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I hate feeling sad about not being able to try for that little boy that my heart longs for I can't understand why he Said no and I feel that it's to much of a hot topic to being up and talk about it and of cause I don't want to push him to go get the snip. I see all these lovely people with there new little boys and can't help but feel gutted and sad for myself does any feel this way to :(((
have you asked him why it's not an option at all? what did he say, if so?
I know how you must feel my dh is the same
That sucks :(
I may end up with four of a kind too! We have agreed to four, I can't imagine my DH would go for five either. I know that longing pain.
I just hope the pain goes way and the reason he has given me is because he just doesn't want anymore. I have been having these ugly thought in my mind to start the he diet and vitamins and then start using condoms and put tiny pin hole in them
I can understand that is a tempting idea! Accidents do happen, even to the most careful, but it's dangerous territory to deceive your husband like that. All I'd say is if you did plan to do that, delete any mention of it anywhere on the web! If he ever found out....:(
:( I hope you can talk to him about it and see if there's any chance of compromise before this eats you up inside.
hole in the condom method would sway pink for you (due to low count and spermicide)
Hope you can talk him round.
Let him know how important it is to you, find out what his concerns are, and work through them with him, give it time, sometimes these things take time.
But I would certainly advice against tricking him.
It's morally and ethically wrong on so many levels. And to do something so dishonest to the person you are supposed to love the most in the world?
He might never find out about - but that doesn't make it ok. And if he does? Or has his suspicions, then that's your marriage potentially all but over.
Of course he would most likely love the child, but that doesn't make it ok either.
Just because he is a man and you have the ability to deceive him because of the way biology works, it doesn't make it ok to rob him of the right to decide wether he wants to be a parent again.
Your consumed with desire at the moment, but don't let that cloud your judgement, don't let that turn you into something your not. Look at your husband as the man you decided to spend the rest of your life with, for better or for worse, and if you have even an ounce of respect and love for him then you'll see that you can't actually go through with doing this to him. Marriage isn't a one way street, please don't turn it into one.
Maybe see a counsellor, either by yourself, or together. It can't hurt, and there is a good chance it might help. This is something you need to work through together, and agree on mutually.
You CAN work through this. He needs to know how strongly you feel about, and you need to understand why he feels so strongly the way he does.
I wish you every luck and genuinely hope you can work through it.
This is a very valid point, even if you did manage to get pregnant, it's going to be a strong pink sway.Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbowflower
Don't give up hope.
When I was pregnant with DS4 a few months ago I told my DH I wanted to try for a girl and he said, and I quote, "I think you need therapy." It was the meanest thing he's ever said to me, and he never says mean things to me. He usually lets me have my way in everything! He insisted he didn't want anymore children. I was so upset with him and I told him to never speak to me that way again. He apologized, but we didn't talk about it again.
So imagine my surprise when DS4 was just a few hours old; I was still in the hospital and DH was holding him. DH said, "So. You want another one, huh? Well, maybe that's a good idea." He totally surprised me! I guess when he was holding his new son he got flooded with emotion. So we're planning on a fifth! People change their minds.
I never meant to imply that I wanted to do it was just something that was running though my mind so I think because we are so young dw 30 dh 30 we have time I think he's main issue is financial so maybe I should try and help work on that with him them in a few year time i might have help put his mind in a better play financial.and if we do have one more shot for a little boy I want to do it right to insure my chances of getting that little bot but thank everyone for the feed back it is just hard seeing little baby boy or hearing that someone I know is having one makes me a little crazy inside with envy
Can't stop thoughts. It's the actions that we can stop. It's nice to daydream or hope! He may come around. My DH wanted to stop at two and here I am going for number 6!! This is definitely our last one though he assured me of that.
30? You've got at least 12 more child bearing years in you :)
Give it a couple of years when you kids are older, he might get all clucky on his own!
Save for a couple of years, and then raise it again if he doesn't raise it himself.
I didn't mean to bang on about NOT doing it, I just remembered that you'd mentioned it on here before and was worried you were actually really thinking about doing it this time LOL
Try not to worry, you are both so young and have so so long to have another.
Good luck :)
Well good lucky bec I hope we hear in a few years that you are trying for a boy :)
Good luck and I really hope that your husband changes his mind and get your little boy. As lassie says above you are very young still so you have plenty of years to decide together.
I'm in the same boat! My dh says 3 is enough, but my heart aches for one more! :(. Hope your dh comes around!
Oh I know how you feel!
My OH didn't really want to have a second baby after we had DS1, but I begged and begged and finally he agreed, on the condition that it was to be THE LAST! I readily agreed because I 'knew' it was going to be a little girl and one of each would be perfect. Unbeknownst I did a full on boy sway! And of course had DS2.
OH kept saying he was getting the snip and I was so upset. I kept begging for another baby, he kept saying no. I considered cheating him too, but thankfully I didn't.
But here is a little warning: In the end I badgered my OH about another baby so much it nearly destroyed our relationship. I had tunnel vision and a one track mind. It really put him off! He didn't want anymore and I didn't listen to him. In the end we ended up fighting constantly and every time it revolved back to the same thing, more babies!
I didn't even realised how much I had badgered him before he packed his stuff and left! (of course other reasons, but this was the main cause.. all the arguing, disagreeing and me just 'assuming' he'd give in and give me MY way). After that epiphany I just left it... completely.
Didn't go on baby forums, didn't talk about baby names, didn't cluck. Mentioned my best friends pregnancy a few times, but objectively and in a "it's so nice for her" way (especially when I found out she was having a girl! That was tough!)
After we moved back in together (few months later) and we got every thing back on track, we sat down and talked. I told him how much it meant to me, I told him that if he really didn't want anymore, then he should say no now and I'd never mention it again! Luckily he this time said he didn't want another, but he didn't mind another if it really meant so much to me.
It still makes me feel guilty - but the time delay and the fact that there is a 'long' time before we'll be able to TTC has really helped him. I know he wants both boys to be in school first, our eldest is going in september and the way things are going our youngest will be very close to going to school before the next one.
Maybe your OH just needs some time where there is NO baby talk, no mentioned of wanting a little boy. Nothing but just enjoying your family and like you say, try to fix the things putting him off!
Bec, my DH says no, then he says maybe someday when things are calmer. But I'm 46! He is younger, so when I try to explain that "someday" for me has an extremely short shelf life and should be over, like, yesterday, he doesn't quite get it.
We also have 4 girls: 9.5, 8, 5 and 5.
People have put up some good advice here. I hope that when things cool down in a little while your dh is willing to listen and really hear why it's so important to you.
Part of the problem in our family is probably the same in many--I'm full of words and can express feelings in all their coloration and variation and depth, but dh just...can't really. So he tends to shut down in many of these talks.
You are so young, I would leave it alone for now and give it a few years.
I know how hard that is especially when the prospect of raising kids for 30+ years comes into view, but once all your girls are a little older and busy with school, another baby might be the fun your family needs.
That's where we are, our girls are big and we really aren't in 'baby mode' any more but the clock is ticking and DH and i are at "now or never" age DH-36 me-37 so we're going for it!!
Their is something exciting about having a bonus baby after you had years of raising a bunch of kids together. I am super excited about that, even if its another girl.