HELP How do you all stay hopeful month after month? Hopeful UPDATE

So it has been over a year. Since Sept./Oct 2012. We found out in Nov. '12 I have high FSH. I did a couple IUIs on low FSH months and have been trying naturally since.
Finally just got my AMH tested last month and it was 0.16 so very low. My FSH was 9.1 though. But I have heard the AMH is more important anyway? Is that right?

I am 36, the few times I have had FSh tested last fall/winter the numbers were:
5
18
7
14
all between Oct.12 and Jan.13
Tried 2 IUIs during that time.
Just focusing on diet and trying naturally since Jan. 13

I am eating healthy, taking wheatgrass, tablets, yoga, acupressure,etc.

How do you all stay hopeful month after month not getting pregnant??

I am trying not to focus on this too much so it doesn't take away from my current kids, you know? So I don't do OPK, just temp and I don't use Preseed, we just BD every other day or 2 days during fertile times.
Also, it is why I am not on here that often, it is harder to think about it all the time.

It is discouraging though and it is hard to know whether I just just try not to think about it at all and if a miracle happens, great, but in the meantime try to mentally move on and think about my family being complete. I have started getting rid of half the baby clothes/gear and maternity because it is hard keep storing that stuff and seeing it all the time.
Maybe there is a tiny part of me that believes I can be one of those women who gets rid of all the baby stuff, then all of a sudden ends up pregnant!

Anyway, what works for all of you to keep your spirits up? Do you think about it/not think about it?

Do you any of you feel that your focus on another baby made you miss time with your current ones???

Hi n...
I could have written this myself. You and I have a lot in common. I had a m/c at 12 weeks back in Oct 2012, and have been TTC #3 since then. Even when we going for #3 (it was a stealth move, lol) I did not expect that we would hit it first month. We were overjoyed. But when we lost bub, it was like, well now I MUST have another.

My FSH #s are almost identical to yours. I did two rounds of IVF, one fresh transfer and one FET. Just last month I did an IUI that resulted in very early m/c (actually, I haven't even m/c'd yet, but it is def over).

I have started to go down the road...whatever will be, will be. IYKWIM. It is just too hard to go through it every month. I can't hang on anymore (but YES I have kept every article of clothing from both of my kids, and the ones I haven't are "on loan" :))

Do I think I'm missing time with DD and DS? No not really. We all do TONS of stuff together as a family, and with DH and I being full-time, we try to squeeze every ounce out of our time together. It's the 2ww that is the most distracting, but even that is getting old and monotonous.

Sorry if I haven't helped much, just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.

Anchor...I have been meaning to tell you I love your new profile pic! Too cute!!:wink:

I can join this crowd and fit right in. I have been TTC since Nov 2012. I got a BFP on the first try but it was a blighted ovum. I got prego this past Nov but my hormones couldn't support it and i never got the BFP just the miserable miscarriage at 6wks.

How do I keep going...well, its a day to day endeavor....gender disappointment fuels a lot of it. I had horrid GD when prego with DD3 but then I had her and wouldn't trade her for all the boys in the universe. But getting through that GD required the hope and possibility of having a DC4 and swaying for a boy.

Age is another driving force. I am 38 and DH is 36...we have a 14yr old and two other kids. If we don't wrap up the baby making years we could be raising kids for 40 years...a bit much IMO. I can feel my body telling me its time to be done. AFter 35 my body doesn't bounce back like it used to and age takes its toll. I saw my mom have my oops! sister when she was in her mid-40's and all her other kids were 8yr old and older...it was hard on everyone.

My SIL had her last baby last night. She ordered BBGG and went team green for the last one only to realize her order had been completed exactly as it was entered...:sigh: doesn't seem to work that way for me.
Anywho, DH and I were talking about our new niece and all the issues we have had and why after 14+ months of swaying, still no baby and no promise of a boy. He has been great about swaying lately but he suggested that we may want to give up and move on. Part of me has come to realize that giving up isn't always something I can decide on, it may be a decision made for me by mother nature....but the other part of me has invested so many years in the HOPE of a boy and at this point, just the hope of one last baby before I turn 40, that I can't just toss it out the window today.

I am on a break because of my school schedule so we'll try again in Feb and March and go from there. The swaying journey has taught me a lot about my body and its cycles. I did a lot of the fertility testing and according to the doctors, everything is fine! Hmmmm, how come I haven't had a healthy pregnancy after 14 months of trying??? I finally found Pregnitude and it seems to be helping with my particular issues....I guess part of giving up would mean all this effort I have invested would be in vain and that seems like a waste to me when the possibility of a baby is very realistic at 38yrs old.

How do I not think about it? Well, I do but since it didn't work in the first few months I have been forced to keep it on my mind, but in the back of my mind. My kids keep me busy, I am busy with school, etc.

Do I think a new baby would distract from my kids? No, we are all in the best position possible to have a new baby. DH doesn't deploy any more, I am in a school pattern for 3 more years. The kids are all in full time school and quite independent. I think a baby would be so enjoyed at this point. It would be so novel and new for DD2 and DD3 because they were born close together and they don't remember the baby phase. The only one I worry about would be a new baby, they would essentially be an only child like my sister was....I have thought of convincing DH to have 2 more but we can't seem to get even one so I had better not push my luck! I kind of hope for twins but only if they are boys!!

Hope that helps...like Anchor said, you aren't alone. It can be a very heart breaking and sad road but I have learned to count my blessings and be grateful for what I do have. Its still hard to watch people get exactly what they order in the baby department, but their life can't be perfect everywhere else...I'd like to think!:worry:

Although I am not a later mom, I too am having trouble conceiving baby #3. I am 28 and dh is 29, and quite frankly I would have never guessed that after a year of trying, we still have not become pg. DD1 took us almost a year to conceive, however I had an m/c at 6/7 weeks and it took almost 9 months for my cycles to become normal again. DD2 was conceived on the first month of trying. I am on a break until Jan/Feb, as I will begin seeing a fertility specialist at the end of January (first new patient appt they could give me).

At the beginning of this journey, I was hopeful and excited. In the beginning of my sway, every month it didn't happen, gave me a chance to tweek my sway a little, hopefully making it better. Although slightly discouraged as each month passed, I knew it could take some time, and again each month gave me a chance to "do better." Six months came and went, and so did my enthusiasm and hopefulness, as there were several months that everything was "perfect" and I thought that surely those months would have given me a bfp and all that happened was af.

Some days are hard, especially when someone I know gets pg, even if they are having a boy or a girl. The holidays/family get-togethers are hard for me now because my SIL has a 5 month old son, and the last thing I honestly want to do is be around them because it reminds me of what I don't have and what I long for so deeply words cannot even describe the feeling. Some days I cry and ask God why hasn't this happened yet, why can't I have a son. I believe that things happen for a reason, I just have yet to see/understand the "reason" why I am having trouble getting pg or why I don't have my son.

Month after month it is hard to keep going, and some days I just want to say enough is enough, I should be happy with what I have and enjoy my family. The thing is, I don't feel like my family is complete yet. I have put a years worth of work into this and I don't want to scrap the work I have done.

Honestly my sway has started to slack as life/work are making it difficult to follow at times. I do my best, that's all I can do. I don't think my focus on another baby affects my dds. I am not obsessive about my sway and I probably should be, but I don't want it to rule my life or my marriage.

At the end of the day, it is hard to keep focus and hope alive, but it's that little piece of hope that one day I will hopefully have a son, that keeps me going and moving forward.

Good luck to us all!!!!!

*Sigh* missmegrn...how we relate to each other. I meant to reply to one of your other posts when you mentioned the ride back from the u/s with DD2 and you and DH couldn't talk to each other for days. We went through the same thing. DH and I couldn't even say anything to each other or I would break into tears. It was awful.

We will be visiting my parents for a super quick visit after Christmas and my SIL with her 'perfect' family will be by to show off her kids. I am dreading it but glad our visit will be only hours, not days. It is so hard to be around anyone pregnant especially those having boys so easily.

I believe life happens exactly how its supposed to and I usually see the wisdom in things that were once confusing as the years go by...but this one is making no sense.

Thank you all so much. It really helps to know you are not alone.

Yeah, distracted is a good word for it. I guess if I am not going to be able to have anymore kids I just want to make sure I am not too distracted/focused on trying that I an not mentally fully there while my current kiddos grow. At the same time, I am not ready to throw in the towel, although it feels less hopeful each month.

Anchor, I know I feel like we have had similar paths. That is great you were able to get pregnant again, but I am so sorry it's ending. My DH (and me a little) isn't able to do the rollercoaster of treatments. We'd have 3 more IUIs covered, no IVFs. So we are just trying on our own.

Adia, I totally hear you on the age gap. Our 4 kids are all 16-21 months apart and we really like them close together. In some ways I wouldn't mind a bigger age gap if we are able to have another because I would be able to enjoy a little baby more, but I definitely wouldn't want more than a 5 year gap because of exactly what you said about the 8 yr. gap with your sister. I wouldn't want my last little one to feel alone.


So, I continue this journey-really hoping for a healthy miracle. I do have to confess, I do end up having 2-4 drinks a month. I know especially with the high FSH I should not be drinking at all, but after this long I have also realized I can't deprive myself completely because I have realized it would just make the not getting pregnant that much more hard each month. Ahh, I do have sugar in my diet too-chocolate, m&ms, etc.

I have to admit, I also have thoughts of wanting to foster to adopt, but at the same time it makes me nervous. I don't know how a child would feel being the only non biological in the family. Also, DH is not quite on board with that idea.

My 6 yr. old asked me yesterday if I had any eggs left (He reads a lot of non fiction and loves animals hence the egg question) Anyway, I said yes-although I am not positive based on the .16 AMH. So he said well why don't we have anymore babies?

Poor thing, he is the oldest so used to seeing another LO by now. My youngest will be 2 this spring. Those moments make it hard too.

Thanks again everyone-what a sucky thing to find others to relate too, but I am thankful to know I am not alone. It is so hard to not feel done and not be able to have another. On that note too though it has made me so understanding of others with fertility issues and beyond thankful for the wonderful children I do have.

I lost my mom in my 20s and it has made me appreciate the time I do have with my kids and now this really makes me appreciate I have any kids at all.

I hope at least some of us have a wonderful 2014 with some miracles thrown in.

I don't know about you all, but I truly don't care about the gender at this point (although my one only son would LOVE a little brother-though even he has said just have one more baby mom even if it's a girl;)

I don't even know how I stay hopeful each month..I would say Faith! I haven't been TTC as long as you ladies but 6mos (TTC) and 7 mos on LE. I feel sick of eating fruit, rice and vegetables every day for the past 7 months. I do have cheats but only twice a week. My mistake was that I started off to strict with LE and intense exercise. I lost weight pretty fast went from 116 to 106lbs which made me look anorexic and made me loose Ov. I'm now paying the price for it I had to go on the upper limits after 3months of strict LE and gained back some weight (currently 113lbs), but It's obvious that the way in eating is never going to get me anywhere. I took Clomid this cycle and unsure if it even worked and I'm thinking at seeing a RE. I'm going to have to make changes with Le but will include chicken or salmon each day (once a day). I'm still going to skip breakfast and continue exercise, but I really need to Ov back again. Never have I had issues conceiving always ob my first try. I wanted my babies close in age but I know that what I want is not exactly how ir will be. It is up to God when it will happen and if he gives us our DD.
I feel depressed at days and other days hopeful. I can cry to my dh and argue with him and at the end I'm thankful he supports every decision I make. Even with our bd patterns (while on Clomid). I just don't want to lose time with my babies or dh because I'm all wound up on TTC our DG. I really want to quit and leave everything in Gods hands and I'm thinking that's what I will be doing if I don't get a bfp this cycle. I can't continue this way because It's only harming me and perhaps, my loved ones.
You're not alone in this I'm sure there's many of us;(

While I will keep doing all I can to sway for a boy, I would be so happy with another girl too. I feel this chapter closing in my life so I'll take what I can get.

I don't have anything to add but sending you guys huge (((hugs))), let me know if/how I can help in any way.

Hi, just thought I'd offer some hope for other moms out there. From my first post some of you know about my low AMH .16 at age 36 (after having 4 kids from age 30-35).
I had it tested again 6 months later while doing self acupressure, yoga, and staying on my healthy diet, vitamins, etc. and it was .33
I really had not been on here much because I couldn't try/hope each month anymore. Anyway, right after that last AMH in April 2014 I stopped meditating and doing acupressure, but still exercised and ate pretty healthy, but starting this fall did have a beer every night with dinner.
We basically stopped trying last spring and at this point are NTNP.
Anyway, I happened to have my AMH checked again Dec. 2014 and it was 1.64!! (technically normal)
Same lab and I also did have an US a couple months before due to possible cyst and the US Tech said there were a lot of follicles, but my dominant one was only 7cm and this was day 11 or 13, can't remember.
Also, I know a lot people say upping Vit D. can raise AM, but my D has always been normal and never low and I have always taken a normal dose of it. So basically I haven't really changed any supplements this entire time except to maybe drop the wheatgrass and fish oil so for the last 8 months have only been taking one a day, 50mg coq10, and vit d (small dose 1,000).
really have no idea why my AMH went up, maybe just hormonal aging fluke, who knows. It was also odd that I had so many follicles at the US a couple months ago because low AMH means not many follicles if I understand it correctly.

I am not expecting a miracle and while this does gives me a little hope for that "golden egg" DH cannot go back to actively trying and thinking there is a possibility each month and a big part of me cannot do it either.
But for those of you out there, there is definitely hope that AMH can go up significantly!

n710, thank you for your update! I'm not really part of this group (yet) but having turned 35 in Sep it feels like every month is countdown to dwindling fertility. It sure doesn't feel like there's any time to waste, that's for sure. If our FET doesn't work out then we'll be just trying to preggo, no hard core sway as I just don't feel I have the time to do anything that might reduce my fertility.

Your numbers give me hope too! We hear so much about AMH being the be-all end-all, and how it can't go back up, and yet look at you! Just proves that the medical professionals might talk big but they really don't know everything at all.

I wonder if it was the CoQ10 that helped you? I've been reading so many good things about it.

Thanks for updating and I"m SO happy for you that things are moving in a good direction!

AMH is one of those things that is new and they dont' seem to quite understand how it works, they used to say that it was 100% set in stone but so many eople have seen it improve, they don't say that any more.

Did you see Adia did get pg and is having a boy??

Yup I saw!

I think AMH is one of those things that are relevant to IVF'ers because they want lots of eggs at once, and not so much for regular TTC'ers who only need ONE egg a month. Totally different goals.

(Oh and forgive me for going off topic, but I sent you a few PM's over the last week Atomic, just wondering if you got them okay? No rush to get back to me if you're busy of course but I was worried they were disappearing!)

N710- thank you for your post, and it could not have come too soon! For the past two months my FSH has been over 40 and my AMH was less than 0.3. I have an appointment tomorrow with an RE to discuss my options, but DH and I do not want to do IVF or use donor eggs. Atomic has me doing her fertility diet, and I am taking 100mg of CoQ10 once a day and have been for 1 cycle now.

This gives me hope that maybe my numbers can improve too. I just turned 35 in September and have a 19mo old so I know I can get pregnant! I just can't imagine that my numbers could change this drastically in less than 2 years, since I conceived DS2 right away.

GL to you, and I hope you catch Goldie the golden egg! I bet you have some nice, healthy ones now!!


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XX, I'm sorry to read about your poor numbers. :( It's so frustrating. I hope the fertility diet helps your numbers improve!

You do have to be patient with the Coq10 though, it's one of those things that takes awhile to make a difference but I've read very good things about it. Don't know if you know, but there are actually two forms of Coq10. The cheaper one that's pretty much found everywhere, and the much pricier ubuiquinol version. I couldn't afford the ubuiquinol long term (it was like, $90/month!!!) so I use the cheaper CoQ10. I get mine at Walmart for $35, they're 400mg and I take 2. So yes, 800mg a day and that's approved by HRC.

So you might want to think about upping your Coq10, I don't think 100mg is going to be enough to make a big diff. Even ubuiquinol should be taken at 200-400mg. The dosage for Coq10 is more like 400-800mg/day to help egg quality.

Thank you LacePrincess! I will do that! My appointment is today to get a plan for next cycle. I will update my post in the TTC Help and Infertility Support thread afterward...if you're curious!

I have hope because my numbers went from complete normal to crazy high in 2 years time! My OB said that as dismal as my numbers are it takes quite a bit of time to get there and thinks there is more going on. We'll see.

I am in a better place about things. I always wanted to be a boy mom and I adore my two boys! I would love to give DH his DD, but I count my blessings for my boys every day...they are miracles...they all are!

GL to you too LacePrincess! I hope things go well with your FET and you don't have to sway! That would be AWESOME!!


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