Gender shock after a decade of gender disappointment!

So I am sitting in shock and finding it very difficult to take it in and really feel the need to tell my story...
On our first pregnancy, I just assumed it would be a girl. We didn't find out the gender during the pregnancy and it took me a week to ten days after the birth to come to terms with the fact that it was a boy.

On number two, we did a gentle sway - vitamins, timing, positions, diet. Though it took us a while to get pregnant and had kind-of given up the swaying by the time conception happened, deciding a baby sooner was better than keeping at swaying with no baby. Though I had arrogantly thought "Well, I have my boy. Sure of course the next one will be a girl!" Found out the gender at the anomaly scan and dealt with the fact that it was another boy before the birth.

Number three was fairly similar though we did a harder sway and kept at it. Again, boy. Again, gender disappointment. This time was way worse than the others though. For about three months, I couldn't face meeting any of my friends who have daughters and I got depressed. Had dealt with it by the birth and again love my boys, all three of them.

At that stage, we both decided that we could not face that disappointment again. I gave up on my dream of having a girl and accepted that I would only be a mother of boys. For number four, no swaying at all. We, along with everyone else, just accepted that it would be a fourth boy.

But we got the shock of our lives yesterday at the scan when the sonographer said that it is 100% definitely a girl. We didn't know what to say, other than to keep asking how sure she was! We walked out of there in shock. We are gradually coming to realise that we will finally have a girl in our house.

Dh admitted to me after the scan that HE had swayed up to conception but didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be disappointed if it didn't work and also because it was easier for him to sway without the pressure! He did hot baths, tight undies and I don't know what else.

So now, I have the exact opposite. Its a girl and I don't know what to think! Every other time, I went in thinking "This will be the girl" and it was a boy. This time I went in assuming it would be a boy and its a girl!

Its great news. But I'm kind-of afraid to get too happy about it. Does that make sense?! I just can't allow myself to get down like I did the last time. But she did say 100% definite!

Anyone else experienced gender shock?!

Wow, huge congratulations and what an a amazing thing your husband did!!
That is just awesome!

Awww, congrats and what a great DH you have!

Congrats!

Congratulations on your dream come true!!

Well I guess you swayed in your own way though, not physically, but mentally.
Because you were not obsessed with the outcome, you let go and did not overstress, (which according to the maternal dominance hypothesis sways blue).
So being relaxed and accepting things as they come (with some physical swaying tactics by your DH) helped you succeed!!!

Congratulations!! I know exactly how you feel. My eldest son is 10, then 7 & 3. Although i tried to sway this time i was rubbish at the diet. We had a mc the month before this pg and i hadn't been eating much as i was so ill. I stuck to one attempt. However we were convinced it would be a boy. 12 week scan the lady said looks like a boy. Then at 14 weeks my harmony result said girl!! I was in gender shock... I sobbed and spent the following days shaking my head. For 24 hours i was on such a high!! Then the "what if its wrong" kicked in. I've had scans at 17,18,20,27 & 28 weeks and am only now believing it might be true lol! Its something i dreamed of, but never ever imagined we would get so lucky. Its truly magical. Enjoy :) x
Edit - my longed for daughter arrived safely on 30/11/14. She is 4 weeks old and snuggled on my chest as i type. Still can't believe she is here!! She is tiny and perfect and we are all smitten with her. Love her so much. We are in awe that she is ours... We truly never imagined that we would have a daughter, it's still not sunk in yet ;) she is our little miracle. (thanks to atomics advice!!) xx

Congratulations! Lovely story x


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Amazing story, so happy for you Huge congrats!!!! Go shop pink :D
...oh I am so ready for a gender shock! :wink:

Congrats! I know it seems shocking, but it is completely possible!

Congrats!! What an amazing story and what a wonderful DH you have!

Fantastic story and your DH sounds awesome!

Ahh, what a wonderful story! I have tears in my eyes! And what an awesome DH you have! I totally see how one could get gender shock, including myself. I too just "knew" that I was having a girl with both of my pregnancies, but nope, two boys (ages 11 and 5 now)!!! You deserve it though and should go out and do a ton of pink shopping! So happy for you!

I think I'd feel the same! Although I'd always wanted boys and was so afraid my first would be a girl. I was in shock that he was a boy and couldn't believe it, felt doubt, fear, etc that rather scan was wrong, etc like you mentioned. I was sure it would because I wanted a boy so badly. Well, three boys later and I'm wanting a girl. Except, Now I, too have it in my head and always expect boy. Technically, 4 boys here (one angel). Such a sweet story, though!

Thank you, everyone. Its been a very emotional weekend. Wonderful to have support here from people who know what a rollercoaster it is! Sometimes I feel so guilty about GD when I have friends and family who are struggling to get pregnant and/or stay pregnant at all.

Thank you.

That's wonderful. You're going to love having a daughter! Congrats!

How wonderful, congrats!!!

Aw congrats on your baby girl. I done 3 cycles of ivf pgd to get my little girl and even though I knew she was a girl, when it was confirmed at my 20 weeks scan its just the best thing ever!! I relive it every time I wake up in the mornings when it takes that split second to remember that I am in fact having her. Its the best feeling ever and I truly wish everyone could get their dreams x x

What amazing story and I think gives all of us a bit of hope! Enjoy her once you recover from the shock !! Xxx
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Huge Congrats! This story gives me HOPE! DS 4 is only 7 weeks old and while I am overjoyed he is here, I still can't stop thinking about TTC again, to sway again or not?!?! I don't think I could convince my DH to sway again... but you never know! Congratulations!

Huge congrats to you :) xx


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So awesome!!! Congrats!!

You guys didn't give up and kept going till you got what you wanted!! I always try focus on the end result and what a great result you've got! I would suggest let go of all the past negative thoughts and any fears...
Embrace the joy of this beautiful gift. Enjoy every moment and belive that this is it you made it!
Well done to you both can't wait to hear how it all goes.

Thank you all. I've been so emotional since and have made some really bad decisions in the intervening time. Just bad bad calls that may have lost me friends. With the depression of gender disappointment, I just stayed at home for the three months it took to work through. Didn't meet friends. Struggled through work, though I did make some bad calls then too. I was determined all of that wouldn't happen again and had really steeled myself for a fourth boy and actually think I would have coped with that better in the short-term.

I know it sounds totally ungrateful and contrary to all the anticipation. But my emotions now are similar to the GD. My head is fried. I actually can't cope with this shock.

A part of me thinks "too little, too late, I can't enjoy her"

I am exhausted from it.

I know I'll get over it, same as I did the GD. But really wish I could start enjoying the anticipation of having a daughter. But I guess I have to work through the stages. So weird.

Congratulations!

Tales you have been through alot of bad GD and disappointment I think quite a few mummas with 2, 3,4 boys have little hope left for that dream daughter!! And are so shocked when it does happen. It will take you time to get there but by the time she is here you will be sooo enjoying her and thrilled to bits . Big hugs you got your dream but it can come with alot of mixed emotions!!! Xxxx
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Congrats! I think I'd be too scared to accept it until she was born for paranoia of it being too good to be true. Looks like she is coming though! How wonderful for you :)

Tales, how are you now? I was totally convinced i was having ds4 & doubted the harmony and scans right up til my dd was born. Even now it feels unreal, and we have "wow she's a girl!!" moments every day. Still feels as if I'm going to wake up and it was all a blissful dream. Don't think of it as too little too late, but that it's the icing on the cake :) xx

Such a great story!!


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AWESOME!!! Thanks for sharing, what a great story :)

Awww congrats!!��
Send me some girl vibes!!����

I'm still in shock after having a daughter after three boys- and she's a year and a half!!

So, time for an update... I now have a one-year-old daughter!
It has been SUCH an emotional rollercoaster. I cannot believe how difficult it has been to have my dreams come true!

After the gender scan, I had a breakdown. I couldn't work for a couple of months. I isolated myself from friends and family. I lost all ability to cope.

When she was born, I cried and cried. Right there in the delivery room, I bawled for over an hour.

Bit by bit, I edged in to being the mum of a girl. I still catch myself stopping myself from looking at girls things and then have to give myself permission again. My hubby has been absolutely amazing, sending me shopping and organising girly days for our little one and me.

I have gone for some therapy to help me to cope and I am enjoying life again. I am really enjoying all of my children and this journey has been so so worth it. I LOVE having a daughter. I LOVE having my sons. I LOVE my sons having a sister and I LOVE how she adores them.

I wish you all as much pink dust or blue dust as you want and I wish you all the very very best of luck.
I am hanging up my baby-making boots and heading off to enjoy my wonderful happy complete family.
Au revoir et bonne chance.

Thank you so much for updating! It is sometimes weirdly hard to make the adjustment and I really appreciate you taking the time to share your experience with us all.

Wishing you the very best of luck with your beautiful family. :)

Great story, congrats and my what a fantastic DH you have!

Congrats! I wanted a girl and was convinced this one would be a boy so I kept convincing myself it was a boy so I wouldn't be disappointed and now that it's a girl I don't know what to think. This is girl #3.