Women view swaying negatively?

I have noticed from A LOT of women (especially the ones with both genders of children) are really judgmental or dare I say bitchy when you talk about gender swaying. If I kind of bring it up in conversation or someone else mentions it they seem to all have the same response "It is completely up to the man. That is just ridiculous!" And I always get a little irritated thinking to myself "Well obviously you would think that. You got one of each you little snot." It is almost as if the thought of swaying offends them in some way. I don't get it. What do they care if I want to beef myself up and have copious amounts of sex with my husband to try and get a boy? Or the famous "God gives you what you are meant to have." While I totally believe that why couldn't you believe that he lead me to this wonderful website (which by the way is how I feel) to help me sway my odds? I guess I am just venting right now. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this in person except my friends that only have one child. Because the few that I have that have more than one have one of each gender and just could give two sh*** about giving you any tips because they think it's absolutely crazy and they just hit the jackpot with their husbands perfectly 50/50 testicles. And this makes me even more grateful for this site because it is full of women who are open minded, support each other, and give each other advice. We all want the same for every woman on this site and that is to get their DG along with a healthy baby and pregnancy. So I am just wondering does anyone else experience this type of negative reaction when they speak to women about this in person? Any ideas as to why this topic seems to be so .. offensive? I just don't get it.

The funny thing is, those people with both genders probably swayed without even knowing it.

true BeadinMom...
the unhealthy lady who conceives a girl, has the baby, then realises she better start looking after herself more and preparing healthy meals for herself and her family then find she conceives a boy next!

the healthy lady who exercised lots to look good and conceives a boy, then realises she is stressed and doesn't have time to cook healthy meals or exercise like she used, perhaps starts having a glass of wine after bedtime to relax, to then conceives a girl.

the new relationship who were all fired up on hormones and DTDing lots and enjoying themselves conceive a boy.. later, afterwards, things have settled and they are doing it less often just to keep the relationship going, have girl

the newlyweds who were desperate for the first baby, took every supplement they could think of that can boost fertility and paying close attention to their cycles.. have a boy. Whoops - was that an accident when the new baby was 3 month old? Surprise - it's a girl!

the busy parents who now have a school run to do and lots of kids to get out of the house by 8am start skipping breakfast, keep catching all the colds their kids bring home from school ... you get the idea!



point being, lots of people DO sway without realising it just because lifestyles and situations change.
Generally I don't mention it to my friends or anyone in real life, although I would if one of them told me they had a strong preference too. I still tell everyone that I'm absolutely fine with another boy (which is more true now than it used to be, my boys make me happy so I'm sure another one would too) :)

Of course their judgmental and anyone handed everything on a silver platter is... They never had to even think what life is like to want a daughter or son because they had both without having to think about it... Now if they had 5 boys or girls in a row they would be singing a different tune...

Great post rainbowflower.

I agree with beadinmom, they probably swayed without even realising. I have friends who have one of each gender and are quite smug about it. I would never ever talk to them about swaying or let them know I was swaying

I mentioned it to my friends when i was drunk before we were trying - they thought it was funny, but when i explained the science behind it and that i wouldnt do it if i thought it was a fantasy they were quite supportive. One is pregnant with her second and we talk a lot about her wanting a girl etc. i think its important to let people in rl know its okay to feel like that with at least one person!
I dont mention it to people because its none of their business, just like us actively trying for #3 is none of their business, so i dont get a reaction off people. But i have to admit before i found this site, id have prob thought the same as others, that it was silly and would never work. Like you say, God led us here for a reason, it might be to help us get a boy, it might be to show us we cant always grt what wevwant, only time will tell!!

Xxx

The only person who knows I'm swaying is my DH! And for many of the reasons mentioned above that's the way it's staying. I just don't want the negativity from mean spirited people who have both gender children.


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I tell everyone I am swaying and most of my friends are either curious about it or completely non-judgemental, 'your life, do it your way' kind of attitude, however, the other day I mentioned it to this person I've known for a while and she just about rolled her eyes! Well, I know I won't be talking to her about it again! I don't even mind someone telling me they don't believe it, but do not ridicule me, thank you very much! Some people are very against anything that doesn't involve the 'whatever will be, will be' philosophy. Good for them but leave me to my sway!

Also, sometimes it's just that people aren't open minded or they may have certain beliefs that hinder them from accepting alternative methods for anything in life. Sometimes it is that they have both sexes so they don't feel the need to think about wanting the opposite sex child. Sometimes they may feel that only God, or whomever/whatever they believe in, has the say in what is given to them and they dare not mess with that. No matter what your opinion is about anything, there will be always one person who is totally against it, that's life.

With that being said, dh and I are the only ones that know that I am swaying for a boy. No one else knows that we are currently ttc either, just that it "maybe" a plan for the future if anyone asks or it comes up in conversation. I just don't want to hear any remarks either from those who may not understand me or what I want out of life.

Swaying is very taboo, there are few places you can openly talk about it, which is why I appreciate this forum so much. I have not told 1 person IRL about my swaying (except obviously DH) and I have not told anyone about how much I wanted/still want a girl VS a boy for fear of judgement. People do seem appalled by the idea that you wouldn't just be grateful for a healthy baby no matter the gender....that's what we're expected to feel

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Originally Posted by rainbowflower

true BeadinMom...
the unhealthy lady who conceives a girl, has the baby, then realises she better start looking after herself more and preparing healthy meals for herself and her family then find she conceives a boy next!

the healthy lady who exercised lots to look good and conceives a boy, then realises she is stressed and doesn't have time to cook healthy meals or exercise like she used, perhaps starts having a glass of wine after bedtime to relax, to then conceives a girl.

the new relationship who were all fired up on hormones and DTDing lots and enjoying themselves conceive a boy.. later, afterwards, things have settled and they are doing it less often just to keep the relationship going, have girl

the newlyweds who were desperate for the first baby, took every supplement they could think of that can boost fertility and paying close attention to their cycles.. have a boy. Whoops - was that an accident when the new baby was 3 month old? Surprise - it's a girl!

the busy parents who now have a school run to do and lots of kids to get out of the house by 8am start skipping breakfast, keep catching all the colds their kids bring home from school ... you get the idea!



point being, lots of people DO sway without realising it just because lifestyles and situations change.
Generally I don't mention it to my friends or anyone in real life, although I would if one of them told me they had a strong preference too. I still tell everyone that I'm absolutely fine with another boy (which is more true now than it used to be, my boys make me happy so I'm sure another one would too) :)

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Exactly!!! I know for a fact some of my girlfriends that their lifestyles definitly influenced gender based on information from this website. But because they don't believe in it I don't even bother. I have this one friend who at one point said "Wow that does make a lot of sense. I think that actually has some real evidence behind it." (She has one of each) Then the next time I see her she has like flipped a switch and thinks it is crazy. So I just stopped talking to anyone about it.

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Originally Posted by Ribenaberry

I mentioned it to my friends when i was drunk before we were trying - they thought it was funny, but when i explained the science behind it and that i wouldnt do it if i thought it was a fantasy they were quite supportive. One is pregnant with her second and we talk a lot about her wanting a girl etc. i think its important to let people in rl know its okay to feel like that with at least one person!
I dont mention it to people because its none of their business, just like us actively trying for #3 is none of their business, so i dont get a reaction off people. But i have to admit before i found this site, id have prob thought the same as others, that it was silly and would never work. Like you say, God led us here for a reason, it might be to help us get a boy, it might be to show us we cant always grt what wevwant, only time will tell!!

Xxx

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I stopped talking to people about it because of the negative reactions. I have always been a very open person and never minded sharing things about my life until now. Now I feel like if I talk about this people look at me like I have 6 heads. I wish I never did because I have made it clear that I WANT a son and that I really do not want another DD. While I love DD with all of my heart and wouldn't go back in time and make her a boy if I could I never wanted a daughter. I have always wanted 3 sons. I am very open with the fact that having another DD terrifies me. I am sure I get judged for that as well!

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Originally Posted by Little Lunasa

The only person who knows I'm swaying is my DH! And for many of the reasons mentioned above that's the way it's staying. I just don't want the negativity from mean spirited people who have both gender children.


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If I could go back I never would have mentioned it to anyone in person. Trust me. If I have a failed sway I don't even want to know the crap they will be thinking.

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Originally Posted by gurly

Swaying is very taboo, there are few places you can openly talk about it, which is why I appreciate this forum so much. I have not told 1 person IRL about my swaying (except obviously DH) and I have not told anyone about how much I wanted/still want a girl VS a boy for fear of judgement. People do seem appalled by the idea that you wouldn't just be grateful for a healthy baby no matter the gender....that's what we're expected to feel

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Yes! I feel like people think I am some sort of jerk for wanting a specific gender. Of course I want a healthy baby over all but I desperately want a son. I don't understand why that is so hard for most people to grasp. It doesn't make me a bad person. I have always felt in my heart that if I don't ever have a son I will always feel like something is missing. And I don't want to have that feeling and always wonder if there was something that I could have maybe tried to make that happen.

Its a very hard thing to talk about - you are not meant to have feelings when it comes to children! ;) its like miscarriages, youre not supposed to talk about those either, but i dont care, if anyone asks about pregnancies etc ill tell them.

Dont feel bad for the way other people see it, every small girl thinks about what kids they want to have, and name them! Its only natural to feel panicky that this might be takn away from you. The thing is people dont want to admit it and they dont want you to admit it because then they might have to as well and they dont want to admit it to themselves!

You will love your kids because they are yours. Having an opposite will not turn you into an evil monster who hates your children, it will just leave you with a sense of longing - which is hard but with help it can be "dealt with" (i cant think of another way to say that, please dont anyone take offense, i dont mean its easy, but rather that it wont affect your love for your kids - i hope that makes sense!)

Xxx

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Originally Posted by TTCaPRINCE

If I could go back I never would have mentioned it to anyone in person. Trust me. If I have a failed sway I don't even want to know the crap they will be thinking.

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I second this completely!! I have managed a failed sway (hate that term!!) and have tried to stay away from people who knew as much as possible. A few people just said 'oh' when I said we were expecting another boy then changed the subject. My family's wonderful about it though. I want to celebrate my little boy-to-be but my so-called friends aren't interested. Urgh! Still I know who my real friends are now. Next time I will be keeping it to myself entirely.

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Originally Posted by Dreamofpink

I second this completely!! I have managed a failed sway (hate that term!!) and have tried to stay away from people who knew as much as possible. A few people just said 'oh' when I said we were expecting another boy then changed the subject. My family's wonderful about it though. I want to celebrate my little boy-to-be but my so-called friends aren't interested. Urgh! Still I know who my real friends are now. Next time I will be keeping it to myself entirely.

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My friend said this and until she said it i hadnt thought about it, that if she has a girl this time everyone will make a fuss, but if she has another boy everyone will be happy but a bit 'meh'. Shes right, but it shouldnt be like that, everyone should make a fuss of every baby no matter the sex. It made me a bit sad to think aboutb:(

Xxx

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Originally Posted by missmegrn

Also, sometimes it's just that people aren't open minded or they may have certain beliefs that hinder them from accepting alternative methods for anything in life. Sometimes it is that they have both sexes so they don't feel the need to think about wanting the opposite sex child. Sometimes they may feel that only God, or whomever/whatever they believe in, has the say in what is given to them and they dare not mess with that. No matter what your opinion is about anything, there will be always one person who is totally against it, that's life.

With that being said, dh and I are the only ones that know that I am swaying for a boy. No one else knows that we are currently ttc either, just that it "maybe" a plan for the future if anyone asks or it comes up in conversation. I just don't want to hear any remarks either from those who may not understand me or what I want out of life.

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THIS -- exactly.

No one IRL knows I am swaying pink (except DH) - Bar a few people noticing my weight lose. It actually makes me feel very sad and lonely not to be able to discuss it with my mum or close friends (hence why I'm so thankful for finding this website and another forum of like minded ladies) HOWEVER my reason for not discussing it is mostly because I am a very private person and the thought of people asking if I'm pregnant yet (i have no idea how long it will take this time and hate the idea of prople scrutinising me and second guessing me) and then asking what we're having immediately after the scan etc. (another reason why I want a private gender scan when the time comes to get my head round it either way). The thing I worry about most is that if my sway fails anyone who knows about it may doubt if I love my new baby boy, and I know I will.
Thank you ladies for making me feel slightly less crackers and good luck to all swayers!! :) x x x

I agree that swaying is very taboo, especially among women who are having issues TTC. They think it is a waste that people only BD certain days and can get pregnant then are disappointed they are not carrying the gender that they want, when they cannot get pregnant no matter what they try.

I personally have never talked about swaying to anyone IRL...even DH! If someone mentions to ME that they are looking for ways to "sway the odds" then I will certainly gently direct to this site. I did sway for my boy TW style and got him, and I believe I was unknowingly swaying for my girl. The only catch with the unknowing swaying is that it is possible if you're using the GD swaying methods of LE or HE. But there's practically no way you could unknowingly sway on say, IG methods, which always seemed ultra aggressive if you ask me (which is why I ended up swaying TW with Atomic back in her last days on IG).

Nobody knows I'm swaying either, I just don't want to hear the judgment. I did talk about it once to an online group of friends because they were saying how dumb it is that some people think that anything they do can actually sway one way or another. They thought I was a bit nuts, but oh well.

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Originally Posted by TTCaPRINCE

I have noticed from A LOT of women (especially the ones with both genders of children) are really judgmental or dare I say bitchy when you talk about gender swaying. If I kind of bring it up in conversation or someone else mentions it they seem to all have the same response "It is completely up to the man. That is just ridiculous!" And I always get a little irritated thinking to myself "Well obviously you would think that. You got one of each you little snot." It is almost as if the thought of swaying offends them in some way. I don't get it. What do they care if I want to beef myself up and have copious amounts of sex with my husband to try and get a boy? Or the famous "God gives you what you are meant to have." While I totally believe that why couldn't you believe that he lead me to this wonderful website (which by the way is how I feel) to help me sway my odds? I guess I am just venting right now. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this in person except my friends that only have one child. Because the few that I have that have more than one have one of each gender and just could give two sh*** about giving you any tips because they think it's absolutely crazy and they just hit the jackpot with their husbands perfectly 50/50 testicles. And this makes me even more grateful for this site because it is full of women who are open minded, support each other, and give each other advice. We all want the same for every woman on this site and that is to get their DG along with a healthy baby and pregnancy. So I am just wondering does anyone else experience this type of negative reaction when they speak to women about this in person? Any ideas as to why this topic seems to be so .. offensive? I just don't get it.

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Oh Prince! I think we could sooooo be friends in "real life". You're a hoot and I feel the same way! The only person I can talk to is my sister who wants me to have a boy just as much as I do. Even my SO, who is totally supportive says "maybe it's just out of your hands....you get what you get." I tend to be a little crazy though and obsess and think I can make a difference.
So, I get it and I hope all works out.
I have to tell you though....in each of our kid's rooms we have chosen a scripture verse and framed it. Every time I see your profile and the verse at the bottom I smile. :) If we are blessed with a boy, that will be the chosen verse for his room. Of course, I have wonderful others if God has other plans! :)

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Originally Posted by TTCaPRINCE

Yes! I feel like people think I am some sort of jerk for wanting a specific gender. Of course I want a healthy baby over all but I desperately want a son. I don't understand why that is so hard for most people to grasp. It doesn't make me a bad person. I have always felt in my heart that if I don't ever have a son I will always feel like something is missing. And I don't want to have that feeling and always wonder if there was something that I could have maybe tried to make that happen.

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I think that ladies who want sons get this 10 zillion times worse than those of us who are swaying pink. Huge ((((hugs)))) I also wanted a son desperately with my first and luckily got him. Hearing "it's a boy" in the delivery room was so amazing. My heart goes out to anyone who has a strong gender pref. from their first child.

The way I have tried to explain it to the people who were not supportive is that it's like hitting your thumb with a hammer - is it lifethreatening, no, but it still hurts like hell and no one would ever tell you "Oh for Pete's sake, why are you making such a fuss, you know there are people who have no arms and here you are in agony because you smashed your thumb with a hammer". Everyone understands and expects that hitting your thumb is going to hurt and I personally think that deep down everyone understands and expects that not getting the gender you want, while in the grand scheme of things we all acknowledge it's not like having cancer or something, it still hurts. A paper cut can sting terribly even tho it's just a tiny thing.

My best friend knows I'm swaying and my friend who swayed for her daughter.
I'd never tell my sister, because she's pregnant with a girl. So if I have a boy I'll always feel made to be lesser.
When I had my gender scan with my second everyone said "Oh" with a disappointed look on their face. Seriously I want a girl, but boys are great and so downgraded. Girls are on everyone's it list it seems and they think anything but a girl is sub par. IT DRIVES ME INSANE.
No one I know but me and my two friends believe swaying will work or is real or scientific so so long to them.