Am i being too picky and/or selfish

helllo everyone,i have so many mixed emotions right now,please dont judge when i post this
we were suppoused to be ttc starting in june but looking at the stats it seems as though quite a few get pregnant on there first or second attempt.myself and dh have said we want to try and time it to get a summer baby as we all have birthdays from sep-jan.
so my dh suggested we try in july i originally said yes,then i took time to think.in my last pregnancy i developed anxiety and panic attacks and to deal with these i have to be on my own,like in my own little bubble.now if i get pregnant near enough straight away i will have to deal with the morning sickness/panick attacks if they start again during the summer holidays when the kids are off,also my dh is losing his job so he might be at home too,and as i said i need to deal with things in my own way and have to think whats best for me as im petrified and becoming pregnant again but know i will regret it if we dont have another.so now im thinking of holding it back till august/sep.
Am i being too picky with trying to time it right?

:worry:

Not selfish at all. I am sorry you are feeling this way. The only thing I will say is that hardly anyone gets PG at the exact time they want to (me included). When TTC DS, I was going to be a bridesmaid in August 2012 so I came off BCP at the beginning of August 2011, thinking I would give birth at the beginning of summer and lose all the weight before being bridesmaid. Well ha - we conceived in December (we skipped November) and my due date was 2 weeks after being bridesmaid!

This time, I came off BCP at the beginning of Jan and with all my knowledge about how to get PG learned last time, i thought well I will definitely get PG in Jan or Feb! And here I still am in May.

You have to do what is right for your own health and wellbeing. If you think it is too risky to be PG during the summer hols due to the possibility of having panic attacks then maybe wait for that possibility to be over before TTC but just be aware that it might not happen straight away or at the most convenient time.

thankyou for listening and taking the time to reply.it is either mid june or if i feel ready mid august as the children go back to school first week in sep it may be ok.
it prob wont be mid june though.i think my dh is getting annoyed with me going on about it all the time and this is another reason why i think we should wait as he is being made redundant mid june which means he wont be in the right frame of mind to support me completely

You have to do what's best for you, your health and your family and you're not being selfish at all. It's actually really great that you're thinking these things through.

Whatever your decision, I'm sure you'll make the right one for you and your family and you'll have all the support you could possibly need on this site. 😊💜

i do feel like i get a lot of help and support from this site.thankyou.x

Im sorry to hear of your DH's redundancy. He might also feel that he wants to focus on his search for another position before focusing on TTC. The redundancy might put a lot of pressure on both of you and the added stress wont be helpful.

yes i know,we thought we were going to be ok but now found out yesterday that because he turned down an alternative job they offered him,which wouldnt pay enough money, they may not give him his redundancy money

Sorry this doesnt sound right? When offered the position, was he advised that this was a suitable alternative role and that it would entail a pay cut, and if he did not take it he would forefeit the redundancy? Was he offered a trial period because he is entitled to one? Was this offered role the same or very similar to role he had previously or was it different - this is key.

what industry is this? is it a small or large company he works for (I work in this field so can advise you on UK employment law)

to be honest i do not see how his employer can say this is a suitable alternative role if it involves a drop in salary. If you dont mind me asking, how much was the drop?

the drop is £3000 A year.stephk i can ask him it would be a big help if u could advise.xx

I think he could argue that this is not a suitable alternative given that he has a family to support and therefore his personal circumstances do not give way to a drop in income of £250 per month. It does depend on the actual role too, please do ask him how similar the 2 roles are, whether they are the same grade/corporate title/level and whether the work tasks are the same/similar.

stephk this is what my dh said
''No I received a letter notifying of redundancy and offering this "suitable alternative employment" and asked to confirm acceptance. I was not made aware declining would forfeit redundancy payment''

he also said
'Fairly similar except for one main difference which I have no previous experience of... Volunteer recruitment and management, but they would get round that saying they will offer training '

was he offered a trial period?

also, what reason has he been given for the redundancy situation in the first place?

he said the letter he got doesnt say anything about a trial.i have to go out now is it ok if we come back to this later please.x

reason was because they have had funding cuts

yes of course. I am going in 30 mins to a training course for the rest of the day so once DS is in bed tonight i will log onto my laptop.

I'm sorry to hear about the tough times ahead. I agree, you need to TTC with a clear mind and be willing and able to accept a pregnancy when you are blessed with one. So no, you are not being selfish when you consider timing of pregnancy/birth etc. It's your body and your family!

As for your husband, I don't know, but in Canada it's called constructive dismissal if he's offered a job with less money instead of being let go. Currently our agency is being restructured so that is a reality for me too if I get pregnant. I was told if my job becomes redundant I would get a severence package but others were told that if they were offered a pay cut, it would be considered constructive dismissal and they could lawyer up, haha.

I'm sorry things are so stressful right now :(

Angie

I don't think you are being selfish at all. You are the one who has to go though the MS and panic attacks. It isn't like you are delaying for 5 years, you are delaying a couple of months. No big deal. Seems you might want to try and get to the bottom of the reason why you have panic attacks while pregnant.

If you are selfish than I am beyond selfish!!! My first wasn't planned but he is a summer baby. My second was kind of planned and a fall baby. My third was fully planned and he is a spring baby and now ttc number 4 and that one is planned for a winter baby. I wanted 2-3 months in between all of them. I am nervous number 4 will try and defy my plans. So hoping I am pregnant right now or get it next month.

Thanks just fed up with people around me saying oh just go for it.don't even think about. If u keep thinking about it it won't happen.I'm like I need to do things so I can cope my way with things!
I started suffering with panic attacks when I was pregnant with my youngest which was by the way 8 year ago.lol. I thought they would go when he was born but they never did and I haven't had one for a while but I live in fear that it will creep up on me one day. So I am always anxious.

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Good news.my dh will be getting his redundancy!

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I'm so glad to hear your husband will be getting his redundancy!! I also think it absolutely isn't selfish to wait and try to plan things to the best you can. Why in the world would that be selfish? I always think anything you can do to help keep everyone in the family as emotionally happy and OK as possible is a good thing.

You are reading the stats wrong, as was mentioned in the other thread where it says "number of attempts" that meant the amount of times people had sex in the months they conceived. NOT the number of months it took to get pregnant. Hardly anyone has gotten pregnant the first month out unless they were doing a more relaxed sway to start with.

I agree with what Steph said, it is SUPER difficult to try to time conception. I really really did not want kids with two particular astrological signs and you'd think that with 10 other signs to choose from, I'd get lucky and that would occur (because I kind of was trying not to get pg in those months) but no, I ended up with one of each of the two signs I did not want.