Is it wrong not to tell anyone?

I'm new here, so I hope I'm posting this in the right place! Let me try and give you a short background story. My husband had 2 brothers and his mother always longed for a girl. When we got married, I already had 2 boys from a previous relationship. When we decided to get pregnant, he really wanted a girl. At the time I didn't mind either way, but he talked SO much about it being a girl, I got really excited about the thought of having a DD. We both cried when we found out it was a boy. (We absolutely love him dearly, our GD didn't last long at all.) In the meantime, his brother got married and my new sister-in-law got pregnant right away. One day she flat out told me she hopes she has a girl so that our mother-in-law would favor her baby over mine. (Talk about hurt feelings!!) Well, it turns out they had twin boys. (Karma?! ok, maybe that was a little rude..) Anyway, my husband and I are going to start TTC in 2013 and have decided to try and sway pink. I told him last night I don't want ANYONE to know. When we found out our 3rd was a boy, I got all the usual rude comments "I bet you were hoping for a girl" and "3 boys?! Wow you're really out numbered now!"... I don't think I will be able to handle it well, and it will be even WORSE if people knew we were trying for a girl. How did/are you going about your sway? Are you telling people? I guess I don't see a need to tell anyone. I've done such a good job convincing everyone I DON'T want a girl, I would feel stupid telling them we are trying and then having a 4th boy.

Of course you don't tell anyone! I share it only with people here who are in the same boat.

I can only imagine all the comments if I announced we were trying for a boy.

Same here im TTC a boy.. though i would be delighted for my DD to have a lil sister.. but i have not told anyone whatsoever im trying for a boy.. firstly because they would all just look like WT?? and secondly I dont want people to pity me if it wasnt the desired gender.. ive been on the HE diet for 1 and half months now and Nobody knows Im on it or doing anything differently.. even my husband doesnt know but that was just my choice not telling him purely because he would be happy regardless of what we have and is quite against favoring boys over girls or vice versa..

sister in laws!! ( Thank god i dont speak to mine) but yea she had that coming, I think its such an unreasonable thing to say to someone.. but your best off keeping it amongst those whom you trust or with ladies on here.. they are amazing seriously they help one another and console in times of need.. and they can all relate to you and wont get the weird response as we would from certain people we know..I know people in my family would love for me to have a boy.. but Im not trying to fulfill their expectations and needs but simply because i would love to have best of both world a girl and a boy.. but would love the child regardless of its gender..

I didn't tell anyone besides all the awesome people here :) You tell who you want to tell, I personally don't think it is anyones business but my own. Best of luck

NO I never told ANYBODY...lol, not even my DH!

Definitely don't tell anyone you are trying for a particular gender. That will just put more pressure on you.

By the way, I've been through a similar journey. Two boys from previous relationship. Little boy to hubby and not sure what we will get this time. But I sure as heck arn't telling ANYONE except hubby, that we have tried for or have a preference for a girl. That would just be bringing a lot of extra hurt and stress on myself.

You ladies are so wonderful!! I can't say how excited/happy/relieved I am to find this website!! My husband supports me (he would always support me, but especially now since it is him who really wants a girl!) But it's just not the same as talking to women! I feel bad because my sister (NOT sister-in-law) is my best friend and it's hard not telling her but I know it will be better in the long run (wether we end up with a girl or not) not to tell her. She can be very judgemental at times and I just don't know what her take on this would be and I'm not willing to find out!

violet_ It's nice to hear someone is on the same journey as me! I will PM you with some specific questions if you don't mind?

Oh no way am I telling anyone! I'm not even telling anyone I'm TTC'ing full stop!! Its a completely personal choice what you do and when you do it.

I'm very happy I got this site too - my OH is all on board, but he does get a bit fed up talking about PH, ovulation and all the otherr lovely stuff thats included in swayin!

I completely understand the feeling of not wanting to tell anybody. But from another perspective, i actually told everyone. Everyone in our families and our friends knew we were TTC and of course we got the comments about desiring a boy, so i took it and owned it, i told everyone about the boy diet i was on, heck at least i had an excuse for all the weight gain! I just think honesty will set you free, yes we wanted a boy, yes i am trying something new and unfamiliar to try to get it, yes we will probably be disappointed if we dont get it, but that is life and im glad to be sharing my life with my loved ones. I never thought anyone who loves me would turn around and belittle me for my effort if we failed to get a boy, im sure they would have sympathised with me and known that it was a kick in the guts, but in the end we did get our boy, so now we dont have the "why are you doing that" we get the " how did you do that" comments.

I guess it comes down to personallity, basically i feel like i really dont give a damn if anyone doesnt agree with me or accept my decision or understand me, because its my life and my choice and i will live and do what I want to, if they dont accept me for me then i dont have time for them.

Don't tell! Really! People who don't Have these feelings don't understand. Many people Will judge you and your ways. And those comments keep coming. I'm already sick of it. And I have 4. Walk your own path and don't let anyone follow. This is your dream!

There is definitely no reason you need to tell anyone, that is your business. BTW, I can't believe your SIL said that! My sil swayed and did get a girl and brags about it now which is annoying enough.

I didnt tell anyone except on here and dh. Also I haven't told anyone the sex yet except on here too yet lol. Although I will tell people I know I'm just not saying and I don't hear any gender comments.

Well, I feel smug that your SIL had twin boys. I wish that was my case. My DH has 2 brothers as well and MIL wanted a girl. Well, my SIL said those same words and got the elusive girl. I think it is more painful to the first DIL and to have the first boys/children. Was that you? I felt too on the spot and like my babies were a disappointment. (I think the words from my DH saying "I think my mother is disappointed" didn't help). You know, if I were in your shoes, I would not find out the gender. But that is just me. And it is for more reasons that being able to tell people that we don't know the gender and pull it off without looking disappointed.

My sil has the only 2 girls out of 10 and she is now pg with a boy. she waited to tell the family she was pg until she knew the gender because she didn't want o deal with the comments. I may do the same.

I wouldn't tell it to a single soul! Especially cause of your sister in law. I have the same situation here, mother in law wanting a girl badly and I know my sister in law would LOVE to have a girl so she is the preferred grandchild. I didn't tell anyone I swayed pink and def not them. Good luck with your sway, I hope you have your so much desired daughter!

Your sil is quite an arse saying that, beggars belief.

Only DH and my sister knows. I wouldn't tell anyone else personally.

What is with sister-in-laws??? Lol. Mine is the exact same. My MIL is flat out crazy, so I don't much care what she thinks of my children. She mostly ignores them anyway. But she desperately wants a granddaughter...she had two sons. And my SIL has said MANY times how she will give her a girl and how that will make her the "favorite daughter-in-law" (haha, not a title I want anyway, I don't have any love lost for my MIL). But I think it's so presumptuous to assume they can say those things and not sound like a complete Witch-with-a-B! (and I am the most horrible person on the planet because I can't wait to see the look on SILs face when she finds out we are having a girl before they even have any kids...they are waiting for another year or two).

But anyway...we also didn't tell anyone we were swaying. We didn't even tell them we were trying, much less swaying. I just did it quietly and figured whatever happened would happen. My DH was totally on board, he had the easy part (just some supplements). But he supported me and listened to al of my "theories" about what to do and how to do it. Lol. Only my mom, dad, brothers, and best friend know we are having a girl. I *think* my friend has a suspicion we swayed. She never asked or said anything, but I think she knows. She considered doing it with her third and ended up not doing it. She did have her third Boy (fourth total, her first she gave up for adoption because she was a teenager when she had him). She isn't a judgy type though, so I don't mind if she knows. But I don't know if I will tell folks "how we got a girl" if they ask. I dunno if I am ready to admit to swaying. It's not that I am ashamed we did it...but I would fear someone wouldn't do the research on it and try, get an opposite, and blame me. Lol. I don't know if I wish to head down that road. I might cop to "less intentional" factors that played a role in my sway (breastfeeding, being sick, losing weight, having a kid who slept like crap). But maybe not stuff like diet, refresh, and supplements. I think it's really not any of their business, so I wouldn't be concerned about telling folks. How you conceive a child is highly personal...so I doubt anyone would hold it against you if you kept the details to yourself ;)

I think I shared this b4 but MY fabulous SIL told me that her second would be a girl because I "already have three boys so statistically I will have THE girl" well guess what....five grandsons total for my parents....I think how people can get competetive about this is so sad....I hope I remember this all when I am a MIL and I will hold those bundles of blue (if God willing I become a Nana) and treasure them just as much as any pink bundle. Just my two cents. Oh and PS Don't tell anyone I did the last time I was on the diet and when we decided to take a break people admitted to me how crazy they think I am. This time it's just me, my computer and my cyber gal pals.

nope absolutely not!
no one knows we are ttc number 7, there would be lots of judgement from that alone let alone if they knew we were swaying girl and of course what if it was another failed attempt?
best to just keep quiet then there's no nastiness or judgement from anyone in regards to gender or ttc.