HT why or why not...?

I'm supposed to start my HT cycle in a few days. I don't know why, but I've never felt 100% sure this is what I want to do. Part of me feels that I could just be happy with my 4 boys and move on...part of me feels like I could try again naturally (probably not though...Dh is against it). It seems like a lot of the HT ladies have known for a long time that they FOR SURE want to try PGD. That they would do almost anything to try HT.

I've never felt that strongly about it and I'm not sure why. Part of it is the money--- it certainly costs a ton, but thats not the only reason. We could afford 2-3 cycles without too much trouble, although it is money we could always spend on other things. I know money isn't the only thing holding me back though. My heart just isn't totally into it and I'm trying to figure out what the other reasons are and if I want to move forward with HT or not. Am I just getting cold feet? I don't think so, as I've never been totally sure. I've just leaned towards HT and thought about it a lot. I just don't want to have regrets, either way. I'm just curious--are any of you going to try HT in the future? If not, why not? Does anyone regret not trying HT in the past or sooner?

Wow, Fun Family, I'll be interested to read your replies as I find myself in a similar boat. Really, almost word for word. My DH isn't on board for it at this point, but like most things I want I'm fairly sure I could get him to my side :rofl: But if I did?!? Would I really go through with it? I don't know.

I think the only thing that MIGHT get me through all of it is to picture myself holding that DS, for you, your DD. Then it seems worth it and doable. But I hate to do that because even with HT there's no guarantee that you'll get pregnant ... like you we can afford several cycles, but it is a lot of money to spend when there's no knowledge as to whether you'll really end up successful.

So I guess I've not much to offer in terms of helping you evaluate your situation but at least you know you're not alone :)

If you can go HT and you want a gender and not just a baby, do HT. If all the planning has made you realize you don't need a daughter and you are able to go forward with your existing family, that's awesome.

If you know deep down you really want a gender and HT IS an option and you decide to try naturally instead, I think you will kick yourself. I think the number of kids you have now makes a huge difference. If you had 1-2 kids, give swaying a chance. With 3-4 already and HT is an option, take the guarantee.

It really is the distinction between owning up to wanting a gender not just a baby. I think often times we can fool ourselves into believing we will be okay. Not always, but often.

HT is a gamble but most big things in life are.

What helped push me forward was the thought of me in 50 years. Would I regret not trying all I could for a dd? I decided that if I did not at least try HT, I would regret it one day when I was old and gray. If I tried HT and did not get pregnant, I could know in my heart that I did all I could for a dd. I felt at peace with that.

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Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink

If you can go HT and you want a gender and not just a baby, do HT.

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I think that's exactly it. With #3 I wanted another baby and would have strongly preferred a girl. So we swayed (and failed, lol). Now with #4 I just want a DD. If HT fails for us we won't try naturally as we don't just want another baby. If DS3 had been a girl we would not have had any more kids; we had always planned on 2-3, but had figured that we would have one of each in that mix.

GL with your decision! :)

Oh, funfamily. I can completely relate. Every time I get too close to going HT, I take a few steps back. I also can't figure out why, exactly.

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If you can go HT and you want a gender and not just a baby, do HT.

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When Dh and I got married, we both wanted lots of kids, maybe 4-6 we said. We wanted them to have each other to play with and we thought a large family would be fun. Now that we have 4...we are thinking 4 is a pretty good number! Not so keen on going for six, lol. So if I did try to get pg, it would be for gender, and not just another baby.

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. If all the planning has made you realize you don't need a daughter and you are able to go forward with your existing family, that's awesome.

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I feel like this too, but not sure how strongly. My GD was only really bad for 2 days after my u/s with #4...and since then it has really faded. It only comes back when people make rude comments (which is unfortunately too often). But there are so many days where I am completely gd free. But its not all the way gone. Its so hard...its kind of like...my boys are "cake" and having a girl would be the "icing on the cake." But I'm not sure I really need the icing, because the cake is very delicious without it too! Do I really want to spend all this time, money, energy, stress, etc just to attempt to add icing to the cake? Thats the best way I can describe how i feel.

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Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink

If you can go HT and you want a gender and not just a baby, do HT.

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This 1000%

I fell pregnant to have a girl not another baby, as hard as it is to admit it is the truth.
If i could go back 6 months in time and knew what i know now ,i would be doing HT ,i wish i had spent more time on the HT boards back then ,i think i would of made a different desision.
At the end of the day if swaying has failed me again, then i will be doing HT next year anyway ,and i will have 6 kids instead of 5 and that extra child is going cost alot more than HT would of cost in the first place , if that makes sense.
And if swaying has worked and i do indead have a girl , i can honestly say that the stress that i have been through with swaying , friends/family comments , the nub theory ,and just my own feelings in general havnt been worth it its been hell,if i had of done HT i wouldnt have gone through that.
HT is a gamble but i think that swaying or just falling pregnant with GD is a bigger gamble with much higher stakes
and if i was back in your shoes again deciding which road to travel down ,i would choose HT in a heartbeat ,i hope this helps ,GL

Ht is not easy, nor is swaying. They both entail stress,worry,possible heartbreak etc... Its which is the lesser pain for you personally. I always say try swaying if you can handle an opposite,otherwise ht it is.
Being on the other side now, 4 cycles under the belt, it was still worth it. I didnt want another baby, i wanted a ds. Children are gorgeous and wonderful but very expensive and huge work as we all know,so its def a no brainer.

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I didn't think I'd be writing this, but my advice is:

Go HT.

I love your "cake" and "icing" analogy, and I love that your boys are so delicious :) But I think this is the sort of thing (being that you already have 4 kids), that if you put your feet in the water and dived in, if you did get pg with your DD, you will be over the moon and the icing will be well worth any trouble/stress that may be encountered on the road.

I had to think a lot about just swaying before I got pregnant as far as: everyone said just stay with two kids, you and your DH can't make girls, etc, and we can't afford/have issue with HT, so I had to do swaying, because even if I had a 3rd DS, I wanted to know at least I tried.

With your situation of having the money and a very willing, supportive DH, I would take the chance in a heartbeat. Because what is more important? Feeling a little lukewarm about it now or a few years down the road, watching a DD grow up, having fun with her older brothers, knowing you made the right choice? You'll never know if it was the right choice unless you go down that road.

If I had the money I'd be doing HT absolutely no questions asked. I don't want another baby. I want a DS. The irony is I'd be fine having another DD (for a 4th) IF I got my DS next. Isn't that insane? For me at the point I am in right now, never mind what my dream family of only boys was. That's out of the question obviously. So right now, I just want one DS. I would willingly get pregnant next with boy/girl twins as long as one was boy.

Don't feel guilty for admitting that or feeling that either. That's what is great about this place. You can talk this out with people going through similar emotions that you can't talk to other people about in real life.

HT really isn't an option for me. Not available here, would mean travelling which really isn't a possibility, money we don't have etc. I think it's easier to have it taken completely off the table. It's try naturally and be ok with another son or don't try at all.

But then I'm in a position like you, where I absolutely adore boys and have no issues having more boys, I just want a daughter too. I think that makes it easier. If I absolutely did not want another boy I would not be TTC, and since I can't afford high tech I'd just be done having babies. For me, 3 boys was better than 2 boys, 4 boys is better than 3 etc... But no. I don't think it would be for me. Ethically, financially. Something doesn't sit right about it with me personally.

envisoned, it's not insane.

Now that I got my DD "locked in", I know I'd be fine having a boy 4th. Hubby wants 4 now, and if the last is a boy, he is welcome and will complete my family, and the pressure for a girl will be "off" because we will have one.

Well, I've definitely been in your shoes. I'm looking at my second cycle not working out, and I'm nearly 40. For a few days this week I definitely panicked and thought - wait, I could have another, I'm okay with a boy or a girl! And maybe it's because the thought of being *done* was overwhelming, so final. And then I thought, that is SO crazy, bc if I'm okay with having another boy (I have 3), why the hell did I go HT??

It's a crazy roller-coaster ride, and honestly, every day brings up a different emotion, often not ones I thought I would experience. So I have to go with what I have felt like the most - which is, I want to be done with the baby-making phase (unless it's a girl) and move on with my life - so no, not fall pregnant on my own. And the second emotion I felt the most is, I really really want a girl. So, like you, we could afford a couple of cycles comfortably (not that anyone wants to spend money this way), and I didn't want to have any regrets. So here we are. It's not quite over for me, but it's not looking good either... I can't say I'm less sad about not having a girl, but I can say that I am glad I went HT. I didn't have another baby (I'd rather gamble money than a fourth boy) that would send me into GD again. We did everything to try to make my dream come true, so truly, there are no regrets. I still can't believe my husband went along with this, so it's actually made our marriage stronger.

I had an hour of counseling included in my cycle, and the therapist was wonderful. She is in her 60s and said now that she looks back and tries to live with no regrets. That I should never be upset about spending the $$, bc in a lifetime, $20,000 is not a lot of money (well, she said it better, but you get the gist).

I still think what I did was totally crazy, and before I had GD myself, I would have thought that anyone taking these extremes was crazy too. But honestly, I'm not sorry about it. I didn't hurt anyone and I went for what I wanted. The only thing to take away the sadness would be having a girl, but at least I could do something about the what-ifs and the regrets. Good luck to you. The worst that can happen is that you wind up with no baby, but the best could be that your dream comes true.

Reopening this older thread b/c it helped me a lot. I have been somewhat torturing myself about going HT for a couple months now (basically since birth of #2), going on consults etc. I even question if my reasons for wanting my DG are 'good enough' -- what if I'm just reacting to other peoples' reactions, or with society's idea of the perfect family, and I don't REALLY REALLY want this enough to justify HT? If I just wait out the 'baby years' maybe I'll be ok with what I have -- which as the quote goes, is more than I ever thought I'd get, if I think back years ago when I thought I'd never meet a DH!!

I guess I just have to go with my gut, that I'm going to regret NOT trying HT more than I'd regret it failing. I don't know what qualifies as 'good enough' reasons for wanting my DG, but maybe it's enough to know that I dream of holding my DG in my arms, that's it's currently the sole dream I ache for, and I'm starting to believe I'm worthy enough to give it a try.

After 1 failed sway and 3 boys I decided to go HT. Had to travel to do it so huge cost and inconvenience but I found the IVF process way easier than I expected. Went well till I arrived back at the clinic (on my own) to get embryos put back only to be told of the 5 that survived, 1 was an abnormal male, 1 was an abnormal female and the rest they couldn't find DNA. Had to make heartbreaking choice on what to do. Rang DH but was told it was my choice. Put 2 of the 3 back but spent the next 2 weeks praying that if at least one of them wasn't a girl I wouldn't fall pregnant.
Didn't fall pregnant but found the whole thing very traumatic. If I was willing to take the risk on gender, why do IVF anyway?
A few months later I started regretting not storing DHs sperm at the fertility clinic because I could have gone back much easier to try again.
We did a full on sway and I thought I was okay with another baby rather than obsessing on the gender but once I was pregnant all the GD feelings came straight back and I have spent the entire pregnancy obsessing on the gender. Even after my anatomy scan showed a girl I am still struggling to bond with this baby as I keep wondering if they are wrong and having recurring dreams that the baby comes out a boy and I have to pretend to be happy even though I am dying inside.
If I had to do things over I would probably find a way to do HT again for that certainty which seems ridiculous because I have hopefully got what I wanted for no cost.

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Originally Posted by RKT Mama

After 1 failed sway and 3 boys I decided to go HT. Had to travel to do it so huge cost and inconvenience but I found the IVF process way easier than I expected. Went well till I arrived back at the clinic (on my own) to get embryos put back only to be told of the 5 that survived, 1 was an abnormal male, 1 was an abnormal female and the rest they couldn't find DNA. Had to make heartbreaking choice on what to do. Rang DH but was told it was my choice. Put 2 of the 3 back but spent the next 2 weeks praying that if at least one of them wasn't a girl I wouldn't fall pregnant.
Didn't fall pregnant but found the whole thing very traumatic. If I was willing to take the risk on gender, why do IVF anyway?
A few months later I started regretting not storing DHs sperm at the fertility clinic because I could have gone back much easier to try again.
We did a full on sway and I thought I was okay with another baby rather than obsessing on the gender but once I was pregnant all the GD feelings came straight back and I have spent the entire pregnancy obsessing on the gender. Even after my anatomy scan showed a girl I am still struggling to bond with this baby as I keep wondering if they are wrong and having recurring dreams that the baby comes out a boy and I have to pretend to be happy even though I am dying inside.
If I had to do things over I would probably find a way to do HT again for that certainty which seems ridiculous because I have hopefully got what I wanted for no cost.

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Hi

I have three girls. After my 3rd dd I have done nothing but this about HT. I think I want to atleast give this a go once! I was under the impression that I may get over GD after a while but it just seems to get stronger.. The good thing is that a while after having a baby u can start to think about things more logically. Its a good job your sway worked. Which clinic did u go to if u dont mind me asking?

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Originally Posted by desperate4blue

Hi

I have three girls. After my 3rd dd I have done nothing but this about HT. I think I want to atleast give this a go once! I was under the impression that I may get over GD after a while but it just seems to get stronger.. The good thing is that a while after having a baby u can start to think about things more logically. Its a good job your sway worked. Which clinic did u go to if u dont mind me asking?

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We went to a doctor in South Africa but I believe it is now illegal there now. Only found out afterwards that I was only his 3rd patient doing PGD for gender and I suspect the lab mucked it up.

Glad to see all these posts, they really help!