Are you happy with your decision or do you kind of wish you would of stuck with the 3? We just found out we are having our 3rd boy. We are talking about maybe trying again one last time for a girl. But I am worried I might regret it. I would love your honest opinions.
I am happy with trying but that is only cause I wanted another baby and didn't just have one to get a certain gender.... Yes I wanted a girl... Yes I swayed as hard as I could... But I knew it was not a guarentee and when I was told he was a boy there was not one spec of sadness just happiness
Oh I'm sorry to hear that but congrats on a baby boy!!!!
I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever. I adore my 4th son and our lives are full of fun and excitement. The boys play very well together and entertain each other all the time.
No regrets for me either! Even when they told me this baby was a boy! For the 6 weeks I thought she was a boy, I was still excited to meet "him" and the thought of 4 little boys was actually quite exciting for me. Now that I know she is a girl, I can say without a doubt we are done with having children, and our little family is complete and as it should be.
in my personal opinion the gd you feel with your third is the worst (or at least it was for me and seems to have been for a lot of moms on here), the third really makes you face up to the fact that it may never happen for you - although luckily and again in my experience it results in the sweetest little person that you cannot help but fall for (don't get me wrong i love all my kids equally but my third does have a special hold on my heart). I went into this pregnancy knowing it was most likely to be another boy and although i really struggled with that once i'd gotten my bfp (as it mean't admitting to myself that my chance had gone as 4 was absolute max for us - even though i love being a mommy and would have another tomorrow its not realistic) i went into cause i wanted another baby as well as a last chance.
This time it seems the odds were in my favour (although i think its more likely thanks to my strong clomid sway than luck but you never know - i do however believe i got what i was mean't to get) and i am getting my daughter but there are still times when i wonder if i have done the right thing having 4 (not that i'm giving her back!). Its a lot of pressure financially and the house and car are too small and i sometimes wonder is it the right thing by my boys just to achieve something i so selfishly wanted. Above all i worry about the effect on my littlest as we are sooooo close and now he will have to share me.
I do genuinely believe i would have been ok with another boy though, whereas i could not honestly say that before i had my third, it took me a long time to realise with him that the longing i had for a girl was separate to my feelings for him and that i could love another boy. I hit rock bottom with him and it took me months to accept and come to terms with him - luckily i found out early on and as guilty as i feel for the things i thought they were not to my little boy (just to the idea of a third little boy), i loved my little boy from the minute i met him as i had time to sort my head out first. This time i knew i was not going back there again and could love another son and i knew i wasn't ready to be done yet, i wanted another baby - although yes i would have had to face the GD of not ever having a daughter but i felt much better prepared to handle it again.
Either way the fourth would not be an easy ride, if its another boy you would of course have lost the dream (and although you'd love him you would have to fact that), if its a girl its not an easy ride either - i've been so worried all the way through something will happen to her or to my boys cause i too happy and too lucky and i have felt every emotion from guilt to fear and still struggle to even believe she is a girl and enjoy it - but then that could just be me!
I suppose the question at the end of the day for you is, a - how much do you want a daughter? (and can you grow old knowing you had the option but passed it up?) and b - do you regret any of your sons (although even typing i'm sure you'll screaming NO!!!!!! - you may have gd when you hear boy for a 4th time but i have never known anyone admit to regretting THEIR actual child)
Maybe if you really really want a little girl you should explore all the options ahead of time - i needed the peace of mind of knowing that i had done all i possibly could so if it was my 4th little man that was coming i could move on with no regrets (hence the clomid - HT was not feasible financially and something our families would have been dead against particularly my hubby and adoption however much i looked into it just seemed a non starter from the beginning - hence the sway, i spent months trying to work out what would give me the best chance - my way of knowing that even if i failed i had done everything possible it was just not in my future).
Maybe you will find peace when you son arrives and feel complete, maybe you will still feel the overwhelming need for a daughter and try again and she will come to you (ironically enough my daughter found me just when i had given up hope of finding her!) either way i wish you luck and happiness for the future with your family - three boys really are something very special!
I cried quite a bit when I heard boy for my 4th. That being said, I am starting to get used to it and am still glad we went for 4.
Navy I am asking myself this very question after my NT scan yesterday... it looks like I'm having boy #3 too...
I have to say the GD is hitting me HARD. Like I'm surprised at how upset I am really. I have been through so much just to get pg, and now I should just be so relieved that I have a healthy baby... but I've been crying on and off for 24 hrs now.... I know when he gets here I will be so in love that all these feelings will just disappear... but it's going to be a long road to then... and a road I didn't think I would go down to be honest.
Just know there is someone else out there who is feeling EXACTLY the same as you in this moment. DH is all for #4 but I just don't know.... I don't know if I can do all this again anytime soon....
We agreed on 3 but after our 3rd dd was born I learned about swaying and I begged for a 4th. I swayed my butt off and #4 brought us our amazing son so absolutely no regret here.
No regrets for us either. We were always going to have 3 or 4 but after DD3 was born it became obvious with the age gap between the big girls and the baby she was at risk of feeling a bit left out. DH in particular was sad when he found out that DD3 was a girl but now that she's here he adores her - that made it ok for me to have another because I knew that while he may want a theoretical boy over a theoretical girl once the baby was born he wouldn't care at all what gender it was. I agree though that the third of the same gender seems to be a bit of a GD trigger, maybe because three children seems to be a limit for some/most people.
My DH always has said he wanted a ton of kids when I said that I only wanted 2 and here I am with a 2 month old baby gearing up for a sway in 6 months! I had GD as well when I heard DS3 was a boy, but now it has completly gone away. Somewhere along the pregnancy and last 2 months, I have seen what a blessing my family of boys is and I love it. I feel so lucky to have them and DS3 is just the sweetest baby ever. I can just hold him all day long if I could.
We had decided we would try one last time for a girl when I was preggo and I honestly do not feel that pressure or strong "do or die" feeling about #4 having to be a girl like I did with #2 and #3. I think I finally feel at peace about it all b/c I just love my kids so much and I realize that what will be will be and we are so blessed whether it is a girl or boy.
just to add they say you regret the things you dont do so if you went for number 4 and got your girl (or Boy) i bet in time you'd be so pleased you did but if you were in 2 minds about trying for a 4th child and decided not to you would probably wonder and have a lot of what if questions! i personally am pleased i went for my 4th son he may not have been my girl but he is my world :)
Congratulations on your baby boy Navy!
We have had 5 boys in a row (one died at 20 weeks) and then a girl and then a boy (both m/c's at 11 weeks). The last four pregnancies were IG or LE sways. we haven't had much luck so far but we are trying for our fifth child and I pray we are blessed finally with a DD as I am getting older.
The third boy was the hardest for me too. I cried a lot while pregnant and it was when pregnant with DS3 that we started our plans for HT 8 years ago. That didn't work out for us and we moved to swaying. I have always wanted 4 kids and when we had DS4 we decided we would try one last time for a DD. This will be my limit and I will know I did everything I could to get a girl so I can have no regrets. We have a tally of conceiving 6 boys and 1 girl so it is really hard to believe that #5 will be a girl but I am giving it all I have and we will see. I just need one to stick.
I love all my boys and I have such a special bond with my fourth. Many other moms of 4 boys had written their fourth was special but until I experienced it for myself I had no idea just how right they were. I never thought I would be a proud mom of four boys and I totally am. I think there is something special to have a family of all one gender. Of course I would really love to experience a DD and I hope we all are lucky enough to reach our dream but if not I know now that although I will probably always continue to have good and bad GD days, I will be ok.
Wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy. xx
I had a fourth boy and he was the only one of the bunch that I desperately wished he was a girl while pregnant and suffered horrible GD that didn't go away for longer than I care to admit. He was a difficult baby and I shed many many tears.
Over time, all the GD went away (he must of been about 2 or so..and coincidentally when I stopped nursing) so I sometimes wonder if I just needed to be a little more separate from the demands of nursing to fully enjoy him :( But looking back, I don't regret nursing him so long or fully working through all the thoughts of girls/boys/gender/meaning of life LOL while I came to terms with having four boys because for me anyway, it really did go away... the extreme desire for a girl. It took me that long to wrap my head around that I, ME, had 4 boys!! LOL
The spacing of the kids is perfect to me...there are the two Bigs (aged 9 and 8) and the two Little (aged 6 and 4) and each set has each other on somewhat the same developmental time frame to play with each other/buddy system when needed etc, not to mention sharing a room ;)
So then I went for number 5, but more with the mind-set that I wanted a baby more than anything. I didn't sway but I guess swayed blue more than anything, which was fine by me...as I had so many miscarriages that being in optimal health somehow translated to a blue sway...but I wanted that baby.
NOW, it hit me this baby boy won't have a "buddy" like my Bigs and my Littles, and how I wish I could have a set of Tinys :) I would want that baby to be a boy LOL so the set would be a pair together to do things with, share room etc
Its just funny how over time, you can let go of things and learn to enjoy the new and when you get to be old hag like me (40), I think the gender thing does go away?? Because you want a baby before the party is over and that just trumps everything else and you love your kids sooooo much that fussing about gender doesn't seem so important any more. ALSO you are so busy taking care of your 4 children, there simply isn't time to linger by baby dresses and bows LOL :)
Good luck with your decision and it can be a rather rough road that you have to be willing to travel.
Wow!! Thank you everyone for your insight and input. we are pretty sure we will have another just to even our family out and yes try to give me one last shot to try for our girl. 4 is my definite limit. I am fully prepare for another boy though. At this point I truly having a feeling that DH only has y sperm. I know they say they every man has 50/50... I am thinking my husband is weird and rare. I can only count the number of families on 1 hand I know in real life who have 3 or more kids and they are all one gender.
We planned on 3 kids and thought I was done after DS3 despite major GD with him.
But by the time he was 18 months old my DH knew I would never be completely happy without a daughter so he agreed to HT which required an overseas trip so lots of planning. 3 months before we were due to leave a baby girl came up for adoption which I thought was the answer to my prayers. Sadly that didn't work out, neither did my IVF or another attempt at adoption.
I became so obsessed with getting my daughter that I forgot to consider if I actually wanted 4 kids.
Last year I started my swaying journey and after 7 months of swaying I got my BFP. That's when it hit me what I had done.
My sway was a success and I was lucky enough to get my baby girl who is absolutely perfect and beautiful.
She is only a week old so so far just a baby but 4 kids and a full time job is hard work and I am pretty sure it was madness to go back to the newborn stage just when I had managed to get my sons past all the little kid stage.
My husband and I always talked about having 3-4 of our own. My 1st DS is not his. With this baby it was going to be the last month of trying for another baby. I was starting to feel content with my family and having a 5th was starting to scare me. Well I got pregnant and did find out my baby is a girl. I did not have gd until after I had my 3rd son and thought my 4th was going to be my last so my GD was bad with him for a couple of months after I found out.