We are an Australian couple planning on travelling to the USA for family balancing PGD. Not sure if we should share this with family or friends?? What have your experiences been?? We have family in the USA so would need to tell them but can just tell others we are visiting/holidaying. If we need multiple trips it might be hard to not share the truth though. I guess I am worried about being judged.
I didn't tell because of my girls. I don't want them to know. I could give a darn about anyone else. I think it is harder to not tell and keep it to yourself than to tell but if you tell one person everyone can know. I really think our friends and family could care less. It's just our girls I think about.
Cloverbear from here is an awesome example of how you can be open about it. So, I think you know your family dynamic. You know how people would react and of it is helpful to disclose, the support would be great.
I think people generally see it as a little less extreme when you have to do IVF anyway. At least that's been my experience. I have to take the drugs and do the cycle anyway. For those family members I've personally told I basically said we were just taking it an extra step and testing the embryo's to make sure that we are putting back the best embryo possible and that we were doing it in the hope of getting a girl. As it worked out we only had 2 healthy girl embryo's with the last cycle and given my age (38) and the down's miscarriage I had last year, I wouldn't of done another IVF cycle without PGD.
My parents and my in-laws don't have an issue with testing per se, but they don't agree that I should be able to choose the sex. My mother in particular thinks its selfish - but of course she would, she had the perfect boy/girl pair! So I wasn't averse to having the conversation with my family. I wanted them to know how important this is to me. And I hate secrets. NBP is right - its harder not to tell. But if I'm not open about this then I can't challenge people's perceptions and try to get them to see the other side. And I don't believe its right not to tell my DS twins or my DD how they were conceived. If it were me, I'd want to know I was an IVF baby. Not that it makes any difference. I'd just want to know.
MM I have thought about that. Knowing he was IVF. But I can't think of why it matters medically. Is there any known reason as to why it matters medically?
It is great if you can get support from family and friends. We have chosen to keep this to ourselves and not share this with family and it is a hard secret to keep but feel best at this time (cycle coming up next mth). This way we can focus on what we need to do and if decide to tell at later date then we can (hopefully if successful). Of course this will be interesting if have to return for more attempts. We are not sure about that either. Really throwing it all at this now and hoping and praying that we are the proverbial OHW's. A dream and a hope but time will tell.
Whatever you decide - you know your family better than anyone else so see what feels right closer to time.
Thanks for your comments.
The main reason it will be hard to keep from family and friends is that we are travelling from Australia to the USA for IVF PGD. We do have family in the US so can say we are visiting them for the first trip, however if we have to go back several times it will look suspicious. I don't want to lie but it would be odd to say we are going all that way for IVF when we have already done IVF in Australia. Maybe we will say its a holiday for the first trip and worry about more trips if we have to do them.
We told it to my sister and my patents and they support us. It's nice to talk to people who can understand what you are going thru with ivf. I would never tell it to friends or other family and I know my sister and parents won't tell either.
Just seeing this now. I don't think there is a reason why it would matter medically. Certainly none I know of. God forbid any of them have the issues conceiving that I've had. But if they do maybe they would feel less nervous about it knowing that that's what I had to do to have them. I guess I am in slightly different position as all my biological kids are IVF. Its just my step kids who are not.Quote:
Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink
At first it was hard to share with anyone and wanted to keep it secret. However I found that the more I talk about it with friends and family, the more normal it is. No one has judged me or tried to talk me out of it. Everyone I speak to about it is very supportive.
Most people are more curious about the process than anything and I end up giving a science lesson, which is too funny.
I presume if your country has banned the process, then you would be subject to the possibility of judgement.
It's a personal choice, if you don't want to tell anyone so be it! I'm sure you can come up with some creative idea for your travels.
Good Luck!
Yes we told family and friends. We told them before we started the process, during it and even now I tell some people. I just think people dont realize this is available to them.
I think the only time it would ever come up medically is if they were unwell. We see quite a few different specialists with our kids and first appointment with most (like neuro) is tell me about conception, pregnancy and birth.
I think we don't know for sure what things may come up in the future for our babies, so at some stage they may need to know.
I won't say about the GS though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink
Vickyaust, i too will potentially have the same problem in the future if it takes me multiple attempts because i live in the uk and will absolutely have to travel. If it didn't work the first time you could just say how much you loved the area you visited first time round and wanted to see more. I would rave about the US as soon as i got home from the first trip just to start that ball rolling...ha ha!
deaks66 good points. I think we will keep it all to ourselves this time. I have told a few close girlfriends. I don't think our family will offer the emotional support I need so will keep it a secret. We are now planning on sending over our 5 frozens from Melbourne so hopefully with them and a fresh stim I will be a OHW!
I'd want to keep it a secret to avoid judgement but I hate lying and find it really stressful, plus I am not very good at it because I am forgetful so my stories can be a bit mixed up. So it would be less stressful to tell the truth from the beginning. I think I would only tell immediate family whilst in the process and other people if it had worked out after but not to random strangers who don't matter. If people commented about my family make-up and seemed caring then I think I would mention it. Especially to people who might benefit from knowing it is available. I had no idea it existed until I found this website origonally planning to sway for our last. It seemed like such a far-fetched dream for me which is why I wont tell my family until we are in the position to do it to avoid the crazy eye rolling looks and pffts that I know would come from my Mum. My Sis knows I want to do it but she is the only person other than my DP who knows. I trust her fully.
As for telling the kids. I do not want any of the boys to feel like they should have been a girl thus unwanted so I think I will tell them that I wanted 4 kids anyway (I only wanted three but changed my mind after not getting a daughter) and wanted them to experience having a sister and my partner a daughter after so many sons. I think that story is pretty buyable and not far from the truth at all.
I told my 2 best friends, that's all! I wanted this baby more than anything and it doesn't matter to me how I got him. Plus we are having major gender issues with my SIL who doesn't know her babies gender, I think if she gets her DS, then what we did wouldn't bother her, but if she doesn't..well I think she'd use it against us.
Sounds like she is definitely one of those people who doesn't deserve to know.
Just re read my post from 2012. Very interesting.
We ended up doing our first cycle without telling anyone. Then we told our family any needed their support to help with our boys while we travelled. We ended up going back to HRC two more times and my parents had the boys fully the last cycle. They were an amazing support.
Now we have our DD I know my parents share in our joy. They helped us get her and I'm forever grateful.
I shared it with my close family: my parents, sister and in laws.
Also some of my closest friends know.
I think we will tell everyone at the end as DH doesn’t care about being open. I also believe we didn’t do anything to be judged about.