New and feeling guilty and overwhelmed

Hi everyone, I'm just after joining and wanted to say hi. I'm hopper from Ireland, married to a wonderful man who would give me the world if he possibly could and mom to two absolutely beautiful and precious baby boys who I love beyond measure.

A little back story: My DH and I met in 2002 and from very early on we knew we wanted kids. Timing was never quite right and we eventually got engaged in February 2009 setting the date for May 2011. I came off birth control in March 2010 and spent over a year tracking my cycle using OPKs to be prepared for TTC to commence on honeymoon. We conceived DS1 while in Las Vegas but decided to not find out the gender. I suffered very badly with hyperemesis for over 20 weeks and as a result everyone, and their mother told me I was 100% having a girl as supposedly sickness automatically meant girl! I was so convinced that we were team pink that I never even considered boy names!! After a wonderful labour numbed by the epidural, which I had not wanted to have but needs must, out popped our gorgeous boy. I was so surprised, it really overshadowed the magical moment for me. I loved my baby immediately but the baby that had been inside me had been a girl in my mind so it took a while to reconcile the two. Anyway at 6 months post partum I was diagnosed with post natal anxiety, my doctor treated me on 5mg of Lexapro for 6 months, I felt a million times better almost immediately. After a lot of talking and soul searching I realised it had been the shock of having a boy along with the disappointment in having the epidural therefore not having the natural birth I wanted. Also he was a terrible sleeper waking every hour on the hour for months and months so sleep deprivation didn't make things any easier to deal with.
I had never went back on birth control after DS1 and had been tracking my cycle again with OPKs since May 2012. We brought DS1 to Disney World in May 2013 and started TTC #2. I had spent a while looking at pink sways on IG but not in much detail. We decided to try the SMEP, starting on day 6 as my cycles had been consistently irregular post partum. We conceived immediately and at 6 weeks the hyperemesis started again. Up to then I had remained optimistic that we could be having a girl but once the sickness kicked in I knew chances were slim. DH did not want a gender scan but I needed to know the gender after the surprise on DS1 so at 19 weeks it was confirmed we were having our second son. The sickness was a lot worse this time but only lasted til 16 weeks. I had a much happier pregnancy in general and when my labour started in February I was much more mentally prepared. My waters broke and pains started within 5 minutes, our second boy was born less than an hour later with no pain relief whatsoever. It was magical (I do realise that it might sound crazy to describe such pain as being magical but there ya go!) DS2 is the happiest little man, sleeping great and just so relaxed, I love both of my children so much and am so blessed to have them in my life.
And thats where the guilt comes in....I feel sick to my stomach most days with the horrible guilt I feel at my NEED for a little girl :sad: DH has been saying he would be happy to be finished now as he knows how hard pregnancy is for me with hyperemesis and it makes me so upset. During the week I told my sister how I feel and she made me feel like I don't love my boys and I'm not grateful for what I have. Which made me worse! Then yesterday I had a meltdown and cried inconsolably for over an hour. DH didn't realise the extent of my feelings and was as understanding as he could be. We decided to revisit the topic of TTC late this year/early next year and in the hopes of being proactive I joined here. I have read a little bit but its so overwhelming I am lost and don't know what to do first. Does anyone have any advice or can steer me in the right direction? Is there anything I can start doing so far in advance of starting a pink sway? I was looking at ordering ph strips online first.
If you've made it to the end of this essay thanks for reading! Looking forward to getting to know everyone and eventually starting my sway :)

Hi and welcome! Thanks for sharing such an honest, open and beautiful story of your life. You really have found the best place for not only advice and support with swaying but also understanding and knowing in regards to your feelings and longing for a daughter.

There is a lot of info to take in and if it's an option for you, I highly recommend the personalised plans.

In the meantime there are threads on the basics of the LE diet (that most of us follow when trying to conceive a girl) and other essays on the other sway aspects. I'm sure someone will post links to these for you (I'm not sure how to or where they all are).

You could also start by cutting out read meat or going vegetarian and delaying the time you eat breakfast. 😊

It sounds like you have an amazing DH! ❤️

Hi and welcome!

In the link in my signature below is the Complete Index and if you copy/paste that into your browser bar, it will take you to an alphabetized guide on a ton of swaying topics.

I have moved away from having people test pH. We saw so many pH opposites both boy to girl and girl to boy that it's become impossible for me to believe it tells us anything reliable and it makes people very stressed.

Hi Hun :) no one will make you feel like a bad or ungrateful mummy here; goodness knows most of us have been there, done that and got the t- shirt several times over! ;) it is entirely possible to completely and utterly love your kid(s) but still feel the hole of where another one should be regardless of if you have experienced gender desire/ disappointment or not.
I wish you the best of luck for your pink sway x x

Welcome and know you are in good company. Your story sounds very similar to mine. I had two sons and my heart ached so badly for a DD. I never discussed these feelings with anyone but my DH because I feared the reaction that you got from your sister. You won't get any of that judgement here. These women completely understand your want to have a DD and it doesn't mean that you don't love your sons and you aren't grateful for them.

Also, I wanted to let you know there is a lot of hope for your hyperemesis. I suffered really bad morning sickness. I had several IV fluids with DS2. When I got PG with baby #3 I was dreading it. Had no idea how I was going to take care of my 2 DS (my DH works out of town). I started researching on my own and found a couple of sites and blogs that talked about low carb diets for morning sickness. Well, to make a long story short I didn't puke once with my third baby and I am now PG with baby #4 and haven't puked yet. I am super good about what I eat. I don't eat ANY refined carbs and only a very small amount of fruits. I eat meat, cheese, eggs, salad, and vegetables (but not potatoes). I still feel a little sick at times when I need to eat (low blood sugar) but other than that I am fully functional to the point my Mom doesn't have a clue I am PG. I just wanted to let you know there is hope out there for morning sickness!! Feel free to PM me if you have more questions. You don't have to suffer like so many do. When I have told my Drs about this they don't seem to give it much thought.

Here are the sites I first researched the topic:

Trust and Obey: Low Carb Diet - Now for Morning Sickness Prevention?

and

High Carb Diets Can Cause Morning Sickness | The Primal Parent

Good luck and know you have a lot of support from great women on this site!!

Hi, welcome and good luck with your sway!! From a fellow mum to two gorgeous boys in Ireland.
I feel your pain with the hyperemesis as mine has just kicked in at 6 weeks. Had it with my two boys too with few trips to the hospital. And if it wasn't for my MIL I wouldn't be having my third as DH is self employed and has to spend most of his time at work.
I'm hoping this time things will be different than last time, and like you with DS1 it lasted till 20w and DS2 16w.
I was told DS1 was a girl at 20w scan and I went crazy shopping pink and I still have a bag full of pink/girly clothing in the storage room that I can't even bring myself to look at.
As for other people's judgments/inconsiderate comments, please take no notice as they don't understand it at all, I only told the ones I thought would understand it as they went through same/similar thing and shared with me.
You have plenty of time to read and plan what's best for you and there is always Atomic's personalised plans as I heard it's great and it takes all the hard work/guessing out of it for you.
Personally I didn't have much time with my sway when I fully joined this site as I was all over the net looking for ways to conceive a girl and the only site that made sense to me was GD!
So in the end, with very little time on my hands I picked/chose the easiest sway tactics that I could follow and had a lazy sway.

I hope you get your girl and please feel free to ask any questions you may have.The ladies here are very friendly and chatty.

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WantingPink, thank you for sharing this I'll have a look too when I can, I'm very sleepy now. :yawn:

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Good luck with your sway :) I know exactly where you're coming from with the desire for a girl and no it doesn't mean you love your boys any less! Best wishes for the future xx

Thank you all SO much! Your replies have made me cry, but in a good way! Its such a relief to know I'm not alone in my feelings! I will definitely consider a personalised sway, it seems like it certainly couldn't hurt! After a chat today we have said we will aim to start TTC from February 2015 all going well, does anyone know when I should start a personalised sway? Is it from when we are actively TTC?
Thanks for the info re ph strips atomic, if that's the case with them I'm best to stay away from them. OPKs drive me mad at the best of times! I am so excited to begin this journey, thank you so much for the help and encouragement you have given already :)

Atomic would be the best to answer that but from what I believe, some people buy their plans a year before TTC and some 6 weeks before! It's up to you and atomic personalises them to suit where you're up to. Personally I'd suggest at least several (4-6) mths before (if not earlier) so you can read it, study it and get any supplements or anything before you're ready to start swaying. But it also depends on how long you want to sway for! 😊

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Originally Posted by MumofSix_TTCPink

Atomic would be the best to answer that but from what I believe, some people buy their plans a year before TTC and some 6 weeks before! It's up to you and atomic personalises them to suit where you're up to. Personally I'd suggest at least several (4-6) mths before (if not earlier) so you can read it, study it and get any supplements or anything before you're ready to start swaying. But it also depends on how long you want to sway for! 

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Thanks so much! I really do appreciate all the help, I feel utterly clueless BUT am determined to give this my absolute best shot! We always said we would like to have 4 kids but I have a suspicion that #3 may well be my last judging by DH. He's not the worlds best multi tasker bless him :rofl: and he's really feeling the stress now that we have two! Our 3 month old is not sleeping through the night yet, and thats completely normal. Our first didn't sleep well until he was almost 1. I've reminded him that it does get easier so we just have to keep thinking that.

Hi :) & welcome
I just wanted to say that I am in a similar situation as you and have only joined this site a few weeks back.
I too have 2 boys and the youngest is 3mths. They are my whole world and as much as I have a major desire to have a daughter, I would never swap them for anything.
All along we were going to be done at 2 but my desire to have a girl has not stopped so I have managed to convince my husband to have a third child with a hope that I have one more opportunity to have my girl. Before having my second boy I don't think I would have even gone on to have a third at the fear of having another boy, but now having 2 of them I know that if I don't get my dream girl I will be more then happy to have another boy in our family. Having said that though I will do everything i can possible to try and sway, and if the sway fails well at least I can say I tried and gave it my all:)

To make you feel better, I am not planning to have my first attempt any earlier then next June (2015) so I won't start swaying till next year but I have purchased my personalised plan from Atomic already and feel "so good knowing I have it and can refer to it as I learn more and more from this website over the next year. I have already started asking Atomic questions so that I can take my time covering each point of the sway.

Goodluck and hopefully we hear more from you on this site :)