they had a boy after 3 girls

Thanks for your replies. I deleted some of this post and just left the short version up.



I posted a while ago and I just donot know why it should bother me and why it is affecting me this much.

If I do not know who the people are, I am fine.

A friends friend had a boy after 3 girls.

They tried naturally. The entire time she was pregnant I must have checked her facebook page daily to see if the gender would show then finally the other day I went to the page and it should the older DD holding the baby boy.

Not everybody thinks things through that deeply and circumstances do change - maybe they have a plan for when the kids are older or maybe they just manage ok. The more children you have the more sacrifices you have to make and the more other children have to go without, but then they benefit so much from having each other to.

I can only imagine that that little boy means as much to her as it would to you and she would rather go without some luxuries to have her dreams come true.

On the other hand, i completely feel for you, GD is horrid and those feelings are completely natural. I find it so hard to be happy for moms who have little girls - unless they are in the same position as me then for some reason i seem to understand the pain and how much they want it and i would hate for others to feel as sad as i do, like all of the women on here. I am glad you have found peace in your decision to move on, i can't imagine it has been an easy one and moments like this will get less xxx

I think it's probably an assumption that they don't think of those things. Chances are...they do. And either they have means you aren't aware of, they don't worry about things like that and hope that when the time comes they will have what they need to provide, or they are willing to take the risks of having a child and will take the consequences.

Honestly, if we were doing "okay" and getting by (aka: we could pay our bills, buy food, and werent relying on government support of any kind) and I desperately wanted another child...I would do it. Why have that kind of regret? You don't get to go back to childbearing years down the line if you find you change your mind. But you do get to get more jobs, advance your education, take out loans, and cut back on expenses at any point in the future. Expenses are fluid, children are not.

I am sure people look at me and my husband and think "wow, another?" We live in a small rancher, we drive big cars that guzzle gas, I am a SAHM, our kids don't get to do all sorts of extra curricular activities (really, I just disagree with them at age 3). But...our cars are paid off, our house has a low mortgage, my husband has a good job with lots of growth potential, and we don't struggle that much on the whole. But looking in, one might wonder how we manage. We have good health care, we have a handle on our bills, we have thought about what we will have to give up in order to support the four children we would like to have. And we accept less "extras" and are willing to accept the risk of having four children and never getting a girl. And honestly, I think LOTS of kids today could do with a few less "extras." My kids will do sports and camps and we will take vacations...but they won't be getting 10 Christmas presents each and I will not be buying name-brand shoes for my child willy-nilly. My kids will know what it is like to earn things. So I am okay with not doing a ton of "extras" (I don't really consider braces or basic care/clothing extra though).

I am sensing that your logical side is arguing with your heart. You would love to throw caution to the wind and try for a son...you are a bit jealous that they gambled on that and won. But your rational side is thinking about other things telling you "it's not worth the risk." I get that...we all do in here. It's a gamble every time and it's all about which side of you wins, the rational or the heart.

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Originally Posted by Mrs_P

Not everybody thinks things through that deeply and circumstances do change

I can only imagine that that little boy means as much to her as it would to you and she would rather go without some luxuries to have her dreams come true.

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This exactly! I do firmly believe circumstances change ( sometimes for worse lol!)

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Originally Posted by hotdogz&boyz

Expenses are fluid, children are not.

our kids don't get to do all sorts of extra curricular activities (really, I just disagree with them at age 3)
. And honestly, I think LOTS of kids today could do with a few less "extras.".but they won't be getting 10 Christmas presents each and I will not be buying name-brand shoes for my child willy-nilly. My kids will know what it is like to earn things. So I am okay with not doing a ton of "extras" (I don't really consider braces or basic care/clothing extra though).

I am sensing that your logical side is arguing with your heart. You would love to throw caution to the wind and try for a son...you are a bit jealous that they gambled on that and won. But your rational side is thinking about other things telling you "it's not worth the risk." I get that...we all do in here. It's a gamble every time and it's all about which side of you wins, the rational or the heart.

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You've covered it all! :agree:

I also think children don't need 3-4 extra activities at the age of 4 ( and even if I could afford, I woudn't do it), they don't need tons and tons of presents for b-days and Christmas and most def. no name brand clothes.

NYFamilyOf5Roses-the only thing that helps me keep going is a perspective of another baby (boy lol) I understand that battle of heart and ratio like hotdogz&boyz said, and these were my thoughts when I was trying for No3.

We are struggling financially, ( my oldest is wearing a brace lol!) but if I may say, life standard in USA is very high to begin with. What you may think you are taking away from your existing children is something that majority of kids in Eastern Europe don't have.

I've heard something very smart recently: even when we have the worst time in our lives, we are doing much better then our ancestors and they had as many kids as God gave them.

I'm not trying to be smart a$$, your thoughts are bothering me as well, but I'm trying to see it optimistically.

I guess the whole thing is I wish I was not so bothered by the friend's friend.

I wish I can move on and stop thinking about it. I guess I need to get my mind on something else.

and there is nothing wrong with trying naturally nothing at all but I would never do it at this point because 4 girls for me would not be good.

Zivic- Sorry if my thoughts are bothering you or what you meant by that?

I am just looking for support.

I wish my other friend would just open and read my e-mails.

For me I am not willing to take the chance naturally. Like I said we cannot afford pgd. We have to think of saving for 401K, and other things like that. I realize now pgd is not for us. It is a struggle already.

Everyone lives different so things really depends.

I came here to try to feel better so sorry again if I said anything wrong.

I just wish my true life friends would talk to me.

I almost feel like texting her and telling her that I emailed her and to open them and read them. The way things are going we are not even going to talk. Since I had #3 and then shortly after she had #2 which was her 2nd boy for some reason my problems got bad and we have not met in over 2 years.

[QUOTE=Zivic-Bubac;292755]You've covered it all! :agree:

I also think children don't need 3-4 extra activities at the age of 4 ( and even if I could afford, I woudn't do it), they don't need tons and tons of presents for b-days and Christmas and most def. no name brand clothes.

I do not have my children in any activities right now. We just cannot do it for now.

NYFamilyOf5Roses-the only thing that helps me keep going is a perspective of another baby (boy lol) I understand that battle of heart and ratio like hotdogz&boyz said, and these were my thoughts when I was trying for No3.

I have 3 girls and you will soon also. 4 is a little different I think.
We are struggling financially, ( my oldest is wearing a brace lol!) but if I may say, life standard in USA is very high to begin with. What you may think you are taking away from your existing children is something that majority of kids in Eastern Europe don't have.

I've heard something very smart recently: even when we have the worst time in our lives, we are doing much better then our ancestors and they had as many kids as God gave them.

I'm not trying to be smart a$$, your thoughts are bothering me as well, but I'm trying to see it optimistically.

I get down a lot especially. I just realize I am the parent that likes the kids in camp if they could be. I hate to admit that. Last year they went to a free camp UAU. Hope next year they can go also. Some activities mine can go to very inexpensive like girl scouts but I am not that type that want involvement which girl scouts requires. Mainly I need to get them back to private swim lessons. That I think they need. Even that adds up at $20.00 per 1/2 hour and you do not know how many lessons they need it adds up quick. Mine do not have bikes. They just never got them. Vacations we just used to do PA./QUOTE]

My friend is just not opening her e-mails. It is going to the cell phone being it says received and most phones say that but if she reads it is will say read. Then the other messages say did not read yet so they did not even go to the phone.

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Originally Posted by NYFamilyOfFiveRoses

Zivic- Sorry if my thoughts are bothering you or what you meant by that?

I am just looking for support.

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I meant I have the same type of concerns as you. I was trying to be supportive.

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Originally Posted by Zivic-Bubac

I meant I have the same type of concerns as you. I was trying to be supportive.

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Oh ok you meant the thougts were bothering you also? I am sorry I understand what you are saying now. You will soon have 3 like me.

BTW, I just texted my friend and she said to e-mail her at a different e-mail so they will go directly to her phone. I mean I do not think she can do anything on my feelings of being jealous of her friend but at least she can hear me.

I have a daugher also born in 2003. Is yours in 4th grade also? Then my other one is born 2006 and in 1st grade. Do you feel you have a lot to keep up with now with the homework and everything?

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Originally Posted by NYFamilyOfFiveRoses

Thanks for your replies. I deleted some of this post and just left the short version up.



I posted a while ago and I just donot know why it should bother me and why it is affecting me this much.

If I do not know who the people are, I am fine.

A friends friend had a boy after 3 girls.

They tried naturally. The entire time she was pregnant I must have checked her facebook page daily to see if the gender would show then finally the other day I went to the page and it should the older DD holding the baby boy.

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I remember this post when you were stalking this woman on FB but you didn't know what she was having yet. I was hoping it would be another girl for your sake. I've had this done to me so many times. I used to stalk people on FB (people I barely knew) when I was pregnant with DD2. I would obsess over women who had a girl first like me and hoped they were having another girl. But, most of them had a boy after having a girl. It kept bringing me back to my GD so that's why I stopped. I felt like I was torturing myself and I was.