Is your DH a "Mary" or "Martha"?

I know what we do sways more than what DH does, but I was just curious about this:)

My DH is very much a Martha! He is very competitive and is a big time planner. If things don't go his way he gets a little crazy because it is out of his control. I also want to add he is a really nice person and would do anything for anyone that way you don't think he is to awful of a person;)

When I first found Gender Dreaming I of course read everything over, if not twice! I was freaking out at first thinking we have 3 boys because he is so Martha. Then it hit me. Whenever he gets all crazy about something out of his control I get crazy wishing he would just let it go! I was being more Martha trying to control his feelings instead of worrying about my own. He has been this way forever! There is no way I am going to change him. I think I have said to him a million times since we have been married,"you are going to give yourself a heart attack!"

So since then I have worked on not spazzing out when he does. I try to just let it be. Most the time when I say anything to him it just sets him off more anyways.

I was thinking about this today and wondering what other families were like. Are some Moms more Mary or Martha because of the Dad. In my situation I feel I am more Martha because my husband is, but other times I feel more Mary because he is more Martha. Wow, that got a little confusing!!

My DH is a Mary. I think that's why we work so well together, kinda balance each other out so to speak. Maybe he's rubbing off on me as I think I'm becoming more Mary.

HAHAHA! Our DHs could be twins! You just wrote exactly what I would write about my DH!!

However, I am a complete Mary because of DH...and a few other major stress factors. The more DH stresses, the more I tune out and glide...well not totally, but I have taught myself to cope by keeping calm and patient!

I have no doubt why I have 3 girls when it comes to diet, and the Maternal Dominance Hypothesis....I am Mary but I wear a disguise that looks like Gumby!

Well my diet was always very boy friendly so that is absolutely another reason why I have 3;)
Now that I have learned to not get all upset because I can't keep my DH from flipping a lid every time gas prices go up...........I seem to feel way more "Mary".

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by carmella_marie

My DH is a Mary. I think that's why we work so well together, kinda balance each other out so to speak. Maybe he's rubbing off on me as I think I'm becoming more Mary.

---

This exactly. I'm the total Martha and he's Mary. I have become more Mary since marrying him and I do think the swaying has helped. I've been much more zen about life in general since beginning this sway.

He is a Martha. 100% Martha.

I actually don't think I fit in either category. I am Martha in some ways, but can be Mary pretty easily too. I do tend to be more Mary when he gets all kinda of Martha up on things. So I can see how that works. I also think that the more kids I have, the more Mary I become. Gotta pick your battles, ya know?

But hubby...he has no hope of the smallest bit of Mary in him. He can get himself worked into a tizzy over airplane tickets. So, yeah. Martha ;)

Dh is a worry wart, so I'm thinking that makes him a Martha.

And I have (mild) diagnosed OCD, so totally Martha. My main trigger is the kids. Unfortunately I can't send them away or cryo freeze them while TTC. lol

Remember, no one is really a Mary or a Martha, they are just evolutionary strategies. The whole Mary-Martha idea is just an illustration. People pick and choose between the strategies in any given situation. Sometimes it makes sense to use one strategy, other times it makes more sense to use the other. I do think there's a continuum where some of us have Martha as our "go-to" in most circumstances and vice versa but you just can't think of it as something quite so black and white.

I do not believe men utilize Mary/Martha strategies in the same way that women do. or if they do, if it necessarily means anythign for gender swaying.

I do think that marital relationships have a BIG role to play in whether we are comfy using more Mary or more Martha-esque strategies. Gotta finish those essays one of these days!

to answer the question, I'm not exactly sure what DH is. but whatever it is it activates my Martha tendencies to the fullest extent there is. He freaks out over things that don't matter to me at all (such as the cleanliness level of my car) and is downright tyrannical over some of it which forces me to be much more of a control freak than I am naturally just to keep him satisfied. then things that I believe are rather important (health and safety of children) he is so lackadaisical that I have to be combative and hypervigilant just to get the most basic response out of him (sick children need a doctor, don't let the children do things that are terribly unsafe, etc). So I can see both sides of this.

I am inclined to go more with the Dad-Cad idea. I suspect that Cads and Marthas have the most boys, Dads and Marthas also have a lot of boys, Dads and Marys have more girls than boys, and Cads and Marys have the most girls. I am not sure that being a planner or competitor in a man means the same thing that it does in a woman.

The marital relationship is what I was mostly wondering about:) those would be great essays to read!
I just know when I noticed my husband brought out the "Martha" in me I took a Large step back and realized it wasn't worth it;) I really think when I got that way it just set him off even more.
I can see how the cads or dads can bring out more Mary or Martha in a mom. Now I want to go read those essays again!!!

My husband is Martha Martha martha.

He was born to be a Martha and I've had to adapt to more of a Mary lifestyle thanksto him.

He could never be laidback and spontaneous even if he tried. His whole family is martha lol