Outlander

I have never stood outside of a group and felt so utterly and hurtfully excluded as I did this morning. I held my crying 2 1/2 year old son and watched all the other mothers and their daughters happily partake in the class I stupidly enrolled my kid into.

It was the first class and my son is very careful in new situations. He isn't one to step up immediately and he doesn't like to be centre of attention. It takes him awhile to warm up. So when the class began, the music and the sounds, he threw a fit and basically cried on and off throughout the 45 minute class. He is 2 1/2, he isn't much of a fan of marching to the beat of somebody else's drum.

I literally fought back tears as the eyes of the other parents watched me try to comfort and reassure and somewhat discipline my son when all I really wanted to do was run for the door.

All I could think was "I shouldn't be here, we shouldn't be here, we are not part of this group" and my kids behaviour didn't help that feeling. I just want my sons to like music! To have fun. Why is my kid the only boy? Where are the rest of the little boys and why has society become dependent on gender roles? I refuse to shelter my kids from music because "most" parents feel it's feminine? That's so crazy if that is true!!! The greatest musicians are (and I apologize) male!

Anyway I suppose motherhood will be full of moments such as this. Truth is my heart can't take it right now. What a terrible feeling, to see your child outside of a group. And in this case it likely wasn't because of his gender but rather just a "bad day" but I think gender will inevitably always leave me out of the crowd, not him. 😔


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Cut Youssef Some slack.
Sometimes i think its our head that makes a bigger problem then other ppl.
IT could be jus this reaction that put him outside at this moment. When he's a bit older it will most likely go better. He needs Some time to sdjust. Thats character not gender.

My son has musiclessons and the others love music too!
Just continue. Your doing fine. And once everyone is used to it. It wil be normal. And hè might even be special in a good way!

Big hug!

I'm not so sure this is a gender thing. My daughter is by far my shyest LO and she would have done the EXACT same thing in that situation while a couple of my boys would have owned the joint.

Sometimes I think we have a tendency to view things thru the "GD" lens when really it's just that our kiddo is who they are (and not one thing wrong with that!)

You are both right. And I know it. It's just in times like that you can't help but notice that you are the mother of "the boy" and because of the depths of my GD I immediately notice that and assume that those moms (and the few dads) took note that he is "the boy" so his behaviour is due to that! Even tho I know it's just him as a person.

Society doesn't see it that way and it pisses me off.

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What I am trying to say is my son displayed the stereotypical behaviour of a boy, defiant, wild, out of control etc. when he actually is just being himself. Not " a boy" but a person.


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Give you son some time to get used to the group. Keep going back :) I do understand how you feel though. Just yesterday at a birthday party the difference in gender were so blazingly obvious. The boys were on the bridge fighting each other off while the girls sat coloring!! Then when the balloon artist came out my son asked for a gun. While the girls wanted flowers. I couldn't help but feel sad. So I understand where your coming from!


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Hm, I wouldn't take crying and fussiness and tantruming to be a "boy thing" at all. I think most people see boys as being super confident and physical.

Anyone who sees a 2 1/2 year old throwing a fit in a new situation and chalks that up to gender, defiance, or bad parenting, is an a$$ who knows nothing about children anyway and their opinion isn't worth diddly. :)

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Originally Posted by Sarah4girl

Give you son some time to get used to the group. Keep going back :) I do understand how you feel though. Just yesterday at a birthday party the difference in gender were so blazingly obvious. The boys were on the bridge fighting each other off while the girls sat coloring!! Then when the balloon artist came out my son asked for a gun. While the girls wanted flowers. I couldn't help but feel sad. So I understand where your coming from!


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Look at it this way, though - how many of those little girls chose flowers because they knew that all the other girls had chosen them and they felt they had to be locked into that??? I really think the social pressure to conform to gender stereotypes is HUGE among preschool girls and there were probably some of those girls who really wanted to be goofing off on the bridge with the boys instead of coloring. Coloring is BORING! :)

This reminds me of one time I was at a B-day party with my two boys and all the girls sat quietly reading princess books and all the boys were playing in a tree that had a lot of hanging-down branches. Well, there was a beehive in the tree and of course all the little boys got stung. Most of them ran out right away but my son panicked and I could hear him screaming in the tree but I was on the other side and carrying a baby and I couldn't get to him. Well, guess who ran in and saved him while all the manly dudes (including my own brother, my sister's husband, and my stepdad) all ran for cover like wussies??? Another mom who I did not even know. She did not even think twice, ran into a cloud of bees, got stung herself several times, and grabbed my son and carried him out again. I am just not convinced that girls are these shy retiring flowerloving gentle unicorn-riding princesses any more than I think all our boys are vicious and violent because they throw a temper tantrum when they're two! :)

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Look at it this way, though - how many of those little girls chose flowers because they knew that all the other girls had chosen them and they felt they had to be locked into that??? I really think the social pressure to conform to gender stereotypes is HUGE among preschool girls and there were probably some of those girls who really wanted to be goofing off on the bridge with the boys instead of coloring. Coloring is BORING! :)

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Exactly! I despise gender stereotypes, it suppresses boys and girls, men and women everyday and I just can't believe it still exists today! When will people start looking at each other as equal human beings and not judge based on how we look or the physical anatomy we have. I will always embrace my boys for who they are, the will never have limits when it comes to their identify and self expression and the day somebody asks them to "get in line" will be a day they will have wished hadn't come for them! I made a promise with myself before I had kids to accept them and help them grow, not control them and shatter their self worth.


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