Find out at Gender Scan or wait till Christmas???

I am not sure if this is the right place to post this. But hopefully you ladies can help.

I have my anatomy scan this friday. My DH can't make it because of work. He was a little bummed, so we agreed that I would have the tech write it down and we will open it on Christmas morning.

I have been so excited about finding out the gender and was bummed when DH said he couldn't make it. We really want a boy. I will be fine if it is a girl because at least my DD will have a sister close in age. I was so disappointed when I found out DD was a girl, as soon as I got to the car I bawled. I had always pictured my life with 2 boys or at least having the boy first. I got over my sadness pretty fast, since she was our first and I knew I had another chance. This is our last child, so my last chance. I love my DD more than anything in the world, and so I keep telling myself I won't be disappointed if this is a girl. But i can't say for sure that I won't shed a tear or two for that boy i'll never have. I don't think i'll be extremely disappointed if it is another girl ( I kind of expect it anyway) and DH really doesn't care either. Of course he wants a boy but would be perfectly happy with another girl.

Anyways, I am kind of thinking about finding out at the ultrasound, but not telling DH. I feel like then I will be able to deal with the feelings before Christmas. Christmas is also my DH's birthday so I don't want to be sad all day and ruin the whole day. Plus, we would then be going to my parents house for dinner and they all know that we are finding out the sex that day. So, I'll have to deal with all the comments if it is another girl. If I find out friday then I have time to come to terms with it. But then part of me wants to wait and keep that hope for a boy a little longer. Plus, if it is a boy it would be an amazing feeling to find out on Christmas. I just don't know what the best thing to do is. I am running out of time.....

What do you think you girls would do in this situation?

I just realized my post is kind of all over the place. Just trying to get all my thoughts out at once. Sorry if it is hard to follow....

I had a similar situation, DH wanted to go team green and I didn't. I went for an elective u/s without telling him and found out. I just wanted to prepare myself, I was having anxiety over not knowing. It ended up being a boy and of course I was excited and couldn't keep it a secret. Had it been a girl I think I would of kept it to myself and mentally starting preparing myself to be a mother to 3 girls. In the end its up to you, do you think you would feel better knowing?

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Originally Posted by dloui128

I had a similar situation, DH wanted to go team green and I didn't. I went for an elective u/s without telling him and found out. I just wanted to prepare myself, I was having anxiety over not knowing. It ended up being a boy and of course I was excited and couldn't keep it a secret. Had it been a girl I think I would of kept it to myself and mentally starting preparing myself to be a mother to 3 girls. In the end its up to you, do you think you would feel better knowing?

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I did the exact same thing as dloui. I had swayed boy, DH wanted a boy (although he didn't help out in the sway department at all), but he didn't want to find out. I on the other hand HAD to find out, so I made an appt for an elective u/s. Found out it was boy and by some miracle was able to keep it to myself until the big day. Also should mention that everyone thought I was psychic, because I kept telling everyone I think it's a boy :bigsmile:

there is no way i could keep it from hubby - he would take one look at my face and know and i knew but if you think you can keep it a secret go for it - i was even debating it this time around but dont want to dash my opes and ruin the last 20 weeks of my pregnancy so im going to live in ignorant bliss and denial for the next 34 weeks and keep hold o that little bit of hope as long as i can.
Im sure it being xmas would elp take your mind off things if it was a girl and you and dh can help each other through - if you find out before and its a girl you will have a few extra days on top trying to deal with it and will be alone in doing so too.
Id wait but thats me - everyone is different and only you know the answer.
Good luck whatever you decide - I hope you get your son.

I had similar concerns. I did not want to find out at the same time as my spouse because I felt I needed time to digest if I was not getting my DG. My husband did not care what we were having. I thought seriously about doing team green, figuring that I wouldn't care when baby was born. But I couldn't handle the wait. So I decided to find out alone and have time to deal with my feelings. The timing worked for us, because DH wanted to know and I surprised him for his birthday with what it was. But honestly, I think I could have hidden it from him for a couple weeks if needed. I came home and had a box of balloons that he didn't open for hours and I didn't freak out or anything. And I did get my DG...I dunno what would be harder to hide. I think probably not getting it, since I was already moody as it stood. But I would not want to ruin Christmas by finding out that day, especially if there was a chance I was going to feel sad. I needed time before I had to tell anyone. Me...I would find out beforehand and keep it to myself. Practice your surprised face :)

i found out with ds2 and didn't tell dh, so i had a few days to deal with it first. Not that i was that bothered then, that was pre-gd for me, it was just he wanted the surprise but i wanted to know as i felt like i wasn't bonding with the baby as i knew with ds1 he was a boy from early on, i found it hard to picture my second. Wasn't that hard to keep from him.

I'm kinda in the same position now, am either going to the best or worst Christmas present ever. But i still think i need to know. Although xmas morning would be a hard time to find out, unless it all goes right of course, but i don't think anyone would blame you for not wanting to take the risk. I don't think he'd even notice either, in his reaction he probably wouldn't notice yours for a good few seconds so gives you time to get your game face on

If it was me in this situation i would use the reveal as Hubbys gift. Basically i would find out, and have the tech write it on a card for hubby to open for xmas/birthday gift.

Can you not get it written down, but you and your dh open it up together, but not on christmas day? I.e. when he is back? When is he back?

I don't think that I could find out and not have it written all over my face that I know. On the other hand, I don't think that I could have it in the envelope and not look.... I would go on and find out and tell DH that I was doing so.

Thanks ladies!!

I padmad:My husband actually comes home that night, but I thought it would be nice if he could find out on Christmas since it is also his birthday.

I am leaning towards finding out on friday and just keeping it to myself until Christmas. It would be nice to be surprised on Christmas (especially if it is a boy) but there is nothing like seeing it on the actually ultrasound screen in real time.

I might even do something special for him for his birthday (as hotdogz and Cinss mentioned :) ). I don't think he would be mad if he found out I knew all along.

Only one more day....i can't wait, but im soo nervous!!!

I'm having the same debate in my head. I'm scared of GD and don't want my husband to see it but on the other hand if I do get my DD then I really want to experience that first reaction together.... I don't know if I'd be able to hide either secret lol.

My advice is to do it if u think you can hold in the excitement when you hear you're having a DS! And do it if you feel you need time to deal/grieve alone if its a DD again. You have to do what you feel is best.

I felt the same way as you and decided to go green team. I'm happy I did as then when people ask I can honestly tell them I don't know the gender and like you, I kind of want to hold onto hope a bit longer.
However if you feel that knowing the sex earlier would help you deal with it better, then maybe go with that. GL with whatever you decide.

I don't know if I can offer you advice on this. I'm all about ignorance is bliss. I wouldn't want to know myself!! I've been down that road of disappointment twice and don't care to tread on it again. Told my DH, if we ever have a third, I don't want to know at the ultrasound or even at the birth itself (I have a c-section). I don't want that rush of disappointment running over me with all my guts exposed. Sew me up and then break the news. At least when I'm back in one piece, I can handle it. And take medication without remorse ;)

Just wanted to give a quick update. I went in for my ultrasound and never found out the sex....but not by choice. They found some alarming things on the ultrasound and wanted me to go in for a level two scan. I did that yesterday and found out that we are having our boy, but he has a lethal form of skeletal dysplasia. I am so so devasted. We have no idea how this happened....we are both relatively healthy and so is our family. They told me if he does make it to term he will most likely not live very long....probably not even leave the hospital. :( His chest cavity is measuring very small and his lungs will most likely not develop. His long bones are also measuring very small....in the 3rd percentile.

At this point I don't care if it is a boy or girl, I just want my baby to live and be healthy. I went into the anatomy scan so concerned about whether it was a boy or girl and just took for granted that he/she would be healthy. I feel so horrible.

I did an amnio, but will not get the results for another 2 to 3 weeks.

Thank you all for your support and advice you've given me I appreciate it.

Oh my goodness! How awful! I'm hoping the amino will show better things but don't feel any guilt about being concerned of gender. Obviously you wanted a healthy child first and foremost! I'm really sorry you have to go through this:( hugs

I'm so sorry. We just went through this with our second dd we have lost. Its natural to feel bad for worrying so much about gender. I did too, both times. But nothing you thought did this. Can they rush the amnio results? I know ours came back in 48 hours. I hope that you get some good news. Hearing your baby isn't healthy is very hard :(

Such tragic news. You poor thing. I really hope things turn out not to be as bad as first thought. I'm not really sure what to say but feel so sorry for you having to go through this right near Christmas.

Blue how scary...it must be so hard for you. Prayers for you and your family...

oh hunny ive just seen your update im so so sorry your going through this - someone up stairs is being so cruel right now and you do not deserve this. we all know that you wanted a healthy baby no matter the sex so please dont feel any guilt. Im going to keep everything crossed for you - what a tough time to be going through :-(

Oh, I'm so sad to read this. Life is so unfair :( Your poor little boy.

HUGS to you mama and your family in this difficult time.

I am so sorry hon.

I am so, so sorry. :pray: for a miracle.

so sorry, that's heartbreaking. Hoping for a miracle for you. It really puts things in perspective..

So sorry to hear this. I will pray for you and your sweet boy. God Bless!

I'm so sorry. It's nothing you did and things like this just happen randomly. I hope you have good doctors looking after you so you can prepare.

So sad for you. Hugs. I hope we can all be a support for you.

So sorry. You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers.

I am so sorry to hear this news. I will pray for a miracle as well. Huge hugs.

Oh Blue, that is so heartbreaking to hear, I am so sorry! :sad: :broken:
Praying for a miracle for you and your family!

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. They are very much appreciated at this time. I was almost hesitant to post this on here as I didn't want to bring the mood down or be a downer especially around Christmas. You ladies are so supportive and I really needed that.

At this point it is just a waiting game and there are a lot of what ifs. I am waiting on the results from the amnio which should be able to tell me if the diagnosis is in fact fatal. The doctors seem to be pretty certain that it is fatal , just by the measurments.

I never thought I would be going through this. It is such a roller coaster of emotions. I saw him on the ultrasound screen and he looked perfect too me. I can also feel him moving/kicking pretty regularly now and its hard to believe he has such a poor prognosis. I just wish I could keep him safe inside me forever :(

I will keep you ladies updated as I get more information.

I am so sorry!! Its so heartbreaking and unfair =(

I am so saddened by this! I'll pray hard for a miracle for your little one.

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Originally Posted by Yuzu

I am so saddened by this! I'll pray hard for a miracle for your little one.

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Me too... Praying !!

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Originally Posted by Tiggerian

I am so sorry!! Its so heartbreaking and unfair =(

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This x

So very sorry Blue :(
Praying very hard for your little boy, miracles sometimes do happen !

:( I couldn't imagine. Prayers to you and your family. You are so very strong. Praying for a miracle for you!

i am so sorry to hear this

I am so sorry. Your family are in my thoughts. I hope a miracle comes your way.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Praying for a miracle x