October 2013 babies!

Hugs Katie, I think what your feeling is probably normal and part of the process. I know if I hear boy on Tuesday I will feel the same. Life seems so unfair at times. I can really see a little girl, I've struggled to imagine what a boy would be like this time. So it is like grieving for a lost daughter when you have seen her so clearly. I have even felt anger over the last few weeks, so sure that I will have a boy that I have thought what did I do? Don't I deserve a daughter? I'm a good person!
Let yourself feel what you feel, I don't know if it will ever completely go away but I hope that one day we will be able to accept and be happy with what we have got.

Katie I'm so sorry that you're feeling so low-please be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve this loss. Its so had to let go of such a heartfelt wish but remember, your little boy will bring you so much joy. He and his brothers will share such an amazing bond growing up (and throughout their lives).

I have to say also, it really feels like so many ladies are missing out on their dream gender and its making me feel incredibly nervous about my gender scan which isn't for another 6 weeks! I only have 1 DS but am desperate for a DD-I know if this baby isn't my dream gender then there's still a possibility of trying for a third baby but I had a really, really difficult birth experience with my first, this pregnancy is high risk and I'm not sure I'll be brave enough to try a third. I keep hoping and praying this will be my little lady but I know in 6 weeks time I could be feeling exactly the same GD as many of the mums here. My thoughts are with all of you xxx

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Originally Posted by xokatietatie

I want to scream and cry, and pound my fists today. I won't ever know what it's like to brush my daughter's hair or teach her how to paint her nails. I won't ever get to take her shopping and try on dresses and bows. Forget that perfect nursery I planned, it'll never happen. I won't know what it's like to plan a wedding. No dance recitals. I won't ever know what it's like to buy pink things and have girl's days. All the things I fantasize about are never going to happen. I can't stop crying. My head won't stop pounding. My broken heart is more than just emotional, I physically feel pain in my chest. I swear I could see her. I could see her with her brothers and with my husband. I could picture her as part of us. My husband is devastated. He's even cried over the baby being another boy. My mother tries to be understanding, but she just doesn't get it. I feel so broken, so crushed and unhappy. And I'm angry. I feel so mad when friends announce they're having girls. I want to throw things and scream, just have a tantrum like a child who hasn't gotten their way. Life just feels so unfair right now. I keep trying to be okay, but I feel worse with every passing minute. I wanted her so badly. I prayed for her every single day. And she'll never exist. This is the worst pain I've ever faced.

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Hi Katie

Im incredibly sad u feel this way. I totally understand being on the opposite side of the spectrum with 3 girls and yes I so long for a son! Each time I go to shop for clothea and have to walk right past the boys section makes me upset; if only god listens to us?
I only wanted 2-3 kids and now because of my desperate desire am deciding on swaying or hi tech. I DONT know which road to take at all. All I can say lovey is I totally understand and wish others around us to. The empty feeling on my tummy never goes away and I know it wont until I have my dream boy. Amen.

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Originally Posted by desperate4blue

Hi Katie

Im incredibly sad u feel this way. I totally understand being on the opposite side of the spectrum with 3 girls and yes I so long for a son! Each time I go to shop for clothea and have to walk right past the boys section makes me upset; if only god listens to us?
I only wanted 2-3 kids and now because of my desperate desire am deciding on swaying or hi tech. I DONT know which road to take at all. All I can say lovey is I totally understand and wish others around us to. The empty feeling on my tummy never goes away and I know it wont until I have my dream boy. Amen.

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I think you should go high tech if your going to be upset with another girl... Swaying you need to go into expecting to get an opposite... Im also having my fourth boy I just have never experienced gender dissapointment... I don't quite understand it to be honest... I have two disabled children so I think we should all be thankful for healthy babies

I'm sorry your having a hard time Katie but embrace your new little man his penis makes him no less special than a vagina would have

Hi katie...I am due in Oct too but I don't really post very much. I wanted to tell you I had very bad GD with my 4th son, who was born 4 years ago. I probably would of given this baby to a stranger off the street, was in a foul mood my entire pregnancy, and even driving over to the birth was swearing he was a boy and saying "I just wasn't in the mood to give birth". Ay-yi-yi.

Looking back Katie, it wasn't so much that HE was a boy...in fact, I had ZERO GD with my previous 3 boys....I laughed at my 3rd boy's ultrasound and his pg was probably the happiest time of my life. What was different with the 4th...is I went into getting pg thinking "if this is girl (which it will be because its my turn now, thank you very much), it will *fix* this or that and I will be sooooo happy!"...meaning, that there were areas of my life that needed work but the fun and excitement of having a daughter would blunt all those things.

But no, I had to learn that the hard way and let me tell you, getting over GD completely and honestly and at your very deepest core, takes some work and some soul-searching and you will find yourself asking questions that you never would of otherwise. I would ask yourself the real real real real reasons why you think a girl would make you happy and it may take you many months to figure that out. I don't assume anything but your reasons of dresses and weddings and dance are not good enough to be ruining your life over. (sorry) The truth is, weddings cost so much damn money for one day and everyone is so stressed and at each others throats, and the couple may get divorced anyway so whats the point? (sorry!!!!!!!) And personally, when I peek in on dance recitals, its a bunch of girls with stringy hair and grungy leotards that are just hopping about. I dont' feel we are missing out. YOu have to put all this in perspective.

So, one day you will look back and see your 4 sturdy sons and wonder why on earth you wanted DS#4 to be a girl. You will think "whoa...that was so short-sighted of me! And in fact, what I really wish is this wonderful human being was a twin"...truly. Thats where I am at honey and it is ok to feel all those things you are feeling because you really need to get it all out before you can come to peace. But you will slowly find yourself coming around.

I think I am having a boy this time. My 5th son died at 12 weeks pregnant. I went into this knowing I wanted a baby, not a gender. I wish I could share with you my joy for having all sons. It really almost makes me cry and its sweet tears, not tears of pain. I love my boys and I love my life and there is lots I would go back and change in life but one of those things is not the gender of my children. You can get there too and wear your badge of "Mother of Sons" with great pride and happiness. I also really love my husband alot and this is his life too and we want a good one, not one full of "if only....*this* we could of been happy". <3

Take care xx

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Originally Posted by xokatietatie

I want to scream and cry, and pound my fists today. I won't ever know what it's like to brush my daughter's hair or teach her how to paint her nails. I won't ever get to take her shopping and try on dresses and bows. Forget that perfect nursery I planned, it'll never happen. I won't know what it's like to plan a wedding. No dance recitals. I won't ever know what it's like to buy pink things and have girl's days. All the things I fantasize about are never going to happen. I can't stop crying. My head won't stop pounding. My broken heart is more than just emotional, I physically feel pain in my chest. I swear I could see her. I could see her with her brothers and with my husband. I could picture her as part of us. My husband is devastated. He's even cried over the baby being another boy. My mother tries to be understanding, but she just doesn't get it. I feel so broken, so crushed and unhappy. And I'm angry. I feel so mad when friends announce they're having girls. I want to throw things and scream, just have a tantrum like a child who hasn't gotten their way. Life just feels so unfair right now. I keep trying to be okay, but I feel worse with every passing minute. I wanted her so badly. I prayed for her every single day. And she'll never exist. This is the worst pain I've ever faced.

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I am so sorry. I understand your pain. I hope that we both feel better soon.

As or me still struggling daily with the idea that this is another boy. To be honest I never wanted this many children. I had my DD and then my DS and wanted another girl. So we tried for DC#3. When we found out it was a boy I knew right then and there I would be trying again. Now we are having our 3rd boy and even though I don't really want anymore children I m considering trying a really good sway to get a girl. So DH and I are planning on trying a girl sway probably next summer. If we get another boy I am so done. I have tried everything I could to get another girl. Anyone else thinking of trying a sway next time?? I checked into IVF with PGD, but it was like 26,000 dollars!! Too rich for my blood!!

Katie, I can totally understand. I don't know what this one is yet, but if I find out it's another boy, I will feel the same way. It's almost like a loss to someone that you once had, even though it was only in your mind. Eventually I know I'll get used to it, and I'll love #4 no matter if it's a boy or girl., but it's definitely a grieving process for some of us. That's why I want to find out, so if it is a boy I can get through that grief before the birth.

As far as people saying you should go high tech...well, that's just not always an option. We should all support each other no matter what the sway, how the sway, high teck or not as we are all here due to a common bond.

I was saying that to desperat4blue as she is still deciding which approach she wants to go with

I am supportive of everyone's feelings and I understand that some people have a hard time with gender dissapointment... But in the grand scheme of things gender is not what's the most important thing

Well I think gender is pretty important.

For example. I would not want to be married to my husband if he was a girl. I am married to him because he is a man. :rofl:

As moms, alot of our hopes and dreams and identity can be pinned with the gender of our kids and what we want out of life etc. Its different for everyone. I completely understand GD because I lived through it.

Saying gender doesn't matter is like saying to a starving person that Big Macs don't matter. In the grand scheme of things, Big Macs don't matter. But they do to some ;)

It's soooo hard to deal with feelings of GD....especially when those in our "real lives" can't relate or empathize because they don't understand. This group is the only place I feel comfortable sharing my GD feelings, and I hope that you still feel you can, too Katie. We are here for you!!!