I'm Angry.....

Preface: I just needed to get this out...don't feel obligated to respond. I just don't have a soul in real life that would understand.

It's happened. I hit the angry point. I've been staying so positive the entire pregnancy knowing that this baby is breech. Tried to be patient and hope that she would flip. Just accepting the fact that this is the position she wants to be in. Thinking maybe there is a really good reason for her position. Being ok with which ever route she choses to come out.....Just being happy that I have another healthy baby coming.

But today I'm mad.

I have tried everything that I can find on the internet to try and flip this baby. i just went through this with my last baby. If it's an option, I've tried it. I know there are going to be suggestions but trust me. I've tried it...and tried hard. I haven't done an ECV because I'm not a candidate. Placenta is right up front.

I don't want another c-section. When you've had both types of deliveries, trust me, they are night and day birthing experiences. I am mad that I don't get to hold her first. DH got to hold the last one first. I don't want to be strapped down to a table, exposed for the world to see (I'm a very private person), have my baby that I've protected for 9 months cut out of my gut, feel like I'm high as a kite from drugs, just to see DH hold the baby first. And I only get to see their little face upside down at that! Then DH takes off to the nursery with the baby to get to witness all the weighing and measuring, the first bath, the foot printing, etc.

Last time they came to see me over an hour later in recovery and they had already written a name on the card in his crib...we hadn't decided on a name for sure. I didn't even recognize my baby. Much harder to bond with.

It was heart breaking. I don't want to do it again. I don't want to feel crappy for the entire first month of my baby's life. Recovery is hard. And with 4 other kids to take care of too, there are expectations of me jumping right back into taking care of everyone.

I'm not even looking forward to having the baby now.

Why does this have to happen to me AGAIN?

While I've never had a c-section, I can appreciate every single point you've made. Nothing you're feeling or saying is unreasonable or invalid. You're entitled to feel cheated out of the birth experience you would've preferred. I'm sorry babe is breech :( I hope your c-section goes as well as it can, is there any way that you could ask your DH and hospital staff to hold off on some of the memory making until you can join them from a wheelchair? What's the rush to print, bathe and name a baby without his mama present? That'd break my heart too. I'm glad you got this off your chest, I'll be thinking of you.

P.S. When we were pregnant with DS2, we found out the sex but kept the name top secret. Our son's name was this wonderful little secret that my husband and I shared for months. The day came and my son was born at home in our bedroom. My husband went downstairs to our family, who was waiting in the kitchen, and announced THE NAME! WITHOUT ME. I was so gutted, I expected him to tell everyone that the baby was here and we were both fine and that they'd be introduced to him when they came upstairs to see us. I never thought he'd cheat me out of unveiling the name we'd guarded together for months. So, I can understand feeling robbed of something precious after delivery.

I'm very sorry. I can't help but ask if you get to work with a midwife while in labor(if they let you go that far) and see if they can help you turn the baby?

Maybe there is a medically necessary reason that the babies are breech. Maybe that is the way they fit best with the cord and all. I understand all of your concerns and frustrations and I am sorry that you cannot have a vaginal delivery.

Can't you ask them not to remove the baby from the room? They can do all the weighing, etc in the room with you- they do here anyway. I'd tell your doctors and your DH how you feel and see if they can come up with anything to make it better for you!

HUGE hugs. You have every right to be mad. Sure, someone will try to say "a healthy baby is the most important thing." (we all agree that is true). But when it comes down to it...birth matters. And it matters even more when mama wants a certain experience and is not being given the choice in the matter. And it sucks. It sucks it happened to you twice. It sucks you know what you are "in for." And I believe you have every right to be mad as a hatter.

My last baby pulled a "last minute breaching act." I was horribly sad and mad and wanted to punch everyone in the face who said "oh, it doesn't matter how he is born." IT MATTERED TO ME! I woulda been knocked out for a c-section because of a medication I take, so I was heartbroken I wasn't going to even be present when he came into the world. And I wanted to be mad about it. And no one wanted to let me. So I get it. Be mad!!

I will send up a little prayer (or wish, if that is what you prefer) that bebe get a "last minute flipping message" and turns in labor or just before. My son seemed to get my anger vibes and he flipped when his water broke (or flipped AND broke his water, we won't know). So all my stress was for naught. But you know what it is like for it to pan out the opposite way. And I will hope for you that this little girl decides she prefers a new position. I remember all those exercises and chiro adjustments and acupuncture...it's hard to keep up with it. I don't blame you for anger.

I'm so sorry...I had a c/s with my DD and it totally SUCKED. But I think there's something to what NBP says - sometimes things happen for a reason. My g/f's DD was breech and because of that she was getting an u/s like every other day...and one of the nurses said it looked like the baby COULDN'T move, the cord was situated just so that it appeared that might tighten if bub turned. AND that very same friend went on to have the baby naturally...still breech (this wasn't by choice of course, everything happened pretty quick).

But BE MAD, it's so frustrating...after my c/s with my DD they told me I'd never be able to have a VBAC, but I did! Good luck, I'll be stalking you, hope we get to see some pics of your little girl!

you have every right to be mad this happened to me second pg but the baby turned the last week!!!! anw i wished he didnt in the end cos the delivery was bad 20 hours and his cord was short so he nearly didnt make it out it took me days to get over it i was in shock i would never have thought i couldnt look at the baby for hours after...... try to take things as they come(i know annoying wisdom talk but...) because in the end every thing has its reasons also remember the birth is just a few hours compered to the life time you will have to make up for it after bonding :) xxxx

Thanks for all the kind words Ladies! Its nice to just hear "You're right, that totally sucks!" sometimes. lol.

For some reason they won't do the weighing in the OR...trying to get the patient out for the next one I suppose. :(

There are midwives in the practice I go to but because of a stint of high blood pressure+protien in my urine months ago and gestational diabetes this time around and having a previous c-section they want me to see the doctors only. Not quite "high risk" but my file is flagged etc. :(

I was really expecting my last c-section to have some known/seen reason for him staying breech (cord issues etc) but there wasn't anything. He was just snuggled up in there not wanting to budge. Kinda made me madder, I know that sounds ridiculous.

I am going to start moxibustion one last time with this one but I'm not very hopeful...I know that's bad to not be having good vibes flowing but I am out of them at this point.

I just hope maybe she'll be a SUPER late flipper! She has 1 week left before the scheduled c/s. :(

I think that my last one scarred me emotionally...I wouldn't let anyone touch the baby for a year. Even DH got limited time with him. I don't want to look like a psycho again with this one.

Thanks again Ladies!!! I just really wish these hormones din't make it THAT much worse...ya know?

I feel for you. I just remembered how terrible c-sections where ironically as I was being cut open for my 3rd with DD. While I knew exactly what I was going to experience, I was so focused on just meeting DD that before I didn't think much of it. I still feel ashamed of the ambitigous and almost distanced way I felt when I first saw DD and the way it even hurt more when of course DH got to hold her first. I've only had c-sections, but with each one, I find myself feeling more and more robbed of the joy of childbirth. Of course, I am happy that the baby is healthy, and yours will be too, but I totally understand the feeling...I hope she turns for you so you can have the experience! And vent away anytime..we are here for you.

I totally understand. I've also had both and the difference is indescribably. You're basically a cripple after a section for weeks compared to up and on the go after a normal. Don't stress, just be happy that your baby is healthy. And you have to do what's best for her. You must be so excited to meet her X Congrats

hope everything goes well for you and try to stay calm even though those hormones are a b*tch lol cant wait to hear the outcome on the birth of your beautiful little GIRL xxxx