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My son is currently 2 1/2 and we had planned to try for #2 in April, but I'm not sure I'm ready. I had a terrible pregnancy with morning sickness, bleeding and SPD. My son had severe reflux until he was 16 months. I'm just not sure I'm ready to do it all over again just yet. I'm worried if I leave it too long the gap will get too big and they won't get along.
Do you have a larger gap between your kids (say 4+ years) and how do you find it?
My boys are 21 months apart and I love it. I think 2 kids are easier than one!
my kids are 28 months apart and we are definitely going to go even longer between 2 and 3. for me, 2 kids was not twice as hard, it was like 10 times as hard since my second had severe reflux like that :( It is getting easier as they get older though.
I think you should do what you are okay with but I think 4 years is a lot to have two kids want to play together- that's not the only reason to have kids though...they will make friends of their own too!
To put it in perspective, where I live, 4 years difference could mean you would have one child in first grade and the other would be in 5th grade- it's a big difference in maturity. My two older girls play together. They have 2 year, 9 month age gap. Three years old meant the older one was still home with us for 3 more years before she went to school full time. She "grew up" with her younger sibling, side-by-side at home.
Now, my eldest is friendly with her sister that is 5 years younger but they don't "hang". Way too big of an age difference. They are obviously still sisters and buds, but not a playmates.
I understand being afraid. My oldest son was unplanned, I had a really hard time adjusting to motherhood, part of which was due to his severe acid reflux and failure to thrive. But I went the other way...I wanted another almost immediately because I guess I wanted to be beyond the fear of having another (I don't always do things logically! Lol). But, ill say, it worked. My second son was nothing like his brother, healthy and hearty without issues. I also found having two to be easier than having one.
That said, I don't think having a gap of 4 years is necessarily going to create a divide where the kids couldn't be close. My brothers are 4 years apart and have been very close their whole lives. Sure, the first-grade and fifth-graders didn't have a lot in common at school. But they played similar sports, enjoyed some similar activities (building things, nerf guns) and they played together pretty well across the ages. I even enjoyed playing with my youngest brother and there are 6.5 years between the two of us. I don't know if that experience is outside the norm, but a close friend of mine has 4 years between her boys and even though they are still little (6 & 2), they play and interact much the same as my two who are 4 & 2.
In the end, it's what works for your family. The dynamics will be fine, no matter how you decide to space them.
(For the record: I am 2.5 years older than my immediately younger brother and we have never gotten along very well. As children we didn't fight, really. We just didn't have similar interests and saw life so differently that we just kinda ignored one another. As adults, we are cordial, but not close. We don't have anything in common. So even close-in-age children aren't guaranteed to be close)
We are aiming for 36 month gap this time. At first I thought we were done at 2 kids but now to see them playing and having so much fun I want another one!
I have 4 boys aged 8, 6, 3 (4 in a week) and 4 months. The 1st 2 are 20 months apart, they were 4yrs 1month and 2yrs 4 months when the 3rd arrived and the 4 year gap between DS1 and DS3 hasn't made a huge difference. In fact DS 3 loves the fact his big brother can read to him, and the oldest 2 are so excited for their little brother to start school with them in Sept (we start at 4 in England)
I admit I prefer smaller gaps but even with small gaps between each child eventually you are going to get a bigger gap between the eldest and youngest and you do find there are bonds there. I can already see a special bond between #1 & #4 developing where he knows so much more about things now and how to help and likes to sit and cuddle and protect the baby.
It took a long time to conceive my 4th which was why we ended up with a bigger gap this time, of more than 3 and half years.
And obviously you may just want to two, but my point is you have to do what's right for you and whatever happens your children will find some way to form a bond, be it playing with similar toys or being an extra care giver.
I am concerned about it too. Ours are close in age. There is 8.5 months between the first two and 19 months between the second two. The middle DS is really close to both his brothers, but the oldest and youngest are not as close. Now there is a possible 6 to 7 year difference between my youngest and our last (since we aren't ttc quite yet) and I am scared what kind of relationship they are going to have.
I only have 1 so far but if things go according to plans..the difference between my son and 2nd will be 5 years. Which i feel is too big of a gap..if I had it my way, I'd have had my 2nd by the time my kiddo was 3 but thanks to hubby dearest, things are different. I am grateful in a way coz it gave me an opportunity to explore gender swaying
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My Son turned 4 10 days before I had ds2. My ds2 had terrible reflux too and it was just a nightmare I am glad I have the 4 year gap because I would not of been able to cope if ds1 was younger. In saying that my ds1 is such a placid kid has been from day one! My ds2 on the other hand is a nightmare!!! He is 17 months and just a handful!!! It is a hard one and only you can make that call but your next bub could be a perfect baby you just never know!
All of mine are around 2.5 years apart and I like it. I decided to go even closer this time, I feel well adjusted as a mother and kind of just want to be done having babies so I am ready to move on.
I think they get a long better when they are closer in age and I myself don't prefer huge gaps but I will say this...my youngest brother was an oops baby 8 years after me. Now I am almost 30 and he is 20, we are really good friends. We also did play well together until I was about 14-15 but from 15 to 22 we were not close...at all. I was much closer with my other older brother who was only 3 years ahead of me.
I know someone who still hasn't made up her mind about number 2 and her son is going to be 7 now and they pretty much said he is too old and they won't have another one because they waited too long.
I also know someone who had a child every 10 years...
The choice is yours, if you are waiting to not be afraid I do know from others who did wait that it gets harder and harder to have another the further you get out because it is hard to revert back into having a baby around. back to back kids has allowed me to be in a place where I was never "free" from all the baby things and it isn't hard to welcome it back and get adjusted quickly.
I think it all has to do with personalities. My 1st two are closest in age, but least bonded. My 13yr old and 3yr old are super bonded. My closest in age sister and I never talk..im closer to my eldest sister. I wouldnt worry about age gaps personally. For me, I prefer 3+ yrs apart only for my sanity lol
oh yes.. there is a wonderful argument for wider gaps. The older they are the more helpful they can be!
It is a B*t*h to get all my kids in the van and buckled. I hate going anywhere quick and it even deters me from doing certain activities, especially in the winter months. My oldest is still in a harness and is special needs though so he needs help.
When my baby brother was born I was such a help to my mom. As I got older I found myself being more of a mother figure to him though than a sibling. I raised him more than my own mother did.
I like th 2 years is my 2nd and 3rd are 5 years apart and I dint enjoy the whole aspect of "starting over again"
My son is five in may and I have only just become ready to have another, due to severe lack of sleep, a special needs diagnosis and postnatal depression.
I worried too but ultimately your mental and physical health must prevail over playmate considerations as ultimately that should not be why you want to have more children. I have a sister who is ten years younger than me, and 8 years younger than my other sister and we loved playing with her and helped mum with a lot.
There is no right age gap, it's what's right for an individual family
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Ds2 was born one week before ds1 turned one. We weren't planning on having another one so soon after the first but it has been the best thing for all of us. They keep each other entertained. They play together and share everything. We are currently trying for a dd. Ds1 will be two in April and ds2 will be one.
I had 3 years 8 months between my first two and that is my least favorite age gap. My older son freaked when my younger one was born and it was a very hard transition. They were too different in ages to really play together much (and the only reason they were ever able to is that my older son was kinda immature and my younger son is an "old soul"). But still close enough so they had rivalry and competed for the same friends and stuff. Now that they're adults they do seem to get along better. That having been said physically it was much much easier on me.
My younger sons are 21 months apart and then DS 4 and DD are 2 1/2 years apart. While it was a hard go for a couple years there when I had 2 in diapers and all three waking up in the night, and physically was draining to have that many pg/births all back to back, they get along really well together compared to my older boys and those three are peas in a pod.
I think at the end of it all, it's prob. more fun for the kiddos to be close in age, but easier when they're little if they are spaced further.
It definitely just depends on the family. My 2dds are 4.5 years apart because it was best for dh and I, since we had our first dd in our early 20s and had to get used to being parents. My dds get along very well and my older dd helps the little one with homework and everything. The only hiccup is that they are both control freaks and they tend to bump heads with certain things. My little one is 6 and we are trying for our 3rd because, again, it's best for our family and for my sanity :-) I'm excited because I know my girls are more independent now and can help out with the 3rd!
My sister and I have 14 year age gap, she is 15 now and we are best friends. I think in regard to sibling bonds, it's definitely more about personalities than age gaps.
My 2 DDs are 3 years 2 months apart & I really like it! Initially I wanted 2 really close but it took me 14 months to get PG with DD#2.my oldest was fully spotty trained when #2 came along & we did a good job on psyching her up to be s big sister.she was a cute little helper.she would throw away dirty diapers put her bknki back in her mouth give her toys & play with her if she cried.stuff like that.it does make it hard though to TTC again & start all over.If I'm PG this month DD#1& baby will be almost 7 years apart DD#2 & baby 3 years 8 months.DD#2 LOVES babies so that makes me feel better!
In my family I'm the oldest.my brother is 7 years younger & sister is 9 years younger.I got along with my brother much better.my brother and sister are 22 months apart & fought constantly & NEVER get along.not even now as adults.I really didn't like having such an age gap with the.I always felt like the second mother & all I wanted was to be a sister!
My DH has one sister only 13 months older & they are very close
I think the 'perfect' age gap is a personal subject. I think it really doesn't matters. The you'll have close kids if you have a small age gap is rubbish and isn't a blanket for all.
There is 9 yrs between my sister and me and we were close growing up and still are. My hubby had 2 yrs between his older brother and 4 between his younger sister and is is much much closer to his sister and was growing up.
Go with what feels right for you.
I understand how you feel. My son was very much wanted and in all honesty I hated the first year. We spent most of it in hopsital with him having a severe dairy allery and reflux. His skin peeled it was that bad. He cried 24/7 literally and never slept. I cried along with him. He was/is very hard work but I am now ready to give him a sibling and pray it does not have the same intollerances as him x
I agree. It mostly depands on your family environment and how u r raised that determines closeness not just with siblings but family.
.my sis is 2 yrs older than me and I have a bro 1-1/2 yr younger than me. My sis and i talk but are not super close. My brother and u haven't talked in years..and our family dynamic is unfortunately very toxic thanks to my dad
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Yeh that's why my DH is having issues with having our 4th because we would be starting over again.
I have a 2.5 year gap between my two first sons and it was hard to start with and deal with a toddler and a baby but as time went it was so easy as they played so well together - they are still very close and best friends - they are now aged 11 and 8.
Last year I gave birth to my 3rd son so there's a massive age gap (10years) and yes it is starting all over again but it's so enjoyable. It's like having a first child again but without the angst and fears of being a first time parent. We are so much more relaxed and the elder boys adore their little brother. We are all smitten.
Having said that, We can't wait to give our youngest a little sibling to play with and complete the family. I never thought I would have more than 2 children, let alone more than 3! But as soon as our youngest baby was born (last year) I felt broody again!
There's no right age gap or right way, it's how it fits and suits your family.
Good luck!
I agree, we also have the 13 year age gap between DS 2 and 3, and it was very nice really because the fears of having the first two boys was just totally gone and we knew what we were doing. My older sons have had the experience of taking care of babies and little kids that they wouldn't otherwise have had.
Ours are 28 months apart and honestly with DD2 at 26mos I would've been 7/8 months pregnant, I can't believe I did it. That said they can be the best of friends or the worst enemies. Though DD2 misses DD1 whilst she's at school and both have expressed that they want to share a bedroom.
Next two will be at least 40 months between them. I like this better, both DD's will be attending school and nursery so I'll have to leave the house but I'll get one to one time with baby which I didn't really get with DD2 as DD1 was in full swing terrible twos. That's just my preferences.
You have to think about what's right for you and your family and circumstances. I didn't want another one so close but our circumstances may change by end of 2015 where it may become unfeasible to have another baby past that which was our plan so we've brought them forward.
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