Number of children

In my country (Eastern Europe) most of the families ( I think more then 90%) have 2 kids.
It's like when you get married, you got to have 2 children by default. Pigeon pair is desirable of course :rolleyes: If you have 2 boys, that's OK too, 2 girls means you pretty much failed as a mother/family.

If you have 3 children here, you're considered to be brave, 4- irresponsible, 5 or more - completely crazy and ready for psychiatric evaluation lol!

Most of the comments I'm getting ( beside: is it a girl again? Oh, your poor husband! It's better to have 2 daughters then 3 right, but it's too late for you guys! Ha, ha! etc.) is how brave we are to have 3 children. Although I know lots of families with 3 kids, waste majority have 2.

Also many people, esp. those who have fantastic income and cars and houses have 1 child, while people with not such great cash situation tend to have more.

How it is where you live? I'm getting the impression Americans are more open to the idea of a large family?

Growing up... it was normal to have families of 2-3 kids. Families with 1 child were seen as having fertility issues or were unmarried and a single parent. Families with 4+ kids or blended families (steps and halfs) were seen as trash and welfare depended.

Currently... In my neighborhood most people have 2 kids. Mostly either 2 girls or 2 boys but one has a pigeon pair. There is one family with 4 girls but they are show offs and in debt from trying to make people think they are rich. A few families have 3 kids but the 3rd is from a 2nd marriage.

In some States it is normal to have has many kids as you can. Which is ok as long as they stay in that area, vacation for big families are sometimes not fun when people are pointing at you. When a family of 4+ and sometimes 3+ is seen in a certain area you will notice people talking behind there backs. Having all of the same gender is seen as you were trying for the desired gender. Having several of one gender and one of the oppisite is seen as you kept trying to get that desired gender.

A lot of cultures love pigeon pairs or all boys. Boys are the ones who can preform last rights, pass on the name, care for the parents, and so many other things.

No matter where you go people are rude. Even people with only 1 child will insult everyone who have more then 1... my SIL and DH family all say we should have only had 1 and been happy with what we had. We knew we wanted at least 2 kids anyways and now we love the idea of 3.

People can say what they want but in the end if you hold your head up high with a happy smile then no one can hurt you with their comments.

Where I live, 2 or 3 is common. 4 is less so, but not crazy, but 5 is uncommon. Not a lot of families with only children, but there are some. DH is an only child, and I am one of 3. We originally decided on 2, but after DD2 surprised us, DH agreed to try for #4.

It's common enough here in Ireland to have more than two children. Most of the people I know have or intend to have around 3 or 4. It wasn't that long ago that contraception was illegal here so most families were large. My Dad is one of twelve and my Mum is one of eight. I think with each generation families are getting smaller though.
Ignore the comments, people make rude comments here too, no matter what your choices are someone has an opinion on it, you can't win.

i get alot of rude comments and stares when i go out with the girls, not to mention a big pregnant belly.

The best thing a mom with either a lot of kids, all the same genders, or several of one and a DG.... is to think of some great comebacks!

Just a few days ago someone at the store noticed I was prego and I had both boys with me. She said "You must be really unhappy with boys" I noticed she had 3 girls with her and before her husband could say anything to her I said "Well just because your jealous of my boys doesn't give you the right to say anything to me about being happy with or unhappy with who my kids are". She tried to say something about being happy with 3 girls but started to cry and walked off. Yes I was mean but I wasn't the one who started it.

The people who bring up the topic are the ones who are either jealous or just evil people! Make a long list of comebacks and remember then. Even if we moms get our DG we will still have to defend having more then 2 kids!

Around here, 2 kids about 2 years apart seems to be the most common. Again, the pigeon pair is considered ideal. I already stood out like a sore thumb with my 3 kids, and I know it's going to be way worse with 4. Among my closest friends, two have 2 kids (both pigeon pairs, of course), one has one kid, and several have chosen never to have kids. They all think I'm completely nuts. Then again, my social circle is a little strange since it includes mostly female university professors or other academic professionals - I think in those careers it's a lot more common for people to choose not to have kids.

I live in the UK and the majority of my friends have 2 children. They think I am crazy for trying for number 3 - one friend says you should never have more children than you have hands!

I think 3 would be considered acceptable but 4 a bit crazy. I also think it has how well you control them as well. There is a woman near where I live who as 2 boys then 2 girls (my perfect family set up!) but they are such badly behaved rude children that I think she gives large families a bad reputation as everyone would compare you to 'that' family. Who knows, maybe I will get to prove them all wrong!!!!

I have six and everyone in my small town thinks I kept going trying for a girl!!! I did'nt care every time I was pregnant, as long as all was OK. But now that this is my last baby I would like a girl.
I hate peoples comments, they don't have to bring them up so it is none of their business..

Most people have three to four kids where I live. Very few have more than 5, and the ones that do seem to have the same gender. My old neighbour had 7 kids! All of them boys... I know that she did want a daughter, but I'm not sure if they're trying again for a girl as my family and I moved away recently.

When I was growing up it seemed like every family had two or three children. Now I know quite a few people with just one child. Two is common, three is fairly rare. Four or more and people look at you as though you've lost your mind.

I always say, when you pay for my children is when you can tell me how many to have!

It's hard to say because there are so many diverse groups in the US. I live in a part of the US where there are a lot of LDS families (you may know these as "Mormons") and there were several families with 10-12 kids at my school growing up. That's not at all the norm tho. Most people have 1-3 kids. 4-6 is def. thought of as "weird" and the only reason you could possibly be justified in having so many kids is if you're a religious wacko or something.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

It's hard to say because there are so many diverse groups in the US.

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I know what you mean - it's hard to say here as well actually. I live in a culturally diverse area too. In my Asian community, very few people have more than 2 kids. My african friends have 4-6 kids and it's considered normal to have big families to them, but most of the Australians I know don't have more than 3 to 4 kids.

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OMG i HAVE NOOOOOOOOO INHIBITIONS WHEN IT COMES TO THE NUMBER OF KIDS I HAVE TERMS OF HOW I FEEL ABOUT PEOPLE WHO JUDGE ME!!!!!!!!!!I am actually really really proud to be a mum of 4 kids (soon 5) cause not only do i think both me and DH are doing well physsically with 4 kids i am nearing 40 dh over 40 an we look like in our late 20's but i think people who have an opinion are either really jealous to see you walking around travelling holidaying shopping even though you have so many kids (and company) and wonder how you manage to still smile about it, or they have been brought up with the 50's stigma that big families are 'poor' hence trash families living off state benefits and handouts.....but what we all fail to relaize is that most traditional well off hig society and upper class familes have many siblings and kids of their own..it is a very recent notion 21st centuary idea that big families consist of state dependant parents with no education or no intellect....but as you can see this is changing with the new generations of 'upper' 'rich' people like the celebrities who love having big families like vitoria beckam angelina and madonna the likes...

....but regardless what stigma is attached to number of children you have...i have them cause of MEand no other reason...both my parents come from big familes (dad is one of 11 and mum is 1 of 9) and there were only 3 of us....DH one of 5..i hated coming form a small family....for one i didn't have a sister...2. everyone i knew had at least another 1-2 siblings...and when it came down to it today...all these big families have even bigger families today together with all their own children and it is amazing to see them all get together in weddings and celebrations all enjoying the company of family with joy and laughter effortlessly casue eevryone knows everyone since childhood. there is no formality it is so joyous to watch and observe and and i am filled with envy!!!!
that is what i want for my future and i do NOT give a rats ass or care are one teely weeny little bit of what anyone thinks because at the end of the dayl IT IS ME who will have the the last laugh....having a big familily creates your own world of support company and protection...you never feel lonely and you don't psossibly can really feel bored.....and most of all you never need to feel insecure and dependant on anyone....your a self suffient individual with her onw castle and her own subjects who all are closely bonded and dedicated to each other no matter where life takes them....there are of course exceptions but on the whole....this is what it is like....
we are truly blessed and when we reach that ripe old age of 60+ and have our numerous grandshildren visit us and spend those special moments like christmas, new years or just for the sake of it... with us..with the constant laughter, bickering and plain noise of LIFE around us....we know even more how blessed we are......this is what a big family does for you....it is yours to own and noone can take it away from you.....everyone else is just plain jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!period!

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Originally Posted by pebmcp6

I have six and everyone in my small town thinks I kept going trying for a girl!!! I did'nt care every time I was pregnant, as long as all was OK. But now that this is my last baby I would like a girl.
I hate peoples comments, they don't have to bring them up so it is none of their business..

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I am jealous of big families because I have always wanted 6-8 kids. Mostly boys but 1-2 girls would have been ok!

After my grandma passed away I truely realized that I wanted a big family... She had 5 kids, 27 grandkids (including a few that passed and a few steps), over 80 great-grandkids (Thanks to my 9 mormon cousins), and 2 great-great-grandkids. Everyone came from all over the place the week before she passed, for the funeral, and then stayed for Thanksgiving a few days later. We had to take trips to visit her, 20 at a time, and then revisit her 2-3x's a day for 4 days until it happened. My dad and I stayed to whole time but thats because we were her favorites and didn't want to leave.

It was amazing to see how much everyone loved her... When I die (many many years from now) I want a big family to come see me. I want them to talk and remember me the way we all talked about my grandma.

Our family get-togethers were always fun because we would had 40-200 people together 2-6x's a year. Normal 10-20 people for simple Holidays once a mth. Now I am sad... this year will be the first Thanksgiving without my aunt's sweets, my uncle's oddness, and both grandparents :tissue:

For me 2 kids, 4 grandkids, and maybe 4-8 greatgrandkids is not enough. I would really love 4 kids, 8-20 grandkids, and 20-60 greatgrandkids.... That would be so great!

I am the last of 4.

If anyone asks me in RL, I will say I'm done now that I have my 3rd and got the girl.

My DH and I have been seriously talking about a 4th in a few years, because he still longs to try to get a 3rd son and I would like to try to sway again for a 2nd DD. He knows what I would try to do, but since he does not believe in swaying (and no articles I've shown him changes his mind), then he still feels there would be a chance to finish out with another boy, which of course, might happen, since sways are never 100%.

The only thing that would stop us from having a 4th would be money. I do not care what anyone thinks. Most people that I know ONLY have two kids, and it's only my sisters (5 and 4 kids, each) that have a lot of kids and whenever I mention their big families, people act like their jaws fall off. My sisters love all their kids and each kid is differnt and speical in his own way. I really feel the only thing about having more kids is the neccessity of being able to support them finanically, and that would be my only honest concern.

I don't care what the Joneses do. I've never been in that mentatily. Deep down, I've always wanted 4, and to stop at 3, would be almost like if my mom stopped at 3 and never had me. I feel deeply about this and feel like #4 is going to be born for some reason, and I just need to follow my heart.

Hmm, it seems this forum is gathering moms who want more then 2! Or moms who are ready to chase their dream no matter what, ( like me lol! ) That's so cool!!!

I have few things that *could* prevent me from having one more: my age :tissue:, lack of space and money ( but I doubt we 'll get rich if we don't have 4th lol!) and no help, which is big, bcos I'm so not super hero :worry: I'm exhausted and overwhelmed with 2 kids, let alone 4 :worry:

Yeah, Z-B I worry about that stuff too. Money's definitely tight for us, but I'm also finding the older I get the less energy I have to be a 'good' mom. DS3 spends far more time playing electronic games and watching tv than his older brothers did, and I'm sure I'll be even worse with my DD. We're definitely done with 4, though, so I keep thinking (hoping) things will get easier when my twins get old enough to be a teeny bit more self sufficient and less high maintenance, then I'll only have 2 to worry about...until they hit their teens, at least!

Pretty normal where I live to have 3+...and a lot of the people I know either have a pp or all boys. Personally, I'm 1 of 5 and I have 3 sisters and 1 brother so my mom ALWAYS got the "oh, you're like the little engine that could, huh?" or "now you can stop having kids". People are so rude sometimes!

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Originally Posted by Mochagirl

Yeah, Z-B I worry about that stuff too. Money's definitely tight for us, but I'm also finding the older I get the less energy I have to be a 'good' mom. DS3 spends far more time playing electronic games and watching tv than his older brothers did, and I'm sure I'll be even worse with my DD. We're definitely done with 4, though, so I keep thinking (hoping) things will get easier when my twins get old enough to be a teeny bit more self sufficient and less high maintenance, then I'll only have 2 to worry about...until they hit their teens, at least!

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sometimes tho, that can be a good thing for kids! I was an only child for 11 years and it was SUPER STRESSFUL to have all my parents' attention on me all the time. It's like they wanted be to be good at everything, perfect all the time and I could never get a break from it. It was crazymaking. (not that that is true for every family with an only child, but it was true for me.) Plus, since I didn't have anyone to play with I also spent a LOT of time watching TV. Also, my parents were never forced to be "all in" as parents because there was only one of me so our house/lives were not kid friendly at all. None of their friends had kids and the families that did have kids, it wasn't a good match. So I was with grownups or alone It was a very lonesome existence.

Even with my first two boys, DH and I were way too perfectionistic and worried about their milestones and accomplishments to a fault (again, I'm sure this is not true for all moms of two, it was true for me though) and esp. with our oldest son, we had unrealistically high expectations of him and were kinda critical much of the time, and I don't think it was good for him at all.

Now with my little two, I do a lot less hovering and they do their own thing a lot more, and the crazy thing is that they are just as accomplished academically - as much as you can be at 2 and 4 - and even better at doing things like dressing themselves, playing together nicely, picking up toys and so on.

I love threads of this nature, great post ZB!

One is really rare where we live. Most people have 2 or 3; 3 is really quite common, and the joke is frequently that "3 is the new 2." 4 is unusual but not unheard of. On my street we have 2 families of 4, 7 families of 3, and 4 families of 2. Loads of the 3 kid families had PP to start with, but there are plenty of 3 girl and 3 boy families around. To your point, toomanyboys, re: large families and high incomes, what I see in our area is that high and low income households tend to have more kids, but true middle income families more often stick to 2.

I love the idea of raising a larger family and can absolutely see us having a 4th. If we already had a mix I'd definitely have a 4th; it really is just the gender thing holding me back and I don't know if I can get past that. The funny thing is 3 doesn't really even feel "big" to me. I think because 3 is so normal in our area 3 feels like ... normal. I don't consider myself to be raising a big family at this point.

I live in an area with lots of young professionals, lots of academics, and low-ranked public schools, so a lot of couples tend to send their children to super-expensive private schools, and to allow astronomically high educational costs to play a large role in their decisions about family size.

Most families in my neighborhood have 1-2 children, and I really feel like an outlier (and a bit of an oddball) for wanting 3. But I was an only, and was sometimes isolated, bored and unhappy during my childhood, and I've ALWAYS wanted more than one.

Watching my two DDs play together is the most moving, amazing and beautiful thing I've ever seen. I've been blessed with siblings who generally get along well, I think, but still... they both benefit SO much from each other's company. From having each other they've learned to share, to compromise and to have empathy. DD#2 has learned all sorts of skills from DD#1--everything from drinking from a cup to recognizing letters has come earlier and more easily to her than it did with my first. And DD#1 has learned how to be gentle with a baby, how to have patience, and how to be fair. She's also learned that her needs are not the most important thing in the world. And both of my daughters get less attention than DD#1 did when she was an only, which I think is a huge benefit--they learn to solve problems on their own (or even better, together), they learn to entertain themselves, and they're under less pressure from us as parents. In a world with scarce and limited resources the lessons that kids learn from sharing with siblings are going to become increasingly important, I think. (that is, it's essential for people to learn that their wants are not all-important and that our planet's scarce resources need to be shared.)

If we won the powerball, I'd want 5 or 6, but DH thinks we will be DONE with 3. :)

And even with only 2 DDs, we've already gotten some comments--"hope you at least have a male dog" has to be the worst, but my in-laws have also said stuff like, "are you going to try again soon for a boy?". Again, I'm a bit of an oddball here, but I'm hoping (and swaying) for pink again, and my DH wants another daughter much more than I do. So mostly I find the comments funny, because I am so happy with what I have, but it is also troubling that people are so willing to disparage others' children on the basis of gender...

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Originally Posted by sugarNspice

"are you going to try again soon for a boy?". Again, I'm a bit of an oddball here, but I'm hoping (and swaying) for pink again, and my DH wants another daughter much more than I do. So mostly I find the comments funny, because I am so happy with what I have, but it is also troubling that people are so willing to disparage others' children on the basis of gender...

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That is so refreshing point of view! :)
I know for a fact that my desire for a boy was conditioned by my up-bringing and cultural environment but I don't have enough brain or skills or whatever it takes to recognize what do I really want.

I really thought I would be done with 3, but now that it's been almost 7 yrs since I've had a baby in my arms AND of course, the desire of my heart for just one little girl to spoil hasn't subsided...we'll be done with 4. (Pretty sure it's not suggested to have more than 4 c-sections anyway.)

My cousin has seven and is only about 30 yrs old. She had 5 boys and desperately wanted a girl...number 6 was a girl and number 7 (supposedly a surprise) was also a girl. Not sure if she swayed...we haven't discussed it. But I say if you can come up with the names and you have the room in your home and your heart for more babies, that is YOUR business and more power to you!

Having 3-5 kids around here is pretty normal. I'm in the US. We have 7 children and will probably have an 8th before we call our baby making days done. We get looks, the jaw drop, the shock n' awe and we also get the "oh fun, we have 7 kids too" comments. I guess the way I see it is there's nothing so good that someone, somewhere, wont hate it, so just live your life the way you want & ignore the nay sayers :)

3 is the average for most where I live. (midwest - USA) People in our church tend to have bigger families and so with us having #5 most people just roll with it and are really happy for us. We get a lot of "wow!" comments from other people who's limit is most definitely 3 followed by a friendly congrats (although I'm sure murmuring under their breath that we're crazy, lol). I honestly have never felt like either girls or boys are preferred here although if I had to say I'd say boys preferred a tiny bit over girls because it's farming industry here. I was just saying to dh though how I really haven't had any bad comments about us having 4 possibly 5 boys. Well, except from my cousin who I actually think she's got some issues due to her infertility and them having to go through IVF and only ending up with 1 son and I know they would have liked more. She's 47 now so no more babies for her. Her comment was "Still trying for a girl." with no congrats. Just real snotty about it. (uh, no, we were actually trying for a baby). I know it's jealousy more than anything though so I let it go.

I say this is probably our last baby but knowing me when #5 starts getting to the 2 year old stage I'll be itching for one more to make it an even 6 (I do love even numbers ;). I'm 33 so I have some child bearing days left to think about it. :)

I live in Central Europe and people here have 2 children, the ideal set up would be a pigeon pair as well. There is a trend in better off families to have 3 children now, but people have at least 2 years between their kids, often 3-4. They think I am crazy because I wanted my 3 close together which I am probably now getting (3 in just over 3 years, my eldest is a lot older ;)
4 children is considered crazy by many, although I dont quite fall into the 4 children category as my eldest is so much older and from a previous relationship, people that see me during the day with the little ones dont even know I have him.

When dd was born everyone told me how lucky I was to have a son and daughter. Everyone thought I must be done with kids because of this!

I like this post!!
1-2 is the average in my country (Europe). 50years ago, families used to have 5-6 children, but not anymore. Maybe you can find a 3-4 children in the small villages. In the big cities, the 1-child is more and more common. Although I'd say 2 children is the usual.
The reason (or excuses) is always the money. High cost of education (school and extra activities like languages, sports, musical, etc), expensive toys, expensive celebrations (christmas, graduation,....)....money, money, money.

People tend to stick to 2 here too! We are having 3 by surprise (twins) and I am very excited. I always wanted 3 and DH wanted 2 and I'm getting my wish in 2 pregnancies. Do what feels right for your family and dont worry about what the trends are.

We have 4 children. That's not super uncommon around here in Arkansas (we do reside in the same state as the Duggars! ;)). I'd say it's slightly uncommon, but not "crazy". Most people have 2-3 and no one bats an eye. DH and I don't have plans as far as setting a number goes; we'd be happy with 10 if it came down to it! We have no interest in limiting and no real, true reason to do so. But so many reasons to not!

The most common thing we hear from people in public is, "Well you've definitely got your hands full!" And I always smile and say, "We definitely do! And we like having them full!" Or, "Yes, full of good things!" That's usually followed by the stranger commenting with, "Certainly!" Or something to that effect. :p

Honestly, I don't often wonder about what people are thinking in their minds about us. As far as I know, no one is paying a lot of attention. This is simply our life and it's normal for us to go to the store with 4 kids in tow. DH, the kids, and I do practically everything together.

Almost every one of my friends have 3. Several now have 4. Seems like the norm here. Not many more with 5, though I know a few.

In the cities here people mostly hav 2-3, but in the country areas where I live, 4 is quite normal. We won't be out of place at all, but even if we were, it wouldn't bother me. I love having babies and watching them grow. I just think how lucky I am to get to have that experience three times so far (and once more with a little pink luck).

Here in the uk most have 1-2 , some have 3 but pretty much daily strangers stop me in the street and go "oh my you have your hands full with 3 young boys" I love that im different - i feel sorry for those of my friends with just 1 child as the joy of a big family is sooo much better in my opinion. Everyone we know thinks we are mad having 3 but all expect us to go for 4 !! I think it depends where u live and what your circle of friends is like

I live in Melbourne, Australia and most people i know have 2 or 3 kids, any more then that is pretty uncommon. In my family/friendship groups everyone has 2 kids and seem to think going back for thirds is crazy! I wouldn't be surprised if we get some negative comments when we announce the next pregnancy.

I'm in the Northeast, US and where I am it is definitely 2, with 3 as the new norm as pp said. We have 4 now and we definitely get looks and comments.
Ours are all very close, we had our 4th when our oldest was 4yrs old, almost 5. So I have a 5yr, 3 1/2yr, 21 months, and 4 months. Here is what I get:
"Are they all yours?" followed by, "bless you" or "You must have your hands full" etc.

I think here it is assumed a religious thing if you have a big family, most people can't think there'd be another reason. Esp. because ours are close in age too.

Our biggest dilemma now is whether to do #5 or not. In talking to DH quite a bit, it's boiled down to $$. Anyone care to comment, do you think financially there really is a difference between 4 and 5 kids?

I think there is a financial jump with each child for sure. Basic necessities, healthcare, school, activities, sports, etc it all adds up. You never know what life will hand you with each child too so there's always a risk but absolutely more money.

Good point NBP. I am one of five, but the youngest. Things are different now too. All the kids have their own cell phones, etc. It definitely seems a kid is more expensive than they used to be

I have 4! Had 2 boys tried for a girl and got Identical twin girls. Where I live, most of my friends have 2 (mostly boy/girl), maybe 3 kids, so I'm considered mad for contemplating a 3rd baby when dh is a twin. Although he has a twin sister, my twins are 'random' and not due to genetics!

I only ever wanted 2 with the idea it would most def be a boy and a girl. I never expected 4, but wouldn't swap my crazy busy family and ever let anyone tell me I'm stupid. Have as many as you want and not what u think is expected of you from society/family/friends. It will be tough financially for us, but a bridge we will need to cross when we get there, well, teenagers!!! lol xx GL xx