Feeling crazy for considering HT

Just found out we're having our second sweet little boy, and I am really starting to look forward to it.

Part of what has helped me get past my GD is my husband is on board with HT in a few years, which means I can elimate those "what-ifs" that make GD so hard. Three kids is his absolute limit, and he figures HT would probably be much less expensive than having more kids than we planned.

I am relieved he is open to it. I never in a million years thought he would be, because of the cost. But he sees how important it is to me to have a daughter one day. We only really have three shots if we're going to have three kids, and we've used up two. The thought of never having a daughter in my lifetime would be very painful for me, so in my mind it's not worth the 50/50 gamble. And swaying seems too finicky for me... one bad move might throw the whole thing off.

BUT at times I'm seriously questioning myself. Like, "You're fertile, yet you're seriously willing to blow thousands of dollars on a highly invasive procedure that might not work, when if you left it up to chance odds are you'd have a girl next anyway?" I'm also slightly ashamed that I've already so heavily researched this when I haven't even had this baby yet.

Anyone else grapple with weird feelings about considering HT?

It's the guarantee that is the appeal. It's the only way to get a 100% guarantee of gender.

And yes, it is extreme- maybe a better word choice than crazy because it's actually a mature, thought out decision and pretty much the opposite of crazy.

It helps tremendously with GD knowing it is an option and many of us began researching options when pregnant.

If you choose that path, we will be here to help navigate!

We could afford 3 or 4 cycles but it means putting off renovations and other extra things we're planning on and looking forward to. And what if it doesn't work after 4 cycles? Or it does and I m/c?

For me, the thought of HT doesn't relieve any GD - in many ways it makes it worse because I can't imagine how I'd feel after blowing 30k of my family's money and then having no little girl to show for it.

It's a tough choice to make for sure!

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Originally Posted by Cat+9lives

We could afford 3 or 4 cycles but it means putting off renovations and other extra things we're planning on and looking forward to. And what if it doesn't work after 4 cycles? Or it does and I m/c?

For me, the thought of HT doesn't relieve any GD - in many ways it makes it worse because I can't imagine how I'd feel after blowing 30k of my family's money and then having no little girl to show for it.

It's a tough choice to make for sure!

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Respectfully, that is not the way to go through life! That is glass half empty talk and just no way to live.

Why do you take it to the extreme negative? What if you cycled once and it worked?

Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.

Not all of us can keep having kids to try and get the gender we are after. She clearly stated 3 is their limit and that only leaves one more opening in their family. I did not want more than 4 kids period. We know what we can afford and support well and 4 was our limit so I totally understand, lemonade.

Cat, if you try again, I hope your next is a DD.

lemonade, if you know you don't want another baby and you can own up to the fact that you want a girl and you can afford a cycle or 2 of HT, go for it. Don't let with what ifs hold you back. You'll never regret trying IF you can afford to try.

It can work for you just like it worked for me and tons of others on here and around the world. I would not want to live my life having very limiting beliefs regarding what’s possible for me to accomplish, and not act out of fear of failure. If you need the money for family, a renovation, than you maybe cannot afford HT.

If however, you have money saved for a rainy day or can afford to make a payment on a zero interest credit card, it's not the end of the world if you try once and it doesn't work. Trying 3-4+ times is a whole other extreme in many ways beyond financial.

Ht is not an easy journey but if dh is on board and you have the money then its worth a go. I would rather regret wasting thousands than regret never giving it a go!!!!
Good luck with this pregnancy lemonade x x

We have chosen to go HT. We don't know if it will work the first time and will possibly cycle again the following year. It may not work for us but I know we did everything to try and won't spend the rest of my life wondering 'what if?' Life is too short! Go for it!

Knowing i had HT after i found out i was having DS5 was the ONLY thing that prevented me from losing my mind , it gave me the ability to be happy ,enjoy him and just be a good mum because i didnt have the horrible "never having a girl" thoughts looming over me
I actually dont care how many times it takes i wont stop till it works , and sure the money could be used on new houses ,cars ,holidays ect but none of those things will ever fill that piece missing from my soul, and none of that material stuff will ever bring our family the happiness a daughter /sister will bring
In saying that its pretty crazy , i only said to DH the other day when all my forms came from the clinic "ready to start this crazy hopefully not too long journey" and he said " im ready lets do this" LOL
Also for me its about never living with regret

I might not be the person you want to hear from, but these were similar thoughts I had while I was early pregnant with our third. I am young, healthy, and conceive easily. Four was "our number," the end, no more. And if we had three boys, I wanted that guarantee. I mulled it in my brain for a long while and addressed it to DH. He was actually more open to it than I thought. In his words "it's just money." And that was all I needed to put things in perspective. Yes, it's money. But what is money in the face of something you desire with your soul? Money comes and goes, it buys a lot and it buys a little. But, in the end, I would absolutely regret it if I didn't try with that last baby. What money we put into it wouldn't affect our other children in direct ways, no more or less than average differences in their friends (some do twelve camps a summer and some do one, ya know). You said yourself that you are young and fertile. That is when it is good to do it, your chances of it working would be high. And you would have that guarantee to enjoy the entire last pregnancy. If you have the means, do it. It's not crazy at all. I came to the conclusion that it is actually remarkably logical. And you would be in good company, many here go HT. (Obviously, in the end we didn't need to, but I hope that doesn't take away from the message I meant to convey).

We did one cycle of HT, also classified as young and fertile after falling pregnant 5x (2mc's) easily.
Didn't fall pregnant but would have done it again in a heartbeat if it didn't involve travelling around the world to do. 7 months of swaying was far harder emotionally and physically.
As long as you aren't going to deprive your existing kids of essentials (food, clothes,etc) to get the money, HT is worth every cent to get the gender you want

nuthin - I don't see it pessimism but as realism. I think hitching ones hopes and dreams to one boat is dangerous. HT gives an illusion of control when in reality you're only in control of some pieces, but not all of it. Even now, if I were to plan on HT next year, I could have some complication in this next birth that necessitates a hysterectomy, obviously ending the promise of HT. And perhaps I'd hitch my dream to some other ship, adoption or foster care, but it would be crushing to have used HT as the anchor keeping my sanity.

I was only sharing my take on it - there are no guarantees in life. Ever. HT is still taking a chance, a gamble. Maybe not equal to the chances taken with swaying naturally in some opinions, but still a chance. But you can definitely still be happy and take chances and be glad for those ones you want to take.

It makes me sad but it was actually comments like yours that kept me from really joining in on this board a few years ago. I felt like I couldn't share my opinion on anything without someone turning it into a reflection on my entire life's philosophy and questioning it. Really, who cares? Does my feeling that HT is too great a risk to take somehow reflect on your choice to do HT? I don't think so - I think we all come from different places, with different personalities and different experiences and there's no right or wrong. Maybe it's the same thing that causes us to judge other parenting choices - we're really just feeling defensive of our own choices. But it's sad that it has to be that way. Already feeling down about the whole situation, it really hurts to then be told by a strange that my outlook on this one tiny topic is a generalization of my entire being and is "no way to go through life." And makes me think I was wise just to keep off this board.

Much luck to OP with whichever way she rolls the dice :)