Vent- heavy hearted

Just because I’m sitting here at work and I want to cry and I have to say it to someone so I can be done with it.

My friend who had her ds when I was pregnant with ds1, and had her daughter after I delivered ds2, just found out a couple of months ago that she got pregnant again despite being on the mini-pill. She was planning to be done since she got one of each, but is happy now that she got used to the idea of being pregnant again. Well she just found out today that she is expecting dd2. I am beside myself- smiling on the outside but my heart feels like it’s breaking. Not only do I still not know if I will ever have a dd, but I can’t even get pregnant right now, sixth cycle trying. And she is an awesome person but will never understand, and I wouldn’t put the weight on her to try to make her understand, how much it feels like being punched in the gut when she tells me how sweet and different and amazing it is to raise a little girl, and how she hopes I’ll experience it one day. I can’t even think a positive of thought of having a dd of my very own without my stomach physically seizing because I have so trained myself to reject getting my hopes up.

Anyway. There are worse things, and I know in my heart that I am blessed with my precious boys. I will keep smiling and praying that one day I’ll be able to put this kind of feeling behind me, whether it be by having my dg or some other miracle.

I'm so sorry you are having a rough day. I remember when I found out one of my friends was expecting her second little girl (I was pregnant with ds3 and had just found out he was a boy), and I called my mom sobbing because my friend was having another little girl. It is so hard to keep what is going on in your friends' lives separate from your own situation. It's so difficult to see people close to you getting your heart's desire. And it certainly doesn't help that you friend talks to you about how special it is to have a little girl. I don't think people who never had GD will ever understand.

Yes, I know......there are rough days and less rough days......
I also am hoping for a little girl OR peace with what I'm having right now, 5 great boys.

its funny isn't it - my head wants everyone i know in real life to get a boy but my heart wants all the girls on here to get their dg - suppose its cause you all know what its like and you want it that badly you deserve the happiness. One of the girls i worked with wanted a girl and she just delivered her daughter a few days ago - i spent the first part of the morning crying tears of joy for her as i was so pleased her dreams came true and the rest crying for me as i know mine never will.

i know its not any consolation but being pregnant doesn't help either - it makes gd worse for me as now i know i won't get my dd as the chances of this being a girl are slim to none and this is my last chance - at least before i had the delusion of ht or adoption or a really super magical sway. its weird cause in no way can anyone elses baby affect what yours is going to be but when your in the position it becomes all the more important.

My fingers are crossed for you that this is your month especially after the extreme selflessness you showed recently in turning down that baby girl as it wasn't the right decision for your family - whatever child you are blessed with i'm sure you'll find peace and enjoy becoming a mom again - i hope november is good to you and you get your bfp

Thanks ladies! I'm feeling okay about it now, I hate to sound selfish but I can't indicate these feeling at all IRL so it helps to get them out on here.

I know that it boils down to what we tell our children. "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." Trying to make it truth and not just a saying, but boy is it it hard some days. I just hope that once #3 is all said and done, and if it's another sweet boy, I can put all these feelings away. Kind of hoping that I feel this way because there's still the unknown and once the chapter closes I'll be able to move on with my lovely boys.

Mrs. P- I was wondering whether it gets better preggo- and I can totally see where you are coming from. You've done what you can and now what's done is done. He or she is already who he/she will be! But did you see the thread that Mariposa did on clomid and LE? It looks like your chances are good! I hope beyond hope for you that you continue the pattern!

Oh, and like someone on here said in another post. It's almost like you're afraid that all the girls will get used up and there will be none left for you. It's so illogical that it makes me want to laugh- if you weren't so close to the situation.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cravingsalt

Oh, and like someone on here said in another post. It's almost like you're afraid that all the girls will get used up and there will be none left for you. It's so illogical that it makes me want to laugh- if you weren't so close to the situation.

---

:rofl: You've really hit the nail on the head!!! That's exactly my illogical way of thinking too, especially when my cousin had her 2nd girl this summer! I'm always keeping a mental tally of who has what thinking, oh goodness what if that's my girl she's having?!!! It's so silly really isn't it! And then when I see someone with 3 girls, I can't help but think that that's just being selfish and she should share the pink dust around - RIDICULOUS!!! I wish i could switch my brain off sometimes! Now it's even worse with looking at Mums thinking, no wonder why she's got 3 girls, she's the size of a house/stick thin! Aaarghh! I sound like a complete GD bitch!! :hide:

I so feel what you are saying. It seems like eveywhere I go I see families with girls. Sometimes I think that instead of "using up" all the girls, that it is a sign that I will have one too. Most of the time though I think that they've used all the girl spermies up and it's just a cruel joke to rub it in my face.... :P

Hahahahaa!! We do sound silly. Somewhere, there is a lady looking at our families thinking that we used up all the boy spermies. Selfish ladies we are!

Well I am pretty sure a lady at my dentists office thought the same thing with their 5 girls. I was looking at her like 'wtf can't I have one of those' and she was probably thinking 'I bet thats a 3rd boy in that tummy...b&$@$!' ;)

Hugs hun :hugs:

I understand how you feel, I have those kind of thoughts to :(

I really hope you get your little pink bundle, you seem to be such a caring and selfless person :)
I know its been a long road for you with TTC - wishing and hoping your BFP is just around the corner.

hang in there!! No matter how dark the long and dark night, the dawn will always break xo

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cravingsalt

"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." !

---

oh i love this - someone say this to me in the days before my scan!!!!!!

The stats are great for clomid but that kinda makes me more neverous if you know i what i mean - nothing is ever 100% unless its pgd so odds are there will be a opposite soon so i'm prob even more likely to have a boy!

Thanks Lassie! You are such a great support, I was really hoping to be in the due date club with you and the other ladies...but my time is coming. God must be taking His time getting the right little bundle ready for our family so I'm going to try and have faith that it will happen when it is meant to happen. What control do we really have in all of this anyway? Not as much as we like to think, is my theory. :shrug:

Mrs. P, I'll remind you if you remind me down the road! It's good to use on the kids too. :D

It is so refreshing to see you ladies typing out the thoughts that clutter up my head.

After I responded to this post the first time, I was thinking about it some more, and my thought process is so wacky. The friend I was referring to who found out she was having her second girl is now pregnant with her third girl, but I wasn't upset about that one because I knew she really wanted a boy. So I should be upset for her, but instead of I am kind of happy that someone else did not get what they wanted. What kind of friend is that? :(

But then I was thinking of anther good friend of mine who had 2 boys and then a girl, but didn't seem overly concerned about having a girl after 2 boys, and didn't seem all that excited about having a girl. I'm not sure if she censored her reaction for my benefit because she is aware of my gd at least a little bit, but I kind of realized she is "damned if you do and damned if you don't" in my eyes, because I was kind of irritated that she got the one thing I most desired and did not seem totally over the moon excited about it - like she did not appreciate this amazing gift she was just given. But then again, if she did go on and on about how wonderful it is to have girl, I would would have been upset about that, too! Oh, how it hurts inside my head sometimes.

And I am feeling kind of angry at myself right now about getting pregnant again. After ds3, I was doing really, really well with my GD and had come to accept that I was a boy mom and that was that. But know I have reopened the wound and have this huge possible disappointment in my future. I know I will love a baby boy with all my heart, but I also know it will hurt if I hear "it's a boy."

I'm so with you girls. I just can't understand myself sometimes. Some days I think, if it's a boy,it's gonna be ok, then at the same time I say to myself, who are you trying to fool? I'm trying to convince myself there's a boy in there and sometimes it gets difficult to me to imagine a girl. It seems that having a girl for me would be some kind of miracle, something which is impossible to happen. My friend who knew I wanted a girl when I was pregnant with my DS, is always telling me, 'perhaps you'll have a girl this time' and I'm always assuring her that it's gonna be a boy. I NEED to believe it's gonna be a boy. I need to ACCEPT it now as I'm afraid I'll end up crying when I hear gynae say 'it's a BOY!'
When I see girls stuff I try to turn my face to boys stuff, but it's so natural to look at cute pink little girl things. When I see mommies with little girls I'm also asking myself 'why can't I be so lucky to have one of them too?' 'What have I done wrong not to deserve a little girl too?' I'll probably have my gender scan around Christmas time, and I'm so afraid I'm gonna ruin my Christmas holidays. Sorry girls, I must have annoyed you to death reading this...just had to share :(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dreamingpink77

I'm so with you girls. I just can't understand myself sometimes. Some days I think, if it's a boy,it's gonna be ok, then at the same time I say to myself, who are you trying to fool? I'm trying to convince myself there's a boy in there and sometimes it gets difficult to me to imagine a girl. It seems that having a girl for me would be some kind of miracle, something which is impossible to happen. My friend who knew I wanted a girl when I was pregnant with my DS, is always telling me, 'perhaps you'll have a girl this time' and I'm always assuring her that it's gonna be a boy. I NEED to believe it's gonna be a boy. I need to ACCEPT it now as I'm afraid I'll end up crying when I hear gynae say 'it's a BOY!'
When I see girls stuff I try to turn my face to boys stuff, but it's so natural to look at cute pink little girl things. When I see mommies with little girls I'm also asking myself 'why can't I be so lucky to have one of them too?' 'What have I done wrong not to deserve a little girl too?' I'll probably have my gender scan around Christmas time, and I'm so afraid I'm gonna ruin my Christmas holidays. Sorry girls, I must have annoyed you to death reading this...just had to share :(

---

I understand completely what you are saying. It seems so easy for other people to have a girl without a second thought, but for us it seems like an impossibility. But I will say, in your case, I think you have a better chance for a girl only having one boy. For those of us with 2, 3, 4 or more boys, it starts to seem even more impossible.

Also, I really, really, REALLY wanted ds2 to be a girl, but I can honestly say that I am so glad he was a boy. He and DS1 are best buddies, and I cannot adequately express how awesome the brother relationship is. So if your baby does turn out to be a boy, you have that to look forward to. :heart:

I am so glad I am not the only one who has these thoughts whizzing around my head all the time!!! I wish I totally didn't care whether we had a boy or girl and keep trying to prepare myself to hear boy but I know I will be disappointed for a while. I have an obsession in supermarkets at looking at people's shopping to see what girl mums and boy mums are eating!!! Am sure will get arrested one day for invading people's privacy!!!!!

Yeah i def agree with that if you have 3 or more boys the odds of a girl seem really slim - some people manage it but it feels to me like questing after the holy grail and yet stupidly i get my hopes up. I seem to spend ages telling myself it will be another boy and it will be ok, it will be great but my heart for some reason keeps going yes but you could get your girl, head goes no, no you won't might happen to some people but not you, heart goes why not it happened to x, y and z why not you, its 50/50 each time, head errrrr no thats just the cr*p they tell people, for you its 100% boy just accept it. I can see myself turning up at my scan head going its a boy, heart going maybe possibly a girl, tech going boy - you fool did you really think it maybe your turn - how ridiculous, should've listened to your head cause now your sad and that poor baby will know (whereas if you'd known it was a boy to begin with, which you did really, you'd have been expecting him and happy from day one).

I feel like i'm going insane, this has been running through my head of months worth of ttc and now i'm pregnant its all the worse and i feel like i have lost any chance at a daughter that i had when i was ttc. I can't stop thinking about it, its all i dream about and i am so sick of stressing about it. I want my little girl that badly and its so hard that there is nothing i can do to get her. I love my boys more than the world and can honestly say i will love this baby but how do you get over the dream and let go. I;ve grown up being told nothing is impossible you just have to have faith and work hard but this mother daughter dream is just not going to happen and i need to / want to let go - please somebody tell me how to do it

Just once i would love to be told "its a x" and not feel a little disappointed

Ms P I'm still struggling. Today I've been thinking I need to talk with someone or take something. I am so sad to let this dream go yet I can't even put my finger on why I need it so bad. I think for part of me the failure of not getting what I worked so hard for is the difficult part too. Like you said, the if you try hard enough you will succeed. My pregnancies seem insufferable on their own and I thought it would be worth it in the end but now I'm having a hard time convincing myself. I went into this thinking surely when he came I'd fill complete because 3 was my limit but now I am afraid I will be a little sad forever. I wish I could get over myself with all the things happening in the world and people losing their babies.
I really hope for you that you get your girl. It would be really unfair with 3 boys to not get your turn. I myself am too scared to take the chance again. I love my boys and I know I'll love this one when he gets here, but this void this painful void, ah it hurts so bad. The weather doesn't help the mood either, I just want to be done so I start being a good mom again!!

Sorry ms P I didn't really support you, I just went on my own tangent. I'm going to reply again on a hopefully more positive day;) I do have those;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mrs_P

Yeah i def agree with that if you have 3 or more boys the odds of a girl seem really slim - some people manage it but it feels to me like questing after the holy grail and yet stupidly i get my hopes up. I seem to spend ages telling myself it will be another boy and it will be ok, it will be great but my heart for some reason keeps going yes but you could get your girl, head goes no, no you won't might happen to some people but not you, heart goes why not it happened to x, y and z why not you, its 50/50 each time, head errrrr no thats just the cr*p they tell people, for you its 100% boy just accept it. I can see myself turning up at my scan head going its a boy, heart going maybe possibly a girl, tech going boy - you fool did you really think it maybe your turn - how ridiculous, should've listened to your head cause now your sad and that poor baby will know (whereas if you'd known it was a boy to begin with, which you did really, you'd have been expecting him and happy from day one).

I feel like i'm going insane, this has been running through my head of months worth of ttc and now i'm pregnant its all the worse and i feel like i have lost any chance at a daughter that i had when i was ttc. I can't stop thinking about it, its all i dream about and i am so sick of stressing about it. I want my little girl that badly and its so hard that there is nothing i can do to get her. I love my boys more than the world and can honestly say i will love this baby but how do you get over the dream and let go. I;ve grown up being told nothing is impossible you just have to have faith and work hard but this mother daughter dream is just not going to happen and i need to / want to let go - please somebody tell me how to do it

Just once i would love to be told "its a x" and not feel a little disappointed

---

Exactly.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by coocoobananas

Ms P I'm still struggling. Today I've been thinking I need to talk with someone or take something. I am so sad to let this dream go yet I can't even put my finger on why I need it so bad. I think for part of me the failure of not getting what I worked so hard for is the difficult part too. Like you said, the if you try hard enough you will succeed. My pregnancies seem insufferable on their own and I thought it would be worth it in the end but now I'm having a hard time convincing myself. I went into this thinking surely when he came I'd fill complete because 3 was my limit but now I am afraid I will be a little sad forever. I wish I could get over myself with all the things happening in the world and people losing their babies.
I really hope for you that you get your girl. It would be really unfair with 3 boys to not get your turn. I myself am too scared to take the chance again. I love my boys and I know I'll love this one when he gets here, but this void this painful void, ah it hurts so bad. The weather doesn't help the mood either, I just want to be done so I start being a good mom again!!

---

You know support comes in many forms and for me its nice to have other people who understand and have similar feelings, just to have people to talk to is great. As daft as it sounds your post makes me feel so much better than someone telling me it will or be ok (or worst still trying to persuade me i will get my daughter - just gives me higher to fall from). Its not ok and i have these feelings and i need to embrace them and work through them before i can move on, which is why i find this forum so great - i'm not a believer in sweeping it all under the carpet, sometimes you need to be sad and live through the rough to realize just how lucky you are (and i know i'm very lucky).

You will love your son - i promise you that, you sound like a wonderful mom and you wouldn't not, you couldn't not and he will be just as special as your others - in fact i think our little boys resulting from gd are even more precious. i felt so guilty for the horrible thoughts i had towards my ds3 when i was pregnant but he was just another boy then, once he was here he was MY little boy and we have such a close bond. The hole unfortunately seems to remain and i have yet to find the plug but if i do you'll be the first i'll share the secret with x

I do think the swaying makes it all the more harder though - not only are you daft enough to think your actually in with a chance (especially when you see it working out for others on here) you also work so damn hard at it. When you go into naturally its easy and you know its a gamble

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mrs_P

Yeah i def agree with that if you have 3 or more boys the odds of a girl seem really slim - some people manage it but it feels to me like questing after the holy grail and yet stupidly i get my hopes up. I seem to spend ages telling myself it will be another boy and it will be ok, it will be great but my heart for some reason keeps going yes but you could get your girl, head goes no, no you won't might happen to some people but not you, heart goes why not it happened to x, y and z why not you, its 50/50 each time, head errrrr no thats just the cr*p they tell people, for you its 100% boy just accept it. I can see myself turning up at my scan head going its a boy, heart going maybe possibly a girl, tech going boy - you fool did you really think it maybe your turn - how ridiculous, should've listened to your head cause now your sad and that poor baby will know (whereas if you'd known it was a boy to begin with, which you did really, you'd have been expecting him and happy from day one).

I feel like i'm going insane, this has been running through my head of months worth of ttc and now i'm pregnant its all the worse and i feel like i have lost any chance at a daughter that i had when i was ttc. I can't stop thinking about it, its all i dream about and i am so sick of stressing about it. I want my little girl that badly and its so hard that there is nothing i can do to get her. I love my boys more than the world and can honestly say i will love this baby but how do you get over the dream and let go. I;ve grown up being told nothing is impossible you just have to have faith and work hard but this mother daughter dream is just not going to happen and i need to / want to let go - please somebody tell me how to do it

Just once i would love to be told "its a x" and not feel a little disappointed

---

I also feel it's not a 50/50 chance for me too...I feel it's like it's obvious it will be boy. My husband's brothers are all having boys, no girls in the family yet, so that's another reason why I'm so convinced that hubby and his brothers only produce boys! I saw some commercials on a children's tv network today and there were such wonderful girls toys, all those lovely dolls, I just stared at them and started to cry. How much I'd like to buy tiny cups and saucers for my little one and pretend to have tea together. I just really need to think boys! Sometimes when I imagine I'm gonna have a girl,I go on the internet and start looking for images of newborn boys, so perhaps it will make me appreciate them more. I know that when I'll hold my baby in my arms, I'm gonna fall in love with him no matter what the sex is,but in the meantime, it's hard not to hope and pray for girl.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cravingsalt

Hahahahaa!! We do sound silly. Somewhere, there is a lady looking at our families thinking that we used up all the boy spermies. Selfish ladies we are!

---

You bet! :p

Mrs P you think exactly like me!!!! I chuckled at your post as i hear it every day within my own head!!!! I really really hope you get your little girl. After 3 boys I don't think I will ever hear x but my heart is still tricking me too. I just would like everyone's dreams to come true.

How far along are you, you don't have a ticker so can't tell?

Don't know why we do this to ourselves though its ridiculous 20 weeks of going through this to then be told what you knew at day 1 - its a boy. Why can't i accept that now and stop hoping, i feel so cross at myself.

Ps to any of the other women in my position (lots of boys are pregnant with strong gender desire) are you feeling emtional lately - i keep crying and at really daft things or people saying nice things or anything really - don't know if its being pregnant and hormones or if its all the emotional cr*p i am putting myself through with gd i don't remember being like that in previous pregnancies

I'm also being very emotional and I don't remember being like this with DS. I cry easily and get angry very easily and I just can't seem to control myself, and I'm only 8wks pregnant let alone when I'll be 9months pg!

Ladies! It's so nice to have kindred spirits who understand all over the world. Mrs. P, I know that even when I (finally) get my bfp I'll think just like you, keeping my hopes down that it'll be a boy. It just seems so impossible, like 5% instead of 50%. Whatever happens in all of our life stories, it's nice to have you ladies to lean on because IRL it would be impossible to share these feelings. $12/year is a bargain for cheap therapy, if anything, lol!

:hugs: All around!

So here I am again, early morning with tears in my eyes :( I keep on dreaming that I'm having a girl, that I'm holding a three month old cute girl, or that I'm dancing with a sweet one year old girl in my arms. This is so unfair. I so much don't want to dream of little baby girls anymore, the more I dream the more I feel sad when I wake up. I just feel, I'm never gonna really hold my little girl in my arms. I'd rather start dreaming of holding cute little boys. Yesterday I cried all way while driving to work cause of these silly dreams. Yesterday I booked another visit to gynae for the 21st December, I'll be almost 16weeks and probably he'll be able to tell me gender. I'm so afraid I won't be able to control myself and just start crying in front of gynae when he'll say BOY. I'm so afraid I'm gonna be so sad for Christmas, my DS is going to be away from the 26th, he's going to London with his father (my ex husband), and I'm gonna miss him so much not having him for the holidays, then if I'll get to know I'm having a boy, I'm afraid I'm gonna feel miserable. Sorry girls, I'm so annoying :(

Awww, dreaming, that’s so heartbreaking! And I know exactly how you feel- kind of like being punched in the gut. It’s so hard. I feel the same way, I won’t let my thought wander to having a girl but we can’t always suppress our subconscious. I know that it will work out either way- I just think the anticipation is almost worse than when we hear one way or the other. Have you thought about maybe having the tech write down what they see and then opening it up in private? Try not to worry, hon, this babe is what they are going to be, you just haven’t been let in on the secret just yet.

I'm so sorry...I hope you can find peace somehow.

I send you all my pink dust and I pray that you hear 'ITS A GIRL' loud n clear. Think positive, I know its so hard.

Sorry didn't see your question! I am 7 weeks and 3 days so nearly same as you!!!! Got ages and ages to go!!!

As for being emotional I thought I was ok but some silly man upset me at work today and I burst into tears - how embarrassing!!! My boss thought something awful must have happened!!!

Someone told me that if you think positive things you want will happen - this upset me as I was already pregnant by then and couldn't remember whether I had been positive enough before conception lol!

I am really trying to think positively now but then get scared as think am just setting myself up for a fall. How fantastic would it be though if all our dreams came true :o

QUOTE=Mrs_P;281695]How far along are you, you don't have a ticker so can't tell?

Don't know why we do this to ourselves though its ridiculous 20 weeks of going through this to then be told what you knew at day 1 - its a boy. Why can't i accept that now and stop hoping, i feel so cross at myself.

Ps to any of the other women in my position (lots of boys are pregnant with strong gender desire) are you feeling emtional lately - i keep crying and at really daft things or people saying nice things or anything really - don't know if its being pregnant and hormones or if its all the emotional cr*p i am putting myself through with gd i don't remember being like that in previous pregnancies[/QUOTE]

Aw thats really nice we are so close we can stress together x

Craving i really like the piece of paper thing, i cried so much at my ultra sound with ds3 i missed the experience of my last ultrasound for my baby and had all the pitting looks of strangers who must have thought there was something horrible wrong with my baby that made me feel so guilty. Can't help but thinking though it will be a pretty crappy christmas present to find out that my dream of a daughter is over forever!

Mrs P - fab we are so close. Have you got your scan booked in? I have my midwife tomorrow morning - they asked me if I wanted to go to a group booking in session???!!! We live in fairly small town so I may as well put an advert in the paper lol!!! Not even sure if will do gender scan yet - may wait for 20 week scan so can keep my dream alive for as long as possible!!!!

It's so hard to watch other people around you continue to get what they want with seemingly no effort at all. I'm sorry you're going through this!
I hope you get a pink BFP soon!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cravingsalt

Awww, dreaming, that’s so heartbreaking! And I know exactly how you feel- kind of like being punched in the gut. It’s so hard. I feel the same way, I won’t let my thought wander to having a girl but we can’t always suppress our subconscious. I know that it will work out either way- I just think the anticipation is almost worse than when we hear one way or the other. Have you thought about maybe having the tech write down what they see and then opening it up in private? Try not to worry, hon, this babe is what they are going to be, you just haven’t been let in on the secret just yet.

---

Thanks cravingsalt. I know I will still very much love this little one no matter what but it just hits so hard sometimes. Yeah, actually I thought about asking gynae to write the gender on a paper so that we can see it when we go home or in the car. I might do that if I'll feel I would be breaking down. Although I know I would probably want to verify with my own eyes the baby's sex on the ultrasound monitor, I'm too curious :)

By the way cravings, I like your chart :) I think it's promising. You already have three days with a temperature of 98.6 and you don't have that in your previous cycle :) Fingers crossed xx

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Son4meplz

I send you all my pink dust and I pray that you hear 'ITS A GIRL' loud n clear. Think positive, I know its so hard.

---

Thanks Son4me, I could do with some of your pink dust :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by The Anchor

I'm so sorry...I hope you can find peace somehow.

---

Thanks Anchor, guess I need to learn to accept things the way the come :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by OneLastDream

Sorry didn't see your question! I am 7 weeks and 3 days so nearly same as you!!!! Got ages and ages to go!!!

As for being emotional I thought I was ok but some silly man upset me at work today and I burst into tears - how embarrassing!!! My boss thought something awful must have happened!!!

Someone told me that if you think positive things you want will happen - this upset me as I was already pregnant by then and couldn't remember whether I had been positive enough before conception lol!

I am really trying to think positively now but then get scared as think am just setting myself up for a fall. How fantastic would it be though if all our dreams came true :o

QUOTE=Mrs_P;281695]How far along are you, you don't have a ticker so can't tell?

Don't know why we do this to ourselves though its ridiculous 20 weeks of going through this to then be told what you knew at day 1 - its a boy. Why can't i accept that now and stop hoping, i feel so cross at myself.

Ps to any of the other women in my position (lots of boys are pregnant with strong gender desire) are you feeling emtional lately - i keep crying and at really daft things or people saying nice things or anything really - don't know if its being pregnant and hormones or if its all the emotional cr*p i am putting myself through with gd i don't remember being like that in previous pregnancies

---

[/QUOTE]

Sorry you're so upset, I'm so much with you. Hope we all get the gender of our dreams. I'm being very emotional too, I honestly don't remember myself like this with DS. It's either this gender dreaming (I also wanted girl when I was pregnant with DS but def not this much, this is my last baby, so my last chance) or perhaps I'm getting old and everything upsets and annoys me more. I remember myself to be happier when I was pregnant with DS. I can't wait to start feeling the baby moving, I need to be more positive and I know that feeling his movements will help me bond more with him :)