Shocked with myself...

I am so disappointed in myself for feeling this way. I never pictured myself with boys to be honest. When I got pregnant the first time and found out it was a boy I was bummed but knew we'd try again. Once he was born he instantly became the light and love of my life.

He is 4 and I am 16 weeks pregnant. Everyone kept telling me it was a girl and I kept insisting it was a boy. I told everyone I didn't care and even though deep down I knew how terribly I wanted a girl I tried really hard to convince myself. After all I couldn't possibly love my son more. Last week I had an ultrasound and found definitely another boy. I am so embarrassed to admit I'm crushed. I had no idea I would feel this way. I feel terribly guilty and although we have already agreed to try one more time I am scared I'm not bonding with the baby.

I just wasn't expecting to feel this way. I knew I'd be disappointed by this is borderline depression. Please tell me this can be normal and I will move past it. I had so much girl stuff that I had saved for years and years even from High School. I got rid of most of it while bawling my eyes out.

I have a wonderful life full of amazing family and friends a healthy wonderful child with one on the way. Getting pregnant was so easy for me. I keep thinking that I have so much more than I deserve and no one gets everything they want. Even though we may try again I'm trying to find a way to let go of this dream and appreciate my wonderful life.

It's not working though and I'm a wreck of guilt disappointment and feeling so selfish.
Thanks for listening.... It's nice to get it out.

Every single one of us on this forum has felt this way or we would not be here. *hugs*

Your desire for a girl may not go away, but you will bond with and love your little boy, don't worry about that. And you will love seeing your boys together too - really there is nothing cuter than two little boys playing together. You are giving your DS1 a wonderful gift.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. It will get better!

We've all been there. We have an entire website and community dedicated to helping those like yourself.

It was the same for me. My first, I was bummed but moved past it but the second was a blow. I cried for a long time.

It gets better. I can see now that a same-gender sibling is about the best gift you can give your children(IMO). It is a blessing but like a lot of blessings, not one immediately seen or felt.

If you're open to more children, there's swaying or high tec gender selection via IVF. You will feel better with time and you've given your sons an incredible gift.

We understand though. It's a mourning for something you hope, wish and dream for and it can feel like a death of sorts. It does get better. Promise.

You are in good company. As the others said, we can all relate. Without question we are all super moms who love our babies to pieces, but at the same time we all long for a specific gender for a myriad of reasons.

Don't be hard on yourself, it doesn't help and what you are feeling is completely acceptable.

Do be selective about who you share these feelings with IRL as the majority of people are not able to separate our longing for a certain gender from our efforts as good mothers.

Mourn as you need to and know we all care and understand.

Don't give up on your dreams...anything is possible!!

Hugs mama!

I could have written every word of your post. I felt totally blind-sided by my emotions with the second half of my pregnancy with DS2. The good news is, once he is born, you will bond with him immediately. You will have already dealt with all of your guilt and depression and you'll see how you completely fall for him right away. And maybe you'll have a third! Try to enjoy the good parts of your pregnancy and his infancy, and don't worry - everything you are feeling is completely normal.

I also agree - I would not overshare with anyone in real life about what you are feeling. Even your closest friends might not understand. Come here and vent to us! That's why we're here!

Ugh I wrote a long reply I must not have done it right. I can't thank you enough for the support. I've been very careful not to share these feelings but its so important not to feel alone!

You remind me of me with DS2 all i can say is you will get over this. In my experience as the weeks went by it got better and better until when he was finally in my arms i was totally healed..

I so understand. Even though you want three alot rides on that second child. Because if it is what you were hoping for then you can just relax and be done with all those emotions and what ever will be will be for number three. But if it is not you face the very real possiblity that it might not happen for you and you may end up with three of the same. I was feeling like this when I got pregnant with number two. Then it turned out to be twin boys! I was very disapointed with myself because for a whole week I felt really depressed and lost all excitement for the pregnancy. But once that shock has worn off it gets easier and as your due date approaches you WILL be excited about meeting your baby boy. My boys turn one soon and they are so wonderful, I wouldn't change them for anything (but I must admit I did decide on the day of their scan that I probably would have one more because I was not ready to give up my dream)

That's the thing two was the original plan. As soon as we found out we both wanted a third :/ DH is secretly pretty bummed to. He confirmed it by sending me a link to the shettles method. I HATE that we are thinking about another pregnancy instead of enjoying this one. Once he is here I'm sure I will hate myself for these feelings but they are what they are I can't wish or rationalize them away. I'm trying to take the advice and not be so hard on myself. If I were talking to someone else in my shoes I would tell them feelings aren't right or wrong they just are. Allow yourself to have them and work through them without judgment. I know I'm not alone and that helps a lot :)

Had a window of feeling incredibly excited to meet him and hold him. In that moment I already knew I wouldn't change things if I could. The moment passed feeling awful again. But that was proof to me that this will go away and who knows maybe I am meant to have 3 children and that was the reason.

HUGS! I felt that way with DS4 and he was supposed to be my last baby. We decided to try one more time and I really thought I would hear boy. It will get better.

I'm going to echo everyone here and say I completely understand how you are feeling. FYI my depression was actually much worse with DS2 than with DS3 who I'm currently expecting. With DS2 I was worried I wouldn't bond with him, and that I couldn't possibly love another BOY the way I loved DS1. Well, DS2 is the BEST! I fell in love instantly in the hospital (something that didn't happen with DS1 for a while because he was colicky and I was a first time panicky mom) and he continues to amaze me. That has helped me accept DS3 - knowing I will undoubtedly feel the same when I meet him. I still have to mourn the DD I will never have and I am definitely nervous about a life FULL of boys (never pictured myself an all-boy mom), but know that once he's here our family will be complete, even if its not the family DH and I pictured.

It WILL get better! And at least your DH is on board for swaying with #3. Mine wasn't, and wouldn't take supps or do frequent release/abstain, but then was disappointed that DS3 wasn't a girl. ARGHHH - so frustrating

I would prefer to go the IVF guaranteed route next time but I really don't think he'd go for that. I know he would think it was wrong. Doesn't mean I may not still try and talk him into it ;)

On a whole I feel a little better its still really up and down. You nailed it though. I never saw myself with boys with DS 1 I bonded immediately but that's exactly how I feel like there is no way I will be able to love another boy the same. It was a fear even before I knew what it was that I'd never love another child as much but now that its another boy that fear is way worse :/

As hard as this may be to process right now, I can promise you that once you have your new baby it will be that much easier to separate your love for your DS2 and your longing for a DD.

They are two very distinct things and its only a matter of time before you and DH are able to clearly feel both emotions but not hold one set of emotions against the other.

Hope that makes sense...it what I went through with DD3. Wouldn't trade that monkey for the world, but once I had her I still longed deeply for a boy....

Hang in there honey, so many of us understand the despair and grief that can swallow a pregnancy once you find out you are not having your DG. You still have a lot to look forward to.

Thank you that made me cry it does feel like grief has swallowed my pregnancy. DH seems totally over it which is great I'm glad for him I wish I was too. And while I know thats a good thing I feel more alone now. Today is much worse than yesterday I guess that's how it goes..

It doesn't help that I can tell that friends and family aren't nearly as excited for me now. When they heard the gender I mostly got sad sighs. Wow 2 boys you'll go crazy all those comments

Fae - We're quite similar I think. I never imagined myself with boys either. I (and my mother for that matter) come from families of only girls, and it wasn't until DS1 that I discovered I hadn't even conceived of being pregnant with a boy! Now I've had 2 boys, who I love dearly, but the surreal nature of it still hits me sometimes.

I'm now nearly sure I want to try IVF/PGD for a 3rd, a girl, even though until DS2 I had only wanted 2 kids. I work FT and would continue to do so so this isn't a decision I'd take lightly.

One difference between us - I was team green, so heard no disappointed sighs. No one (acts) disappointed when the baby's a reality! Even if I hadn't been team green, I would've told the random askers that I was...I don't deserve even a second of pain from people who don't matter at all to me.

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Originally Posted by Fae

Thank you that made me cry it does feel like grief has swallowed my pregnancy. DH seems totally over it which is great I'm glad for him I wish I was too. And while I know thats a good thing I feel more alone now. Today is much worse than yesterday I guess that's how it goes..

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My DH was crushed too when we found out DD3 was another girl but he got over it really quick too. They just process things differently and move on faster than we do AND the big reality is they don't have a baby inside of them either!!!!

Hang in there, I PROMISE it will get easier in time. Just think about all of us who have been exactly where you are at and we are here to testify that it is all going to be ok.

Plan our your responses to people and tell yourself that all will be ok and soon enough it will be...fake it until you make it!!!

Big hugs for your hurting heart!!!

Feeling better for the most part. This site really helps. I still have fears and stabs of disappointment. But there are hints of excitement here and there.

DH is never going to go for HT. I will research and try swaying when the time is right. Distracting myself from thinking about how I SHOULD feel is the hard part. I know logically once he is in my arms the rest will away and into place. All this fear and worry is so annoying I wish I could force it away.

I appreciate all the understanding words I think I would be in a darker place had I not found a safe place to talk about this!

I thought shopping would really help going out and buying cute clothes. Nope I can't stand seeing girl clothes makes my stomach drop. Some of this has to applified by hormones I feel insane :/

You're not insane - even without preggo hormones I feel the same at times. It depends on the day, I've found, and how resilient I feel overall (mood, sleep, exercise etc). I like to shop online - I can filter for just boy clothes. Gymboree is expensive but they have tons of sales and super cute clothes. Janie and Jack outlets are my other fave. I adore their boy clothes!!

Oh shopping is the worst with GD. I used to design clothes for a girls' clothing brand and always thought I'd be dressing my girls in my designs (or similar ones anyway, since I "retired" when I had kids). I have a good friend who struggled to even get pg and is having a girl in Sept and I know I SHOULD go buy her some cute girly things but whenever I start to look at the girl section at Baby Gap I get that sick feeling in my stomach and have to leave. So far all I've bought her are books. I too mainly shop for my boys online (mostly out of convenience) and it saves me the heartache of seeing all the great girl stuff out there...

I am in a very similar position to you. I have a 3 year old son and another on the way. I was secretly hoping for a girl, but DH and our son wanted a boy so bad that I thought everything would be fine either way. I did not realize the disappointment I would feel after hearing "boy". I immediately started looking into swaying and dream about having a girl almost every night. I really want to move past this, I am honestly excited about my son but wish I could suppress this feeling that I have to have a girl.

I'm sorry to hear your dealing with it too... I want it to go away as well.. Looking into the swaying info has been a great distraction. Focusing on how I wish I felt doesn't help. It makes me panic so I am trying distraction for now. It makes it harder for us in a way because we didnt expect to feel dissapointed. Hoping it passes for us both soon! I'm hopeful it's partially hormones

For me DS1 was the worst. I really really wanted a girl and had a boy. DS2 I was totally expecting it so when I heard 'its a boy' I wasn't in the least shocked as I'd kind of prepared myself for it. I knew how much I loved having DS1 so I assumed I'd feel the same. I can tell you DS2 is the most amazing baby boy I have ever met - so gentle, sweet and seriously has stolen my heart all over again! And like someone else mentioned, the best thing you can give your child is a sibling of the same gender! I never realized how much this would impact how I feel but my two boys are so in love with each other and it's so amazing to see that bond form. I feel like it also takes the pressure off me to be super 'boyish' as they both are completely entertained by each other. Once you meet this baby and he grows and you see your two boys loving on one another you will be SO happy you had a second boy. I'm pregnant with #3 and we aren't finding out this time, but I'm fully prepared for boy and actually a little excited to add another to the gang! Don't let peoples annoying comments bother you - I go out of my way to say "I'm so happy I have boys, I didn't really want a girl anyways" so shut them up. That has by far been the worst for me. I'm happy with my life, but every time someone makes a stupid girl comment it annoys me and I have to make a point to NOT let it bother me. "It's not about NOT getting what you wanted, it's about wanting what you got" - that quote has helped me in the past for sure! All the best!