Well I found out this morning that we are expecting boy #3. I had been preparing myself for this all weekend but I still held out a teeny bit of hope that this would be my girl. However I kept it together and was very calm during the ultrasound, and even found myself consoling DH who looked as disappointed as I felt. Afterwards I made all the phone calls, texts, and fb posts I'd promised and remained upbeat saying things like, "We must only make boys" and "Now we have our complete family of five!" My family remarked on how OK I seemed about it and how much better I was taking it than I did with DS2.
And I thought I was, but now that I'm home with the kids again, the reality is sinking in -- no lavender nursery, no pretty girl clothes, no daughter to "sit still" and "be good" and do all the sweet girlie things my boys don't do. My boys are wild and crazy and I think everyone (including me) was hoping for a calm little girl for a change. I also feel guilty because DH looked so upset and he wasn't even sure he wanted a third--now we have all the added stress and expenses of a third without the excitement of a daughter. I feel like I talked him into it and now we are going to regret it, even though everyone says you don't regret them when they are there.
I know once he's here I will be in love, I just wish the next 4 months would go by fast, I'm so over being pregnant and now that there's not the anticipation of something different I feel like it's going to be a tough period of people saying things like, "oh I was hoping it would be a girl" -- I've already gotten two comments like that this morning!
I just hate having to act so happy and excited when the best I can feel is blah. I don't know who to confide in -- I don't want DH to feel any worse, and I don't want people to think I was stupid for going for a third baby if I couldn't handle having another boy. I feel kind of lost right now...