I'm bawling my eyes out right now. :(
And I hate myself for it!
My 2nd friend in a week has had her gender u/s, and of course, has found out she was having the much wanted girl. I'm happy for both of them, they are both really sweet people. But, with every "girl" I hear about coming, it just feels more and more unlikely that I will actually get one too. :(
And stupid gender u/s updates always make me depressed anyway. I remember all too well the excitement and elation I had with my last baby when I was told "it's a girl", and then the devastation and humiliation that came when I found out it really wasn't. It still hurts to remember the feelings I had walking around those two months feeling like all my dreams had come true, and basically I was just an idiot believing something that wasn't real (even though I had no way of knowing that it wasn't). I just hate the memories. I wish I could feel the way I did during that time again. It was good while it lasted, but the feelings that came after were very, very tough!
I just need a little extra support today to just keep pushing forward, stay focused on what's important, and remember that my hope isn't gone just yet. I just want this to be "it" so bad, and I really wish I didn't care at all.