be buying blue. I see baby boys EVERYWHERE and am constantly remembering how many more boys than girls are conceived and am wondering why in the heck, as hard as tried, I couldn't be one of them. Rationally I know having a son wouldn't make my life any BETTER, only different, but for some reason that different seems like it would in fact be better.
I'm so tired of being me right now! I'm so sorry everything I post these days is negative; I'm so not this type of person and I can't find a way to get myself out of it. I really wanted three kids, I really thought I'd be OK with a 3rd DD, but I think I somehow had convinced myself we'd have DS. And that's why I regret ever even learning about swaying. Obviously once I knew about it I had to try it, but I wish I was just blissfully unaware still and felt like "you get what you get" ... now I feel like if you somehow have a magic combination, you get what you WANT, and I couldn't figure out that magic combination :sad:
Sorry for being such a downer. It's just so hard that after nearly a year of preparing for my sway and believing I would succeed, I failed. I should be happy that "failing" still means a lovely baby girl, but I can't get there yet. I hope I do, because I really fear I won't be able to be a good mother to her. Jen I know your GD was bad with DD3, when she arrived did it feel better instantly? Take time? Were you able to bond? I'm terrified I'm going to want nothing to do with her :worry:
I never thought I'd react this way. I'm going to talk to my OB at my next appointment about what I can do now to help prevent PPD because I'm terrified of where I might be headed.
:hug2:Quote:
Originally Posted by SpicyTunaSushi
Thanks Spicy. I needed that. I need to keep reading it over and over again until I can get there. I have good days and bad days (well, good moments and bad moments, all in the same day usually) and right now I'm definitely having a bad moment, but reading that is REALLY helpful. So please do keep coming and posting positive things! I for one really, really appreciate it! I think it'd be a little easier if I felt like I had another chance or two. But this is it for us, and that's what keeps bringing me back down whenever I do manage to pick myself up.
Tink, congrats on your BFP and your good numbers! FX all continues to go well!
I'm sitting here crying and DD2 just came and wrapped her arms around me and said "Mama! I make you SO HAPPY!" LOL.
I can't decide if we should "find out" at the scan because I don't want to have to tell people it's DD3. It's a fact that no one is going to be nearly as excited for us as they would be if it was DS1. And I'm in a fragile state these days and not sure I can handle a single comment about "sorry it wasn't a boy" or what have you. On the other hand I hate all the comments now about "hope you got your boy in there" ... I just smile and say "oh, with 2 already it's probably DD3!" but inside I'm crushed.
I have a quick question....
Once you guys conceived, did you slow down the eating? Eat differently?
Just curious to see what others are doing.
Begonia, I just wanted to offer my support and to genuinely tell you that as soon as your little lass is born you are going to be a blissfully happy Mama. I have always wanted a son and I have 3 daughters and I can honestly say it is wonderful. We are so blessed being the 'maternal' side of future family (which will include grandsons!). Just hang in there and know that when her day of entering the world arrives, you will feel complete and that it is 'right'. Biggest hugs X
B- I take it all back to what AS said. Imagine one of those 17 sided D&D dice, the goal is to turn as many sides blue as possible for your roll, some get lucky some don't. YOU didn't fail, that's just where the dice landed and quite honestly you gave it an amazing effort. Your hope had merit much more so then if you hadn't swayed at all. You're negativity is totally understood, we are your only outlet. I know you'll get past this much quicker when it's you and dh dealing together. Once you start talking names and have excited little girls you'll feel better. Screw other people and what they may say, find out officially and take this burden off yourself.
As far as ppd you can't really prevent it because its not actually based on your feelings, I was in bliss when dd2 was born and that's when it hit me the worst. Eat healthy, exercise if you can and take your prenatal is all you can do unless she wants to give you an antidepressant. I had it sever after dd2 and got it again after dd3 even though I was on meds, not gd related just my luck. I'll be scarfing antidepressants as soon as they cut The cord with this one as I have a 90% chance of it hitting again. Ppd is the thing I'd never wish on anyone.
I was completely over it and in love with dd3 till my nephew was born 3wks later and everyone began to ignore her. I had almost no gd when we weren't around them, I occasionally felt sad but it was fleeting. I always felt like if we could isolate us from them we would be in heaven with our girls and may not have gone for another. If I hadn't had gd I never would have found IG and learned about swaying. I never would have gone for 4 without swaying, I needed to know I gave it my best shot. You dear gave it your very best shot! I promise you it will get better and you will adore her!
Tink- woohoo!
Wp- my eating stayed the same till 6wks 1 day then the nausea and aversions kicked in. I ate a ton of the crap I could though, this has been one very hungry baby.
Fourblessings- well said :)
Just a quick one from me- It is looking more and more like i was right :( Doctor had a guess at my scan yesterday - cord was in the way a bit but he said he thinks it's a girl as he saw 3 lines thing! I was very good and waited till i got home to cry..I know it's still not 100% but really it's just confirming what my heart already knew.....Nov 3rd is my scan date when i will get it confirmed.
Big hugs begonia ((hugs)) Those dark feelings are so hard to deal with. Not a lot of time right now, but I thought I'd share this post I did about the supplements I'm taking postpartum. I was also really worried about PPD b/c my pregnancy was so very hard emotionally. I haven't had ANY PPD at all - can't completely say it's the supplements, b/c Honor's good birth and her herself help a lot! But I do think the supplements have made a difference:
http://blog.naturalbirthandbabycare....w-supplements/
Sorry your so sad B:( Your sway was excellent, she just sneaked on in there didn't she. Once she joins you all you will feel such love for her and 6 months down the line life would be unimaginable any differently, I just wish it would speed up to them points sometimes xxx
Skrimpy is that your own blog? Its fantastic, well done:agree:Quote:
Originally Posted by skrimpy
Not trying to argue ladies but I gotta throw this out. You don't get PPD because you are upset, it is triggered by the pregnancy and depending on the severity must be treated with counseling and medication. If untreated it can escalate to suicide or worse, think Andrea Yates. Mild cases can be helped with diet and exercise.
What you may end up with, if anything, is the baby blues. It sets in within a few days of delivery and usually goes away within the first few weeks to months after delivery.
I've unfortunately had experience with both, neither is fun and there's nothing you can do to guarantee you won't get one. Even though I have a +90% chance of getting ppd again all I can do is meds and counseling. Good news is neither will affect your longterm bond with your baby. I wished dd2 was never born, I told dh we should put her up for adoption. Today i adore her and she has so no idea I had any trouble or doubts.
B- the secret and devastation are eating you alive because you're bearing it in silence. Find out with dh and work it through together, if you need more talk to a counselor before her birth.
Cheekymoo, oh honey, I obviously am right there with you, and sincerely hope that Nov 3rd proves you (and your doc) wrong. If it is DD3, I also really, really hope you can bear it better than I have. HUGS. Big ones. How is DH handling it, was he there too?
Jen, I think that you're right and PPD is definitely NOT an emotional reaction one can just control. I do think there can be extreme GD after the birth, unrelated to an actual, clinical definition of PPD. I think they're separate things. I had baby blues with DD1. Oddly, with DD2, I had what my friends joking called PPD, where the D was for delight. I was BEYOND happy for months. It really was ridiculous, and had to have a hormonal component because it was just euphoric. Oh how I pray for that to happen again. For me, and for you ... I genuinely hope that you don't experience PPD again. I can't imagine how awful that had to feel and thank goodness DD2 has no idea.
Re: me bearing my secret in silence I've actually been talking about it nonstop IRL to my bestie, LOL. It's no stretch for her to go along with me having DD3 (she doesn't know I had a scan) because as I mentioned on another thread, 15 of 17 families we know got DD3 after DD1+2. So she's full on heard just about everything I've laid out here, and she's been amazing about it. She has 2 boys and had a REALLY hard time with DS2, and we talked about that then, so it's not an unfamiliar topic. We were at the playground today despising the pigeon pairs together :wink: So, thankfully, I do have someone to talk to about IRL and it helps beyond measure. Also, I know I will feel MUCH better when we move (end of month) bc living in the cramped quarters is hard on all of us. I'm definitely impacted by my environment and I will breathe much easier in the new digs.
Skrimpy, thank you for the link! I remember you mentioning some of the things you were taking once on one of our threads. I'm bookmarking it for sure.
ELP, I agree ... if I could just fast forward about a year I think I'll be happy with my 3 ladies. I really, genuinely do. Which almost makes all of this harder, KWIM? I desperately want to enjoy this pregnancy and yet it's a daily fight. Today I'm having a pretty good day though.
Fourblessings THANK YOU for popping on and sharing that. I really can't say enough how much it helps to hear from others who have been through it and come out shining on the other side. I really, really appreciate you sharing.
I'm hoping that the scan 10/24 will help me bond with her more. Seeing her move, etc. I might schedule a 3d/4d scan for 30 weeks just to have another bit of time, me and her.
I am back to thinking I won't "find out" though 10/24 because I don't feel ready to tell other people. DH says it is up to me. Part of me really wants him to have his birth surprise that he's always wanted. I feel so selfish taking that away from him again, and since he thinks it's a girl anyway I don't think he'll be devastated or anything when she pops out. I think he'll absolutely cherish her birth all the more because he got the experience he's always wanted, and I really want him to have that gift, in some ways I think it will help me feel better about all of this to give that to him, at least, since I am not giving him a son. I was worried about DD1 hoping for a bro since she's such a tomboy, but she adores DD2 and has just settled that we're having DD3 in her mind ... I think in a weird way she just assumes we make girls, KWIM? Her kindy teacher has 3 girls, and most of our friends do have single-gender families, so in her 5 year old brain you either have a girl family or a boy family, LOL. And we have a girl one :suprise:
Oh hunny! I have to repeat that mantra to myself everyday! I prayed for you last night too. I hope that you aren't offended by that. I am really sorry for the place that you are in- I would be there too for dd3. I do fear trying again because I swayed super duper hard too- ridiculous amounts of bacon, fat, salt, potatoes, tomato juice, etc. It was disgusting. I would be very careful to let anyone know about your GD IRL. I feel like if I did, they would constantly feel bad for me. I think that about others who express their preference, I always think about the comment they made about having ds2 (usually the case with boys, weird right?)... I don't want anyone to have pity on me for having only daughters, I want them to be convinced that having daughters is awesome!Quote:
Originally Posted by begonia
If I felt like they pitied me, I might pity myself. I am daily fighting to convince myself that that ds I may never have is a mere mirage. He doesn't exist, was not part of God's plan for me, and therefore, how can I mourn a son (who in my mind will be successful, athletic, & smart like his daddy) who isn't there? It is like some sort of matrix other world.
You will be happy. We will all be happy. We are all amazing women who want ds's and it looks like we are all getting girls this round (except 3P1B- congrats, and you have experienced what we have too!). We aren't failures. We didn't 'fail' at getting our sons, we have given life to a dd. period. Swaying is at best 60%- the odds weren't really that great anyway.
Its hard, but at some point, we will all have to move on and stop comparing ourselves to pp or mixed gender families. If I were you, I wouldn't find out at the scan. People are less likely to say something at birth than now. And it is for the same reason we have a harder time adjusting to the news during pg and at birth. The real life baby, this special human being, isn't sitting in front of us. So, I would just keep it a secret until birth.
I think I might agree with this too. I just couldn't imagine going through this anguish without dh. He sounds really supportive. I know your bf is helpful, but she isn't there when you are crying in the middle of the night.Quote:
Originally Posted by 3Pink1Blue
I tried to follow a more TW approach, but then nausea hit at 6 weeks and I could barely eat. I did tell myself if I miscarried, I would sit out 2 cycles to get back on the diet, but thankfully, I am at 13+ weeks now, so all should be OK.Quote:
Originally Posted by WashingtonPromise
Sorry Cheeky! I was really hoping that your ambiguous nub picture would surprise us! Mine was way more girly than yours, so not holding out hope (I don't have a still pic, just saw it from the live scan).Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheekymoo
B- I don't doubt you may suffer from some gd but I honestly think you'll get over it fast. It's so hard to not love that little face. I honestly think some real counseling could help you a lot. You're dealing with a genuine loss here and getting some professional advice could really help your post birth experience. Ita with spicy, a BFF is no dh :)
Awe Cheeky, congrats on another little lady :)
Spicy I totally welcome the prayers. It's one of the reasons I have shared as much as I have with my BFF. I know she's covering me in it, and I genuinely can say this afternoon and evening have been some really, really, REALLY good times for me. It's funny I was just posting on the other thread in the swayed for boy section almost exactly what you said ... the son of my imagination wasn't ever REAL. And if I keep living on wishes I'm going to miss all the awesome that is RIGHT HERE in my very REAL life.
Jen I do think I'll be good when she arrives, but I do have a therapist I can call in the event I need it. And I may do that if I don't have more consistently good days in this pregnancy. She helped me a ton with my "mom issues" which are no doubt linked to some of my "daughter" issues so I know she would be a good resource.
Re: the DH I actually haven't been going through it without him. The night after I had the us I woke up bawling my eyes out at 5 am. He's heard pretty much everything you guys have here, with the only exception being he doesn't know for sure it's a girl. But he believes it so much in his heart that he's been completely supportive in having talks with me as though it is a girl. I can honestly say not once has he said something like "why are you so upset? it could still be a boy!" He just knows it too. So weirdly, although he doesn't "know" ... he knows, and he's been there for me. He sees me in my bad moments these past few weeks and knows exactly why I'm in them.
I will say a huge part of this - and something he brought up - is my kids are my world. He has a full-time, very demanding job. He doesn't have the luxury of devoting so much of his time to worrying about having a boy or a girl. He worries about providing for that boy or girl. He worries about keeping the people who work for him employed so they can care for their boys and girls. He just doesn't care too much if WE have a boy or a girl. He told me last night as long as he has at least one daughter who plays golf with him for the rest of his life, he's a happy man. Not that he wouldn't love a son, but as he so honestly put it, he just doesn't think that's what God planned for him, so he's not going to get upset about it.
And ... he doesn't have pregnancy hormones. Lucky bastard :)
WP ... I tried to eat well but couldn't at all. Lots of chips, lots of coca-cola. It wasn't healthy. I'm still not quite at a "healthy" diet for pregnancy to be honest but I'm trying to work some veggies in my daily intake.
Oh B!!! This has filled me eyes! What a 'flamin good bloke!' as we'd put it in the UK lol! I strongly believe he truly means this aswell, thinking about others families instead of the usual only thinking of No1, double :agree::agree: to Mr B!Quote:
Originally Posted by begonia
He's also got me thinking ahead 20 years when we're watching you all on the 'Masters' with the new 'Venus' sisters!!!!;) Aren't they a family of 5/6 girls???
LOL about the Venus sisters! DH is always saying there's more money in college golf/soccer/basketball scholarships for women anyhow, so it's best to breed female champions :bigsmile: And he couldn't be more thrilled that DD2 is a lefty like himself. I really do see so much of him in my girls; it's pretty fun. I was all wrapped up in not being able to pass on his last name but really, if that was the most important thing he had to pass on, it'd be pretty sad.
I woke up this morning still feeling great and that's the first time in 2 weeks that has happened, so FX I'm turning a corner. Not expecting it'll be all easy peasy for the next months ahead, but you know what? I saw a mom this am dropping her DD off at school, and she had a younger DD, and then a baby boy on her shoulder. And instead of thinking "that should have been me" I thought "that's her family. THIS is mine." And I was happy with it. It was raining out and DD2 was wearing her batman rainboots wearing her beloved snake print pajamas and splashing in all the puddles, and I thought to myself that yes, a boy would be different. It would. I can't deny there are differences in raising both genders. But it couldn't possibly be BETTER. What I have is precious and I wouldn't trade it. Girl is just a part of who this next person is; it isn't ALL she is. When I heard DD1 was a girl I never would have thought she'd be 5 and saying her favorite color is camo, LOL. So as for DD3, well I can't wait to see her personality :HH:
Anyhow thanks again to all of y'all for bearing with me through all of this. Like I said I'm sure I can't be over it yet but it's so nice to wake up happy that I'm going to take that as a good sign and hope I can stay focused on what matters :)