Didnt think I'd ever post here

Ok so I have a son, who is love more than life itself, wouldnt trade him for all the girls in the world, but when I found out I was pregnant this time after a good crack at swaying, I really thought I was in with a good chance at a girl.

At my 13 week scan yesterday the sonographer guessed boy - I expected to be happy with either result, but instead my heart sank and I have felt sad since. I'm not sure if I'm sad its a boy, or if I have come to the realisation I've never having a daughter and I'm a boy mum now (we cant afford and dont have room for anymore kids).

I think when I was told boy with my first son, I thought 'thats ok we'll have a girl next time'... But this time its so final.

I'm not worried that I wont love this boy, I cried with relief when I saw he was ok in the scan... Its just gender disappointment is a very odd and unexplainable feeling. I havent really even wanted to talk about it with my husband as I feel shame that I even had a preference to begin with....

Hmmm thanks for reading my whinge.

I'm so sorry :(I have 3 boys and will be TTC a hoping for a girl and I know I will feel those feelings too if it's another boy. I sympathize with you Thoughts and hugs your way!

It's a big risk isnt it. I think my disappointment is greater because I swayed, if I was ignorant about swaying I wonder if I would feel this sad.

I stupidly thought I had a good chance at this being a girl and told myself it probably is.

HUGE risk :( I feel like you...some days I wish I hadn't found this site and knew nothing about trying to sway. Again...I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I wish there were magic words to help you feel better, but I, myself, know there is not.

Thanks Cherrim, thats very sweet of you to say. I'm not sad he is/might be a boy, I think I'm sad I just dont have a girl... Its a weird thing.

I often think that there must be a life lesson in why we arent able to choose gender (naturally) when having babies... Maybe its teaching us something about ourselves. Thank goodness that love is so unconditional.

The next scan will be good for me either way. The uncertaintly is worse than not knowing at all.

Due 4 November but will have a scheduled caesar a week or so earlier.

I had really bad GD and cried for a few days after the ultrasound confirmed boy, I kept hoping they were wrong and I felt so guilty for not being overjoyed. Flash forward 2 years and I absolutely love having 3 boys to grow up as brothers, the older boys are so good with the youngest and he follows after them copying everything they do. I wouldn't change it even if it meant never having a daughter. I know this probably doesn't help now and it's little comfort when your grieving the idea of a daughter you may never have but it does get easier. It's definitely not as painful as it used to be and life is full of so much joy with raising children... boys or girls.

I cried after I found out my 2nd was a boy. I didn't realize I would be sad but I was like you and was just planning on 2! I didn't want to do pregnancy again, I get sooo sick. So I just had to think I'll never have a girl and I never thought I wouldn't have one!
I ended up being so sad I did try for number 3 and man did I cry when he was a boy because I swayed too and felt the same, that it wasn't fair. However, I did start to come to terms with it after he was here. When he did arrive I didn't care at all!! But feelings crept back but not nearly as strong mostly because 4 was just out of the question lol! But here I am!!! And yah it will sting if it's a boy but I'll be ok and there will be no 5!;)

I know it will ease, and your words do help, I just need to readjust my thinking. I love my son so much more than I could ever believed was possible and I know ai'll be exactly with our next son. I'm just grieving the daughter we'll never have, bit I'm ok with that. I guess I'm allowed :)

Thank you all so much for the support lovely ladies.

I was really surprised by my feelings upon finding out my second was a boy as well. I didn't really think I cared (and we were planning more children). But I guess I stupidly assumed we would get "one of each" off the bat. Which is silly, really. But I remember how much I was hoping he was a girl. In fact, even when the tech froze the screen and hubby knew exactly what we were looking at, I still was like "huh, what's that?" I cried that day. I came home and felt really bereft. Like I was somehow losing something that I once had. It was rather strange. But as I adjusted and started getting to know him (as a little being in my belly) and then when I had him...it was absolutely love. Even now, I can't imagine him not being him. He is perfect. Perfect for our family and perfect as himself. Sometimes I am even embarrassed to remember how sad I was when we found out about him. But I realize that it was just like you said...a feeling that isn't about who he was, just what I was hoping for. And I can forgive myself for it. I hope you feel better soon. Your boys will be awesome together. Mine are quite buddies now (who also tend to try and kill each other, but buddies too!)

Hotdogz- you got those feelings exactly in 1! Its losing something you never had. Weird but exactly what it is.

I'm starting to lose the sadness now, still feel a but disappointed, but starting to feel excited again for this baby boy.

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Originally Posted by Peebell85

It's a big risk isnt it. I think my disappointment is greater because I swayed, if I was ignorant about swaying I wonder if I would feel this sad.

I stupidly thought I had a good chance at this being a girl and told myself it probably is.

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Oh Hun, you basically took the words out of my mouth with this statement... I really understand what you are going through as I'm right there with you! I do think our boys will love having baby brothers and they will play so nicely together in a year or two and they will be friends for life! I have no advice but to be kind to yourself and to give yourself time... It is so hard when our life 'story' in actuality doesn't match the story in our heads (often that we have carried with us from tiny girls) but that doesn't mean it can't also be wonderful. Send many hugs (((()))) xxx

At the end of this it should have said NO number 5!!! Lol

Quote:

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Originally Posted by coocoobananas

I cried after I found out my 2nd was a boy. I didn't realize I would be sad but I was like you and was just planning on 2! I didn't want to do pregnancy again, I get sooo sick. So I just had to think I'll never have a girl and I never thought I wouldn't have one!
I ended up being so sad I did try for number 3 and man did I cry when he was a boy because I swayed too and felt the same, that it wasn't fair. However, I did start to come to terms with it after he was here. When he did arrive I didn't care at all!! But feelings crept back but not nearly as strong mostly because 4 was just out of the question lol! But here I am!!! And yah it will sting if it's a boy but I'll be ok and there will be no 5!;)

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Well just an update.... A few days have past and I feel no sadness whatsoever. A tiny part of me still thinks tgere might be a small chance of it being a girl, but no hopes are being hung on that whatsoever.

I'm now feeling really excited (genuinely) to meet my baby boy.

I am soooooo happy for you and how you have overcome GD!!!!!!

I would LOVE another boy and really hope if I hear girl, I can rise above just like you! You are an inspiration!

Not to mention....suuuuper lucky!

Naww thanks Mums.... I think for me it was a case of wanting what I don't have. I'm no inspiration though, I just realised that I'm in control of my happiness and I should not let this amazing time be dampened by what I thought I wanted. My little Sonny boy is going to be loved and adored like mad!

I don't think any of us thought we would post here. it's not about thinking we want to have the other gender its about thinking we wouldn't ever have them. you will love your baby they are yours....just look after yourself

I agree moof4. As a child I saw myself as a mother of girls... Maybe because that is how I grew up. But I am a mum of boys and am so happy with that now.

Hugs. So glad you've bounced back so quickly. I'm going to be a mum of 4 boys, quite an obvious turtle at 12+4, and am struggling with losing the dream forever. It hurts but it's not about not loving another son, just grieving what I thought was an achievable dream for the past 20 years! X

I know exactly what you means Mrs Incredible - you know you will love your kid to death, its not about that, its knowing your last shot wasnt what you thought/wanted/dreamed and so its the end of an era and that can be devastating. When they said boy this time my mind instantly thought 'number 3' I'll sway harder, but I'm not going down that path, constantly aiming for something that really we have no control over whatsoever. Even swaying doesnt up your chances that much when you think about it, its still always 50/50 no matter how much you eat and how longbetween servings... Its a big stab at the dark at the end of the day. I'm glad I swayed loosely and not hardcore because I know my heart would be broken, but its not.... I'm looking forward to welcoming my CHILD into the world, no matter what he or she was destined to be.

And I'm sorry you didnt hear girl Mrs I - I know i will always look at little girls and think "I wish.." But thats all it will ever be now.

If I had had a pp I'd not have L and C and this bonus baby boy due November ... Silver lining as dh would probably have stopped at the pp! And I would not have felt done in 2007 even if L had of been a girl! It would have been nice to finish with a little girl tho ;) xx


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Exactly, it's hard but we all need to look at the glass half full. We love our kids, I never look at my son and think "you are a boy", I think of him as just my gorgeous funny kid. It's just the dream of a daughter that is lost, but we'll get over it.. and we'll THOROUGHLY enjoy our last baby boy cuddles, and not wish that time away thinking about the girl that never was :)

Cherrim. I didn't get any pics with a nub, probably a good thing!! And she didn't print the potty shot for me. However, every time I think "... It still might be a ..." the potty shot pops into my head and the turtle reminds me it's definitely a boy :D xxx


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Peebell,

I would first like to congratulate you with your little bundle of joy growing in your tummy :)

Please do not feel bad because this is truly normal for anyone with a gender desire. I tell you from experience after having three girls. Since DD1 we have dreamed boy and to this day when I hear of someone having a boy, i still have this heart tickeling jelousy 😩. I know some women may say I am truly blessed with being able to have all girls which I totally am but my heart still dreams for a baby boy. Hang in there because after you have him in your arms you will think to yourself about having these thoughts and say why did I say that! I would never change you for the world.

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Thanks Yogi, we had a scan today that confirmed him to be a HE, and I honestly didn't feel one single shred of disappointment, I'm so so glad. I didn't particularly 'need' a girl, I just always thought I'd have one of each and get to experience both. I'm sorry you haven't had your boy, maybe one day you might get a lovely surprise, and you might just have three charming son-in-laws one day :). My mum always longed for a boy, but now she is making up lost time with her grandsons!

Thank you Peebell for your encouraging words :)

I pray for you a healthy delivery and baby boy! Good luck and congratulations! 💞🌹

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So are you swaying for a boy at the moment Yogi?

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Peebel I am slightly swaying boy. I had started hardcore at the beginning but I started becoming frustrated of being on the diet and not seeing a bfp. I am only doing the bd frequency, pre-seed and eyeballing the food part of it. I stopped all of the supplements but I may start after this month if no bfp ☺

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Well I am somewhat skeptical of swaying I must admit. I was a full on typical boy type diet and exercise with my first boy, but then did a hardcore girl sway and radically changed EVERYTHING and lost sooo much weight and got another boy. I concieved both babies on my right side though, so wondering if that has much to do with it?