I just need to talk about my niece to you

So, we have just spent a week abroad with my sister and her 9month old baby girl. I obviously had to deal with all the cute pink holiday clothes, but what really killed me was seeing my 2 boys with her every day and imagining what it could be like for us. My boys are so amazing with her, and she adores them too. They make her giggle so much!
What REALLY killed me was the amount of pictures my sister took of the 3 kids together - and seeing my 2 boys in what would be my perfect family photo was painful.

Now we are back home and my sister has had a totally nanny disaster (her nanny quit - long story) so I have stepped in to rescue her and I am looking after my niece for 3 days, until the new nanny starts.

I am loving it and hating it at the same time….(I did think it might put me off but it hasn't!) it's like pleasure and pain.

She is so cute and I love her so much.

Yesterday I took her with me to collect my boys from school and she drew a big crowd of cooing mums!

It's like I am living my dream, the reality of what it would be like for me and my family. But it's so bitter sweet because she isn't mine.

Will I really have a DD one day??? I want all this sadness to stop now.

Thanks for listening to my big rant - I feel better now for getting that all out!

That is a hard spot to be in. I applaud you for agreeing to take her DD, I am not sure I could handle that emotionally. I too have 2 boys and most days I cannot even stand to look at pictures of my sister daughters, let alone look after them.

What are your plans for TTC a girl? I truly believe that most women will never get over their GD and the sadness you talk about unless they actually get a daughter. I know for me, I cannot escape it or bottle it up. It's always there.

Anyway glad you feel better after ranting! That's what I see as the entire point of this forum! This issue is so taboo and I find ppl are way to judgemental and insensitive about his topic when I try to discuss it. I am here for ya! I get it.


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Oh Hun, if only there was a magic wand to make it all go away.... I would definitely be at the front of the queue! I know a little bit how you feel; my dh and I took out my son (he's 2) and my 'sister's' children (she's not my biological sister but I love her and consider her to be) who are 8 (boy) and 6 (girl) not long after I found out that the little one I am preggy with is another little fellow. It was bitter sweet as you say as we drew many admiring glances as a 'family'.
I love having my 'neice' in my life and I love her so much. At least her existence means I get to buy girly clothes and barbie stuff 2 times a year.
What makes it worse is that my son adores girls and women; his best friend is a girl who I also love to pieces and her parents are very good friends, more like family to us.
When we (finally) told my 'sister' and her kids that we were having another boy my 'nieces' face just fell; she was also really hoping that baby was a girl :(
Sorry for my rambling, I guess I'm just trying to say that I love and appreciate the girls I do have in my life... But I still ache for my own. GD is a b*tch.
Sending hugs Hun (((()))) x

Thanks 2boys and kitty bear,

It just helps so much to rant and hear back from people who are feeling the same emotions, and having similar experiences.

I agree GD is a b*tch!

hugs back

That's the worst! You are doing something helpful for someone you care about but at the same time it makes your GD soar!

I was a childcare provider for a few years and now I do it here and there for friends. I watched twin boys for a few weeks last year and a little 4yo boy for a few days recently. It always happens that people comment on what a "cute little guy" I have or 'aren't you lucky?" It is such a knife in the gut!

I wish I could say something that would make you feel better but all I have is, I understand your heartache and I wish it away as quickly as possible!

You will get there. You will.

Oh Hun I would feel exactly the same! You will get there, hang on in xx

thanks everyone - you are all so amazing! I would feel SO much worse if this site didn't exist.

ok - so she is gone now, my sister took her home.

I almost cried when she left - I will really miss her tomorrow

Glad you had a lovely holiday. This time next year you will have your own gorgeous DD for everyone to coo over and your boys to adore. It will happen, it's just taking a bit of time. Big hugs xx

Ah thanks ever, gosh I really hope so.

x

Hugs to you. I always tell my Sister she had better give me a niece one day but I know it will not be the same as she would never be mine, just a reminder.

I can't imagine what it must be like for those of you who have to work with your DG or have one who is close to you. I really worry how I will handle being a Midwife which is my dream job if I do not have a daughter of my own! Delivering girl babies. I am determined I need to have one. At least by not getting what I want so easily I will be able to be more understanding to Women going through GD

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Originally Posted by 1+2+3boys

Hugs to you. I always tell my Sister she had better give me a niece one day but I know it will not be the same as she would never be mine, just a reminder.

I can't imagine what it must be like for those of you who have to work with your DG or have one who is close to you. I really worry how I will handle being a Midwife which is my dream job if I do not have a daughter of my own! Delivering girl babies. I am determined I need to have one. At least by not getting what I want so easily I will be able to be more understanding to Women going through GD

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Having GD will help moms out so much in your role as a midwife. When I told my midwife I was having another boy her reaction was so "happy" I couldn't bear to be honest about my feelings about it due to her closed communication. If she had asked me how I felt about it I would have been able to vent to her and she could have been a support to me as I didn't respond well to the news at all and the guilt I had for my gender disappointment was beyond unhealthy.


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Originally Posted by 2boysJustOneGirl

Having GD will help moms out so much in your role as a midwife. When I told my midwife I was having another boy her reaction was so "happy" I couldn't bear to be honest about my feelings about it due to her closed communication. If she had asked me how I felt about it I would have been able to vent to her and she could have been a support to me as I didn't respond well to the news at all and the guilt I had for my gender disappointment was beyond unhealthy.


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Thanks for that. I think a midwife should be someone who you can trust to tell absolutely anything. They must see a fair few Mums experiencing GD on some level so shouldn't be such a taboo topic.