GD is Destroying My Marriage

I'm going for an early gender scan in 11 days to find out what I'm having. My sway was pretty good and for a while I started to feel like I had a good shot at getting a girl. When I was pg with DS, I was convinced I was having a girl at first, but then a few weeks before my ultrasound I got really scared and upset that I could be having a boy, and then when I heard boy at the ultrasound it felt like my whole world came crashing down. I'm having that feeling again, that I am having another boy and I don't think I am going to be able to deal with that. My GD was very extreme with DS and now it feels like it's starting back up all over again.

We don't have the money for HT as DH's student loan debt by itself will take us a lifetime to pay back. I've spent the bulk of this morning crying, and the emotions are getting so much worse.

My biggest problem though is DH. He really doesn't understand my GD and it makes him very angry. I am truly terrified that if we find out we're having another boy and I have a complete emotional breakdown (like I think I'd have) that he'll end up wanting to divorce me and then I don't know what I would do. I have tried so hard to talk with him about how I feel and he just doesn't understand it. He doesn't want to understand it either. I don't want my marriage to be destroyed, but at the same time I can't change the way my heart feels. DH will be furious with me if all I do is cry for the rest of this pregnancy. He won't stick around and will go off on his usual rant that I should be grateful for a healthy child, which only makes me feel even worse.

I really feel like I'm headed for a mental breakdown and at this point, I can truly say that I regret swaying and getting pregnant again at this point. I was really naive and dumb and didn't believe that an opposite would be possible for me this time around. I feel like I'm staring down the barrel of a gun right now and my marriage and family life are going to suffer terribly if I'm not having a girl this time around.

On the other hand though...I HAD to do SOMETHING. I was suffering terribly from GD even after my son's birth and since we can't afford HT, swaying as all we could do. I couldn't continue to live with the pain of not having a daughter, so I swayed and prayed a lot and rolled the dice, and now here I am.

It wasn't my intention to make anyone feel bad about anything and I hope I didn't offend anyone. I can't talk about my feeling IRL and truth be told, I have been having really dark thoughts lately. I know this isn't healthy and yes, I really do need some help but I have no where else to turn to get it right now. I don't have a doctor I can talk with about this and I don't want to rock the boat at home too much so to speak as DH is always angry with me anymore. Thanks for listening. My heart is completely broken right now and I don't have anywhere else to turn. I shouldn't be tasked with trying to brace myself for another painful round of extreme GD on top of the fear of losing my husband and my family in the process. :broken:

Oh hunni (((hugs))) I haven't posted on the main forums much, but I just couldn't read & run on this one.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Please know that you are not alone. I think everyone on this site has experienced feelings like this at least once, or we would not be here.

I know you said you didn't want to talk to your doctor, but is it possible to go to him/her and ask to be referred to a counsellor?...you wouldn't have to go into detail with your doc- maybe just say you are going through a hard time at home and are worried about extra stress while being pregnant?...or if you don't feel comfortable doing that or talking to DH, what about your mum or a very close friend who you can trust to listen and support you?... if you don't feel comfortable talking to someone else, know that you can come on here to chat/vent anytime.

I am so sorry that you feel you might be heading for a breakdown...I have been there in the past (for different reasons) and I can say from experience that IF that happens (and that's one gigantic IF) you will get through it. Its really a horrible place to be, but it does get gradually easier...and I found the one positive thing about it was it forced me to look at what was really important in my life and all the good things I had to focus on, and really gave me a sense of perspective.

FWIW though, I read your sway and I think you have a great chance of pink!...I will keep everything crossed for you and pray pray pray :pray: you hear girl....don't give up yet!!

....and IF you hear boy, take your time to deal with your feelings, and vent away here!...you will not be disloyal in any way to your baby, only grieving for a dream of pink, which is a completely separate thing to the love you will have for your child... and know that you will love him so much your heart will burst when he arrives.

Hope you feel better soon, it may be you are just feeling a bit overwhelmed and emotional today (remember pg hormones are not kind on our emotions!)...I do hope you feel a bit better tomorrow x
:bighug:

Coralsky - Thank you so much for taking the time to write a response. I really appreciate the help and kind words you offered.

I haven't discussed my GD with any medical professionals because it seems that not many of them understand GD and from reading other posts on here and the other site, not a lot of people get a sympathetic or understanding person when they seek therapy for GD. My DH, mother, sister, friends I've talked with about it (not many IRL) do not understand my feelings at all. I'm very much the odd man out in a lot of my social groups - the vast majority have girls so they don't know what it's like to not know if you'll ever have the love of a daughter. :( Hence I vent my frustrations here and on my blog I set up on this site too.

If I do have a breakdown, it wouldn't be the first time it happened to me. I've survived all of them and came out better off as a result. However, I feel like the stakes are so much higher right now because I don't want my marriage to fail, and DH just doesn't understand what I'm going through every day.

If we hear girl next Friday, no it won't solve our marriage problems but it will certainly solve my huge GD problem and that in itself will make my life much easier and happier. I won't be living in an impenetrable black fog and I'll be in a much better position to address the issues in my marriage and talk with DH about what's wrong and work on solutions.

PG hormones certainly are not helping anything for me. That's yet another thing DH doesn't understand. It's the huge lack of understanding here that's putting our marriage under even more pressure right now.

I just want to fix my marriage and healing my GD will be a HUGE step in the right direction. However, if my GD gets much much worse if my sway failed...that's going to make things even worse in my marriage.

I really appreciate the prayers for pink - believe me I need em right now. I probably will feel better tomorrow. DS just went down for another nap and now that he's not screaming at me I feel a bit calmer. Thanks again for the comfort. :HH:

First I want to send you huge hugs just to hope that you realise you are not alone. You are not a bad person for wanting a daughter, hell I want my children to travel the world, never get sick, be really rich and successful, find true love, never have a day of loneliness in their lives and never get hurt. Shit, I don't know a single person who could honestly say that ALL they wanted was for their kids to be healthy at birth. Load of balls!!

That aside, of course you feel emotional!! Soon you find out for sure if you are having pink or blue, I so hope y9ou hear pink lovely but if you don't you will get a special prize instead - your little man will get a baby brother to love and share his childhood with. While you may not feel like it, your little superhero would much prefer a brother to grow up with!! I guess what I mean is that no matter how it turns out or how shit you feel, everything WILL be ok.

Sorry, words are so inadequate for how much we feel. I am about to ttc in the hopes of pink and the thought of hearing blue makes me bawl my eyes out so I do get it! Oh and I think men are so useless with anything to do with babies I really do! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm not sure i have anything to add that can help but just wanted to say i was thinking of you. I remember that early fear so well and the not knowing makes everything all the more worse. I genuinely felt i stood a chance until i fell pregnant and then it was like that had been taken away to but we couldn't do ht and adoption was not an option and i needed one more chance too (i knew i could love another boy but i also knew i needed a daughter and that whilst i would be ok with an opposite i struggled to know how to cope with the loss of a dream - but then if you don't try, you won't get!).

My husband tried to understand but i really don't think they can, no-one can unless they have genuinely experienced GD, logic and normal emotion do go out of the window - yes the health of the baby is most important but when your that bogged down its hard to see things with a clear perspective. Try not too be too harsh on him he will inevitably be feeling a bit helpless by it all and guilty that he potentially can't make it happen for you, worried by what could happen etc and is maybe just trying to make things easier on you by getting you to see the positives - i know it doesn't help you but he is maybe just dealing with it in the only way he knows how.

I really hope you hear pink but whatever happens we will be here if you want to chat and above all i hope the knowledge brings you some peace either way

I'm so sorry...I don't have great advice to add but I did want to say I think your sway was awesome! I think you did everything in your power and now it's up to God to meet you have way. I know what you mean when you think you have a chance before you get pregnant and then when you actually get that much wanted BFP your mind starts wondering who's in there? I think those feelings are totally normal!!! It's like you took the biggest test and you feel like you got all the right answers but then again you haven't gotten the test back so what if.....!

I know when my gender scan comes up I'm going to be soooo nervous too I think it's best for me to live in the "maybe it's a girl" dream for as long as possible.

I am praying you have a sweet pink bundle in there!

Either way this site and all the women on here are going to be here for you! You are not alone at all! So hold on to that too!

Prayers for pink!

I'm so sorry you feel this way. We are possibly having our 3rd girl and my dhs brother has 3 girls and both my parents and Dh parents have no grandsons so I had and have so much pressure on me that this must be a boy.....not that I can do anything about that myself. I really don't want to keep having kids every few years to keep having girls and Dh will not stop he said unless he gets a boy. I'm so overwhelmed. I just keep praying an hoping that something will happen now or next baby because I do not more than 4. I can relate to you. Stay strong. Cry out to God and believe.

Wow. I am so thankful to all of you who responded. I was working last night and wasn't able to answer until now but thank you all so much for your kind words and thoughts.

HopefulMonster - I thought your post was funny and you got me laughing about how people are hypocrites who say they "just want a healthy baby" because it really IS a "load of balls" as you say, LOL! Men really *are* useless with babies by and large. I am buying my son a toy baby doll when the baby is closer to the due date so I can show him how to hold and take care of a baby. If he learns at a young age, maybe he'll be more likely to help out if he has children of his own someday. Most of all though, like you said, no matter what happens to us in life everything really WILL be OK. Time heals all wounds if you give it time.

Mrs.P - thank you again for another kind and helpful post. What you described with your pregnancy is what I'm going through now. There's that hope that you can conceive your DG, and then it was like after I was pg for a while I started to become very afraid that I conceived another boy.
I find that most people really can't understand GD unless they themselves experience it. I don't think I've been hard on DH at all, I just try to explain how I feel and he gets angry with me. Objectively, I don't know if I can blame him for being angry with me because he doesn't feel the way I do...but I wish he'd try to be a bit more understanding about it or at least try not to get angry with me.

Soar - thank you for your post. I really do feel like I went as far as I personally could go with swaying. I truly do need God to meet me half way here, but I know from other swayers that sometimes God decides for whatever reason not to allow someone's sway to work. That's what scares me so much right now. The test analogy you gave is a good one for swaying. However, I've seen some sways where they seem to have done so many things the "right" way, but the sway still fails for whatever reason. I'm very afraid that could be what happens in my case. I do think the odds are in my favor for pink, but there's always that 1 in 10 chance you could pull the lone blue marble out of the sack that contains 9 other pink marbles, KWIM? Thank you so much for the prayers - I am praying for you and the other ladies on here that we all get the bundles of pink or blue that our hearts desire.

Alyssasmom - your story has been inspirational to me. I can only imagine the pressure you must be feeling right now. I do hope that perhaps your ultrasound was wrong, or perhaps you may be able to have a 4th child? I am following your post on that sperm spinning place and am strongly considering going there for our next child regardless of whether or not my sway fails or works. I definitely want 2 girls and those odds are good for pink - and even better for blue for you! Good luck with everything and please keep in touch with me so we can stay up to date with each other's progress. I have cried out to God, and I know that no matter what happens for both of us, God will never abandon us and will always be right beside us in good times and bad.

So an update - I had a dream last night that I had an ultrasound done (I was much further along in my pregnancy in the dream) and I was told I was having a little girl. I am starting to feel a bit better (although I realize that lots of people have had dreams where they get one gender, but find out they're having the other) but for right now the dream brought me some peace, so I'm going to take it and say thank you. DS is also not screaming at me today so they day is off to a better start so far. :)

Thanks again for all the kind words from all of you. I do feel much better now and more hopeful that things are going to get better between me and DH. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Hi BG4M, just dropped in to check if you had posted again from yesterday and I am so so glad you are feeling a little better today....and I know exactly what you mean about your little one's mood affecting you, you are certainly not alone there!...it always amazes me how much my DS's mood affects me....when he being moany and crying all the time, all the other issues/problems in my life seem 10 times worse, but then when I hear the magic "giggling fits" he has now & then, all other problems seem to fade away, and I feel so truly happy & blessed!...it really is incredible how much our little ones can affect our moods....if only they knew what power they have! (although prob best if they don't realise LOL!)

I am astonished by what you said about medical professionals not being understanding re GD....I didn't know that others had gone to counsellors and had bad experiences, I think that's appalling!!!...I thought counsellors were supposed to be trained in being objective, non-judgemental, and understanding no matter what the issue was, and I am so sad to hear otherwise.
Well, at least we have this wonderful website and all the ladies on it who are so supportive and truly understand.

I do know what you are saying about people IRL not really understanding, and unless they have felt it themselves I don't think they truly *can* understand it. I have only talked to DH, my parents, and 2 very close friends about my true feelings, and whilst I am v lucky that they all listen & support me as best as they can, I think its only my mum who truly understands....even tho she obviously has a daughter (me lol!) she originally wanted 5girls, and ended up having 1girl+1boy....but also her sister and 3 of her close friends all had only boys, and I think all of them (at least 2 out of the 4, I know for a fact anyway) all had GD over having no girls, and that was obviously years ago when no one had heard of swaying or PGD. Also on the other side of my family, there are 2sisters who each had 2boys...one of whom was perfectly happy with her boys and had no GD, but the other had terrible post-natal depression when her DS2 was born...obviously this was years ago too, when it was not possible (or at least not widely available) to find out gender prior to birth, and given that this was the 4th child born in the family at the time (others all being boys) I think she set herself up for huge disappointment, as she thought her "odds" were that she "had" to have a girl that time!....she fully admits that she had a terrible time, and even "hated" others who got a girl...but now all of these ladies are grandmothers and all have at least 1 DGD (darling grand-daughter) and they all say that the love they now feel for their DGD has more than made up for the GD they had having only sons....anyway I am rambling now, but my point is GD is not a new thing!....we are not the first to feel this way, and certainly wont be the last. And at least we have to be grateful that there are some things that can be done through swaying (even for those of us who cant do PGD for whatever reason) to at least improve our chances, and feel we have done all we can to try & fulfil our dream of raising our DG.

As far as DH is concerned I think it is so true what hopeful monster was saying about men just not getting it!!...my DH certainly doesn't although I am lucky that he tries to help as much as he can, even though he doesn't really share my feelings (or certainly not to the same extent!) but I do always wonder if *some* men may feel a bit differently if they had lots of girls and no boys, and were desperate for a son!...I also wonder if your DH is secretly angry at himself because he feels he "potentially" cant fix this for you??...I think that in general men always want to "fix" things rather than just listening and understanding; when often we want the latter, not the former, from them (if you have ever read the book "men are from mars, women are from venus" you will know what I mean- that book had me in stitches at times, all of it so true!), I also find it sometimes helps me when my DH is getting frustrated with me, to remind him that I don't WANT to feel like this, but I just cant help it....if I said I "wasn't bothered" about potentially never having a daughter, I would be lying....but that doesn't mean that *if* that happens, it would be the worst thing ever, just that I believe that if didn't at least *try* for what I really want out of life, I would never get it!...KWIM??

Anyway, I am so glad you are feeling better, you were in my thoughts so much last night....and I really hope you and DH can work through any issues, and that hopefully he may be a little more supportive.
And I will keep you in my prayers for pink too! I really think you have a great chance at a DD!!...but either way, I think it will get easier once you know the gender, even if it is not the news you are hoping for, I think that it will be easier to deal with your feelings once you know for sure....maybe this is just me, but I always find in so many things in life that the "not-knowing" (or "limbo-land") is worse than potentially getting *bad* news....at least once you know what you are dealing with, in most cases- I find it easier to work through it & move on.

Please keep us updated with your scan, and how you are feeling about it all, and feel free to chat anytime if it helps at all.

:pray::XX:

Your post hit me as it hit so many others. We ladies here are in many ways real soul-sisters;) I like to picture the globe at night with thousands of tiny lights spread all over, in clusters and far apart, each being one of us "lonely" with our dreams, but connected here. Its so good not to be completely alone;) Hugs to you all!
Mathilde

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Originally Posted by Mathilde

Your post hit me as it hit so many others. We ladies here are in many ways real soul-sisters;) I like to picture the globe at night with thousands of tiny lights spread all over, in clusters and far apart, each being one of us "lonely" with our dreams, but connected here. Its so good not to be completely alone;) Hugs to you all!
Mathilde

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What a beautiful and comforting thought Mathilde. Thank you so much!

Coralsky - thanks for your follow up post. I am doing okay-ish today. I'm grateful that the not knowing ends in 8 days from now for me...but I'm still afraid. DS has been so miserable lately and it's not helping things at all. I'm sure that's why I've been so on edge lately.

It is sad that some medical professionals don't understand GD, nor care to understand it. From what I've read, it sounds like people seeking help for GD (no where near as severe as mine I think) basically get lumped into a category where they are convinced that you were abused as a child and the GD is a result of that. I really don't think a counselor will help me because the only thing that will cure my GD is getting a daughter. Talk therapy is not going to make me feel better about not having one so I pray that the news will be good for me when I go for my scan.

I'm sure GD is not a new thing at all, but I think in this day and age as we as society continue to lift the veil around topics considered "taboo" so to speak, people are starting to be a little more open and honest about it.

Personally I don't think DH is angry at himself because of our last baby being a boy at all or he can't "fix" this. He is convinced this baby is a girl so he kind of already sees this as a non issue and is confident we'll hear girl next Friday. As for me, I really don't know. Some of the OWTs are pointing toward boy, others toward girl. Deep in my heart I'm so afraid of this baby still I really don't know what to think.

I guess at this point, what I really *want* to do is find out I'm having a daughter, put GD behind me once and for all, and start working on making my marriage better and focusing energy on what I care about instead of feeling completely horrible and worthless as a human being because I am missing my daughter so badly.

I will definitely post the results and pictures of my scan, good or bad, as soon as I possibly can. Probably Friday night but the following Tuesday at the latest depending on our traveling schedule. We'll be out of town for a few days. Thanks again coralsky - you are a very kind and compassionate person. I really appreciate your kindness.

BG4me...I was out of town when you posted this thread in this forum, so I only got to read it last night. Many hugs for you....and I pray that you do hear girl.
I am waiting for an u/s next Tuesday, just to make sure that baby is ok, it is stressful being patient!! I too know the emotional toll that gender expectations and pregnancy loss have taken on our marriage...but have hope and faith that you will come through it stronger.

Fingers crossed for a speedy week and dreams of pink!!!!

Hi BG4M, I read your post yesterday, but my internet has been playing up loads so never got a chance to reply.

So glad you are doing a little better, and I am hoping your DH has a sixth sense or maybe "male intuition" about the baby's gender!....I cant believe you will know in 1wk....although I know 7days must seem like an eternity at the moment!!...I will keep praying & crossing fingers, legs & toes for you to hear pink, and please do let us know as soon as you can.

I am at the moment in 2ww from 1st attempt, and it seems like an eternity too so I know how bad the waiting game is!!...Mind you IF I get BFP (which I suppose is unlikely first try) then I will probably be climbing the walls and counting the days/hours/minutes until I can find out gender too LOL!!

If I had any pink dust I would send you it!!...but will send some sticky pink vibes instead!!....good luck & fingers crossed xxx

Oh Ladybugs you are such a sweetheart. Thanks so much for your well wishes. I hope everything goes great at your scan and hopefully you'll have some girly looking nubs to post to the ultrasound forum! I think DH and I are going to be OK in the end no matter what happens, but one road will be much more smooth sailing than the other...so I'm praying for the smooth sailing road with a pink bundle in the future. He's been in a better mood because he has some time off work coming up.

Coralsky - thanks again for another post. I am starting to feel a bit better. At this point, the way I see it, I'll know in 6 days. That in itself is helping me feel better. The waiting game is almost over.Sorry to hear you're in 2WW land. Did you sway? I was a OHW and totally didn't expect it as I used Aci-Jel pretty close to our attempt and expected BFN that month, but turned out I got a BFP. I ate a lot of good food that day after months of LE, LOL. Thanks again and fingers crossed for you too for a BFP! <3

BG4me....I will be lucky Tuesday if they let me watch the screen...with DS2, I had 2 early scans due to bleeding and it was against policy to see the screen and I had to wait until 19 weeks to see him. He was amazing then and even more so now....I was BLESSED over and over with my DS2!!!! I will find out in about 9-10 weeks if my sway worked, but I am choosing to let go of the pink dream and if it happens, I would be over the moon, and if not....my little Christmas star will join us. I am trying so hard to not let worry that something is amiss with my little one...so I am choosing to live in the moment this weekend especially.

Little pink brick road.....you will know so soon!!!

Hi BG4M, yes I did sway, I have a personalised plan, and atomic has been fab at supporting & helping me...we did do quite a few tactics 1st month tho...so I am thinking a BFP is unlikely! I am 9dpo (I think, or possibly only 8dpo) and no BFP yet, but it is early...but I really don't think its going to happen this month...that's ok though, as then I can decide which tactics to drop & which to keep next month...I should know for definite one way or the other by the time you have your scan, fingers crossed for both of us xxx

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Originally Posted by coralsky

Hi BG4M, yes I did sway, I have a personalised plan, and atomic has been fab at supporting & helping me...we did do quite a few tactics 1st month tho...so I am thinking a BFP is unlikely! I am 9dpo (I think, or possibly only 8dpo) and no BFP yet, but it is early...but I really don't think its going to happen this month...that's ok though, as then I can decide which tactics to drop & which to keep next month...I should know for definite one way or the other by the time you have your scan, fingers crossed for both of us xxx

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I didn't think I'd get BFP my 1st month either but here I am! Hope you get lucky and have a sticky PINK bean in there now.

Thanks to all you lovely ladies for being such good friends! We're going out of town for a few days so I'll be offline but thinking of all of you! :HH:

Huge (((hugs))), my heart aches for you gals with strong gender pref. from the first baby because I just hate it that you don't ever get to have the pregnancy excitement free from GD.

I have a good friend who had terrible GD with her first son and what she said is, "I don't think having a daughter will make me be happy, but I do think that I will never be happy without a daughter."

My take has always been that happiness is what you make of it, but I agree that it can be REALLY hard when your husband is not even a little bit supportive of GD. It's hard not to compare when you see people with husbands willing to go through a lot for their wives to get their DG, but at the same time, I always try to see it from their perspective as well and think, well, if my husband was super upset over having a daughter I would be upset and feel justified in it as well. I think it's hard not to take it personally when our spouse doesn't want the offspring that is the same gender that we are if that makes any kind of sense.

I hope that you ahve a girl of course, but I do want to let you know, having two boys is really AWESOME - I've done it twice now and both times it has been rewarding. You are at a hard point with a toddler right now, I promise it gets easier and as they turn into people it is a lot easier going.

I was just thinking the other day how much I dislike the toddler years, and I got my DD!! It isn't any easier just because it's a girl, there's still the crying and throwing fits and getting into everything from about 9 months - 3 1/2 or so. I think a lot of these feelings are just pregnancy hormones and the normal strugges that we all go through with little ones.

Hi BabyGirl4Me,
I can COMPLETELY understand what you are going through and you shouldnt feel bad - we can't control the way we feel! I have been down your road and to be honest I could have written it myself! Its hard with the DH because they are like your best friend and you want to be able to confide in them, but its hard when they dont understand. Maybe one way to get around the crying thing is to just explain that your hormones are raging and uncontrolable and that you don't even know why you're upset! Also, running around after other kids is tiring without being pregnant, which can set you off more too!
I had GD when I was pregnant with my DS2 as all my pregnant friends had girls second time round and I was the ONLY ONE having a second boy. I found that quite hard - until, my DS2 personality started to shine. Boy oh boy what a fantastic delight he is!! HE makes me so so happy and is just a little cracker. I couldnt and wouldn't want to imagine life without him. Also, the way he and DS1 play together melts my heart. Certainly wouldn't be the same bond with different genders. I now will forever feel guilty at my GD as I wouldnt trade in having two boys for anything in the world.
If you have swayed girl, then the odds are on that you have done something more than 50% to help your chances. At the moment it is all just apprehension. And without having met he/she it is easy to have other weird feelings like GD - but, i can assure you, even if you have a boy, and you suffer GD for the REST of the pregnancy-you would LOVE having two boys.
As Atomic said - its just awesome!!
I will keep my fingers crossed for you that you hear girl - pls update us. And feel free to vent as much as you need. All of us here understand, or we wouldn't be here in the first place!!
Take Care and try not to beat yourself up. xxx

Atomic - thank you so much for taking the time to write a heartfelt response to my post. I know how busy you are and thank you so much on behalf of myself and the other women here dreaming pink and blue. If it wasn't for your amazing customized plan, I truly don't think I'd have a snowball's chance of hearing pink this Friday, so thank you so much for all you do.

I hate to say it, but to tell the truth, I've yet to be excited about this pregnancy for even a minute. All it's been is anxiety and stress and worry. I know this isn't good for me or baby but I can't seem to help it. I keep trying to change my thoughts but to no avail.

Your friend was right about how a daughter won't make me happy. But I also can't be happy unless my daughter appears. My life/family will never ever be complete until she is in it. GD takes most the joy out of being a Mom and having a family for me. I have been praying so hard that it is going to all stop on Friday.

I do understand where you're coming from about how you would feel upset if your DH was upset about having a girl. If the shoe were on the other foot though and we had a DD and DH was aching inside for a DS, I would have been willing to do a lot more to try and help him achieve his goal of having a DS. I also wouldn't be laughing at him and telling him to go see a shrink. He really just doesn't understand how I'm feeling and he doesn't listen to me. It has been making things harder for me.

This is a hard age with my DS. He has been terrible lately and DH and I have about had it with him. I am actually starting to worry if he has issues with language/comprehension or if he's just too strong willed to listen to us. I don't know. I hope he calms down soon.

To Jen: Thanks for leaving a response to me too. This has been a much much harder pregnancy for me than the last one. I am so emotional and upset about everything these days.

GD has put such a strain on my marriage since the day we found out DS was a boy. DH and I used to be so happy together. Now I feel like I spend every day trying to avoid stepping on land mines and starting another argument, and so much of it is around the family dynamic of his family which is very girl centric if that makes sense. They have a lot more girls and I just seethe with jealousy at the girl toys and outfits. I am so sick of it and can't take it anymore. I hate feeling so left out and hence, so...worthless.

DS' outbursts are not helping things for me right now and I truly can't imagine having 2 little boys. I truly don't think I can cope with that right now and I know everyone says two boys are wonderful, but I just don't see it. :( Sorry, I know you're only trying to help. I'm glad having 2 boys worked out for you. I don't believe I'd be so lucky. Part of it is just my own bad attitude. I guess I don't want to change my mind or open my heart to the idea of another boy. The GD hurt so bad with DS, and still does, and I don't want to be hurt again. I am sorry, I know this sounds terrible and makes me sound like a horrible person.

I have recently decided that I'm going to start being more honest with myself and a bit kinder and gentler toward myself and stop apologizing for feeling the way I feel and just being honest so I don't have to keep burying the pain inside myself just to shield others from things. It's like a new coping mechanism for me I guess. I truly feel like I'm about to reach my breaking point, and I am very afraid right now.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BabyGirl4Me

I have recently decided that I'm going to start being more honest with myself and a bit kinder and gentler toward myself and stop apologizing for feeling the way I feel and just being honest so I don't have to keep burying the pain inside myself just to shield others from things. It's like a new coping mechanism for me I guess. I truly feel like I'm about to reach my breaking point, and I am very afraid right now.

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That is the first step in taking better care of yourself. In all my experiences in life I have decided the MOST important thing is taking good care of myself and my needs. It makes me a better mother, better wife, and an overall better person.

Hang in there mama, things will change soon enough, thank goodness!!!

i know what you're feeling hun - i am having my 7th boy
my dh just doesnt get it, i want a girl so bad my heart is broken
he says he wants a girl too but he gets angry with me when i get upset about this baby being a boy.

i never had a mother daughter bond with my own mother as both my parents abandoned me as a child and i was raised by my grandparents who i wasnt close to either
all my sister in laws have girls or are having girls and are constantly made a big deal of and here i am with "too many boys" that people think it's a joke
no one gets excited for us when i am pregnant because they know "it's just another boy" anyway

i just wish hubby would understand how i am feeling but i know he will never understand as was done after our first 2 and would have happily settled with the 2 boys we had at the time and left it at that.
everytime we argue he brings up how he never wanted all these boys and its my fault we have 6 and another on the way.

hope hope and pray you will get your little girl - it's an awful feeling knowing you will never get the one thing you want most.

I understand what you are feeling, and it's okay. I don't think men really get gender dissapointment, unless they truely want one over the other. At 16 wks I found out that dd2 was a girl. I thought I was going to have a boy, because my pregnacy was 100% differant than dd1 and I also had regretfully gotten a bunch of psychic readings that also told me boy. I was so dissapointed I cried, then for the next month I spend at least an hour a day looking for US pics at 16 weeks that looked like hers that turned into a boy. I would convince myself that if I turned the US pic just right, it looked like she had boy parts because the pic didn't clearly show the usual three lines. Then at 21 weeks I found out that I had a 2 vessel cord, which then put me at high risk, and I learned I would have to go to the dr's every two weeks for a NST and have more US's to check her growth. After that, all I wanted was a healthy girl. It didnt matter that she was a girl, just as long as she was healthy and had all of her major organs. Atfer she was born I regretted feeling mad about having another girl. My dd's are 19 mon apart and they are wonderful together. You will get past this. Hopefully you will get your girl.