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Anyone that got their dream gender. Is life better now? Is that strange empty place in your heart full? Sometimes I wonder, is it really that I had gender disappointment, or was it depression caused from other things that just amplified the gd. Probably a weird question but I just want to know if getting your longed for son or daughter really makes you feel complete. Maybe give myself some motivation to keep this diet up.
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After 5 years of GD and 3 sons I have just got my daughter. She is still a newborn so not "girly" yet and still a lot of work. Biggest thing for me is that feeling that I can move on now from that feeling I would never get a girl and resenting those that had them. I can buy pink and dolls and all the things I couldn't before. I can dream of a life with my daughter and my sons.
Does it complete me? No, only I can choose to be happy or not.
I have realised that a lot of what I was blaming on GD was probably a bit of depression and discontent with my life.
I got my DG. And yeah...I found that thus far, it doesn't much matter. She is still really little, so I might feel different down the road. Especially since all my reasons for wanting one were more long-term reasons. It shut up the stupid "all boy" comments, but added a new realm of "finally getting a girl" (not like I had 20 boys!) comments. I agree that I can stop wondering what it would be like and I have stopped feeling envious of those who get my DG. But overall, I think she could be a boy and I would feel the same way as I do now. Slightly insane...wondering whose plan it was to have three under three. Lol.
I do think it has more to do with your choice to be happy with what life you have. GD is a pretty easy scapegoat. I still have holey places in me, for various reasons not related to children. So it's not like my life otherwise changed by having a daughter. But I adore her. I admit I was concerned if it would be "weird" having a girl. My boys were/are such mamas boys, I guess I thought she might be different or something. But it's not.
When I think of all the people who have GD and don't get what they want ...and how they move beyond it...I think most do just fine. I think moving past it is very possible. And I believed that even before I got what I wanted. I'll never know now, but I know others who have gotten past it without getting their DG.
My DD is 18 months. She plays in the toilet and my boys never did. She climbs on the table and throws off anything that's on it. She spills the cereal out of boxes and removes her diaper and pees on the floor. She plays with batman and Lego and giggles when she toots. Once in a while though, her femininity shows up. DH wouldn't let her play in his soup and after trying very hard to do so and him blocking her, she stopped, looked at him and kissed him...then tried to play in his soup again. She LOVES dresses and tryin on clothes and changing clothes. She is extremely emotional.
I didn't want a daughter for the girlyness. Like a PP stated, I wanted a daughter for the long term relationship. For the long term "benefits". And yes, it did complete that part of my heart. I still have struggles in my life. I still have heartaches and problems. I beg God for the graces I need for this life. However, pink and purple confetti is still circling around my heart, and I still can't believe she is here. She made me appreciate my boys SOOO much more. She was the piece of our family puzzle we needed. And my anxiety about my family make up is gone.
However, one thing I'm noticing lately, is I've stopped thinking, I've got my girl, I have a daughter, she's finally here....and have now just accepted it. Girl/daughter/desires gender have now just become "Claire". She's a part of my family, and it feels like she always has been. Just like the boys.
Thanks ladies who replied. Keepin' it real!!! Congrats on your girls!!
My baby is very new but I really feel a sense of completeness now. It is difficult to explain, but it is like that part of my life is finally the way I imagined it would be, all the pieces have fallen into place and everything fits.
It is not a dramatic change that happens in the instant they arrive, but more like the gradual realisation of a dream that changes over time. I suppose pregnancy prepares you for the arrival of the baby in that way and as the baby grows it seems less surreal.
I have never considered myself to be a big GD sufferer, all I wanted was at least one of each, so maybe others have been impacted by the change a lot more than me but that has been my experience.
As another PP said, the annoying comments do not go away, they just change. Instead of getting "oh, all boys!" I now get "oh, you got your girl!". The best thing is that you no longer live with a big unanswered question in your head.
Thank you all for sharing! I love reading your stories.
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Hi
I hope you find peace too :)
Initially for me it was thrilling and exciting to get my dg.
Then reality set in and it was just getting through the day with 1extra.
I did and still do find it hard to be happy for people who have a pigeon pair. But the pain has died away for the most part now.
I'm not quite as bitter as I was.
This is good. Bitterness isn't pretty but it's hard to fight sometimes.
It's good. I love all my kids desperately. I certainly don't despise and regret my second daughter like I thought I might have once. I adore her intensely as I do my other kids.
The high tech route was a god send for us. I'm very fortunate. I know that now.
Good luck.
When the US tech said "its a boy" both me and DP choked up and tears of joy rose in our eyes. You couldn't wipe the smile off our faces for the following days. We felt like we had won the lottery.
If we had heard "girl" i think we would have just put on our fake smiles and tried to convince each other that it would be ok. And the feeling of loss and something missing would still be there.
Now that our little guy is here we are complete, he is 100 times everything i had hoped he would be. We feel blessed everyday and we are always saying "My SON this, my SON that" just because we still can't believe we have HIM :)
I wish that everyone can have this experience.
My girls are 14 months old this week and its only now I'm learning to relax!
On one hand the bitterness, the constant checking in pushchairs or car seats, the worry about friends announcing pregnancy has gone!
But on the other hand I spent 10 years with gd and kept having swaying opposites that it consumed my life and it was hard to let go!
Instead of worrying about gd I worried about the babies constantly - I worried something was wrong with them and constantly checked every part of them.
I still find it hard to accept that my dreams came true xxx
this was something that i always wondered and i wish i could say its no different as that would make it so much easier for all those still yet to get their dg. The reality is that my daughter is no different, she is a baby just like my sons were and she is loved just as much, no more, no less but its me that has changed. I had severe gd and really struggled to wrap my head around the fact that i may never have the one thing i desired so much. When i heard its a girl i was crying so much i could barely tell my hubby, my cvs and 5 scans later i still struggled to believe it. A lot of my gd had left before she was born but what little remained disappeared, i feel complete now. I still find it hard to admit to i won't have any more babies but the reality is i don't need or want to try again - i have the family i always wanted.
All the problems we had before are still there and my desire for a better job and a bigger house etc hasn't gone, she hasn't magically fixed anything but it all seems to matter less now somehow. Whilst i love the dresses and pink things and am embracing my girly side its also made me appreciate my boys more to. I love watching them with their sister, how gentle and loving they are towards her. Getting rid of the sadness has made me a better mother as now i am no longer filled with that void.
I do with agree with the other poster though i am so scared i am going to loose her or one of her brothers and i don't think that feeling will disappear anytime soon but as hard work as 4 kids are i am loving every minute with my family and i really hope everyone on here gets to experience that
Thanks so much Mrs P, I had been waiting on this thread for an answer like yours. Congrats on your baby girl
My little girl is only 10 days old. My family does feel complete now. I just have the same worries as some of the others. I am worried something will happen to her or even my boys. I do wish like the others everyone can experience that.
I was never one who bought into the "I feel complete" idea but it is pretty great to have her. I still have all the problems that I always have had and then some but there is def. a burden that has been lifted away. I really just always felt like she was supposed to be here and it was haunting me. I felt like there was a little girl in danger floating around that needed me and that feeling is gone.
also do worry all the time something will happen to her
Our daughter has brought enormous joy, relief and gratitude to our family. It's like Christmas every day. Our three sons adore her, and we would have never known this sweet, caring side of them. (They are nice to each other, but nothing like the way they treat her.) I so appreciate that my husband agreed to "let me" have another child, so our marriage is better. It helps that she is a very easy baby.
Now that she is six months old, I am finally starting to believe she is here to stay, not just a fleeting dream. So yes, I agree with the prior posters that your level of happiness has more to do with you than with your child. But I also answer the OP honestly by saying that she is everything we hoped for and more.
When I was growing up I had 5 siblings but it always felt like someone was missing. My mom had my OOPS! sister when she was 43 yrs old. My sister is 15 years younger than me.Quote:
Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush
I have that same "someone's missing" feeling these days. I truly believe we are meant to have one more child. I really want it to be a boy so I feel that the 'missing' child is a boy, but I think I'll be fine if its a girl because that is a real possibility.
Before I had any children, or even a boyfriend, I dreamed in detail about my first son. He was a toddler bending down to hug me. I remembered the smell of his hair and softness of his skin. When I fell pregnant for the first time I knew be was coming.
After I had my third son, I dreamt of Daisy. I gave birth and I looked at the baby and it was a little girl. My little girl.
I'm like atomic, I don't just want a girl, I want the girl from my dreams. I feel she is waiting for me. Like its destined. I would find it very hard to give up the idea of her and not keep trying to get her. Hubby says we can have five, I reckon it could go to six, so I have two more shots max after this. If none of them are a girl I will be one of those who finds contentment elsewhere.
I totally agree with Mrs. P. I wish I could tell you that it didn't matter (for the sake of anyone suffering from gd), but the truth is, I feel like the luckiest person alive now that I have a baby girl. Aside from the pink outfits, she's really no different than the boys were. But I am. I'm at peace for the first time in a long time. My husband "accuses" me of being so happy! ha ha! Now, I will say this. My boys are a little older (the youngest is nearly five), so I'm not frantic with a toddler. I don't have two in diapers. And most of all, I waited SO long for this that I REALLY appreciate all of it. Having a girl, the fleetingness of having a newborn, and that if I didn't have gd, I wouldn't have all four of my children (would definitely have stopped at three). So I can look at my third son and see him as a gift, too. If I had had a girl on my first, second, or third try, I don't think I would appreciate what I had nearly as much. I definitely wouldn't have been as compassionate to those suffering from gd. Also, I had the gift (and burden?) of time. Another baby, even the one you desired so much, isn't going to fix other issues. I really had to learn to separate gd from the rest.
I truly hope that you all get your desired gender, but that if you don't, you can find peace. We took a HUGE gamble. If we had had a fourth boy, I would also have pasted a smile on my face and in time come to accept my family make-up. What made me 'go for it' was that I saw so many of my friends have that last child, what seemed to me, that gamble, and it paid off for so many of them. I have no idea if they really had gd, tho in my mind everyone does - ha ha. But I couldn't shake the idea of trying one more time. It really was the last ditch effort. I couldn't be happier that we did, though I went into the whole thing with my eyes wide open and praying for acceptance if it didn't go our way. I also feel that this was the biggest difference this time. Instead of praying for a girl, I prayed for acceptance. I'm not a deeply religious person, but maybe, just maybe, this helped answer my prayers.
A girl I used to be friends has 3 sons and had obvious GD with her last baby. Despite this her DH had a vasectomy while she was pregnant (3 oops babies) which was probably a completely logical decision from a financial and social point of view.
While I was recently pregnant she came up to me and started talking about how she and her husband would have made beautiful girls and I felt really sad for her that she was obviously not over her GD but almost 6 years later, their option of trying again has been taken away (or made much harder)
My DD is 8 months. I won't lie, I love having a daughter after 2 sons. She is so much fun to dress and I no longer feel jealousy toward other people's families. I don't care anymore who has a boy or a girl. I can be genuinely happy for those who get their desired gender.
That doesn't mean life is perfect. I still have weight to lose. I still yell at the kids more than I'd like. "Life" is the same. But I feel very blessed to be able to parent both genders.
This is exactly what I'm hoping for. All the negative feelings to go away. I hate living with so many bitter emotions!Quote:
Originally Posted by nestof3
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Thank you, gives me motivation to read that my dream should be followed.
Thank you for sharing all your stories ladies. They made me smile and cry at the same time! I pray my little girl is out there somewhere and that I'm able to find her the way you all found your dream babies. X x x
So here's my story.
When I got pregnant with DD1 I knew right away she was a girl. It was my gut feeling. I just knew my first child would be a girl. When I got pregnant with DD2 I was so adamant that she was a boy. Looking back I now know that I knew all along that she was a girl. I think I was so adamant about it because I was trying to convince myself otherwise. Even after I was told girl I spent 4 days obsessing about it and even sat on my computer for hours and went through the u/s video frame by frame to prove otherwise. When I was younger I always saw myself having one boy and one girl and that was it. I was a bit sad at first but then after about a week I was fine. I was happy. I have always felt everything happens for a reason. I just got a bfp this past Monday. If DD2 had been a boy I don't think my husband and I would have went for a 3rd. I am actually glad now that DD2 was a girl. If she wasn't I wouldn't have her and she is the cutest little monster in the world. Also, if she had been a boy we wouldn't be pregnant again and I am really happy we are. I am overjoyed. Even though we initially decided to try again to have a boy I am just happy we're having another baby. Now don't get me wrong I really, really want a boy and will probably sad if it doesn't happen but I will get over it and be just as happy to be having another little girl. We have decided that this is our last child so if it is a girl I will understand that I was just meant to raise beautiful little girls. I know that DD2 was meant to be and she is here to do something grand. This time I don't know. This time I don't have a gut feeling. I don't know if it's just cause I'm to scared this time with the fear of being wrong or if I'm really not just getting a gut feeling. We shall see.
I don't believe in a higher being but I do believe in fate and every time someone I know winds up upset or not happy about something I always tell them the same thing and it is something I always try to live by.
Everything always happens for a reason. You may not know that reason at this very moment but one day you will and everything will make sense.
I now understand the reason behind why my second daughter was a girl. She teaches me new things and surprises me every day. I don't think I could live my life without her or my older daughter. :)
Charlee - 10 days old
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Charlee 16 months & Madi 3 (4 in one month) (about 1 1/2 months ago)
Attachment 13100
I will say, that I think that is a big change when you get your DG. You don't sit by the computer and cringe when you see an acquaintance announce "It's a girl!" on facebook. You don't get a sinky feeling in your belly when a close friend announces a new pregnancy (and be terrified for the next 5-25 weeks that it will be your DG and you will have to paste on that smile and go to the birthday parties). You don't look at stickers on vehicles and get irritated that they "got" their pigeon pair (and think "will I ever have my DG?") You don't have to close your eyes while walking past cute onesies in the section you don't shop in (yet!). There are tons of little moments like that...and not having them allows more room in your mind for other things. It allows a little more space for happiness, if that is what you choose to fill it with.Quote:
Originally Posted by sbowman
I will say that now that the dust had settled (she is 3 months now), I find I do enjoy it a lot more than I did when I initially answered. Truthfully, it was really overwhelming at first, that paranoia that she was a dream, adjusting to three kids overall, dealing with hormonal issues, and she really was "just like my sons"...required a lot from me on very little sleep! Lol.
Now I get a little charge when I tell someone she is my daughter. I like looking at her little face while sleeping and imagining what she will be like when she gets older, like me or completely different. I enjoy that someone will say "A and the boys" and have to correct to kids.
But so far, it's little moments of peace that are the biggest change. I guess I thought my GD was mild (I still consider it so). But there is a lot less concern with what I don't have and more enjoyment of what I do.
Thank you for this post!! Your daughters are lovely!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by tmbabcock
This is perfect. Thank you so much for sharing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hotdogz&boyz
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So beautifully said hotdogz - you really seem to capture a content, genuine every-day peace. Thank you!