New here, third boy...

Printable View

January 7th, 2014, 07:41 PM
MommyAubs

New here, third boy...

Hi ladies,
So I am new to this site, but not new to GD. I just found out on Thursday that we are expecting boy number three and I'm just broken. I'd like to give a little background to catch you ladies up to speed on my journey.

I had my first son very young (hubby and I were 18). We did want a girl, but we're still THRILLED to find out he was a boy. This was back in 2005. Three years later my mom died from ovarian cancer and it was an awful time. Of course my husband thought it would be a great time to have a baby and surprised me one night, which I was very excited about. I was SURE this would be my daughter and was so excited to have a bond with her like I did with my mom. I bought a baby girl outfit, and excitedly prepared for our elective scan.

We went, and heard "it's a boy". I felt like someone knocked the wind out of me, and cried on the way out, and for hours after. Then I was in denial until the anatomy scan, and it was like hearing it for the first time. I was in a very dark place, and kept wishing for something awful to just happen, so I didn't have to face having a boy I didn't want. My disappointment didn't end until he was born. He had the cord around his neck twice and didn't cry. They had to give him oxygen and didn't tell us anything. It felt like forever, but was really only a minute. I was instantly in love with this new little person and did not care what was between his legs.

He is now four years old and such a joy in my life. I love him so much and wouldn't trade him or his older brother for any girl. He does have high functioning autism which makes life a little bit challenging, but it makes him who he is. Of course, I feel that I contributed to his autism because of hoping for something bad to happen, but I try not to think that way.

I feel like I'm rambling, and sound like every other mother grieving because they don't have a certain gender, so I will try to make this next part quick. I felt that this little one was going to be a boy, and was really hoping I was wrong. I'm sad, angry, and just plain frustrated that I can't make this pain go away. I want to be HAPPY about this sweet little person. I'm trying so hard to be excited, and feel awful that I'm not. I used to talk to him all day every time I felt his little kicks and somersaults. Now, it's like I force myself to remind him he's loved and feel so GUILTY.

My husband wants a daughter as well, but doesn't show his disappointment if there is any. He tells me that I'm making it hard for him to be happy about our son, which makes me feel worse. I just want little Remington to get here now so I can move on! I want to be happy for the rest of this pregnancy just in case it is my last. We always talked about four kids, but I never imagined that I would have three boys....so now I'm not so sure. Anyway, thank you for listening....and I hope that everyone who is struggling finds peace.
January 7th, 2014, 09:30 PM
kblake24254

Im sorry to hear that you are struggling. I think that it is good to talk about it and not keep it all inside. The feelings will be there not matter what. It's hard when you feel guilty and as if your losing some of your sanity. But I am sure these feelings will pass and will be just a memory of a time you were in a different place. Keep your head up and remember that it is OK to feel this way and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We are all human and some days will be better than others. I hope that one day you will get your girl but until then try not to let countless days pass by not being happy, and Im not saying this is easy by any means. Wish you the best of luck :)
January 7th, 2014, 10:31 PM
Adia

We relate all too well.

Keep venting all you need to, many of us have been right where you are.

Maybe just keeping the hope of swaying for a girl is what you need to get through the rest of this pregnancy regardless of whether you do or don't sway for a girl in the future.

Big hugs, GD is much easier once you have a sweet baby to snuggle.
January 7th, 2014, 10:35 PM
MommyAubs

Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope I'm replying directly to your post kblake. Sometimes I need to be reminded that it's ok to feel. :)
January 7th, 2014, 10:39 PM
MommyAubs

Adia, thank you so much for responding. I am looking into swaying because HT is definitely not in our cards. I know when I see him the disappointment will be a memory. Thanks so much for the hugs and I so hope that you get to have a sweet little boy. :)
January 8th, 2014, 12:45 PM
motherofboys

Hi there I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I have 4 boys and with number 4 I had my first experience of gd. Like your hubby mine wants a girl but tries not to show his feelings, just isn't as good at it. We talked of more children to buy after hearing boy for the 4th time hubby had a kind of "is there any point if we knew it wool be yet another boy" and I have to say it does make it slightly harder to get excited about the prospect of another, knowing I'll most likely go through gd again. So I can understand some of the things you are feeling. But please know any extra 'difficulties' your son may have are not your fault. Each person we bring into this world is the person we were supposed to have and if exactly how they were supposed to be. I'm sure there is some lesson some where in all this for those of us who have to face gd.
January 8th, 2014, 04:37 PM
MommyAubs

Motherofboys thank you. I feel the same way about the possibility of number four as you do about five. What's the point? Now not to say four boys would be the end of the world, because if I had a daughter in there somewhere it wouldn't be. Of course maybe it would and I would feel bad that my daughter wouldn't have a sister. That is all hypothetical, and I have no idea how I would actually feel. Thanks again for your comment and support :)
January 9th, 2014, 12:18 PM
Claire33

Welcome to the club mama! I don't have many consoling words to say, apart from I've been there, climbed out of the darkness and am now madly in love with my 3rd boy. GD rears it's ugly head now and then, but I still enjoy my great family the way it is. Still not sure about a 4th child, as I considered 3 my maximum.

Hugs to you, it will get better than this I promise! This baby is a wonderful child and individual, even though it's hard to see at the moment.
January 11th, 2014, 01:56 AM
MommyAubs

Thank you Claire :) I can sort of see that light at the end of the tunnel, because I've been here before. I wish time would go faster, so I could meet little man. I'm just happy that it isn't as awful as last time.
January 13th, 2014, 04:26 AM
Mrs.tinkerbell

I dont have a reason to look in this forum but whilst swaying I always seem to as I did think id be in this situation too. I have a friend with 4 boys who is not having anymore but had extreme gd with her 2nd 3rd and 4th boy however now she can say she's so over it and never looks back or dreams of a girl, I did tell her about my sway and this site and she said even if someone could say she was 100% having a girl she wouldn't sway still she's finally happy with what she has. Hope u don't have to wait to long to meet you new beautiful boy and these feelings go away quickly x
January 13th, 2014, 04:03 PM
MommyAubs

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs.tinkerbell

I dont have a reason to look in this forum but whilst swaying I always seem to as I did think id be in this situation too. I have a friend with 4 boys who is not having anymore but had extreme gd with her 2nd 3rd and 4th boy however now she can say she's so over it and never looks back or dreams of a girl, I did tell her about my sway and this site and she said even if someone could say she was 100% having a girl she wouldn't sway still she's finally happy with what she has. Hope u don't have to wait to long to meet you new beautiful boy and these feelings go away quickly x

Thank you :) I'm really hoping that the feelings will disappear like last time. My dh has agreed to swaying and whatever else my crazy mind comes up with. So, we may have our girl in a few more years. My cousin just had her fourth boy and he is so cute. I'm not very close with her so I've never mentioned my gd, and I have no idea if she has it. I do know they are also done having kids. If we were to have another boy after this little guy, I know for the sake of our marriage, sanity and finances we would call it quits. I've had a hard few days this past week. I'll feel like I'm starting to let it go, and then my sil comes over (who knows about my gd) and is showing me little dresses on Pinterest. Sometimes she is just blissfully unaware, and got the hint after I responded to the third picture with "uh huh" anyway, sorry for rambling and thank you for responding. :)
January 17th, 2014, 01:20 PM
GreaseMonkey

:( I am sorry, I know exactly how you feel. I am pregnant with baby #3 and I know it's going to be a boy. But this pregnancy is different than my other 2 and it is making think that this is my last baby. The possibility of never having my girl is more hurtful than the possibility of hearing boy :/ DS#2 I had terrible GD, I didn't bond with him until 6 months into his life :(
This one, I feel I have no right feeling GD, I got pregnant without knowing I could be pregnant, my mirena fell out and my DH didn't tell me about it. He thought we had "more time" since it is birth control and the chemicals were still present blah blah blah. Then we thought we lost the baby when I started cramping and bleeding only to find out that it wasn't the case and that I was still very much pregnant. It makes me feel unappreciative of this little life growing inside of me :(
January 18th, 2014, 01:42 AM
MommyAubs

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreaseMonkey

:( I am sorry, I know exactly how you feel. I am pregnant with baby #3 and I know it's going to be a boy. But this pregnancy is different than my other 2 and it is making think that this is my last baby. The possibility of never having my girl is more hurtful than the possibility of hearing boy :/ DS#2 I had terrible GD, I didn't bond with him until 6 months into his life :(
This one, I feel I have no right feeling GD, I got pregnant without knowing I could be pregnant, my mirena fell out and my DH didn't tell me about it. He thought we had "more time" since it is birth control and the chemicals were still present blah blah blah. Then we thought we lost the baby when I started cramping and bleeding only to find out that it wasn't the case and that I was still very much pregnant. It makes me feel unappreciative of this little life growing inside of me :(

Oh hun, HUGE hugs to you. A few weeks before I found out I started to fill my registry with all boy stuff. I was hoping I was wrong, but nope. I'm starting to feel some relief, but we all know that can change just by a careless comment. His very first blanket came in the mail today, and it's so so cute. When our first ds was born he had a blanket with stars on it, and his first picture was taken on top of it. So when I was pregnant with ds 2 I suggested we do the same! So I registered for this really cute one, and a very good friend bought it for my shower. The one for our newest addition is great, and it helps me remember how much I wanted another baby in the first place. I still would have loved to get the pink one that was just like it though. I hope that this time if it is another little boy for you, that you can find small comforts like I have been. Take care :bighug: