Lying or self defence ?

I am not even pregnant yet, but am thinking about what to say to "defend" having 3 boys...
-three of a kind is so much fun, we are three sisters and we are so close.
-girls can be hard to raise especially when teenagers.
-same gender kids have stronger bond.
-I love being a boy mom
-I have always wanted 3 boys

The last one is a lie!

Anyone feeling like this, or done it? Do people believe you?

The one comment that wont be a lie " as long as the baby is healthy and happy, it does not matter if it is a boy or a girl", I am going to use that one a lot ;)

I had all these excuses too. It is so crap we feel the need to even have excuses. I don't know if anyone believed me although no one made any sort of rude comments about boys but I don't think I would believe it from anyone who said it. Maybe just because I feel that way you know?

Whenever I get the '3 boys!' comments I usually reply with "They are such good and happy little boys, I'm so lucky" and that usually stops any further comments and turns the chat positive. It still annoys me though!

Whenever I talk to Mums of three boys or hear of a Mum expecting boy number 3 or more in a row I try to think of the most positive comment ever which I find hard because I can't quite help feel that she must be disapointed because I know I was.

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Originally Posted by Cauliflower

I am not even pregnant yet, but am thinking about what to say to "defend" having 3 boys...
-three of a kind is so much fun, we are three sisters and we are so close.
-girls can be hard to raise especially when teenagers.
-same gender kids have stronger bond.
-I love being a boy mom
-I have always wanted 3 boys

The last one is a lie!

Anyone feeling like this, or done it? Do people believe you?

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Hi coming from an asian background and with 3 girls u couldnt be made to feel any worse! I often hear people sau oh so and so has all boys lucky her! For all they know she may be going through thousands of personal issues but no people say she's really fortunate which makes me think im not. People often ask how many kids I have and when i respond 3 girls they say no boys then? Like Ive forgotten to mention it! Life why cant it be simple.

Yup, classic self-defense. I did it a lot when I was newly expecting my third. And I think I genuinely believed it was a boy...but my dad (yeah, my DAD) was like "I think you just think that so you won't be disappointed if its not a girl." He never really knew how strong my desire for a girl was (no one but hubby did). So I think we can even play tricks on ourselves. I would totally talk up how cool 3-of-a-kind is (I do actually think it's cool. But I still wanted a girl. Lol). I would say "Oh, we don't care, either would be fun!" But it was mostly to save face if it was a boy. I didn't want anyone to pity me, or my beautiful son. It's pretty normal :)

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Originally Posted by hotdogz&boyz

Yup, classic self-defense. I did it a lot when I was newly expecting my third. And I think I genuinely believed it was a boy...but my dad (yeah, my DAD) was like "I think you just think that so you won't be disappointed if its not a girl." He never really knew how strong my desire for a girl was (no one but hubby did). So I think we can even play tricks on ourselves. I would totally talk up how cool 3-of-a-kind is (I do actually think it's cool. But I still wanted a girl. Lol). I would say "Oh, we don't care, either would be fun!" But it was mostly to save face if it was a boy. I didn't want anyone to pity me, or my beautiful son. It's pretty normal :)

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Thanks hotdogz! We actually have a boy in the family born with heart problems. And I forgot to mention the most important, "as long as it is a healthy and happy baby, the gender doesnt matter". And this one wont be a complete lie either ;) I hope it is enough to shut them up ;) trying to keep my GD to myself, but it is hard sometimes. I have a beautiful niece who is 5 months old, I adore her, she is so beautiful!! Hard to keep the feeling for yourself then...

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Originally Posted by desperate4blue

Hi coming from an asian background and with 3 girls u couldnt be made to feel any worse! I often hear people sau oh so and so has all boys lucky her! For all they know she may be going through thousands of personal issues but no people say she's really fortunate which makes me think im not. People often ask how many kids I have and when i respond 3 girls they say no boys then? Like Ive forgotten to mention it! Life why cant it be simple.

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I completely understand. I have the ame background. But believe me, my parents are so happy they have 3 daughters, who look after them today and have done better (education wise) than any of the boys in the family
Be proud of your girls!

And it is less hard to have 3 boys than 3 girls I know...

I really dont think one gender is harder rhan the other

Most people knew how much I wanted a girl, so I was actually very honest and said yes of course I was disappointed not to have my daughter, but how could I be disappointed for long with DS3 as he was such a sweet little chap - that certainly shut people up! FX though you will get pg and get your girl. xx

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Originally Posted by ever hopeful

Most people knew how much I wanted a girl, so I was actually very honest and said yes of course I was disappointed not to have my daughter, but how could I be disappointed for long with DS3 as he was such a sweet little chap - that certainly shut people up! FX though you will get pg and get your girl. xx

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Thank you!
xxx

I used to say I didn't want a girl but I don't know if people really believed me, probably not, but nobody said anything. Still today people ask me what I would have done if this one wasn't a girl. I just say "well I wasn't gonna let them put it back!" That usually shuts them up...

My intention is to say to anyone who says: "pity he isn't a girl, right", "yeah, you are right, i think i put him on ebay to exchange him for a girl or i'll just sell him"

I think that'll shut them up LOL

I can't imagine someone near me saying that as they all know i adore my sons! But it's the thing i will be afraid of most, especially when i don't know the gender yet.

when I was expecting my third boy I constantly got comments from people that were negative "oh! another boy??!" as if I needed their opinion to feel worse about myself. And I got regular comments about whether I would have a fourth, and "try for a girl this time", as if I could control it!! Now that he is here (20 mths old) he is such great mates with his brothers that I can't imagine if he had been a girl.
But I do want a girl now! Just to have the experience of a daughter. And if I am lucky enough to get pregnant I am waiting for the barrage of comments like "you'll have another boy!!" and "what if you get twin boys this time!" Little do they know there is no chance of a boy this time - I am going HT so it will be girl or the status quo will remain :)

If I did it all over again when I was prego with DD3 I would lie my ass off!
The comments about "OMG, 3 girls! or YOUR POOR DH!!!" were deplorable and I didn't need them making my GD any worse than it already was.

I ALWAYS encourage people having their 3rd of a kind to lie and not tell anyone you don't trust to treat your news well.

I wish I had come up with a list of things like "baby wouldn't cooperate!" Or "we're not finding out!"

If I can ever get prego with DC4 I probably won't tell anyone but Dh and my GD friends. I don't want to hear anyone comments no matter what gender my baby is!!!

Even though religiously 'thou shalt not lie' is a commandment, their is a time and a place for lying to people and this is one perfect example!

^^I know it's crazy...but I am more bothered by the "oh, poor DH with no boys" comments than the comments about multiple boys. I guess because it implies that men don't adore their daughters. Or that he can't teach them sports, fishing, etc. I feel it's crazy sexist. I do realize the comments are much the same...it just bugs me more to hear that side. Lol.

And yeah, I think stretching the truth is totally fine in this case (such as "we didn't find out, baby didn't cooperate, we aren't bothered either way, etc). Because its really none of their business anyway!

I will actually come back at people who comment about me "finally" getting my girl. It's nuts. And the people who think they are okay to say "Oh good, you can be done now." I usually say "oh, we want a baseball team." Lol. (We don't, but we do want one more and always did no matter what baby was).

Frankly, I think no matter what you have, or don't have, someone will say something offensive. I never expected to have to "defend" having a girl after two boys. I figured all the stupid comments (that I needed clever comebacks to) would stop. Wrong-o!! They just changed to different ones. We could prolly fill a whole thread with stupid comments no matter what gender-make-up we have!

I hope you get your girly and need clever responses to those questions instead ;)

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Originally Posted by hotdogz&boyz

^^I know it's crazy...but I am more bothered by the "oh, poor DH with no boys" comments than the comments about multiple boys. I guess because it implies that men don't adore their daughters. Or that he can't teach them sports, fishing, etc. I feel it's crazy sexist. I do realize the comments are much the same...it just bugs me more to hear that side. Lol.

And yeah, I think stretching the truth is totally fine in this case (such as "we didn't find out, baby didn't cooperate, we aren't bothered either way, etc). Because its really none of their business anyway!

I will actually come back at people who comment about me "finally" getting my girl. It's nuts. And the people who think they are okay to say "Oh good, you can be done now." I usually say "oh, we want a baseball team." Lol. (We don't, but we do want one more and always did no matter what baby was).

Frankly, I think no matter what you have, or don't have, someone will say something offensive. I never expected to have to "defend" having a girl after two boys. I figured all the stupid comments (that I needed clever comebacks to) would stop. Wrong-o!! They just changed to different ones. We could prolly fill a whole thread with stupid comments no matter what gender-make-up we have!

I hope you get your girly and need clever responses to those questions instead ;)

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Ha ha, well said ;)

Same Hotdogz and Boyz, that one would annoy me too. I loved fishing and my brother hated it! I think if I do find out with number 4 I will keep it a secret because it is enough for me to process on my own without other people 'messing' with my thoughts.

Those who do HT but do not tell anyone, what do you say about gender when you already know?

I will be keeping it secret until the 19 week anatomy scan and then "pretend" to be very excited :) Prior to that I will be using the same old line "as long as it's healthy" which happens to be the most important thing anyway.
And you're right hotdogz&boyz - some people do make stupid responses no matter what your situation because they are just insensitive and insightless - so for those people I will put a polite smile on my face and end the conversation as quickly as possible.... a new baby is always a joy and there is no need to share it with idiots :)

When ever someone we don't know would say 'no boys' I simply say 'no, it didn't bother us, she was our beautiful surprise, we weren't planning on anymore kids, but so glad she's here!! the bit about glad she's here is true though!

They have no idea I was swaying for 12months' ha ha.

I am currently trying to come up with lines to quash these comments before they begin, although some insensitive role have already started. Now I have comments like 'will you keep going until you get a girl?' 'Where you hoping for a girl?'

We always wanted four children but never imagined 3 boys, feel like I am already fighting for him, very sad really, want people to be happy for him as an individual not disappointed because he is my 3rd boy!

2lovelyboys - just ignore those comments and don't worry about fighting for him... you will be amazed once he is here what a joy he is and how well he fits in with the other 2 - at least that's what I found. I cried for weeks when I found out my DS3 was another boy (at the 19wk anatomy scan) and now I feel embarrassed to admit that, because he is so gorgeous, so adored and I can't imagine our family without him :)

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Originally Posted by 2lovelyboys

I am currently trying to come up with lines to quash these comments before they begin, although some insensitive role have already started. Now I have comments like 'will you keep going until you get a girl?' 'Where you hoping for a girl?'

We always wanted four children but never imagined 3 boys, feel like I am already fighting for him, very sad really, want people to be happy for him as an individual not disappointed because he is my 3rd boy!

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2Lovely, I could've written this myself! I know exactly what you mean, no-one's interested in ds3 (except those very close who count) but it still stings. I always said after ds1 that I'd keep going until I got my DD but we lived hours away from here then. My best line of defence re gender comments is "as long as it isn't born 10 weeks early & has to spend 6 weeks in the NICU like ds1, I don't care!" I don't usually get any come back from that, just a sheepish look! It's made me very aware of how I respond to people in the future & when I had a lady recently comment on how wonderful boys are - she had two slightly older than mine- it was lovely & fab not to have to go on the defense! There are some people irl that understand but few & far between :)

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Ladies you are wonderful thank you very much!

I admit I was very disappointed to hear boy but have since come to terms with it and am actually looking forward to his arrival, watching the relationship between my boys develop etc we had a gender scan at 16 weeks but kept gender to ourselves until we had our anomaly scan this week, this week has been tough as I'm now excited about my little man but I'm now watching other people's reaction to our news and that really stings! People ehhhhh?!

Thank you ladies. It is so helpful to hear your stries and comments.
I am trying to be as honest as I possibly can towards other people, but sometimes you just have to protect yourself.
About Gender scan, first time I got the scan tech to write the gender down on a paper and put it in an envelope, which my husband kept at work, sealed! We decided to open it in week 27, when all the questions were dealt with, we dont now :) and we did not know.
With DS2, we found out at the scan but I told people that we are not going to reveal it and people should respect other peoples choice to not share prvivate informtion.
This time I will be a nervewreck :(....even thinking about being team green.

I couldn't be team green, maybe if I already had children of both genders I would have considered it but when trying, hoping and praying for something then to find out at last minute your hard work had failed would have been to much for me. I know I needed the 4 weeks between my gender scan and anomaly scan to adjust to my own emotions before announcing it, this way I have been able to deal with my issues and begin to plan and look forward to his arrival!

I had a friend who had her third boy. She was very upfront about wanting a girl because Its her last. It was refreshing! People should be able to say what they want.
I want a girl...but I want a boy too. I go back and forth between which gender I want more. I want a girl so I can use my girls name, but I'm good with a boy. And I really don't think I'm in denial.

Becca, that's a good place to be emotionally! Will you be swaying? I agree that people should be able to say what they want without the fear of being judged!

I did sway girl but I really suck at the diet.
The main reason I was a girl now, which may not be that good of a reason, is so my sister won't take my girls name and she keeps saying she is. Its super stressful!
Beyond that, I'm okay with a boy. I just feel stuck for time because if I don't have a girl, she will take it.
But I do want 5 or 6 kids. So if next is a boy so be it.
Though if I don't have a girl this time, I will sway a lot harder next time.

I feel like I want a girl mostly for other people. Because I really am happy either way. I just want a baby.
But the pressure , the time limit, etc is what bugs me. And I don't think Its fair that I feel the need to have a girl to please others.
And my friend who had a girl set clothes aside for me..how long will she wait?
I think if I have a boy I'll be a bit disappointed, but because of the other people. If it was just me in my own world I wouldn't be disappointed at all. Its unfair my happiness will be downgraded because of others.

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Originally Posted by 2lovelyboys

I couldn't be team green, maybe if I already had children of both genders I would have considered it but when trying, hoping and praying for something then to find out at last minute your hard work had failed would have been to much for me. I know I needed the 4 weeks between my gender scan and anomaly scan to adjust to my own emotions before announcing it, this way I have been able to deal with my issues and begin to plan and look forward to his arrival!

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I was actually thinking gender scan after the regular scan. Then everyones done with their Qs and I can find out too :)

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Originally Posted by Becca.lms

I feel like I want a girl mostly for other people. Because I really am happy either way. I just want a baby.
But the pressure , the time limit, etc is what bugs me. And I don't think Its fair that I feel the need to have a girl to please others.
And my friend who had a girl set clothes aside for me..how long will she wait?
I think if I have a boy I'll be a bit disappointed, but because of the other people. If it was just me in my own world I wouldn't be disappointed at all. Its unfair my happiness will be downgraded because of others.

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Becca, I feel the same way! I have probably told about my MIL bugging me like 1000 times on this site.
But sometimes having a girll sounds like a privilige only selective people have, I just dont want to be left out :(
And yes, buying new pink stuff sounds fun!!!!