A Bit About Me

Hello, everyone.

I have been reading regularly on here for about 4 months, and finally decided to join. I hesitated some because, well, you'll understand in just a minute.
I've been married 17 years, have six unbelievably amazing children, 5 boys, and one girl, she is number 4. A year before her, I miscarried a little girl at 18 weeks, which was tough. I am a stay at home mom and so happy to be doing just that. Here's where my happy little intro goes off the rails...

My second son, born in 2003, our little guy with extra bells and whistles, I call him... He passed away just this past November. We didn't see it coming. He had autism, but not typically so. He made eye contact like crazy, in fact at times it felt he'd look right into your soul. He was really hard sometimes, usual autism meltdown stuff, but was also just hilarious and silly and so, so beautiful... He had struggled with seizures starting when he was 5, at times they got really bad and it was horrible. But since the start of last summer, he had been doing so well. Like, unusually well. So we could not have been more blindsided. Our family has just been shattered beyond words. He just didn't wake up one morning, when all of us were home... since everything else was ruled out, a seizure was blamed (which we did not know for sure until 2 months later). He passed away on the day our baby turned 3 months. There are not words for this kind of thing. I only write this so there is some understanding of where I am coming from. Living out my worst nightmare. I do tend to disappear, sometimes a bit unresponsive, the days are just unpredictable and still so insanely hard.

We had already been discussing the possibility of one more baby before losing our son, so this is not in response to that, but it certainly does make things abnormal and difficult to navigate. Also, I am 40, DH is 42, so we don't have the luxury of taking our time and waiting until we are feeling more 'up to it', if that should ever be the case. We will be happy with any baby, regardless of gender, but we, and our kids, would be just over the moon to have a little girl. It may sound strange, but I almost feel like they need that. Something good to look forward to again, as the past 7+ months have been something no child should have to experience. No parent either.

We have not been preventing pregnancy since January, and since April, I have been implementing many sway tactics, and been more seriously trying. My cycle has not even been normal, I'm guessing at least in part because of the stress of this time in our lives. But I am trying to be hopeful. I guess time will tell. I have been impressed here with how supportive and kind everyone is. I could definitely use that.

Hello and welcome :). I'm so sorry to hear about your little boy! That must be so hard.

How old is your little one? have you been using opks at all? I have a 15 month old and my cycles are just starting to become regular again. Seems to be taking longer to come right after each baby.

All the best for TTC :). Lots of sticky pink dust xxx

Welcome and so sorry to hear of the loss of your little boy:(
He sounded wonderful and loved. Don't know what else to say, but hope things get easier for you and your family:) I could not imagine:(

Welcome. I'm sorry for the loss of your son. What a tragic loss. Hugs xx
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Welcome and I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. What a heartbreaking ordeal that no parent should ever have to endure.

My friend lost her 2yr old son to unexplained seizures last year and watching and supporting her through what she has to go through everyday is heartbreaking. I hope you and your family have had lots of love and support.

You have found an amazing place here, so warm, welcoming and full of support. 💜

I wish you all the best with your sway/TTC journey and I'm sure your little angel will be watching over you and sending you his love and best wishes from heaven too. xxx

Thank you, ladies, so much. Honestly I can't believe that I am having to say or write those words. So much still feels so surreal. We have had some wonderful support, and many people just disappear on us. And Mum, bless you for showing up for your friend. I am finding it's not about the big gestures, but those few people who just show up, and give me the space and time to go through whatever I have to, without pep talking me, or trying to make me be anywhere or anything I'm not, whether that's the lowest low, or needing to laugh about something. Looking forward to getting to know you all.

Welcome! ! I am so very sorry to read about your sweet little guys demise. It sounds like he passed away peacefully in his sleep - hugss

You are absolutely correct in saying their are not words for this kind of grief and heartache. I can only imagine how shattered your world, your whole families world, must be.
I am so sorry, but i know that doesn't even skim the surface.
Hopefully you can conceive another child easily. It would be wonderful to know that your dear son and any new baby you may have were together in heaven before they join you.

I am SO, so terribly sorry to hear of your loss.

Please let me know what I can do to help.

Hello and Welcome!! Sorry you had to experience such a loss. Good luck on a baby girl!

Oh sweet sweet mama, I am in tears after reading your story. I too have a son with autism, who is just like you describe your son, silly, loving, looks right into your soul. Children with autism are so pure and real, honest and sooo worth all the struggles. And we have also battled many things with him. He also had a very threatening illness last year. We were so scared of losing him and you are going through the worst loss imaginable. I can not express my deep deep sympathy with you enough. I am so very sorry you lost your beautiful son. And so very sorry you lost your beautiful babygirl as well. That I can relate to as well. I can not believe the sadness you have to endure in your life. I hope and pray you will get your so much desired baby girl and that he or she is healthy. It's true that a new baby will bring hope, not to replace a child, but to bring love and light. Wishing you all the best.