Part 3: Due January, February and March 2019

Sorry you have an extra worry and stress Kelbear. Strange that at your ultrasound they said all looks good. Try not to worry. Also I really dislike the whole percentile thing. It causes so much unnecessary worry. And they're not even accurate. I was told my first was 50th percentile and he came out 90th, and was told my second was the 96th percentile when he was born get was actually the 20th. Hope everything turns out fine with your placenta, I have no idea what that means. Just take it easy x

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Kelbear im sorry to hear about your problems with placenta, i pray it is ok and baby is safe and healthy. This is now the most important:pray:

Thx u gafan. I will know in March. First i didnt feel any disappointment and i was and i am happy for healthy baby boy or girl. But yesterday evening i was thinking maybe i will never have my baby girl, my dream wont become true so i was crying. After i was upset and sorry i was sad. It was not fair, my baby is gift from God and i should be grateful. I try to fight with my feelings but i also understand now all girls which go through GD.

Omg Kel, I am so sorry to hear you had a shocking scan. At first I thought it was funny how we both had been wrestling with Team Green to be explicitly told we can't know gender at our scans -- but now to be told the placenta has issues is so scary.

I will say: these scans are highly imperfect, especially at general/normal techs with OBs. Is there a specialist they can refer you to? The growth can definitely be imperfect -- my poor friend was induced early because of IUGR with her first who ended up being normal at birth, I was told DD's stomach was in the 4th percentile indicating an issue, etc. (she didn't; she was born as normal and perfect as could be), and these were in later scans, let alone at the "still ambiguous middle point" scans. I am so, so sorry about all the compounding stress you're under now. I am really hoping your follow up scans give you some relief -- though I know if you're like me, each scan will bring stress right before between worrying what it will show AND the GD!!

And as for me, an update: we are still going to follow up scan. I had my my midwife appointment yesterday and she really encouraged me to go still, even though I expressed how much they give me anxiety (which is true -- not just GD related, but also the nerves each time of seeing something wrong).

But in some weirdness, she went to show me the report and stopped to go, "Oh! Wait, are you finding out?" and I said, "Oh, we don't want to but she said she couldn't even see it." But the report said "normal genitals" but no gender. She said that was odd as usually they'll include it regardless as it's for the professional staff only. Then all the things we were told we were checking today (nasal bone, spine, cord) were different -- they had TONS of heart stuff listed that was not seen. I was even asking, "Are we sure this is my chart?!" haha. She said she'd call the office (the scans are never done in the midwives office) -- but she trusts the supervising doctor over there, so she must have seen what she needed to on one hand and not enough of the other. But since it's heart stuff, my midwife said it's pretttyy important to check those.

Though now, of course, I am stressing that if the doctor somehow saw genitals that the tech didn't see, it'd have to be a girl since she'd have investigated 3 lines I feel (how could a tech miss a penis and a doctor see it just from pictures?!). :( At first I had had this feeling it was a boy upon seeing that on the report, but now of course I've analyzed the heck out of everything and am back to thinking it's probably a girl sigh.

I did notice heartrate was much lower on the anatomy scan (which I had asked not to hear so it didn't stoke my GD anxiety), and it was lower at the appt (low 140 instead of the low 150s), and I did briefly get excited thinking, "Omgosh, my chiropractor just told me how both her boys started as high as 160-170 and got down to 130-140s as time went on," but of course I Googled and EVERYONE's gets lower haha. So I'm just dreading this scan in general since I'm sure I'll catch NO genitals (especially since it's even later in development now) and know it's a girl.

Tp heartrate of my baby was 177. I hope your scan goes well and u dont see any genital parts. I think it is better to know gender of baby after birth so u can enjoy pregnany and dont be sad. I pray there is baby boy for u:pray:

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Originally Posted by Noemi2017

Tp heartrate of my baby was 177. I hope your scan goes well and u dont see any genital parts. I think it is better to know gender of baby after birth so u can enjoy pregnany and dont be sad. I pray there is baby boy for u:pray:

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Thank you Noemi, just as I pray your baby is your longed for baby girl! Let's stay strong as Team Green together so hopefully we won't be sad these pregnancies! <3

I'm so sorry, Kelbear! I'm praying and hoping your placental issue dissolves and you and little one are healthy!

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TP, would the doctor right down "normal gentials" if they knew you didn't want to know? Just wondering. When is your next scan? Hoping you and little one are good and that little one is actually a little bub for you!

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I imagine, but my midwife said they will say gender even if we don't want to know just for records. And they did say on the form that they couldn't get all of cord. So idk... maybe my insistence to tech that we really not check genitals led to this? lol. Next scan is this afternoon EST!

Already just over it. lol spent all morning ignoring work to try and figure out what I'll do after this baby for a sway...

Possibly, maybe they got flustered and just wrote something for the sake of writing. I'm anxious to hear how it goes this afternoon!

Also, same boat, I just resigned myself to that I'm probably having another boy (I won't know for sure for awhile, I think I'm just trying not get my hopes up) and I'm already planning my sway in my head after this one is born.

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Kelbear - Ugh I'm so sorry for the worry you are now having to deal with! I don't understand what sheath or casing around a placenta would mean - did she say? Does she think it might be IUGR? As others have said I feel like they are often wrong about growth estimates, and I really do believe babies grow at different rates despite the "normal" growth track they are supposed to follow. Could you get a scan done through a perinatal specialist/high risk doc? I had one of these with DS2 (I had bleeding issues in the pregnancy) and WOW - they have really high tech, sophisticated equipment that's able to see a lot! I'm going to go back to that same high risk doc for my anatomy scan in a few weeks. Maybe your doc would recommend sending you to one? You'd probably get a lot more information than from a regular ultrasound.

TP - I really doubt the "normal genitals" thing means anything... I mean normally they would have written gender so if they didn't write that down it probably really is because the tech didn't know. And if the tech didn't know and couldn't get a shot of it I doubt the doctor could tell from a pic. I've noticed with my tech (I get an ultrasound every appt) that when she gets a good "shot" of something, she freezes the frame and prints it. Whatever the tech printed out for the doc to see, I'm sure the tech would have seen if there were genitals in the pics she was giving to the doc. Also HB means nothing!!! I have B/G twins (I hope!) and their HBs have been both high and almost the same as each other the whole time - started out 122 & 134, then 176 & 185, then 167 & 160, and this last scan 157 and 150. This last scan where she identified the boy he had the 157 and the "girl" was 150.

Thank you Eighme and ABC! Ugh, my mom just told me she thinks the baby is a girl and now I'm bummed. I pointed out she thought DD was a boy the whole time, and she said, "No I thought girl!" She was literally referring to her as "he" and warning me about letting him play American football the whole time... lol, so I know I shouldn't necessarily count her intuition for anything, but still. She is the first "girl" guess outside of some stranger and it hurts to hear, especially the day of ny anxiety inducing scan!

TP everyone guessed girl for my DS! Thankfully I had no gender preference at the time so didn’t mind! But anyway, they were all wrong :p

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Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther

Thank you Eighme and ABC! Ugh, my mom just told me she thinks the baby is a girl and now I'm bummed. I pointed out she thought DD was a boy the whole time, and she said, "No I thought girl!" She was literally referring to her as "he" and warning me about letting him play American football the whole time... lol, so I know I shouldn't necessarily count her intuition for anything, but still. She is the first "girl" guess outside of some stranger and it hurts to hear, especially the day of ny anxiety inducing scan!

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Don't listen to others. I always try to correct them that we don't know the gender and OWT were just that OLD WIVES TALES. My sister in law had classic OWT syptoms and everyone was so convinced it was a girl, but HE is very much a boy.

I know it is definitely hard to not mind others opinions, especially your own mother's. But keep your head up! You have your chance at a son just like the rest of us!

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Don't let peoples guesses get to you TP. Perhaps tell them to focus their intuition elsewhere... like winning lottery ticket numbers. I would say to my mom (or whoever was guessing) that I don't want to speculate and everyone will find out at the birth. I've said before that not one person guessed boy for our second. And before we got the nipt results this time round my mom was very much pushing for me to prepare for a 3rd boy. People generally guess what they think you want to hear or what you don't to try soften the blow later. Ignore it

And with regards to the results on your scan. Maybe the tech did see and just told you they couldn't do you wouldn't look for clues knowing you really don't want to know. I know my OB didn't have the gender written for either of my other pregnancies.
At my firsts birth I told her I was having a boy based on intuition and she was so sceptical. She definitely did not have the gender written on any chart.
At my second the midwife said "she" when I got into the hospital and then my OB said "he" during the birth. They didn't know. They just picked a pronoun and went with it.

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TP how did the scan go?

I wouldn’t worry about your mom. My stepmom thought DS2 was a girl - said she had a strong feeling it was!


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Thank you ladies, I really really appreciate it. Scan was just passably ok, haha. Still almost didn't get the shots we needed since baby was in same stubborn position and had to do a whole lot of moving again.

But I had sort of a meltdown after. Tech knew we didn't want gender, but asked what we had at home. She sort of just went, "Oh ok" noncommittally, which threw me off and made me think she knew. Then she kept showing the stomach/cord and I saw NOTHING between legs. Even DH went, "Should we be seeing this?" She said she couldn't even see gender there so she wasn't sure what she thought we saw. But I am feeling very much like this can't be anything but a girl, and I have been bummed and really upset DH further. I wish I had canceled this scan

Awe TP please don't stress. Her reaction doesn't sound like it gave anything away. She also has no idea what you'd be hoping for so her reaction could mean anything...
I didn't see anything with DS2 and even though I was team green I looked. Glad you did get the shots you needed in the end. :)

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I think techs are trained to not show any emotion with gender. With my boys and the scan I had last week, I’ve never had a tech show any kind of emotion when telling me the gender.

I hope your not seeing anything between the legs doesn’t mean anything. I would hope too that if the gender was visible at all, either boy or girl, she would not have been showing you that area! FWIW the tech last week found baby boy’s “stuff” in like three seconds- I was watching the whole time and I didn’t see anything! I don’t know what she was talking about! I just asked her “oh so his stuff is pretty visible?” and she said yea. But I really didn’t see it. Their eyes are way better trained than ours I guess!


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TP, I am pretty certain they aren't supposed to show any emotion when handling stuff like that. They are trained to be calm, especially in the event something doesn't look right because they don't want to start a panic if they don't have to.

I'm sorry it didn't go so well for you. I wouldn't give up yet! How many weeks are you now?

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I wish I could take heart in what you guys are saying, but I really feel as gutted as if we had been told girl. And DH is right back to being awful because of me expressing any of this, even for a few minutes. Feel like I put myself through hell the first time for him, now hell for DD, and went through hell as all our boys just died in utero. I wouldn't feel so resentful if he wasn't such a flaming piece of garbage, but I'm just coming to terms more and more with how much of an asshole he is. To his family, to me. Just not to DD -- lucky her.

22w tomorrow.

Oh hugs tp. I very much do hope you hear your desired gender and keep you in my prayers, as I do robin, abc, hgmama, mummy2boys, and Noemi. Just to name a few.


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I'm sorry TP :( It's really crappy the way he's treating you - especially with everything you've been through.

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Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther

I wish I could take heart in what you guys are saying, but I really feel as gutted as if we had been told girl. And DH is right back to being awful because of me expressing any of this, even for a few minutes. Feel like I put myself through hell the first time for him, now hell for DD, and went through hell as all our boys just died in utero. I wouldn't feel so resentful if he wasn't such a flaming piece of garbage, but I'm just coming to terms more and more with how much of an asshole he is. To his family, to me. Just not to DD -- lucky her.

22w tomorrow.

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TP I am so sorry your DH is being like this, wish I could give you a big hug and wish we could send our DHs to some sort of 'how to be a decent supportive husband' course. Some times they can be such a**holes (actually most of the time for us by the sounds of it). My DH's response to me saying I was stressed and worried about there being a problem with my placenta was to blame me and say "I told you it was a bad idea to keep this baby". Have never felt so upset and alone. I hope you and DH can get get through this and that you do indeed have a little DS growing in there. Don't give up hope because of ultrasound tech. I keep thinking ours is a boy because tech said dr would be able to tell us but she didn't have time to look properly so back to over analysing like you. I hope all the other results in your scan came back ok (heart, nasal bone, spine etc) so you can put your mind at ease with that.

Kelbear I’m sorry dh is being so inconsiderate. No one deserves to be treated like that. A husband is supposed to be supportive☹️


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Originally Posted by Mommy2apples

Kelbear I’m sorry dh is being so inconsiderate. No one deserves to be treated like that. A husband is supposed to be supportive☹️


6/2003 [emoji1349]2/2009 [emoji1407] 12/2012 [emoji1349]4/2015 [emoji1406] 2015 [emoji1356] 2016 [emoji1413] The Lord Answered my [emoji1317] 2017��due June 2018, with a healthy [emoji1405][emoji166]to fit into our crazy bunch, and Complete our Family![emoji7][emoji8]

https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/50268a

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Thanks for your words of support, I know they are but somehow mine missed that memo this pregnancy. Have suspected since the beginning of this pregnancy that he wouldn't be that supportive but had thought if things got bad he would be there, I was wrong.

Tp i send u big hug, pls try not to be sad. You have daughter which needs u and ignore husband. Tech didnt say girl or boy so nothing is sure till the birth (the same for me) still there is some hope:pray:

Kelbear im also sorry for your problems and for your husbands behavior. Some men are like that:( if u have somebody close to u speak about it, it will help:heart:i will also pray everything is ok for u

Oh Kelbear, that is such a monstrous thing for him to say. I am so sorry he said that.

Should you and I just run off to a commune with our kids? lol. Sometimes I feel like men are nothing but glorified sperm donors with how they act -- and mine isn't a great one, at that! It's part of why I so desperately want my own boy, to raise to be empathetic and understanding. Something that seems sorely missed in so much of this generation of men!

You need support. I need support. I feel like getting pregnant is the worst thing that has happened between DH and me, and I'm realizing it's because I'm not 100% able to do everything on my own or for him when I am. He loves the end result but not the part to get to it? And I'm sure your DH will also love this baby, no matter the sex, but in the meantime -- it's awful how awful he's being about it! I wonder if it's because of similar reasons to my husband, and not anything to do with the baby itself.

I know, for me, it just contributes to the GD and envy. I feel like I don't get anything I want in my life when i'm sitting here feeling the GD and also realizing my husband is offering such little positivity in my life. I keep reading the "Coping with the Passive Aggressive Husband," which I recommend for you too Kelbear, but it is also a brutal read. There are just so many things that match my life, and there are frequent recommendations to "leave" when things just don't ever get better with these men...

TP at this point the only way to clearly see gender is to get a potty shot, i promise you none of my 4 confirmed-on-scan boys were obviously boys from any view other than the potty shot, i even felt hope for a girl each time not seeing boy parts as they scanned about in all other angles including stomach and front views etc but then BAM got underneath them and there it all was!! you are still 50/50 for this baby i promise you that :heart: cant believe your dh is still being like this :( xx

kelbear when do you find out sex for this baby? im so sorry your husband said that :heart: i have everything crossed for the placenta issue to resolve for you xx

TP and Kelbear, I am so sorry you are dealing with such shitty circumstances. I wish I had better advice to give! Are your husband's usually this shitty or just during pregnancy? Either way it isn't right and no one or person should have to deal with abuse.


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So DH was definitely shitty during my pregnancy with DD. But not like this, for sure.

But we've been together 10 years and he's honestly been shitty for most of them. Have you ever encountered someone that everyone likes, sort of the "lovable" asshole where there shit is a quirk? Because that's my husband. He's always been obnoxious with his beliefs to people, quick to make someone feel stupid -- but just has this guileless personality that makes you kind of just go, "Oh, that's just him." And I think I have been excusing this as "not wanting to change him" for so long that I missed that this was a form of abuse. There's definitely other stuff with him. A history of sexual abuse we did a lot of counseling to get over, though he still admits he never hurt me... I don't know. He's just an extremely passive aggressive man, who's so good at being passive aggressive that I've felt it's all me until recently.

OMG, TP! I am horrified for you and so sorry that type of abuse and behavior is the norm. No one should be treated that way by the people they love. Is staying somewhere for awhile an option for you?

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Should’ve said tp, not abc sorry ☹️ this makes me hurt for you. I’m so sorry you and kelbear both are going through this.


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That should’ve said tp, not abc.


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https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/50268a

9 weeks and heartbeat confirmed! I got to see some kicking. So far all is well. Due to my age I'm going to get some genetic testing in a few weeks so in the next 2 to 4 weeks I hope more good news is to come.

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Originally Posted by gafan

9 weeks and heartbeat confirmed! I got to see some kicking. So far all is well. Due to my age I'm going to get some genetic testing in a few weeks so in the next 2 to 4 weeks I hope more good news is to come.

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Wonderful to see some good news, Gafan! Can't wait to find out what you're having!

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Congrats gafan!

TP & Kel, I fully sympathize with you. I have been with my husband 14 years, married for 9. We have had a lot of ups and downs, and he is a total asshole sometimes. In 2015 he wanted a divorce and actually started seeing another woman from his job. Worst 6 months of my life, I was so ill from stress. He ended up coming back after learning the grass wasnt greener and lo and behold, I treated him a lot better and didnt just stare at my phone 24/7. I took him back with the this will not happen again speech. And I wouldnt, my heart couldnt handle it.
With Oops, he was a total piece of crap. He wanted me to get an abortion so badly. He would yell, try to get me to see things his way, threaten that Id be lucky if he stayed. Shut him up real fast when I told him to leave then, this babies life was more important to me. I did see his side, we had just downsized house, just started to enjoy life and spending alone time together with the boys being in school full time etc. However, I had an abortion many years ago when I was young... I almost chickened out then, but went through with it because my mom threatened to throw me out if she ever found out I was pregnant and I had nowhere else and little options at 17. I have never forgiven myself and to this day think about what could have been and still cry. I could never do it again. I feel guilty enough. Sometimes I wonder if having all boys and all special needs is my 'karma' for doing what I did, and feel like a horrible human for thinking that. Its rough all around.

I just want everyone to know, if youre suffering with spouse drama, GD, or anything... I am an open book and willing to listen to all. :heart:
Im on Facebook often Valerie Zeller (in North Carolina) if wanted.

You are all such strong women!!