Do you let on about your desire for the other gender when you already have the other?...

Hi, just wondered if you let on to others about the desire for the opposite gender of what you already have?

My OH is very aware of it as we will be going down the ht route, and Ive openly discussed how much I want to have a girl, I have also done the exact opposite of what I said I would not do, and that is point out all the bad points of having all males and being the only female in the house. I try hard to not put down having boys as I know its only because I don't have a girl, I should focus on the positives.

Anyway, he is the only person I have ever said to about actually wanting a girl so badly that I would save up for ht for a shot at it.

I possibly hinted to a friend about my dissapointment at our 3rd child being another boy by saying 'thats it, def. won't be shopping in the pink aisles as this is another boy and I will not risk having 4 boys so we are done' ...... but Im sure she knows deep down I want a girl or would presume that.

My mum said today 'so no more then' and I said 'nooooo' lol and she said 'if you could guarantee it was a girl' ..... no idea where that came from as I am normally very anti talking about it as she knows I think its rude anyone commenting about wanting a girl in case it offends the boys. But last weekend I let slip when she was over and the boys did rough and tumble so I said to my OH 'god 3 girls would be easier'! So I think my odd comments stick in there minds...


Do you tell people about your desire, pretend you 'mildly' want the opposite gender but aren't really that bothered??

I would love to open up and tell my mum about our intentions but I don't want anyone finding out, or to always wonder what her real opinion on HT is, so for my sanity it isn't worth saying.

Its the pity that you just know that others are thinking when the boys seem to be boisterous and other girls are playing quietly and nicely

I hide my desperate want for a girl from everyone except DH. Especially from my SIL who has a pigeon pair. I already know she feels superior for having one of each so not gonna add fuel to that fire!

When I was UTD with #3 we booked an early gender scan without telling anyone so that if it was another boy, I didn't have to face anyone's reactions and comments. Lucky we did, because he turnedd out to be a boy and I was absolutley devastated. I was a mess for about 2 weeks after the scan.

We played dumb until the morph scan and I'm so glad we did becausese by that point in time, I felt a lot better about a third boy and as predicted we got all the 'oh, another boy', 'i couldnt imagine having 3 boys', 'i knew it was a boy' comments.

We are looking into going ht in the next couple of years and we won't be telling anyone. Its a bit harder in our situation to keep it a secret tho coz DH has had the snip so we cant blame it on a oopsie. Dont know how we are going to get around that one. Guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it lol

Yes I also had an early gender scan with our 3rd but I did tell others, the thing is Im bad for blurting things out and regretting it, and will say 'god I know' if others say '3 boys your mad' as I am kind of thinking 'thanks for the sympathy you have an understanding of how I am feeling' ...... but then wish I hadn't have said anything!


My OH's boss had a whopsie after the snip, think it was within the year after though or something and that can happen I think ....... but hey, anything is possible! and if you insist 'well the snip failed' they will just have to believe you or accuse you of an affair lol.

My only problem about doing the HT is I think the first holiday we will not tell people we are going abroad until the week before and just say we knew we were going abroad at some point that year but left it till the last minute to get a good deal and decide dates, as I think my mum would ask to come along! And then sneaking off to the clinic and hiding the meds would be a nightmare. So if it takes more than 1 cycle then trying to put my mum off from coming with us will be tough

Good thinking about the last minute holiday chocolate:agree:

Unfortunately, it has been too hard to hide my gender desire and every one around me knows how badly I want a girl. Mostly because I refuse to hold baby girls or go to girl baby showers. The first and last girl baby shower I went to, after having DS3, I ended up leaving in the middle of it because I couldn't contain the tears! And I'm pretty sure everyone knows why I suddenly left. However, for the last few months through some miracle, I find myself a little more excited to have 4 little boys, this is what my life is and this is what I know, and I have a pretty darn good life now, so adding a boy would be just fine. With that said, I will be extremely sad if I find out this one is a boy, for the simple reason that I will never experience or enjoy the mother daughter relationship. I will mourn the loss of my dream of a girl for a bit, but embrace my 4 of a kind! I have been telling everyone that I am ok with having 4 boys, I'm not sure they believe me though, but I'll just keep on saying it until they do!

Ugh I have big mouth and told every one! I regret it now because every one says "Oh you'll probably have another boy." or "I think it will be a boy"


I trying to stay positive though. I pray every day that I will get a girl the next one!

I like your idea of a whoopsie, chocolate! I'm not a very good liar tho and everyone would prob see straight through me haha and knowing my mil, she prob would accuse me of having an affair but she always has been a bit of a biatch lol

I also like your idea of the last minute holiday! Might have to pinch that idea!

Thorz300- hope you are UTD with your little girl!

Nope...not a soul would know I had a gender desire unless I told them. I truly didn't have any issues with having boys, I actually prefer boys on the whole. But I am really close to my mom and definitely felt the desire to have a daughter to potentially be close to as she grows (well, prolly not as a teenager ;) ). I think it was easy for me though, because my desire was not nearly as strong as it could have been. And we also always planned to have four children, regardless of gender. So if I had been having my third boy right now, I am sure my gender desire would have taken a sharp turn upward with our next pregnancy, since it was my "last chance." KWIM?

My mom knew I had a desire for a daughter. Like I said, we are really close. I have a friend who has three boys (four total if you include her first born who she gave up for adoption...she was too young) and she knows about my gender desire/swaying/potential for disappointment. I feel like she gets it. She wanted a daughter and is done having babies. So she was always a safe person who wouldn't judge me for my desires and wouldn't feel "sympathy" for me having another boy. She knows how great they are and loves her three boys to death. And then one other friend who suffered from GD with her second and last baby knows I had a small bit of GD with my second and likely would have had some this time around if I wasn't getting my DG.

But I see it as making it harder for people to know. They already make comments about "wow, three boys" or "you will have your hands full" or "I bet you want a girl" without being given ammunition to prove their stance. I maintained right up through the gender scan and even now that we would be thrilled if this baby was a boy. And, truthfully, I think I would have a moment of sadness (especially now that we were told girl twice) and I would be fine. My boys are rather amazing and I would feel lucky to have another just like them. But it doesn't mean I didn't want a girl. I am just lucky that I can hide my feelings and even make someone feel guilty for asking a rude question easily.

I will say, I can pick out gender desire/disappointment really easily in others though. Probably because I know the body language, the words to say, and the facial expressions about it. Because I experienced it. So I don't know how many people who are in the same place as me (desiring a gender) that I would have been fooling. But those who don't have a clue, I don't think would have suspected anything.

Frankly, it would serve someone right to ask about your husbands snip-snip in relation to a new baby. I would come up with a hugely ridiculous, elaborate story about semen surviving for years in the vas deferens of some men and how you husband is one of a million who has a separate storage space along the line and after the point of being snipped, etc, etc, etc. How the baby was such a surprise, etc. It would serve them right for asking ;)

That's a good point, I have always seemed to get on easier with boys than girls and enjoy the way that they play differently to girls etc. so I need to remember and appreciate that, I am one of these people though that always seems to compare what I have to others and think that everyone has a better happier life than me regardless of there family make up, something I need to work on I guess.

hotdogz- This is pretty much how I felt. We only ever planned on having 3 kids and I wanted 2 boys and a girl. I got my 2 boys so was really desperate for a girl for our 'last chance'.

I had a friend with 3 girls so we confided and vented to each other for the same reasons as you. Never got any judgement or sympathy and we both knew exactly how we were each feeling. Unfortunately, we aren't friends anymore so I have noone to talk to except for DH. And I feel as tho I have to limit how much I say to him about it tho because he is more than happy with our 3 boys and can't fully understand how I feel.

Yes! That's exactly why I keep it a secret too! Def don't want people to see that there "sympathy" is warranted. I am also very happy with my three boys but am just devastated that I was missing out on a daughter. I wish that I was able to make people feel rude for asking! I usually just nod and agree that it is a handful and then change the subject and hope its not too obvious.

Yep it is quite easy to pick up on gender disappointment in others. I am sure to never ask or say any of the comments that I have received because I know the position they are in!

Hahaha, wouldn't matter if they believed me or not because really, who is going to question a story like that lol I could actually have fun with this!

I feel like I could have just quoted your post and just say 'I agree with everything you are saying!' It's so strange being able to talk openly with people who understand exactly how I feel. I'm so used to biting my tongue and keeping my feelings hidden.

the only person that knows how badly i want a girl is dh, my best friend knows i would like a girl but she doesnt know just how desperately i want one.
after six boys people assume i am desperate for a girl anyway but i always say i love having boys and find them easier to deal with than any of my nieces etc.
i dont think anyone actually has a clue just how badly we want a little girl - no one but my best friend knows that we are ttc right now too

I have been commenting for years that I would only have another baby if it was a guaranteed girl. Unfortunately that is now backfiring on me. I did do one cycle of IVF/PGD that failed and now we are pregnant naturally after swaying. Very few people know I am pregnant but already one person has asked if its a girl because that's the only reason I would be having a baby.
Makes it a bit hard to convince people that I would be happy for a healthy boy. Even my kids have picked up on it asking for a sister and making comments that they have enough brothers.
Luckily this baby is likely to be a girl but it does worry me that my boys and everyone will think I am only happy with the baby because its a girl

Have you had a scan rkt?

Thats it isn't it, if we do have the opposite gender, then it also changes everything as people will just say other dumb things like 'I bet your so happy to finally get .....' and Id feel like being defensive to my boys, and I think I would feel soooooo guilty for ever having thoughts about wanting girls and being dissapointed to hear boy again etc. Gosh its not easy is it?!

Im going to be more careful to just seem happy and content with my boys but also not defensive and say things like 'boys are easier' etc as I think that makes people suspicious. Both me and my friend (we both have all boys) have said 'oh maybe thats harder because she s a girl' but we are quick to correct ourselves and say 'oh but our boys do this which is so hard' .....

I confided in my mother, which I now thoroughly regret. Not only does she have three girls (and two boys) and just doesn't get it at all, but now she worries about me all the time. And I'm pregnant with number four! I also confided in my sister, who has two grown boys, and totally gets it. BUT, I didn't tell a soul about trying HT, except for DH of course! And I am SO glad I kept it that way. I like that it was our little secret. If it had worked and I knew I was pregnant with a girl, I still wouldn't tell anyone. Since we got pregnant naturally after the HT failure, we didn't find out the gender. I'm 22 weeks now. I think you will get comments regardless of how much you share of your desire. So really it's up to your comfort level and how much you can tolerate of judginess vs. the support you might receive. Personally, if I could go back in time, I would not say anything to my mother, but still would have confided in my sister. Did not share with other sister (well, not my full desire) to whom I am also close, nor my closest friends as I just felt they would not understand.

Since I'm of, ahem, advanced maternal age now, I get an extra ultrasound. I'm planning to find out the gender then. I do feel that I need time to process (since I'm pretty sure it's a boy) and I don't want that feeling of disappointment in the delivery room. Now the pressure is off though bc no one will know that we found out. Plus, I don't have to go through a full 20 weeks of gd. It will be more like 8-10. Enough to process (I hope!) but I get to enjoy a little more hope during the pregnancy. And funnily enough, while nervous, now I'm kind of excited to find out.

I am not the type to have a good comeback (though I wish I could!), so mostly I just change the subject. No one has been outright rude but there is always a comment. I can sense gd a mile away, so I'm sure I'm not fooling anyone else with a gd radar. But the average person I don't think would pick up on just how strong my desire is.

Most everyone that knows me well knows that we really want a girl. Even people that aren't super close to us assumed that is why we were TTC again. It doesn't bother me when people ask if that's what is going on, because it is. I never feel that my boys feel disappointed or that I feel disappointed that they are boys. I don't think they realize anything about GD at all. Of course I will be happy with a happy and healthy baby overall. If/when I find out this one is a boy, I am sure that I will go through some tears as I will truly, TRULY know this is the last and my hopes of a girl are definietly gone.